Sam!
Jack woke up to the sounds of gunfire and staff weapon blasts. Was that a grenade he'd just heard? Quickly opening his eyes he saw that Sam was close by. He'd been moved behind some cover from the firefight, and she was protecting him vigorously.
"How long was I out?" He asked, a little groggily.
"Only a couple of minutes or so Sir." She replied, 100% Major Carter. "I managed to drag you over here out of the way." On your own, and without getting yourself killed? Jack thought. Nice one Sam! "Why are these Jaffa such poor shots?" she continued firing as she spoke, shouting to be heard above the weapons fire. "I thought we'd lost you Sir. It's a lucky thing you're wearing that new armour in your vest. You hit your head when the blast threw you back."
"Yeah, so it tells me."
His head throbbed and he could feel the bump. He figured he must have spent a good deal of his life suffering from concussion; he was used to it. His chest hurt like crazy too and he wondered whether the force of the staff blast had cracked a rib. At a minimum it would probably cause severe bruising. That might put the brakes on what he hoped would happen with Sam this weekend. Damned Jaffa! He started to get up, with some difficulty but full of determination. Boy, if he ached like this now, what was this going to feel like in the morning?
"I really don't think you should do that, Colonel." Sam warned.
"Probably not, but I think we have more to worry about right now than my sore head, Carter." He replied in full Colonel tone that brooked no argument. He peeked out from their cover to spot his targets. Oh there you are, you pesky little vermin, he muttered to himself, merrily. Boy, am I going to enjoy this. He fired.
"Do we know how many there are?" He asked, needing Intel.
"I think maybe a dozen?" Same old… they were outnumbered. "But we got some of them sir. At least four, so far, I think." Well that shortened the odds a little. "Daniel and Teal'c are over there Sir." She indicated.
"Yeah, I spotted 'em." He fired another salvo, felling at least two of their enemy. "Daniel, Teal'c," he spoke into his radio, "Are you ok?"
"Hunky Dory Jack," Answered Daniel, "but a little on the busy side right now."
"Me too. O'Neill out." He said, downing another Jaffa to notch onto his bed post. He'd soon be needing a new bedpost. He wondered just how many of these guys he'd killed over the years. "Carter, I'm gonna try sneaking round the back of them. Cover me!"
"Colonel…!" Her voice held a protesting tone.
"No buts, ok?"
"Jack, don't get yourself killed?" She pleaded and he winked at her.
"And miss this weekend? You're kidding, right?"
Then he started running like crazy, dodging a number of staff weapon blasts while Sam fired like a woman possessed, trying to protect the man she loved. She got one in that little spurt.
She saw Jack suddenly hit the ground and her heart leapt into her mouth, as it had earlier when she'd thought he might be dead. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw him move and start crawling round behind the Jaffa, stealthily avoiding detection.
This relationship thing sure was complicated. She was finding it hard to act the good 2IC, instead of the adoring lover. She was betting it was similar for Jack. Still, she had the solution in the palm of her hand.
"Teal'c, Daniel," She spoke into the radio, "The Colonel is heading behind the bogeys. Watch for cross-fire!" She ordered.
"Ok Sam." Acknowledged Daniel.
The Colonel's tactic worked. He came up behind two of them, separately, without them even guessing he was there, slitting their throats quietly so he didn't give away his position. If there really were only a dozen it meant there couldn't be many more left, nevertheless he would err on the side of caution.
The rest were despatched quite quickly after that as he and Teal'c downed them in a kind of pincer movement. Now all they had to worry about was getting control of the gate and going home. That proved to be easy as there were only two Jaffa guarding the gate. By now Jack was feeling a little groggy and queasy, the effects of the concussion catching up with him. He ached like hell and probably had not helped himself by being so active after the hit. Infirmary, he muttered under his breath. Dammit!
"Dial us home, Daniel." He ordered in a subdued voice.
Sam immediately stepped to his side lightly grasping his arm, concern clearly showing on her face.
"I'll be ok Carter." He smiled. "It's nothing a couple of aspirin and a good night's sleep won't cure."
"Yes Sir." She said, nodding and looking into his eyes for confirmation. She was betting he needed more than a couple of aspirin and a good night's sleep.
