Look into my eyes
You will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart
Search your soul
And when you find me there
You'll search no more
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It's calm. The water is cool. Silk smoothing away the grime and blood from my skin. The colour of emeralds glistening in the sun, the twinkling sound of windchimes as the birds sing on the breeze smelling of scented flowers and sweet fruits.
"Martouf..."
"Sam?" Jack blinked, watching as she moved slightly on the bed.
Her eyes flickered open, confusion in their depths. For a second he saw a hint of emotion in them, a vestige of the person she was. Then they darkened again, an empty blackness with no hint of recovery.
"Cassie and Charlie will be here later on today. Their flight's coming in at three. Cassie's so excited about Ben, she can't wait to see him. Ya know what? Sam, Cassie called me Dad. I was so happy..." Jack trailed off, frowning in frustration as her empty eyes gazed blankly at him. "Come on Sam, where are you?" He demanded, standing up and banging his fist on the wall in impatience.
"Jack?" Daniel's head appeared around the door curiously, his eyes wary as he took in the state of his best friend. Jack's hair was messy, unbrushed. The clothes he wore were rumpled and grubby, he hadn't changed yet.
"What?" Jack snapped, feeling sorry instantly as he saw the flinch of pain on Daniel's face, but steeled himself against it. Why should he apologise? Nothing good was happening.
"Ben's crying again." Daniel said softly, backing out of the room.
"Stay here Sam, I'll be right back." Jack said sarcastically before following Daniel out of the room and found his child.
Ben was perfect, Jack realised with a pang of love as he looked down at the red, scrunched up face of the crying baby. His tiny fingers were so soft and delicate, like silken little catepillars. And his hair was so soft and fine, the colour of gold already, the texture of butterfly wings against Jack's calloused hand. But the eyes, the eyes of his new son were the same colour that Charlie's had been, and Charlie's eyes were brown now. Ben would have brown eyes too.
"Come on, how about we go introduce you to your mother?" Jack glanced around guiltily. Okay, so perhaps it wasn't a good idea to take the baby away from all the funky medical gear that he needed around in him case of an emergency, but he figured that keeping Sam and her baby seperate probably wasn't such a good thing.
"Sam...I've got someone here who wants to meet you." He said gently, his finger jammed in Ben's mouth as the baby sucked at it hopelessly. "Come on, Ben wants to say hi." Ignoring the warnings Dr. Warner had given him not to force Sam, he sat down next to her on the bed and touched her face gently. "Sam, this is your baby. His name is Benjamin - after your Dad of course, and Joel - Daniel's suggestion...not mine. I hope you don't mind." Jack said sincerely,
putting the baby next to Sam.
He watched wtih amazement and satisfaction as a single tear formed in her eye and spilled over, running slowly down her cheek and landing on the pillow where it turned the fabric into a small patch of dampness. "He's got your hair." Jack continued softly, smiling gently. Carefully he took Sam's hand and moved her fingers over Ben's hair, guiding the slender limb to rest on her baby's stomach. "And, if he's lucky, he'll have my undeniable charisma and charm and your brains. Even a tiny portion of your brain will be better than mine." Jack said matter-of-factly.
Another dark mark on the fabric as another tear fell.
"I'll be okay, Sam. It'll all be okay." Jack whispered, leaning over and kissing her temple gently, curling his fingers in her hair.
"I know." She whispered softly, a sad ghost of a smile touching her lips briefly before her sorrowed eyes turned to her son again. "She died for him. And for me." She said simply, leaning forwards and kissing Ben's head gently.
Jack said nothing for a second, understanding what she'd said but unable to comprehend why this was affecting her so much. It had, after all, only been a snake.
"He's hungry." Jack smiled slightly as Ben suddenly scunched his face up again and started pumping his flailing little arms angrily in the air. "Want to feed him?" Jack asked hopefully.
"I can?" Sam blinked, looking more like her old self, even if she was a little too quiet.
"You're fully equipped." Jack cracked, unable to help himself.
She looked up at him blankly, not smiling or showing any humour towards his lame comment.
"Come on, I'll help you sit up." Jack carefully helped her upright, moving the pillows behind her for support. Placing the baby in her arms he moved himself behind her again like he had that morning when she'd fed him her toast. Things had changed since then, she mused idly, as his heart settled into a rhythm behind her and his arms helped her hold the baby in her own, shaking limbs.
