*If I loved you - Time and again I would try to say - All I'd want you to know*
He didn't love her. Cared about her perhaps, but he didn't love her. Respected and admired her, but not love. Maybe, just maybe, he loved her as a friend, but no more so than he loved the rest of his team. He was her leader, her commander, and while he would never tell her, he was her self-appointed protector. But none of that added up to love; it was nothing more than close friendship. With the types of jobs they had, it was difficult to impossible to have relationships outside of the facility, so it was understandable how feelings of friendship could be mistaken for something else. But there was no need for confusion; he didn't love her. The two of them together? It was laughable.
*If I loved you - Words wouldn't come in an easy way - 'Round in circles I'd go*
She didn't love him. He was one of her best friends. She liked him. Alot. She respected him, admired him, but love was much to strong of a word to describe their relationship. Not that they had a relationship, of course. He was her leader, her commander, and though he kept it secret, she knew he was her protector. Had it been anyone else, she would have been offended, but not with him. There had been a time she had been sure it was love, but had later acknowledged that she was simply dedicated to getting her commanding officer home. That was it. They worked in close proximity, had saved the others life more than once; that was bound to lead to moments of confusion. But there was no need for confusion; she didn't love him. The two of them together? It was laughable.
*Longing to tell you - But afraid and shy - I'd let my golden chances pass me by*
He would watch her all the time. At the briefings, over the campfire, whenever he got the chance. He would make jokes and toss a quick glance her way to see her smile. And she would. She had a beautiful smile, one that could light up a room, and it always lit up his heart. He loved her smile, but he didn't love her.
She would watch him all the time. And had, more than once, caught him staring at her as well. She loved his jokes, loved the sound of his voice. She loved the way that his eyes lit up when he laughed, but she didn't love him.
*Soon you'd leave me - off you would go in the mist of day - never, never, to know - how I loved you - if I loved you*
"Is it not time to leave, Doctor Jackson?" Daniel smiled bitterly. Teal'c was, as always, the voice of reason. But their presence in this particular room was beyond reason. "Yeah, probably." He didn't care. He wasn't finished saying goodbye. He supposed that he never would be. They were two of his best friends, and now they were gone. Their lives deserved so much more than a quick service. He shook his head in frustration. People would never know the sacrifices that the Colonel and Major had made. They had long denied their feelings for each other, and now it was too late. Daniel cursed the man who had written the no fraternization regulation. As many rules that Jack might have broken, that was one of the few that he respected; for Sam's sake. And they had died, still denying themselves the love they might have had. Daniel had been able to make it through the gate when his teamates were cut off by surrounding Jaffa. He had returned with two more SG teams, but by the time they arrived to where the three SG-1 members had taken refuge, the two officers were already dead, both shot down by staff weapons. "They had it at the end, Daniel Jackson." The Jaffa's voice was quiet, and broken with sorrow. Daniel brushed his tears away angrily and questioned the alien. "Had what?" Teal'c bowed his head slightly, tell-tale moisture gathering in his eyes. "I was with them as they died. They did admit to one another their true feelings." He had witnessed their forbidden kiss, had seen them latch onto the other as they breathed their last breath. "That's hardly comforting, Teal'c." The archaeologist exploded. "They had all of what, thirty seconds in each others arms?!" He gestured helplessly toward the walls of the gate room where the service had taken place. "The people out there, they'll never know how Sam and Jack died! They don't even know that there's a war being fought. Was it worth it? All the sacrifices that have been made, everyone who's died on some alien land, has it been worth it?" The man's voice broke as he choked down a sob. "For people who don't even care." He wept, not only for his friends, but for all who had been killed at the hands of the Goa'uld. For Sha're, and Kawalsky, and everyone else who had entered the mountain and never left. "Indeed, it was." Teal'c spoke with conviction, placing a hand on his friends shoulder. "Freedom is not free, Daniel Jackson." He said, voice thick. "They willingly made a sacrifice to this world so that the children can grow up free from Goa'uld oppresion." He spat the enemies name. "They found solace in each other at the last. We too, should find solace in that." Daniel nodded, slightly comforted by his friends words. Teal'c continued. "There is a gathering in the commisary to toast them. We should attend and do honor to their memory." Daniel again nodded and allowed himself to be led from the room. He would tell everyone how Jack had saved his life, how Sam had watched his back. He would make sure that their memory lived on, even if they could not. "Be happy." He whispered. "You can be together now."
The End
Story Notes: If I loved you: Warnings: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH
Spoilers: quick mention of A Hundred Days
Season: Between A Hundred Days and Upgrades
Authors Note: First of all, let me say that it was not my intention to EVER write a death fic. I've had the first half of this story sitting on my disk for ages, and decided to finish it. I've written two versions of this; One is Character death, one isn't. This one is. They're two different stories, so let me know which one you like better. I wanted to be able to use the first part without having anyone die, so I've written 'If I Loved You: Golden Chances", and "If I Loved You: Time and Again." So you have a choice of endings. Please let me know what you thought, because I live on feedback. Enjoy.
Copyright: Jessica Rodgers March 2004
Spoilers: quick mention of A Hundred Days
Season: Between A Hundred Days and Upgrades
Authors Note: First of all, let me say that it was not my intention to EVER write a death fic. I've had the first half of this story sitting on my disk for ages, and decided to finish it. I've written two versions of this; One is Character death, one isn't. This one is. They're two different stories, so let me know which one you like better. I wanted to be able to use the first part without having anyone die, so I've written 'If I Loved You: Golden Chances", and "If I Loved You: Time and Again." So you have a choice of endings. Please let me know what you thought, because I live on feedback. Enjoy.
Copyright: Jessica Rodgers March 2004
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]