Inevitably, Jack was confined to the infirmary, which he protested loudly, saying it was Friday and he deserved a weekend to himself, at home. X-rays showed his ribs were fine, but they were beginning to turn black and blue with the force of the blast. It hurt, and would probably hurt even more the next day, but it beat being dead. Being dead was not something he planned for himself right now, not when there seemed one heck of a lot to live for. Sam had promised a decision this weekend and he wanted to be there to hear it. She'd hung around the infirmary with the others for a while to ensure he was alright, and then dutifully they had reported to the General and gone home. Nice life for some!
Once she was home, Sam fretted about Jack a little but knew he'd be alright. Her mind kept straying to those moments when she'd seen him hit by the staff blast and thought he might be dead. Her heart had nearly broken in two. It wasn't the first time she had thought him dead, worried about him dying, or that he was missing. It had happened a lot over the years and, although she had doggedly carried on being the good Major, the pain had been acute and almost unbearable. A life without him, even as a small part, would probably be intolerable.
When the delivery man turned up yet again on the Saturday morning and handed her an envelope, she was giddy with anticipation. Greedily she tore it open. There was more than one item inside.
She drew out the first thing, the biggest. It was a sheet of luxurious thick paper and looked like some sort of certificate. It was brief and to the point, so like Jack: 'Pay the bearer, Major Samantha Carter, a week in the luxurious Minnesota home of Colonel Jack O'Neill. To be redeemed at a mutually convenient date. Valid for 6 months.' It was signed in his unmistakable hand.
The second was a card from Denver's most exclusive and expensive restaurant. On the back was a note from Jack with a time and date a month from now. He had scrawled something else too: 'It's booked, and so is the hotel, so you can't let me down now, J x'.
The third and final thing was a card with a very pretty picture of flowers on the front. Inside it simply said, 'Samantha, yours always, Jack."
Sam smiled to herself. Jack O'Neill was quite a man. She couldn't imagine how he'd organised it all, but it had no doubt helped him pass away some his bored pre-mission hours, and given him a great excuse to avoid official paperwork. Heck, how could she say no to this man?
*****************************
Jack was royally pissed. The Doc was insistent that he should stay in the infirmary for a few days until he started to recover. He might not have cracked his ribs but he still had concussion, and the after effects of a staff blast full in his chest, to contend with. The armour might have saved his life, but the blast had screwed up his whole weekend. He whined, groaned and made a pain in the butt of himself to no avail.
Sam! So much for finding out what she had decided. On the basis that she might pay him a little visit, he asked one of the nurses to call and tell her he was still there.
"She called already this morning to check on you Colonel." Said the nurse.
"She did? Oh, ok then."
It wasn't long afterwards that she turned up, the other members of SG-1 in tow. Dammit! Jack cursed to himself. He'd wanted Sam alone; well as alone as one could get in a place filled with nurses and surveillance cameras. They all had concern written over their faces and he reflected that they'd had a lot of practice with being worried about his well-being.
"I'm fine really," He said in answer to their enquiries, "No serious damage, just a sore head and a bit of bruising on my chest, that's all."
"A bit of bruising, you say," The nurse said in a slightly derisive tone, "a master of understatement as usual Colonel O'Neill." She turned to his team mates. "If truth be told he looks like he was hit by a bus."
Jack winced and caught Sam's matching grimace.
"He'll be here a few days then?" She enquired.
"That's what the doctor says." The nurse replied, and then disappeared to do some chores.
"I figure we see more of you in here then we do on missions." Daniel joked, smiling at Jack, "You really should take more care of yourself Jack."
"Indeed." Teal'c agreed.
Sam said nothing, merely looking sympathetic.
"Hey! It's not my fault we seem to keep bumping into the bad guys." Jack protested. He looked at Sam and shrugged. "So much for my weekend." He added.
"Had plans did you Sir?" She asked, a slight smile on her face.
"Yeah, big ones." He replied grumpily.
"Anything we can do to help Colonel?" She said in an innocent voice, an enquiring look on her face.
Damn you Sam, Jack thought, you know what I want, what I need. I need to be put out of my misery.
"I doubt that Major, but thanks for askin'."
He had a pained expression on his face which nearly made Sam laugh. She came closer to his bed and subtly brushed his hand with hers. What the hell did that mean? Did it mean anything? Was it an answer? Jack pondered that but lacked the confidence in her decision to be sure. He tried to read her thoughts in her eyes but all he saw was concern. He was no closer to his answer.