They sat together in silence while she fed him, both absorbed by the tiny life they had created, and feeling strangely content in each others' arms.
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Don't tell me
It's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me
it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do
I do it for you
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"Come on, there's a good girl. Open wide...that's right!" Daniel grinned, chuckling with delight as Chloe grinned up at him.
"Dada!" She exclaimed impatiently. "More!"
"Okay. Here comes the train...open wide!" He stuck the spoon in her mouth again and she grinned happily at them.
"So Chloe, what are we going to do today?" He asked her once she'd finished her lunch and started practising her drumming skills with a spoon.
"Pok!" She announced emphatically.
"Pok?" He blinked, confused.
"Want Pok!" She told him in no uncertain terms.
"Who's Pok? What's Pok?" Daniel frowned, trying unsuccessfully to decipher her meaning.
"Pok!" She squealed at him angrily. "Me wan Pok!"
"Pok?"
"Pok!" She giggled at him, waving her arms.
Daniel put the bowl in the dish. Pok. Pok? Puck? No, couldn't be that. Pack? What pack? Sighing, he turned to her.
"You want Pok?" He clarified.
"Pok."
"Okay." He shook his head slightly. "I'll call Polly then, and find out what Pok is, okay?"
"Polly Pok!" She squealed.
"A Polly Pocket? You're too little for one of those." Daniel picked up his phone and dialed Polly's number.
[Hello, Polly here.]
[Hey Polly, it's Daniel.] He ducked as Chloe's spoon flew towards him with surprising accuracy.
[What's going on?]
[Nothing much. Chloe's just decided she's going to practise having a domestic for when she's all grown up and she threw her...NO!....sorry...that was nearly her juice all over the floor.]
[You okay?]
[Yeah...fine. Actually, no, I'm not. What on earth is a Pok?]
[Pok?]
[Yes Pok, she keeps asking for it...wait on, doorbell's just rung...hold for a minute.] Daniel jammed the phone under his chin, picked up his indignant daughter and made his way to the front doo. "Sarah!" He blinked, shocked to see her.
"Nice to see you too, Daniel." She smiled tightly, her eyes locked on Chloe.
[Uh...Polly...yes, what was I saying?] Daniel blinked again as he showed Sarah inside.
[Oh! She wants Pokemon.]
[Pokemon? You mean that...*thing* all the kids are on about?]
[Yeah. Normally comes on after I've given her lunch...]
[You let her watch TV?]
[Of course! Any healthy kid watches TV!]
[What time?]
[There's about five minutes left of the show.]
[Great. Thanks Polly.]
[No problems, Daniel. Ring me whenever you need a sitter, she's cute.]
[Thanks. See ya.]
Daniel hung up the phone. "Just a minute, Sarah." He ignored the woman slightly and dashed into the loungeroom. He plonked Chloe on the couch and flicked the TV on. Amazingly enough, it was on the right channel.
"Pok!" She squealed, grinning up and waving her arms.
"Busy?" Sarah asked dryly, a slight smile on her face.
"Uh...no, actually not really. Just getting reacquainted with life at home." Daniel admitted.
"You've been gone for a while, haven't you?" Sarah said slowly.
"Uh...not recently no." Daniel shook his head, suspicious.
"I'm not here to argue, Daniel." Sarah sat down on a chair at the table. Daniel followed suit, careful to keep an eye on his daughter.
"So why are you here?" Daniel asked bluntly.
"I don't know. I just wanted to see Chloe..."
"What about your dig?" Daniel couldn't help the bitterness in his voice.
"I'm still busy there, I just took a couple of weeks off." Sarah shifted nervously on her chair, looking at the TV screen absently.
"So what brings you to my door?" Daniel frowned, pushing his glasses up on his nose.
"I told you, Daniel, I don't know!" Sarah clenched her fists slightly, biting on her lip. "This was a bad idea...I should get going..." She stood up.
"Sarah, tell me the truth." Daniel said softly, and she turned to face him with hesitation written clearly on her features.
"I just wanted to know if it's okay if I could see Chloe sometime." She whispered, tears in her eyes.
Daniel smiled slightly. "You don't even have to ask that, Sarah..."
"But you said..."
"I *had* to say that. I knew you'd come back though...you couldn't not." He grinned slightly, looking at her sheepishly.
"So what do we do?" Sarah sighed, rubbing her face with her hands, looking tiredly at Daniel. "It was so hard, Daniel, so hard." She closed her eyes again, leaning back against the chair as she sat down.
