Samantha Carter sat at her kitchen table with an old tattered box in front of her. It was frayed around the edges all stuck together with tape that was dusty with age.
Sam stroked her hand over the top wiping the dust away.
Her mind wandered back to the day her father had come home to give her some awful news. The day her world fell apart, the day her mother died.
She remembered the day vividly. She was baking chocolate chip cookies for her mother that day. She had gone out shopping and Sam wanted to surprise her.
When her mother was late home she hadn't worried because she knew her father would drive her home. It wasn't until the door snaked open and her father called her that she knew something was wrong. Nothing had prepared her for the pain she had felt then. Losing her mother was the worst thing that had ever happened to her. The day her mother had died was the day Sam decided to hate the world and everyone in it.
It hadn't lasted long. The hatred went away to be replaced by the deep sorrow that still etched in her heart. The pain that refused to die even now fifteen years later.
Fifteen years today, and it still hurt just as much as the day it happened. She felt tears welling up in her eyes as she thought of the mother she lost. Of how she'll never know how happy Sam was, how she'd never know her grandchildren.
"Sam," a voice said behind her.
She sniffed back the tears and wiped them away with the back of her hand. She felt a warm hand on her shoulder. "I'm coming."
"What you got there?"
Sam looked down at the box and felt the lump in her throat again. She swallowed hard trying to stop the tears from falling.
"My past," she whispered.
Jack looked down at her and rubbed her back, then moved to sit next to her. She smiled at his worried face, then reached out to caress his cheek. "Don't worry about me."
"How can I not worry? I love you."
"I know you do and I love you, but this is something that just won't stop hurting no matter how hard I try to make it go away."
"What's in the box?" he asked, trying to keep her from drifting away from him again.
"Pictures of my mom." She smiled. "Want to see?"
"Sure do."
Sam carefully lifted the lid off of the box to reveal a mixture of coloured and black and white photos. Lifting one out she traced the face on the photo lovingly.
"Your mom?" he asked.
She handed the photo over to him and smiled. "She was at my cousin's wedding, she absolutely detested the man Beth was marrying, but she went along anyway. I remember Dad on tenterhooks all night just in case my Mom offended the groom or his family."
"Sounds like she was a strong willed woman." He smiled. "She looked a lot like you."
"You think so?" Sam smiled.
"Yeah I do."
Sam lifted out another photo, treating it with the same amount of care as the first. As if it were a precious jewel that she didn't want to risk damaging. "I miss her."
Jack squeezed her shoulder. "I know you do. She's a part of you that will never go away."
"I always used to have this dream when I was little of Mom and me going out to buy my wedding dress. I'd try on loads of them until we found the right one. She would always smile at me and tell me how proud she was of me, but it was only a dream." Sam looked down sadly as his hand came to cover hers.
"Sam, honey, look at me," he said softly.
As her eyes came up to meet his, he smiled. "I know how proud she would be of you right now because I know how proud *I* am of you. You're smart, you're beautiful, you're warm and caring. What more could a mother want in a daughter."
"I just wish I could have got to know her more," she sighed. "We had only just started to talk, I mean really talk without fighting. I loved her so much but..." Tears sprang to her eyes.
"But?"
She swallowed hard. "I wish I had told her I loved her just one more time before she died."
"Oh Sam," he pulled her to him and held her tight. Feeling the soft sobs against his body. "It's OK honey, just let it out."
An eternity later she pulled away from him to look up into his eyes. She smiled as he reached out to wipe a lone tear away from her face.
"I love you Jack. Promise me that we'll always be together, no matter what happens."
"I promise," he told her, leaning over to softly kiss her lips.
She looked at him for a long moment, love shining brightly from her eyes. She reached out to the hand that he placed on her knee, caressing it with her own. "It hurts bad all the time," she admitted softly.She held his hand tighter and moved closer to him. Sensing her need he pulled her into his arms, encircling her shoulders.
"Sometimes I forget what she looked like you know, and I get so scared. I want to remember her, I need to remember her." A lone tear rolled down her cheek. "She was my mom and I can't remember her face."
