Just To See You Smile by Majaunta Fruscella

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Story Notes: E-mail: horizon_dreaming@sbcglobal.net

Archive: SJD yes, any as long as I'm contacted first

Pairing: Sam/Jack, Sam/Other

Spoilers: COTG, Upgrades, Divide and Conquer, 100 Days, Into the Fire, Chimera, Entity

Season/Sequel: season 7-ish

Author's Notes: I was listening to the radio the other day, heard the song, and knew that it was perfect for Sam and Jack, so I couldn't resist a fic. There may or may not be a sequel…maybe if someone tells me they liked it, then I'll follow up.

Feedback: Much appreciated!!

Just To See You Smile
Tim McGraw
(Everywhere)

You always had an eye for things that glittered
But I was far from bein' made of gold
I don't know how but I scraped up the money
I just never could quite tell you no
Just like when you were leavin' Amarillo
Takin' that new job in Tennessee
And I quit mine so we could be together
I can't forget the way you looked at me

Just to see you smile
I'd do anything
That you wanted me to
When all is said and done
I'd never count the cost
It's worth all that's lost
Just to see you smile

When you said time was all you really needed
I walked away and let you have your space
'Cause leavin' didn't hurt me near as badly
As the tears I saw rollin' down your face
And yesterday I knew just what you wanted
When you came walkin' up to me with him
So I told you that I was happy for you
And given the chance I'd lie again

Just to see you smile
I'd do anything
That you wanted me to
When all is said and done
I'd never count the cost
It's worth all that's lost
Just to see you smile

I'd do anything
That you wanted me to
When all is said and done
I'd never count the cost
It's worth all that's lost
Just to see you smile

When was the first moment he knew he loved her? When that damned force shield separated them? When they had been of being zatarcs? Or was it earlier…when he was stuck on Edora and thought he would never see her again? When he killed Hathor? When she challenged him to an arm wrestle? Perhaps it was the first time he saw her, standing in the doorway of the briefing room they would spend so much time in, the light spilling in behind her. Whenever it was, for whatever reason, Jack O'Neill was deeply, irreversibly, and hopelessly in love with Samantha Carter. For years, he stood by her and watched, waited. His love for her grew exponentially, as she would say, and he dreamed of the day when she would be his. Military regulations forbade the relationship, and he would never have done anything to jeopardize her career. He foolishly let hope grow in his heart, hope that in time they would be together. His life became about nothing but her: when he would see her again, what he could say to hear that laugh, being near her. It was like that song he heard on the radio. He would do anything just to see her smile. Anything. He spent seven years loving her from afar, seven long years dreaming of her touch, of hearing three precious words from her that would change his life, and that…man…took everything away from him. His dreams were torn asunder because of some fool who did not and could never appreciate Sam for who she was. Jack never let his devastation show. He did the only thing he knew to do; he shoved every emotion to the dark recesses of his mind. He forgot his hope and threw his dreams away. Seven years…seven goddamned years and this is what he gets? She marries another man, and then what? What, Jack? Will you spend your life mourning her? Yes…he would. But he would never stop doing whatever he could to make her happy. Anything to make her smile, no matter the cost. And as for what he had lost…everything.

Sam watched Jack from across the commissary. They hadn't spoken much after their promotions. Jack was always busy with papers and duties. She desperately wanted to talk to him, to make things how they used to be. She knew he was not thrilled about Pete. She knew that what they'd had together, whatever the hell that was, was lost. But she needed their friendship back. Oh, it wasn't an obvious change. Any outsider would barely have noticed the way Jack had changed. He was still sarcastic and his sense of humor was as sharp as ever, but there was something missing. His smile lacked its usual luster, and his eyes were void of that glitter she fell in love with. No! What feelings she had for Jack were long in the past and buried; she was engaged to Pete now. But were they gone? She had spent so much time longing for a future in which their love would be allowed. She saw so many alternate realities in which they had ended up together, so why should this one be so different? What kept them apart? Pete, she reminded herself. I have Pete. Pete never could make her smile like Jack could…

~*~

Three weeks later, and Jack was still sort-of avoiding Sam. After returning for a typical meet-and-greet off world, Sam spent an hour and a half in her quarters trying to decide what to do. She needed to talk to Jack. She needed to fix this, make it better. Sure, they would never be as close as they were, but anything was better than this. The team had been give a long weekend of downtime before their next scheduled mission. A few days should be enough time to settle things. She knew that Jack would be doing paperwork on base, so she decided she wouldn't return home. She would stay and spend as much time as it took to get her Jack back. Wait Sam, she reminded herself, he's not your Jack. He's not your anything.