"I know." Daniel said softly. "What do you want to do now?"
"I don't know." Sarah shook her head. "I gave her to you. I can't ask for her back."
"No. You can't." Daniel agreed gently. "But you can ask for visits and I won't say no. Not everytime anyway." He smiled slightly.
"So what now?"
"Well..." Daniel glanced at his watch, his eyes widenly slightly. "Oh!" He gasped.
"What?"
"I'm supposed to pick up Cassie and Charlie from the airport..." He jumped up. "Say, Sarah?"
"Yeah?"
"You want to meet some friends of mine?" Daniel asked hopefully.
"Pardon?" Sarah raised a delicate eyebrow in surprise.
"Well, I'm assuming that now, despite your earliers convictions, you'd still very much like to be a part of your daughter's life, am I right?"
"Well...yes." Sarah agreed softly.
"Well, seeing as Chloe is going to be living with me, my friends are going to be a very, *very* large part of her life." Daniel said simply. "So, you might as well get a head start and meet them now."
"Okay." Sarah agreed hesitantly.
"Great. Come on, let's go get Cassie and Charlie." Daniel grinned and flicked the TV off, much to Chloe's disappointment.
* * *
"So....your friends, what do they look like?" Sarah's eyes strayed back to the baby girl being held firmly in Daniel's arms.
"Huh? Oh, well, Cassie's got longish reddish brown hair and this adorable little nose. Charlie on the other hand has brownish blond hair, brown eyes and walks like he owns the place...what?"
"An adorable little nose?" Sarah asked in disbelief.
"What?" Daniel blinked.
"I can't believe you've changed that much."
"I beg your pardon?" Daniel shook his head slightly, completely confused.
"Talking about your friend's wife like that, I mean, really!" Sarah shook her head in disgust.
"Sarah, Charlie and Cassie are..."
"DANIEL!!" Cassie's scream pierced the air.
"Children."
Sarah blushed furiously, her face over-powering the colour of her hair. Daniel couldn't help the laugh from escaping as he turned to greet the two children. "Hey guys!"
"Daniel, Daniel, Daniel!" Cassie flung herself into his arms, her eyes glowing with excitement. "Guess what?"
"What?" Daniel grinned widely at her enthusiasm.
"Uncle Mark and Aunt Steph are here too!" She squealed. Daniel looked up and came face to face with a tall man he had seen at Jacob's funeral.
"Hi, I'm Mark." The man introduced himself, smiling hesitantly.
"Daniel Jackson." Daniel grinned smiled slightly as well, measuring up this man who was a weird mix of Sam and her Dad.
"And I'm Steph." A short, petite woman introduced herself, accepting Daniel's handshake with a warm smile.
"This is Sarah..." Daniel motioned to Sarah, "And my little girl, Chloe." He smiled and kissed the top of her head.
"Nice to meet you. We've been hearing all about 'Daniel and Chloe'!" Steph immediately turned her attention to the baby.
"Don't you have children?" Daniel realised, remembering an earlier conversation with Sam.
"Yeah, but my Mom's looking after them for now. We thought that it would be better to maybe get them out later, we weren't sure if we'd be welcome." Steph chattered happily, throwing a casual arm around Cassie's shoulders.
"Of course you're welcome. I'm sure that Sam's gonna be thrilled." Daniel said hesitantly.
"Well, we've actually booked a motel already...so..." Mark said uneasily, fingering his collar.
"What are we standing around here for?" Daniel asked, smiling brightly in an attempt to ease the air. "We should get going..." He stopped suddenly.
"What's up Daniel?" Charlie asked, leaning nonchalantly against a pillar.
"Uh...Sam's still on base at the moment...with Ben and Jack." He said slowly.
"Oh?" A curious triplet of frowns met his gaze. "Uh...we only have clearance for Cassie and Charlie to go through..." He licked his lips.
"That's fine. I'm sure that the three of us can entertain ourselves and babysit your *gorgeous* little girl." Steph said airly, waving her hands in the air and pushing them off at a walk.
"You sure?" Daniel watched their amicable nods. "Great, see, I'm not exactly sure when Sam's going to be released." He said softly.
"You're not?" Mark asked, frowning.
"No. She wasn't...happy." Daniel said lamely.
"I was depressed after Chloe was born." Sarah said softly, offering him a shy glance.