The three friends sat down by his bed and they chatted about this and that. Jack tried to stay cheerful but felt pretty down about his ruined weekend and the uncertainty. Who knows, maybe his weekend would have been ruined anyway? Maybe his whole life would be ruined. So much depended on that answer.
"Look kids," Jack said eventually, "I'm sure you have other stuff to do with your weekend so don't feel obliged to hang around the infirmary, ok?"
"Is that a hint Jack? You aren't very subtle sometimes, do you know that?" Said Daniel. "Well, there was that artefact I wanted to translate. I was gonna come in anyway to take a look. I could go do that, come back later, let you rest a while."
"I promised Sergeant Siler that I would assist him with some maintenance of the Stargate." Teal'c offered.
"So what about you Carter? Got a hot date to run off to?" He asked, looking her in the eye with a plea for her to stay behind.
"I wish!" She retorted with a smile. "I have half a dozen experiments I want to run, some housework and shopping to do, and a little paperwork to sort out. But right now, how about a game of chess Sir?"
"Sweet!" Jack's smile rammed into Sam like a steam roller, flattening her, and her heartbeat raced erratically for a few seconds. Whoa! That is one killer smile, she thought.
Daniel and Teal'c took the hint and left them 'alone'.
"So." Said Jack, once they'd gone.
"So." She replied, grinning. That had to be a good sign, right?
"Ummm… how's that guy you keep talking about? Got any answers for him yet?"
"I got another very nice surprise from him this morning Sir. He has some… interesting plans for us." She replied, looking him in the eye. "But I'm not open to bribery."
"You aren't?"
"I'm sure I'll have decided by the time you get out of here Sir."
"Really. That's nice for him then. Are you gonna give me a hint Carter?"
"Now that wouldn't be fair, would it Colonel?"
"Depends on your definition of fair Major."
She responded by saying nothing, but getting up to find the chess set and setting the pieces on the board.
"If you win I'll tell you." She teased.
"Sooo unfair. You know I'm never gonna win against you Carter. How about that arm wrestle we discussed?" He raised his eyebrows in a jokey enquiry.
"The state you're in Sir, I don't think that would be fair right now either."
"Another time then." He briefly took her hand in his and squeezed, then withdrew before it looked too obvious to any external observers.
"That will be a pleasure Sir."
She stared into his eyes and once again he wondered whether this was her response; that her answer was yes. Take nothing for granted O'Neill, he told himself, this woman can change her mind quicker than a politician put under pressure.
He decided to content himself with her company for now and wait. He could do that; he had the patience of a saint - not! However, he would just drive himself crazy if he over thought it all so had no real choice but to wait until they could talk about it properly. How frustrating!
While they played chess the playful banter continued. Jack insisted on calling the knights undomesticated equines. The kings and queens were named for Goa'uld system Lords; dead Goa'uld system Lords. Sam played black with Nirrti and Cronus and Jack played white with Hathor and Apophis. The pawns, of course, were their loyal Jaffa. It made Sam giggle.
Occasionally he would tell her to can it because he was concentrating on moves to outwit her. Some hope of that, he thought. Why did I have to fall for a woman who is way more brainy than me? More than once he contrived to touch her briefly, wanting to prolong contact in anyway possible.
Each time he did, a thrill ran through Sam's body. You have to keep yourself under control, she told herself as she tried to keep her breathing normal and pretend that he didn't send her heart racing precariously. She even managed to return his brief touch sometimes, which did equally wild things to him that he figured would not be in doctor's orders right now.
"You shouldn't have made that move Sir." She said as he took his hand off the piece he had just played. She was grinning far too cutely for a shark that was about to bite him on the ass.
"Oh, Carter?" He scanned the board and realised his error. You should have been concentrating on the game instead of her, he thought.
"Checkmate." She beamed in triumph.
"Carter… one of these days you will be the death of me."
"I certainly hope not Sir." She paused to look at him. "How you feeling?"
"Sore. And pissed that I lost so I still don't find out your answer."
"Ummm… All good things come to those who wait Colonel."
"Is that supposed to be a hint Carter?"
"Maybe, maybe not Sir."
He picked up a pawn and threw it at her playfully.
"So are we done?" He asked, seeing she was making a move to leave and feeling a keen disappointment.