Jack was reading a mission report from SG-7 when he heard a knock at his door. Grateful for the distraction, he called, "Come."

Sam opened the door timidly and stepped inside. Jack was putting away a folder, and when he looked up, he was surprised and unsettled to see her. Taking on an authoritative voice, he said, "Can I help you, Colonel?"

Sam sat in a chair in front of his desk and sighed. "General, I was wondering if I could make a personal request?"

Jack straightened more in his chair. He suspected she wanted more time off to spend with Pete. "I'm sorry, Colonel, you have to be back here at 0800 sharp Monday morning, I can give you no more leave at this time."

Sam frowned a bit then said, "No, Sir, the weekend's long enough, I was just wondering if perhaps, later, when you're off work that is, we could maybe talk."

Jack studied Sam's face. She was flushed a bit, her eyes were wide with expectation, and her brow was furrowed. He had no idea what she could possibly want to talk about, and frankly, he didn't really think he was up to it. "I'll most likely be working very late, Carter, maybe some other time."

Sam said, "It's alright if you have to work late, General. I'll be staying on the base anyway."

Now it was Jack's turn to frown. Staying on base? Not running off to Pete? Still…he wasn't sure. "I don't know, Carter. Is it important?"

Sam took a deep breath for strength. "May I speak freely, Sir?" Jack nodded. "I've been worried lately. About our friendship. You're probably not interested in the least, but, Sir, if you could just humor me for an hour, I'd like to try to … I don't know, get to a place where we can be friends again." She looked down at her entwined hands. "It's just that our friendship means a lot to me, and if there's something wrong then I'd like to find out what it is."

Jack sighed. Sure, the problem was their friendship. Right. The problem was Pete and the fact that Sam was marrying him and not Jack. But if there was a way they could be friends again, if he could see her more…Besides, if he refused, he was sure that something would break between them and they would never regain any semblance of a friendship whatsoever. "Alright Carter. My quarters at 2200."

Carter rose and smiled at him. "Thank you, Sir."

When she was gone, Jack hit the top of his desk with his closed fist and cursed under his breath. He just had to tell her to meet in his quarters. As if things wouldn't be uncomfortable enough.

~*~

At precisely 2300, Sam knocked on Jack's door, and he reluctantly let her in. "Carter," he said curtly.

Jack sat on the edge of his bed, and Sam pulled a chair in front of him, but with enough room between them for comfort. Taking a deep breath, she said, "Sir, have I done anything to change the way you feel about me? In a friendly manner, I mean. What I'm trying to say is, I just don't understand why things are so … strained between us. Did I lose your respect? Have I offended you? Please, I'd like to know."

Jack stared at her. He had decided after she left his office that afternoon that he would cut all the bullshit, come right out, and say it. He was still her commanding officer, but they weren't on a team together. Also, he was the big cheese, as he liked to think of himself. He didn't want to tiptoe carefully around Sam for the rest of their professional career, and he would explode if he didn't say something. So he did. "You said yes to that prick."
Sam blinked. Had he just said that? Did he mean what she thought he meant? And did his meaning that mean that he still felt…stop. Just ask. He didn't mean it like that. Surely he couldn't have. "Sir?"

"You heard me. You got engaged to that guy. That's what happened, that's what changed everything. That's what you did, Carter. You made a huge mistake and I couldn't just sit back and play happy while you ruined your life."

Sam was in shock. "Am I ruining my life, Sir?"

Throwing his hands in the air, Jack said, "Of course you are! Pete's not right for you, he never was. You've just been alone so long that when someone comes along you instantly assume you'll spend the rest of your life with him."

Sam was defensive now. "It's not my fault I've been alone so long. I just don't jump in bed with every alien woman who is infatuated with me."

Jack flinched as if he had been slapped. He assumed Sam knew he slept with Laira, but they had never spoken of it. How could he explain to her that they were drunk, and when he had woken up the next morning he expected to see Sam. That he had thought of Sam that night. "I won't even get into that, and besides, that's exactly what you are doing! You found a guy who's infatuated with you and it's convenient and you want a meaningful relationship in your life, so you abandon what you really want and settle for the second best thing."

"Tell me, Jack, what do I really want?" In the heat of the moment, fuelled by anger at his presumption, Sam hadn't even realized she had just called him Jack.

