A lone figure, in full dress-uniform, slowly walked up the ramp leading to the Stargate. Only the people closest to Major Sam Carter noticed the slightly stooped shoulders, red lines underlining tired eyes and the trembling hand fidgeting with an invisible wrinkle in her skirt.
She stopped at the podium and turned around to stare at the numerous faces looking back at her. She could count on one hand the number of times all the employees of the Stargate Command Program had assembled together in the embarkation room. The only difference was that this time round there was one person missing - a colleague, a friend, a `sister'.
She cleared her throat a couple of times before the words found their way to her lips.
"Janet Fraiser was not just a colleague; she was also my best friend ... "
Crystal blue eyes blinked rapidly. For just a split-second the silhouette of a most endearing face had come to mind.
"The first time we met was just over six years ago. I had received a nasty concussion on site and was supposed to stay overnight in the infirmary for observation. Let's just say I thought I knew better. It was after midnight and I was in my lab when I became aware of a presence, watching me from the doorway. When I turned around I found myself staring into the glaring eyes of one very annoyed doctor."
Her throat constricted at the memory of a meeting ages ago. She coughed twice in an attempt to hide the tears forcing themselves to the foreground.
"Before I could say, or do anything she walked up to me and said **I presume you're Captain Carter? The nurses told me I might find you here.** I feigned ignorance and told her that the new Chief Medical Officer, whom had started that day, had given me permission to leave my bed."
Sam's eyes roved over the crowd searching for one particular group. She needed to draw strength from them in order to continue.
Her commanding officer, General George Hammond, stood stoically at attention. Only his clenched jaws and the vein jumping on his forehead gave evidence to the emotional turmoil he was going through.
Daniel Jackson, resident archaeologist of SG1, stood with a bowed head and arms crossed solemnly across his abdomen.
Teal'c, Jaffa, friend and colleague, appeared to be looking intensely at some unseen spot on the Stargate behind her. It appeared he was unaware of the physical surroundings around him.
Hesitantly she let her gaze wander further until it locked with those of SG1's team leader, Colonel Jack O'Neill. A strange, worried look played briefly across his face. He nodded his head at her in encouragement. A small sad smile painted the corners of her lips in reply.
Her eyes closed briefly before she allowed herself to look at the assembled SGC personnel again.
"The doctor looked at me speechless for a few seconds. After a while she crossed her arms, shook her head and drew a deep breath before she started talking again. **Oh really? The CMO discharged you?** To herself she whispered, **I've been warned that SG1 can be difficult but this is beyond belief.** "
Here and there bursts of laughter erupted from the crowd as individual people remembered similar incidents that they had experienced themselves with the petite doctor.
Sam continued with her reminiscing.
"The doctor shook her head at me and scolded, **Well Captain unless I've been demoted during the day `that new CMO' of this facility would be me. Now I don't remember ever giving you permission to leave the infirmary so honey, either you march yourself right back to bed or I'll ensure that it becomes a written order.** "
"I tried to argue and explain to her the importance of what I was busy with but she just gave me a burning look and uttered two words in a tone which left no room for further arguments, **Now Captain** "
She allowed a few seconds for the renewed laughter to fade away. She needed the pause to stabilise her heart from the grief that threatened to overwhelm her.
"That was the start of a friendship that lasted for the last six years. In that time Doctor Janet Fraiser proved herself to be a brilliant doctor, a wonderful mother to Cassie and the best friend any person could ask for."
She wanted to say so much more. But to Sam's horror she found that she had completely forgotten the rest of the speech that she had so carefully prepared the previous night.
In a husky shocked voice she whispered, "She will be severely missed by all her colleagues, family and friends."
With one desperate look around the room she mumbled "please excuse me", before hurrying out of the room.
For a moment there was stunned silence in the room before it erupted in whispered conversations. General Hammond made his way quickly up the ramp to continue the ceremony and to cease any further ponderings on Major Carter's hurried escape from the Gateroom. Nobody noticed the person that excited silently through a side door.