"You were?" Daniel asked, raising his eyebrows slightly.
"It's a perfectly natural thing, Daniel." Steph chimed in, completely agreeing with Sarah. "I'm sure that Sam will be just fine in a few days...she's such a bright sunny person..." Steph trailed off. "Well, last time I saw her..."
There was an awkward silence until Charlie spoke up, "She's still happy."
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"Finally." Jack said with feeling, flopping down onto the couch and resting his head in his hands.
"You sound as though you mean that." Daniel smiled slightly, also leaning back into his chair.
"I do. Oh, I do." Jack nodded his head, looking up at Daniel with bleary eyes. "So. Sarah's back, is she?" He asked unecessarily.
"Yeah. She's got Chloe at the moment...I should get going and..."
"Hey, Daniel?"
"Yeah?" Daniel glanced up, surprised at Jack's serious expression.
"Do you still...you know....love her?"
"I do...but not like I used to." Daniel said slowly, frowning as he looked for the words. "I met Sha're, Jack, and nothing I ever felt for Sarah compares to that. Nothing I ever will feel for Sarah can compare to that."
"So you guys aren't gonna get back together then?" Jack smiled a twisted smile.
"No." Daniel said gently.
"Oh." Jack looked up at his friend. "What about Chloe?"
"I don't know. I've told Sarah I don't mind letting her see Chloe as often as she wants...but..."
"Daniel, do me a favour, never keep her away from Chloe, okay?" Jack said softly, closing his eyes. Daniel studied Jack as the man fought for control again and then looked up. "It's not right."
"I know, Jack. I'd never do it to her. To either of them."
"Good. Say, she's not maybe interested in babysitting for me?"
"Babysitting?"
"Yeah. I was thinking that while you're at work and I'm gonna be with Sam and Ben, someone's gonna have to watch Cassie and Charlie until school starts and things get back to normal."
"That's not a bad idea...I could ask her. She could watch Chloe too!" Daniel grinned, then stopped suddenly.
"She doesn't exactly strike me as a babysitting kind of person though." Jack realised what conclusion Daniel had jumped too.
"I can still ask though."
"You can."
* * *
"I'm fine, honestly." Sam protested, sitting upright and ignoring the incredulous looks both General Hammond and Dr. Warner were shooting at her.
"Dr. Carter, just in case you seem to have forgotten..."
"No, I haven't forgotten." Sam stated curtly. "I'm better. You've run the tests, you know the facts. No more cancer..."
"I wasn't talking about the cancer, Dr. Carter." Dr. Warner said softly.
Sam froze for a second, tensing up. "I know. But other than the protein markers you said yourself that there is no permanent damage."
"Dr. Carter, I don't think that you should be walking around yet. That device the Ashrak used on you *did* cause some physical damage. Unless you want to damage something permanently, I'm going to suggest..."
"Dr. Warner, I'm telling you that I'm *fine*, and I'd like to get up and go for a walk." Sam snapped, getting angry for no reason.
"What's going on?" Jack poked his head around the corner, grinning to see Sam glaring angrily at one annoyed Dr. Warner.
"Your wife won't listen to reason, Colonel." Dr. Warner stated.
"As much as I don't know about medical matters, I'd say she was fine." Jack said simply, grinning at General Hammond's roll of the eyes.
"I'm sure you would." Hammond said with a bitter twist to his voice.
"General?" Jack frowned slightly at the look on Hammond's face.
"Nothing, Colonel." General Hammond narrowed his eyes. "I do, however, want you both to know that I'm very disappointed with you." He turned around and marched out of the room, his back ramrod straight.
Jack and Sam glanced at each other guiltily and then looked away, both slightly uncomfortable.
"Okay, Dr. Carter. If you decide to get up and wander around out SGC, then fine, go ahead, but I *won't* take any responsibility if something does go wrong. You'll be on your own then." He told them, shaking his head.
Sam watched him leave, feeling very much like a ten year old who'd just been told off for something.
"So. How were the To'kra?" Sam asked lightly, making conversation.
"Pardon?" Jack asked, glancing at her.
"The To'kra, how were they?" She asked again, sitting up straight.
"Oh...just peachy." Jack glanced at her.
"General Hammond told me about the spy."
"That why he was in here?" Jack asked, glancing at her.
"Ye-eah." Sam agreed hesitantly.