Jack held her tighter, letting her talk to him, knowing that this way he was helping her through this. He kissed her head. "It's all part of letting go," he whispered into her hair.
"But if I forget her, how will I ever find her again when it's my turn to die? Every year she fades a little more from me, what happens when she fades away completely? Jack I can't forget her, I can't."
"Sammie she was your mom and she loved you. When it's your turn she'll come find you. I promise you if I go first she'll have to beat me off with a stick!" He smiled, trying to lighten her spirits.
It worked, she smiled. She reached up to caress his face with her hands. "She would have loved you."
"Well I hope so." He looked up at the ceiling. Sam watched him questioningly until he said out loud. "Mom I love your daughter and I promise she will never be alone and I'll try to keep her happy."
Sam followed his gaze. "I love you Mom."
Sam leaned into him again, holding him close. "Take me to bed Jack," she said into his chest.
He pulled back to look into her eyes "You sure you want to?"
She answered him with a kiss. Then stood to hold out her hand to him. He took it, letting her lead him to bed.
He climbed into bed beside her, pulling her into his arms. She laid against him, wanting only to feel safe tonight.
"Close your eyes," he whispered to her, kissing each eye in turn, "Go to sleep now, you hear."
She smiled. "Is that an order, sir?"
"Certainly is Major, now go to sleep."
"OK," she said sleepily. "I love you."
"I love you too," he smiled, closing his eyes to let sleep claim him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The moon shone in through the open curtains, highlighting the sleeping couple.They were tangled together in a mass of sheets. It had taken them a long time to get to this stage of their relationship.
A few months ago Sam would have denied she ever cared about him, believing him to be in love with Lara. It had taken a lot of persuasion from Jack to convince her otherwise. Until one day she finally accepted his word and believed him.
It was now a little over a month since they had been seeing each other on a personal level. Up until now they had managed to keep it secret from the whole base, including Daniel and Teal'c, which was a near impossible thing to do.
After that first night a month ago when she stayed over at his house after a poker game, they both realised that sleeping alone was no longer an option. Neither one of them could get used to sleeping alone anymore, not now.
Jack had brought Sam straight home to her place last night. She'd been in touch with her brother on the phone, she'd mentioned an anniversary, which at the time Jack had no idea what it was.
Since the phone call she'd been distracted and snappy. She refused to say what was bothering her and they ended up fighting, with him then storming out of her lab.
He came straight back to apologise to find her sobbing her heart out. It had hurt so much to see her like that.He put his arms around her holding her close. "I'm sorry," he whispered.
"Not you," she sniffed. She pulled back to look up at him, his hands cradled her face wiping the tears away with his thumbs.
"Tell me," he spoke softly.
"Will you take me home? I'll tell you when we get home."
"OK," he told her, moving away to take her hands. "You get your coat and I'll meet you topside."
"The general?" she said as an afterthought.
"I'll deal with the general, don't worry." He kissed her forehead before turning away from her to leave her office.
The general had been quite supportive of the Major leaving, telling Jack to take care of her, that today was going to be hard on her. When Jack had asked him what he meant by that, the general just shrugged and said that Sam would tell him if she wanted to. By the time they pulled up outside Sam's house, she had already told him what was wrong, that she would be all right, that this happened every year, and that she would get over it.
They talked about it more over cold beers and pizza, until Sam disappeared only to come back with an old tattered box which she lovingly placed on the kitchen table.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sam turned in her sleep, taking most of the sheets with her. It wasn't until Jack felt cold that he woke up to his naked body exposed to the night. He looked over at Sam who was cocooned in her nice warm sheets then smiled sleepily. Moving closer to her, he held her close to him, managing to partly cover his backside with the edge of the sheet she'd neglected to wrap around herself. She mumbled something he couldn't quite hear, then snuggled closer to him for warmth. Jack wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, not ever wanting to let her go.
Jack awoke sitting bolt upright in bed. He looked around at the clock. 7am. He could have sworn he heard a knock on Sam's door, but when there was no other sound he figured he must had imagined it and laid back down.