"Believe it or not I do have a life to lead outside of this place Colonel."
"So you keep telling me Carter." He sighed deeply. "You'll come back again soon?"
"Tomorrow, Sir."
"Oh. Yeah sure."
She sensed his frustration and wondered if she was being too cruel. She so did not want to talk about any of this while they were inside the SGC; playful banter was one thing, but what might happen between them would be a whole lot more serious that that. Besides, she was enjoying their little game and hoped he wasn't taking it too much to heart.
"Sorry Colonel. Do you want me to drum up one of the boys to keep you company?"
"No, I'm sure they'll turn up all by themselves… eventually."
Once she'd gone he lay back and thought about her. Sam! She was a beautiful woman, a wonderful person, and he wanted her very badly. He'd told her it was too late to turn back the clock and for him this was all too true. He found it hard to believe it could be any different for her. She had professed to love him, and he believed that. If she did, how could she reject him now? Surely such a thing was not possible? He fell into a fitful sleep, dreaming of her.
When he woke up, Jack surprised everyone by asking for a laptop; saying he needed to keep himself occupied. The doctor didn't see any harm in that and imagined he was going to catch up on reports. He let everyone think that was what he was doing.
Daniel wandered in a while later, exuberant and exhausting, rabbiting on about the artefact he had now translated. It turned out to be less than exciting, but Daniel was pleased anyway. There was some fascinating historic significance, even if it brought them no nearer to achieving the SGC objectives.
"So," he said finally, "good game of chess Jack?"
"Well Sam won as always. And I thought I was pretty good."
"Yeah, well you are Jack, but not up to genius standard, huh?"
"Right." Jack grimaced.
"Are you gonna tell me what's going on?" Daniel raised his eyebrows enquiringly, although not with any real expectation of receiving an illuminating response. Sometimes talking to Jack was akin to having a little chat with a brick wall.
"What do you mean Daniel?" This response was getting kind of repetitive.
"I think you know damned well what I'm talking about Jack, you just choose not to play."
"Subtle games were never my strong point Daniel."
"You could have fooled me."
What the heck did Daniel mean by that? Jack wondered. He didn't ask as he had no intention of continuing this conversation in any way whatsoever. He was saved having to force a change of subject by the appearance of Doctor Jacobs. For once he was glad of the interruption.
"I'm sorry Dr Jackson, but I want to examine the Colonel. You'll have to wait outside." Said Jacobs.
"Daniel, it's time for you to have some of your weekend. Go home." Jack said, pointedly. Daniel knew when to take a hint. The great Jack O'Neill was unceremoniously dismissing his friend. Jack could be so crotchety when he was confined. It could be irksome but, in all honesty, Daniel was just happy that Jack was still alive and relatively unharmed.
Later on Teal'c came and they sat in almost total, but companionable, silence for the whole visit. Jack loved those 'way of the warrior' type moments with Teal'c, whose silence was more comforting than almost anyone else's words. When Teal'c left he turned back to his laptop and after a little while, declared himself satisfied with his work and shut it down.
Sam was drafting something on her own laptop at home when her personal mailbox chimed to inform her she had new mail. She flipped over to mail. Jack! Her heart skipped a beat and she eagerly read his poignant mail.
'Sam
I'm not one for words, you know that. In fact I'm downright unsubtle, or just plain taciturn, most of the time. So I guess trying to persuade you with words isn't something I should even try. But you know me; I'll try anyway, even if it kills me.
At this point I'm willing to try almost anything. Is that pathetic or what? Well, so be it. It's a cliché I know but nothing ventured, nothing gained. I guess I think you're worth swallowing the usual Jack O'Neill stubborn pride for. What have I got to lose? Only everything I want, but what the heck?
I'm not sure what I'll do if you decide we should put us on hold again. I can't bear that thought. Having you in my life for that brief time only served to remind me how much I truly want that; want you. I'm lonely Sam. It's almost that simple. Throw the fact that I'm crazy about you into the mix and you have one frustrated Colonel on your hands that needs you to hold him in your arms more than almost anything - and who wants to return that companionship with interest.
I think I might be incapable of taking that backward step. Maybe for me it's going to have to be all or nothing from now on. I promised I will always be there for you, and that is true. But can I really stand to be with you when I'm not truly with you? I guess I'll only know if that time comes. If it does come, you know I'd never let you down if you needed me, don't you?