"Oh. Well, that wierd guy Martin something was asking about you."
"Martouf?"
"How'd you know his name?" Jack asked jealously.
"He was Jolinaar's...mate?" Sam blinked as the word floated to the surface. "How is he?"
"I don't know, coping I guess."
"Coping?"
"Well, he wanted to see you and ask you about Jolinaar, but seeing as they were being pretty busy, General Hammond and our good friend Garshaw decided it wasn't such a good idea."
"Oh." Sam swallowed, looking around.
"So, Doc Warner says you'll be home soon."
"Yeah." Sam nodded again, her thoughts elsewhere. On a planet with golden sand and sparkling green water.
"Sam?"
"Hm?" She looked at him, but didn't really see him.
"Uh...Cassie and Charlie told me to say hi." He said lamely, pushing his hands into his pockets.
"Oh. Yeah, tell them I said hi too." Sam smiled absently before frowning slightly. "Jack?"
"Yeah?"
"What does, did the To'kra world look like?"
"Uh...sandy?"
"With green water?" Sam asked.
"No, they had water inside, but not outside." Jack shook his head, worried. "Why?"
"No reason..."
"Sam, don't lie to me."
"I keep seeing these images of places *I* haven't been to, but I know that Jolinaar has been to them..."
"Sam?"
"Jack, I've got a whole lifetime in my mind, memories of hundreds of years that I haven't even lived!" She stated, standing up and swaying unsteadily.
"Are you sure you're okay? Maybe that Ashrak did damage something!"
"Jack, I'm serious!" Sam shook her head, pushing him away.
"Sam..." Jack said softly, glancing at her with *something* in his eyes that she couldn't quite place. "So what? So what if you're suddenly remembering places that you haven't been too, so what if you've suddenly got a whole lot of memories in your mind..."
"That's easy to say, Jack, so what? So what that I have to sort through feelings and emotions that aren't even mine? So what that I feel as though I am madly and deeply in love with Martouf, and I've never even *met* the....person." Sam hesitated at the look on Jack's face. "Jack...I'm feeling things that I've never felt before. I look at Teal'C and I feel revulsion. I feel disgust because his people are so stupid they can't even figure it out for themselves that the Go'auld aren't Gods. I look at us, the humans and I feel so snide and arrogant and superior because the To'kra have technology that we have no idea of..." She stopped suddenly. "See, I even think of myself as To'kra sometimes."
Jack stood still, his eyes locked on her face. "What are you saying?" He asked softly.
"I don't know." Sam slumped suddenly, falling against Jack. "I don't know Jack. I don't know anything anymore. I don't know what's me and what's Jolinaar. I don't know where she ends and where I begin." She whispered.
"Yes, you do know that." Jack said, holding her tightly. "You know that it's *you* who loves Cassie and Charlie, that it's *you* who had that baby, that it's *you* who made up with your father. Sam, you know who *you* are! We know who you are."
"I know, Jack, but..." Sam started before trailing off and letting him hold her. "I'm tired Jack. I'm tired of everything. Of pretending, of lying, of not knowing what's true anymore."
Jack tensed as he held her.
"What are you saying, Sam?"
"Why do you keep asking me that?"
"Well, I want to know what you're hinting at."
"I'm not hinting at anything, Jack." Sam shook her head, frustrated as she pulled back to look at him, confusion shining in her eyes. "I told you, I'm sick of pretending to everyone, playing happy families. We're not happy families Jack, far from it in fact." She laughed bitterly, turning around.
"So what do you suggest we do?" Jack asked, his shoulders slumping as she turned away from him.
"I don't know. I just want to take my babies and go home." Sam kicked at the wall angrily.
Jack swallowed roughly, watching as she made her way drunkenly around the room, venting her frustration on anything and everything within reach.
"Uh...I'll talk to Doc Warner for you, Sam." He said softly before turning around and leaving the room.
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"Cassie and Charlie have planned a huge homecoming for you." Jack said stiltedly in the car.
"Oh." Sam gazed out the window, trying not to cry.
"Yeah." Jack agreed lamely, glancing over at her in concern. Her eyes were hidden behind those damn sunglasses, he had no idea what she was thinking, what she was looking at, what she was feeling even.
"How have they been?"
"Good." Jack nodded slightly, flicking on the indicator. "Missing you like crazy." He smiled slightly.
"I've been missing them too." She hesitated, her voice catching in her throat.
"What?"