Colonel O'Neill walked down the corridor in pursuit of his second-in- command. He was acutely aware of the emotional pain she must be going through. At that moment he could not care about the limitations that were enforced on their working relationship and military ranks. He knew instinctively that she needed him to be there, at her side, and there was no way that he was going to let her down.
Jack stopped in front of the slightly opened door leading to her laboratory. No noise came from inside the room but an inexplicable feeling convinced him that she was indeed there. He considered knocking first but decided against it and instead opened the door. He did not know what to expect but the image of Sam sitting with her back towards him, working feverishly on one of her latest experiments, was not one of them.
"Carter?"
At first she acted as if she was not aware of his presence but eventually she straightened her shoulders and turned around to stare at him with an undetermined look on her face.
"Sir? Can I help you with something?"
He entered the lab and closed the door behind him. He was worried about her. She had not shed one tear since the death of Doctor Fraiser. That, combined with what had just occurred at the memorial service convinced him even more that her `strong soldier attitude' was going to have a severe effect on her unless he intervened.
"Uh, yeah! What just happened out there, Carter?"
A frown played between her eyebrows.
"Sir?"
He grabbed a lab chair and dragged it across until he was sitting directly next to her.
"It's not healthy to bottle up your feelings like that."
She gave him a strange look and crossed her arms before replying.
"I just forgot my words out there. I wasn't bottling up anything ... Sir."
He hesitated before placing a hand slightly over hers. Sam's head whipped up in shock at this unusually intimate gesture from him.
"What ... what are you do ... you don't need to worry about me, I'll be fine."
As she stuttered the sentence she jumped up and crossed the space to the opposite side of the room. There she pretended to be deeply interested in some liquid filled tubes in front of her.
Jack could not help but sigh in frustration.
"Talk to me Sam."
He had to strain his ears to pick up her whispered words.
"There's nothing to talk about Sir. Like I told you yesterday I've accepted the fact that Janet's death wasn't my fault. When I joined the Air Force my father warned me that there would be days like this."
A memory of a conversation she had with Janet years ago, during the crisis with Hathor, suddenly entered her mind and Sam could not help but shiver slightly and choke back a sob at the clarity of it.
***
" ... Mama said there'd be days like this."
"Really? My ex-husband said that." "Are you outta your mind honey- buns? There is a reason they call it this man's army."
***
The sounds of footsteps behind her and a hand touching her shoulder brought her back to reality.
Sam refused to acknowledge his presence behind her out of fear that her facial expression might betray her.
"I'm fine Sir. Really I am. You don't need to worry `bout me."
Jack forced her to turn around but she could not bear to look up at him.
His hand moved from her shoulder slowly, cupped her face for a few seconds and then lifted her chin until she had no choice but to face him.
What she saw in his eyes broke down the last of her barriers and heartfelt sobs started wracking through her body.
Jack gave a small consoling smile and pulled her into an embrace. Sam wrapped her arms around his middle and felt him pulling her closer to his chest. The safety and comfort she experienced were all she needed to give in to her built-up emotions.
They stood like that for what seemed like an eternity. Neither of them were aware of the woman, a dearly departed friend and colleague, that was looking down at them in happiness and contentment, at the fact that her friends would be able to carry on with their lives.
She gave one last happy smile in their direction before turning around and walking towards the brightly lit tunnel.
Story Notes: Spoilers: Season 7, Heroes
Warning: Character death and major Sam angst
Copyright (c) NG. 2003
Author's Note: My first time posting here. I don't know whether I'm doing it correctly so please be patient with me, :) Feedback is always appreciated.
Warning: Character death and major Sam angst
Copyright (c) NG. 2003
Author's Note: My first time posting here. I don't know whether I'm doing it correctly so please be patient with me, :) Feedback is always appreciated.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]