Jack wonders if he just told her how he felt; she would leave Pete and turn to him instead. It was a variation of a similar thought he'd been having over the past few years.
If he just told her would she come home with him at the end of the day?
It was killing him, knowing at night she went home to him, knowing that when she got into bed, he was there.
His ego told him that if he was in her bed, if she knew what she was missing, then she would turn to him without hesitation. She'd be straight into his arms. He knew they would be good together. Perfect, physically and emotionally. He knew he could have her screaming and smiling, laughing and crying without even touching her.
But he couldn't touch her, he wasn't sure if he could even look at her now that she was with Pete.
Now that she was Pete's.
He wonders, though, would those three little words be enough. Perhaps it's six little words, thinking back to his ego and thoughts of being in Sam's bed.
I love you.
I want you.
He wonders if they'd be enough because she has given up on the idea of him, and their happy ending, and is shacking up with Pete. He wonders if they'd be enough because the regulations still stand.
He hopes those six little words will be enough because he knows he has to tell her soon. He as to tell her before his heart explodes. He has to tell her because every time he sees her with Pete, or hears his name, a little piece of his soul is chipped away.
Really it's nine little words.
I love you.
I want you.
I need you.
And boy does he ever.
He's a realist; he knows there probably won't be a happy ending. He knows, he believes he can't need her. He's an independent man, he doesn't need a woman. He's sure he doesn't need Sam.
But he does. He needed Sara too. To some extent he still needs her.
He needs Sam because he loves her, because she is this huge part of his life. He wants Sam because he loves her, because he can't stop staring at her.
He is a man. He's full of testosterone and she is beautiful.
He loves her and she's perfect. Physically and emotionally and mentally and unavailable.
Nine little words don't seem to be enough to convey how he feels but he's not a man of words. It's clichés but although he's not a smart man, he's smarter with his body. Words don't form easily, not when to comes to his emotions. If they come out al all they are never what he wants to say.
Caring about her more than he's supposed to was how his brain was trying to get out everything he holds inside him when it comes to Sam Carter. It was the only sentence he could form to tell her he loved her and had the regulations firmly in mind.
I love you.
I want you.
I need you.
He knows these are the only words he'll be able to use when it comes to how he truly feels about her, now that they've come to mind.
He just hopes they'll be enough.
Story Notes: Spoilers: Chimera, Divide and Conquer
Category: Angsty
Pairing: S/J S/Pete
Archive: SJD yes
Notes: This is tosh. I am writing the follow up. But it's going badly. It's sappy. But hey ho. http://geocities.com/mypineappletree
Category: Angsty
Pairing: S/J S/Pete
Archive: SJD yes
Notes: This is tosh. I am writing the follow up. But it's going badly. It's sappy. But hey ho. http://geocities.com/mypineappletree
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]