"I...I was scared." She ventured eventually.
"Scared of what?" Jack asked, narrowing his eyes in concern, a habit she was very used to.
"That Cassie...the To'kra...she knew..." Sam garbled, a sob choking her throat again. "And I can't stop crying." She slapped her fist on the dashboard.
Jack pulled over and stopped the car. Unbuckling her seatbelt he pulled her into his arms, holding her while she cried again. "It's okay Sam, no one expects you to be perfect." He crooned.
"Yes, yes they do." She moaned, holding onto him tightly. "Everyone expects it to be perfect. They expect me to be the perfect mother to Charlie, Cassie and Ben. They expect me to be the perfect wife, the perfect scientist...I'm tired of it Jack. Don't they *know* that I have faults too?"
"Shh." Jack hushed her, stroking her hair gently. "I don't expect you to be perfect." He whispered.
"I know. That's what..." Sam stopped, tensing in his arms as she fought to control her sobs.
"That's what what?" Jack frowned as she pulled away from him, refusing to look at him. Reaching over her pulled the sunglasses from her face and forced her to look at him.
"Nothing. I'm just screwed up at the moment, Jack." She smiled tightly, and Jack recognised the end of a conersation if he'd ever heard one.
* * *
Sam refused Jack's help as she staggered up the footpath towards the house. Seeing her determination and will to make it on her own, Jack decided to go ahead and check that everything was okay.
"Sarah? Cassie? Charlie? Hello..." He yelled into the house, slightly surprised that no one was there to greet them.
Sam's head jerked up as she heard him. Sara. What? Sara...but...
"Sam, are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." She smiled and continued the walk up the footpath, shaking his hand off her arm as she passed him. "Who's Sara?" She asked stiffly. Jealous, and he didn't even love her; Sam. She had no right to be jealous.
"Sarah...Sarah, the..."
"SURPRISE!" What seemed like a million people suddenly jumped into the room as Sam entered it.
"MOM!" Cassie launched herself at Sam, followed closely by Charlie. "Look Mom! Look!" She hugged Sam tightly and managed to point at all the people simultaneously. "Everyone's here! Uncle Mark, Aunt Steph, Daniel, Sarah, Ben, even General Hammond and Teal'C!" She grinned as Sam gaped around the room.
"You should have told me!" It was so easy to slip back into that role of pretense, to punch Jack lightly on the arm and fall back into his hold as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
"I did." He told her dryly, but for some reason not feeling the usual happiness he felt when he was around his 'family'.
"OH..." Sam blinked, remembering his earlier words. "Mark!" She blinked again.
"And Steph." Mark grinned at her, hugging her gently over the top of Cassie.
"Steph!" Sam smiled shyly. "I haven't seen you for...a long time!"
"That's going to change though." Steph said firmly, grinning at her happily. "You have beautiful children." She told Sam honestly.
"I know." Sam looped her arms over Cassie and Charlie's shoulders. "So, where's my baby?" She looked around, searching for someone holding Ben.
"Sarah's got him..." Someone told her. Sara. Why did she feel so jealous and scared and nervous and really really really anxious?
"Oh." She forced the smile to stay on her face.
"I made you some muffins because I know you don't like cookies..." Cassie announced.
"Really? Thanks Cass." Sam hugged her daughter a bit tighter.
"Come on, sit down." Jack's arms suddenly descended around her again as he guided her towards the couch where he proceded to sit down next to her, not once letting her go.
"So. Home again." Daniel said, breaking the silence that had settled over the group of people.
Sam smiled. Home. Where was home now? Jack didn't love her, how could this be home?
Jack stiffened involuntarily as she only smiled. An uncontrollable spasm of panic in his arm clutched her tightly against him, fear suddenly making his heart beat a million miles an hour.
Daniel met Jack's terrified eyes and then glanced at Sam's perfectly school features. To the inexperienced eye, those who didn't know them, they looked happy. Daniel, however, knew they weren't happy. So did General Hammond, but it wasn't up to them.
Jack swallowed as Daniel looked back into his eyes, those blue eyes seeming to read his very thoughts.
'Tell her' They beamed at him like some telepathic device delivering the words righ into his mind. 'You have to tell her. NOW.'
Jack shifted and let go of Sam. "So, who's having what do drink?" He asked cheerfully, standing up and glancing back down at Sam.
A chorus of answers met his question and he hastily left the room before he forgot everything instead of just a few.