Sam just opened her eyes slowly. "What's wrong?"
Smiling down at her he leant over and kissed her head. "Nothing honey, go back to sleep."
He felt her entangle her hand in the hairs of his chest, gently stroking. Her hands eventually slowing as her hand became heavy and she drifted off to sleep. Jack watched her for a long time. The grief he saw in her last night had left her face. She looked relaxed as she slept.
When she shifted again, Jack moved away from her slowly to climb out of bed. Pulling on his jeans quietly he watched her sleeping. Smiling, he moved to press a gentle kiss to her forehead before leaving their bedroom to go downstairs to the kitchen. Walking over to the kettle he switched it on and opened the curtains. It was a beautiful day outside. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. He was so happy, what more could he ever wish for in his life.
A loud knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. "Oh hell," he muttered.
He thought about running to get his shirt, but the knock sounded again. Whoever it was would have to see him bare chested. As he opened the door his heart almost stopped.There on the step stood Jacob Carter.
Jacob looked as surprised as he did. "Jack?"
" Um sir, come in." He moved aside to let the older man come inside. "Sam's asleep do you want me to wake her up?"
"Well I came to surprise her. I thought she would be awake." Jacob smiled. "Stop looking so shocked Jack. I figured my little girl would need some company last night."
"Yeah she was pretty upset when I brought her home."
Jack was becoming nervous, should he tell Jacob about him and Sam or not?
Before he could say anything Sam came down the stairs yawning, moving to embrace him, sliding her thumbs into the waistband of his jeans. He gulped as he saw that she was wearing his discarded shirt that came to the top of her thighs, the one that always made him want to rip all her clothes off. She didn't even notice her father as she kissed Jack's bare chest. "Mmm, morning honey I missed you, why didn't you wake me?"
Jack held on to her shoulders and kissed her. He smiled. "Baby, there's someone here to see you."
She looked up at him questioningly then looked over to where he was nodding.
"Dad," she gasped, moving away from Jack to her father's awaiting arms.
"Hello sweetheart."
"Why didn't you tell me you were coming? I could have been there to meet you."
"What? And miss this moment where Jack here is rendered speechless." Jacob laughed. "So tell me how long have you two been seeing each other?"
Sam looked over at Jack who was blushing, he was actually blushing. "You're not mad?" she asked him, surprised.
"Are you happy?"
Sam took hold of Jacks hand. "I am Dad. I really love him."
Jack smiled down at her. "I am very much in love with your daughter, sir."
"Jack, I knew you loved my daughter a long time ago." He smiled. "And please call me Dad."
"OK *dad*," he grinned.
"I am very happy for both of you. Now how about some breakfast, I'm starved." Jacob smiled.
"You guys get started I'm going for a shower," Sam said leaving them to it.
Jack shook his head smiling, "She always does that."
Jacob chuckled. "She's just like her mother. She always did the same thing to me."
"Gotta love that about her," Jack smiled speaking to himself. "I just can't figure out why it took me so long to realise I loved her."
"Now son, I can answer that one," Jacob patted him on the shoulder. "The Carter women get so far under your skin that you don't know what to do first. Arm wrestle with them or love them. Believe me I've been there."
Jack laughed. "Well you could have let me know this earlier."
"What and miss this, no way," the older man laughed. He handed Jack some milk. "Better not keep the lady waiting for her breakfast."
"You noticed that too huh?" he grinned.
A short time later Sam came down the stairs in a blue summer dress, looking refreshed. Jack handed her a mug of coffee which she took, smiling at him as she did so.
Jacob watched his daughter and the man she loved and smiled to himself. 'Told you so,' Selmac told him. Jacob chuckled softly.
"Dad?" Sam asked, coming over to him.
"It's OK sweetheart Selmac was just saying something that's all. It was kind of funny."
Just then the phone began ringing. Jack got up to answer it as she was busy talking to her father.
"O'Neill," he said, instantly realising what he had done.