We both deserve to be happy and by my reckoning the only way I will be now is with you by my side. I long for the feel of your silky skin, the warmth of your touch, the sweetness of your breath in my ear, and those arms encircling me in their loving embrace. Corny? Yeahsureyoubetchya. Go for broke, why not? So I figure you should give me a break and I'll hope you think I'm worth it.
I'm thinking it might be time to turn in my USAF issue boots and give real life a shot. I'm sick of sacrificing everything at the expense of my own happiness; sick of saving the world, the universe, and everything else. Jack O'Neill the hero; the lonely and empty man. What's the point anymore?
I love you Samantha.
Jack
PS You'd better destroy this little piece of incriminating evidence, Sam. If anyone reads it I'll have to kill them!'
It was heart wrenching. As she read, she felt tears welling up in her eyes. Oh boy, it was beautiful. That Jack had written such words meant everything. He was right about being taciturn, but this proved that he could be something else. The whole of the last week or so had demonstrated that very emphatically.
He was lonely. Yeah, she was lonely too. She wept silently for a while, her emotions in a tumult because Jack had told her that. More than any of his other words, those ones had resonance for her. He had bared his soul - at least it was as much as she could hope for from a man like Jack.
He threatened to quit. Worse, he implied he couldn’t continue to just be friends and team mates anymore and that he'd rather not see her at all than see her on those terms. Crazy guy, she thought. If he wasn't her CO she'd be there like a shot. Surely he must know that? The biggest obstacle to their relationship was honor and duty, not to mention their own self doubts.
Destroy this thing of beauty? He had to be kidding right? No way in hell was this ever going to get deleted. She printed a copy to ensure she had it, then copied the mail to the most private place on her hard drive and deleted it from everywhere else. She was good with computers. It would take a genius to find that again. When she went to the SGC tomorrow she'd erase it so there was no hope of anyone finding it, whether deliberately or by accident. However, she would keep this close to her heart forever, in her own little secret corner of the world.
Sam needed to reply, but was at a loss for what to say in response to something that exposed Jack's feelings so clearly. She was betting he would be fretting about her response, worrying he'd said too much, and vacillating about his feelings on sending the thing in the first place. She pictured him in his bed in the infirmary, looking lost and alone, with an aching heart, waiting for her mail.
"For crying out loud, just leave me alone! And let me have that laptop back!" As Sam was composing her reply, Jack was throwing one of his regular infirmary tantrums. The nurses preferred to avoid him when he was in that kind of mood, although would tackle him if necessary. He might be a Colonel, and a grumpy one besides, but this was their territory. Right now there was no reason for the nursing staff to be anywhere near him, so Nurse Rogers handed him the laptop and scurried away.
Jack booted it up, hoping to have got a reply from Sam by now. He was desperate to see how she responded, although beginning to regret his actions in sending the mail to her. Originally, he figured he'd exposed enough of his feelings already so a little more wouldn't hurt. He'd had a pretty gung ho attitude towards the whole thing, smiling happily to himself once it had been sent and relishing the prospect of her response.
Now he was thinking about his words and feeling a little green around the gills. He knew she loved him because she had told him so and he had no reason to doubt her. That didn't mean she was willing to get hooked into the long term relationship he wanted, or risk her career, the team, or anything else.
He'd more than implied that he was willing to retire. She might not be happy with that option; indeed he thought it unlikely. However, he firmly believed that her leaving the SGC wasn't even in the equation. She loved the Air Force; it was her life. So what else? Sneak around behind everyone's backs? That was not what he wanted and he imagined she wouldn’t either. It would just make them unhappy and ruin their relationship altogether. He would leave. There was no other way.
Jack was disappointed to find no new mail from Sam. Did that mean anything? Maybe she hadn't received it. That might be good or bad, he wasn't sure which yet. Maybe she'd thought it so pathetic that she was composing a put down right now - back off Colonel, you snivelling loser!
He put the laptop to one side, leaving it on, and lay back to think. It was late. Maybe she'd gone to bed a long time ago. He could be awake all night waiting. He tried to push it to the back of his mind but it was near impossible. Normally he was so good at suppressing stuff. When had he become this wreck of a man? Probably from the moment Sam had appeared on his roof that night to fulfil her desperate and wanton need.