A strained silence settled onto the occupants of the livingroom.
"Mom, can Cassie and I go outside?" Charlie asked, looking at her.
"Sure." Sam's eyes misted over. Mom. He'd called her Mom! Where was Jack? "Uh...I'm just gonna help Jack with the drinks..." She stood up, swaying slightly but greatfully accepting Charlie's steadying hand as he helped her to the kitchen door.
Sam entered the room silently, and came face to face with Jack hugging another woman. Another woman that had curly auburn hair and was holding her baby. "You'll be right." She heard Jack's voice, muffled against the woman, and then he let her go.
"Hi." The woman looked at Sam, hesitation on her perfect features.
"Hi, I'm Sam." Sam kept her voice civil, even slightly friendly. She couldn't care. She couldn't care less that this woman and her husband...that this woman and *Jack O'Neill* were...
"I know. I'm Sarah."
Sarah. She'd known that the woman was trouble.
"I see you've got Ben." Sam smiled again, not moving forwards.
"Yeah, he's just eaten AND spewed up all over me." Sarah wrinkled her nose delicately as she grimaced.
"Mind if I..?" Jack asked, holding his arms out.
"Not at all." Sarah all but dumped the baby in his arms before turning back to Sam quickly with an apologetic look. "Chloe's still half dressed...I'm going to run back to her quickly..."
"Sure." Sam smiled again, her eyes locked on the woman's retreating back.
"Well well well." Jack turned to her with a grin, his eyebrows raised.
"Well well well what?" Sam demanded waspishly, the civilness fading from her face as he gazed at her.
"Who would have guessed?" Jack nearly laughed.
"Guessed what?" Sam demanded. It was bad enough that he and Sarah-cat-got-the-cream-smugness were...no, didn't bear thinking about. He had no right to still carry on and tease her like this.
"No, I don't think I would have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes." Jack told Ben matter-of-factly, ignoring Sam suddenly.
"What are you talking about?" Sam demanded tiredly, leaning against the wall as she glared at him.
"I'm having a perfectly legitimate conversation with my son, thank you very much." Jack told her pointedly, grinning slightly.
"*Our* son." Sam snapped. Okay, so why did she just have to go and say that?
"Yes, I do believe that I'm right." Jack said smugly, looking up at Sam innocently.
"What? No, you know what, I don't want to know." Sam stood up straight. "Are you going to get the drinks or am I going to?" She demanded.
"What on earth has happened to your manners?" Jack sounded shocked.
"Don't use that tone of voice with me, Jack, I really *don't* need it right now." She told him tiredly, moving over to the cupboard and starting to pull the mugs out.
"No, I don't you do." Jack's voice was surprising calm and serious. Sam turned to him with an eyebrow raised, questioning his sudden mood change. "I do, however think, you need this." He said before cupping her face with his free hand and delivering a gentle kiss to her lips. Sam stood frozen, completely stunned.
"Then again," Jack continued, barely breaking the kiss. "Maybe this would be better." He rained silvery kisses along her jawbone and down her neck. "But," He breathed in her ear, pulling her closer to him and holding Ben between them ever so carefully, "Maybe I'm wrong."
Sam quivered against him, resting her head slightly against his as he threaded his fingers through her hair and waited for her to answer him. Oh...oh...so this wasn't what she'd been expecting...oh...oh..
"OW!" Jack jerked backwards, shock in his eyes as he gazed at her and held his stinging cheek.
"Don't you ever, EVER do that again!" Sam yelled at him, tears blurring her vision.
Jack gazed at her, shocked. He was wrong. She didn't want it, she didn't love him...what had he done...this was terrible...
"Do you know what it felt like to walk in here and see you...with her...I mean..." Sam swept her arms out dramatically, nearly overbalancing herself and leaning heavily on the cupboard.
"What?" Jack found his voice, a little squeaky maybe, but a voice nonetheless.
"I thought...I'm so stupid...do you know how much I hate you?" Sam laughed suddenly, flinging her arms around his neck and burying her face against his neck.
"Uh...no?" Jack hesitantly put his hand on her back again, completely confused. "Sam, forgive me, but I'm a little confused..."
"Serves you right. If I ever catch you alone in the kitchen with another woman again..."
"I was right! You *were* jealous!" Jack realised triumphantly, turning to look at his baby son who was gazing at him innocently.