"Jack, there you are!" a voice said.
"Daniel? What's up?"
"You were supposed to be meeting me this morning," he said, then, "What are you doing at Sam's?"
"I-er," he thought frantically, then jumped as Sam encircled his waist to kiss his shoulder.
"I mean it's really early," Daniel continued.
Sam took the phone from Jack, "Morning Daniel, you're up early."
"Sam?"
"Well yeah, who was you expecting?" she smiled as Jack stood beside her pulling faces. All Daniel heard was a muffled thump and a moan as Sam thumped Jack's arm.
"Why don't you come on over Daniel we're about to have breakfast."
"OK," he said. "Want me to bring Teal'c?"
"Sure," she said.
"See you soon then."
She walked back into the kitchen to see her Dad in deep conversation with Jack. She picked up her coffee. "We've got company on the way."
Jack pulled her to him and encircled her waist. "Daniel?"
"And Teal'c."
"Think they know about us?" Jack asked as he kissed her earlobe.
"I don't think so," Sam said, "but I bet they suspect something now."
"Think we should tell them?" Jack asked her, pulling her around so he could look into her eyes.
"They're our friends, they have a right to know. After all we have had our secret for a while now." Sam looked at the man in front of her.
He took her hand and kissed it, then nodded.
Half an hour later, Jacob answered a knock on the door. Daniel gasped in surprise, "General Carter."
"Come in Daniel." He smiled, then nodded to Teal'c "Teal'c."
"Is this a surprise party or something?" Daniel asked with a grin.
Teal'c stepped forward. "It is good to see you again General Carter."
"You too Teal'c." He smiled. "And no, Daniel, no party."
Just then Jack came through from the kitchen. "Hi guys."
"Jack, what is going on? Where's Sam?" Daniel asked, confused.
Just then Sam came down the stairs looking pale. Jack was immediately at her side. "You don't look too good, honey. You OK?"
"Must have been that pizza we had last night." She smiled weakly. "I've felt better."
"You sure?" he asked worriedly.
"Jack, stop worrying," she told him, cupping his face. "I'm fine."
"Would someone please tell me what is going on?" Daniel asked again.
"It seems that Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter are on an intimate level," Teal'c said helpfully.
"Thanks Teal'c but I guessed that," Daniel smirked.
"You did?" Sam and Jack said in unison.
"Come on guys! You two have had a thing for each other for years." Daniel was pleased with himself for his observations.
"Please explain this 'thing' Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c said, eyebrows raised.
Jacob chuckled to himself and moved Teal'c into the garden to explain what a 'thing' was.
"So how long have you two been, you know?" Daniel asked.
"Couple of months," Sam said happily.
"Yeah? That long?" he said seriously.
"Come on Daniel, just be happy for us. This is what we want," Sam said, wrapping her arms around Jack.
"Yeah Danny, come on give us a break, I mean you said it yourself, I've been crazy about her for years." Jack smiled down at the woman in his arms and kissed her.
"I am really happy for you guys." He smiled, adding, "it's about time too."
Jack patted him on the back, and began walking towards the garden where Jacob and Teal'c were stood talking.
"I'll join you guys in a minute OK," Sam called out as she headed back up the stairs.
"OK hon,"Jack called after her.
Sam made her way into the bathroom to pick up the small object that she'd left on the window ledge. She picked it up, afraid to look. Finally turning it over she gasped, holding her breath in her throat. It was blue, the line was a definite blue. She was pregnant.
END
Story Notes: SPOILERS:Slight mentions of The Devil you Know and 100 days
SEASON/SEQUEL:after Nemesis
AUTHORS NOTE: I wanted to write a story about Sam's feelings 15 years on from the loss of her mother. I based Sam's feelings on my own loss of 10 years ago.
SEASON/SEQUEL:after Nemesis
AUTHORS NOTE: I wanted to write a story about Sam's feelings 15 years on from the loss of her mother. I based Sam's feelings on my own loss of 10 years ago.
End Notes: (And yes, there will be a sequel)
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]