"Me!"

Silence. Jack wondered if he had just said what he thought he did. Sam didn't want to admit it was true. Neither moved, neither said a thing. They sat in silence, staring at each other for an eternity. Finally, Jack gathered the courage to say more. "Me, Sam. You know it, I know it, hell, Hammond knew it. Everyone can see it but us. And when we do see it, we deny it. I'm sick of it, and now, because we can't just take all that stuff out of that damn room, you're about to throw the rest of your life away for someone who can never see you as I see you. Someone who will never love you like I do, someone who will never be as right for you as I am."

Sam blinked, and a tear threatened to fall. He had just said it, what neither of them had been willing to think about for three long years. What's more, he had gone farther and said something she had only ever dreamed of hearing him say. "There's nothing we can do about it."

"So you'll just give up, is that it? That's not the Sam I know, that's not the Sam you are. You don't just give up because something is hard. You work harder until you get to the end. And this, us, it's not over. And I don't command you in field operations anymore, Sam. The regulations are forfeit. We finally have nothing keeping us apart, do you realize that? We can be together now."

Sam didn't want to see it. She had known, subconsciously, that the regulations didn't apply after their promotions. Was that why she had accepted Pete's proposal? Was she so accustomed to having a barrier between herself and her beloved that she needed to rebuild it once it was finally gone? "What are you saying?"

Jack stood, crossed the distance between them, and kneeled before her. "That I'm sick of waiting. That you should be with me, not him. That I love you. I would give up everything for you. I'm willing to, if you just ask me, I will. Please, I beg of you, Sam, don't marry him."

Sam looked at Jack, then at her left hand. The stone was finely cut and attractive, but from the moment she put it on, she had known it wasn't right. Now, she questioned her motives. She saw the faults in her plan, saw through all her sorry excuses, and saw that when she dreamed of her future, Jack was always beside her. What did this mean? Could she just give Pete back his ring and begin a life with Jack? After seven years of limbo, was it just that easy? She thought back all the time she'd known Jack. He had always been there for her, always supported her, and always stood by her. The one time he was gone, she brought him back. She had heard him say he didn't want to leave…but he had never gone back. That meant something, didn't it? So many questions, so many doubts. She was a creature of logic, and the logic of their situation was undeniable. She had always loved him, and he her. They could finally be together if they wanted to, so why weren't they?

This wasn't what Sam had come for. It wasn't why she wanted to talk to Jack. This wasn't what Jack had intended to say. They had both said things that they couldn't take back, and they had opened the door and let that room into the rest of their lives. Jack had recklessly professed his love to Sam. How could she deny that? How could she deny her screaming heart and the reciprocation that poised on the edge of her tongue. If she said it, everything would change. Could she handle that? Now that she was on the brink of gaining everything she had wanted for years, would it work? To hell with the doubts. Carter put her hand on Jack's cheek and said, "I love you, and I won't marry him if you marry me."

There it was. They had both taken the appropriate steps. There was no turning back now. Jack took Sam's hand in his and pulled off the ring she wore. He stood, went to his locker, and pulled an old package from the bottom of his pack. He went to Sam, kneeled again, and opened the small velvet box. Sam was stunned. It was the perfect ring. The band was platinum, and there was a sapphire surrounded by two diamonds. She held out her hand, and he slipped the ring on her slender finger. It fit perfectly.

Sam's heart had stopped the moment the words had left her mouth, and now, she barely found her voice again. "How? When?"

Jack took both her hands in his and searched her eyes. He saw no doubt, just shock, and he said,

"A couple days after we got that alien entity out of you. I was walking around town, trying to clear my head, and I saw it in a store window. I couldn't help myself. I pictured giving it to you and you saying yes and I needed to buy it. I always hoped I'd find a chance to ask."

Sam smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. The fool. He should have asked her then. She would have given up her career, quit the air force and worked at the SGC as a civilian. She would have done anything to be with him. Why had they let their fears stop them so long? Why had they waited so long when there were so many simple solutions? They had abandoned happiness for fear of pain. Now, they abandoned everything else for each other.

Sam kissed Jack, and when they finally managed to break from each other long enough breathe, Sam whispered, "I've always wanted a spring wedding."

Just to see you smile
I'd do anything
That you wanted me to
When all is said and done
I'd never count the cost
It's worth all that's lost
Just to see you smile

Fin

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