"I was not!" Sam denied hotly, colour flushing her cheeks.
"Sure, sure, and Ben here is a girl."
"He wasn't last time I checked. Unless, of course, there's something you're not telling me..." Sam grinned at him, not letting go of him.
"You were jealous." Jack stated matter-of-factly.
"Was not."
"Were too."
"Was not."
"Were too."
"Was not."
"Hey, Sam?"
"What?" Sam smiled breathlessly as Jack's face lowered towards her again.
"That thing about me being alone in the kitchen with another woman..." He started off.
"Yeah?"
"Does Cassie count? OW!" He laughed as her fist connect with his shoulder.
"You are so stupid!" She told him, shaking her head.
"So...does this mean we're okay?" Jack asked hesitantly.
"Okay?"
"Yeah, as in, no one's leaving?"
"Who was leaving?" Sam blinked, surprised.
"I thought you were..."
"What made you think that?" She frowned, turning back to the drinks.
"Well, you said you were tired of pretending..."
"I am." Sam said softly.
"Oh." Jack turned to the baby in his arms. "Here, you take Ben and I'll do that." He told her.
"Thanks." She took the infant and stood back, watching him make the drinks. "Jack, I'm not leaving." She said softly before leaving him in the kitchen with the kettle nearly boiling.
efefef
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"Sam?" Jack approached her hesitantly.
"Hey." She smiled slightly, a warm, tingling sensation running throughout her as he approached.
"I was thinking." He started off, placing a finger over her lips again. "And before you say it, I'm not taking an aspirin because there is no pain. Yes, it is becoming a rather regular occurence and no it's not all that strange either."
"I wasn't going to say it." She told him, smiling as he moved his finger over her chin and cupped it with his hand.
"What you said, about pretending?" He licked his lips nervously, mirroring her movements.
"Yes?" She waited, swallowing roughly. Time seemed to expand as she waited for him to continue, and her senses suddenly became aware of everything. The cloud sailing over the moon, the stars seeming to brighten in response and the scent of his aftershave fingering it's way through the cold air towards her. Aware of him, standing in front of her, holding not only her face with his warm, gentle hands, but also her heart and her future.
"I don't want to pretend anymore, either." He whispered roughly, bringing his other hand up to cup her face properly and wiping her tears away with his thumbs. "I don't know why I ever did." He added before leaning down and kissing her gently.
Sam sighed as he kissed her, melding herself against him and wrapping her arms around him, holding him close.
"I don't either." She whispered as he pulled away and she rested her head against his chest, his arms around her and his hands drawing patterns on her back.
"And, I still don't expect you to be perfect." He grinned slightly as she chuckled against him.
"Good, because you'd be disappointed even now."
"Why?"
"In the perfect movie, the couple is always bathed in moonlight. Unfortuneatly for us, the moon is not available tonight." She grinned as he chuckled in turn.
"So what. Makes the stars look brighter. Hey, have I ever shown you my telescope?" He asked her suddenly.
"No." She shook her head, surprised. "You have one?"
"Of course." Jack grinned at her expression. "I'm not *that* stupid."
"I know." She told him. Grinning, he took her hand and led her to the back porch.
"I keep it here, we can go set it up on the deck...it's perfect up there this time of year." He grinned.
"Perfect, huh?" She laughed slightly. "You know what, this is perfect. It wouldn't mean as much if it hadn't been so..."
"Intense?"
"Yes. At least I know ahead of time what a bastard you can be." She grinned.
"And I know how...imperfect you can be!" He smiled at her, dropping a kiss on her nose. "I love you Sam, the way you are. Which means you're perfect." He told her sincerely, his eyes holding her steadily.
Sam blinked as she looked up at him. "I love you too, Jack. I have for a while now..."
"Really? I knew it wouldn't take too long before my charm and charisma, not to mention my startling good looks and brilliant personality, won you over..."
*********************************************************************
FINIS!!!
EVENTUALLY!!
Story Notes: Choices we Make_09: AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thanks be to Suds as per usual and Jo!!!...and this one is also to all the people out there who have lost loved ones or who are kept away from them for various reasons. I feel for you...seriously. And for Mrs. Courtenay's Mom. We're with you...always. XOXOXO
Everything I do Performed by Bryan Adams (Used without permission. Great song. Nothing more to be said.)
Everything I do Performed by Bryan Adams (Used without permission. Great song. Nothing more to be said.)
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]