Yet, despite his desire for an answer, he had been enjoying their little game over the last week. He'd loved the subtle (and not so subtle) wooing, the word games. That, and what had happened the previous weekend, proved that they could be great together.
He'd often wondered about that. Was half their feeling in the anticipation, the sexual tension, and the unrequitedness? He hoped not, but couldn't blame her for fearing that, as he did too.
Was that the reason for her reluctance to commit to them? Probably that and half a dozen other things he could think of off the top of his head. Who'd want to spend their life with a cantankerous old bastard like him? She'd be crazy to, but she was more than a little crazy. It helped to be a little off centre when you worked at the SGC.
Certainly he would not allow that doubt to stop him pursuing her. Until she told him to stop, he'd continue - forever if necessary. One thing you can say about Jack O'Neill is that he's stubborn. It had kept him alive on more than one occasion, and it might save his life again now.
His mind was too active to allow him to sleep, but he was dozing while still thinking when he heard a noise from the laptop. Mail. Sam! He sat bolt upright, making himself wince with pain from the after effects of the staff blast, and swallowed his fear. What if this was her answer? What if that answer was blow it out of your ass O'Neill? That was a stupid thought, and deep down he knew it. Inside he was vaguely confident that she wouldn't turn him down. Jack O'Neill was nothing if not contrary.
Insert password? She'd put a password on it? How the hell was he supposed to know what it was? He realised she was being the cautious Major and sincerely hoped this did not provide a clue to the tenor of her response. Sam! He cursed her.
Just then another mail from her came. It simply read: 'Think me versus me." Was that a clue to the password. What the…? 'Me versus me'? He pondered this for a while then almost felt the light bulb switch on above his head. Samantha versus Major Carter? It could be.
He tried Samantha with no joy, followed by Major Carter, Doctor Carter, Major Samantha Carter, Major Sam Carter and Sam Carter. Damn! There were quite a few permutations. Next he tried Samantha Jayne Carter. Bingo! He smiled, faintly surprised she'd had faith he would find the answer. She'd made it too easy. With trepidation and excitement, he read it.
'Jack
I was totally stunned and overwhelmed by your message. It was truly beautiful and moving, and meant the world to me. I can only imagine how hard it is for you to confess those thoughts, and commit them to written form. This isn't easy for me either.
You've been amazing Jack. So patient and giving. It's a side of you that you rarely expose and I am flattered and honored that you have chosen to show it to me. How could I ever ask for anything more? I know what it means for Jack O'Neill to make that sacrifice; pride, duty, honor. I wish I really was worth it.
Don't ever believe I don't love you Jack. I have loved you for a very long time and doubt I will ever stop feeling that way. You are a man who I respect and admire more than anyone and you are so very important to me.
You think I want to turn you away? You are very wrong Jack. I want to do exactly the opposite. I'm lonely too, you know? I yearn for you to hold me as much as you want to me to hold you. It felt so good to be in your arms, sleep in your bed, wake with you by my side - and that's without the sex part which was beyond anything I'd ever imagined possible. I know I lack your experience in that respect but don't think I disappointed you. You certainly rocked my boat. Yuck! :-(
The problem is that I've shied away from commitment, and a real relationship, for so long that I don’t know how anymore. The thought terrifies me and I want to run away and hide. Seen any white rabbits I can follow down a gaping hole?
I'm confused and fighting with myself about what's best. Duty and honor, or love and the end of loneliness? What kind of choice is that? But I can't see any option but to make that choice.
You say you'll retire but you can't do that Jack. We still desperately need you and you would miss it too much. I can't live my life feeling guilty for forcing you out of a job that you love, despite what you say about being sick of it. I'm sick of it too. All that's happened between us over this last week has shown me how great my life could be - our lives. That does not necessarily make it right or easy, though, does it?
I can't put this into words here. I guess we need to talk (as if we do that any better!). This isn't the sort of thing that can be settled through mails, or in the SGC infirmary. It's too important and too personal. I need to see your face and eyes, and read the feelings written there - in private.
Sleep, Jack. Rest and recover. I'll drop by tomorrow, I promise.
I love you, you know that don't you?
Samantha Jayne'
Sam! Wow! It might not be his answer but it sure told him one heck of a lot. He rattled off a quick response, merely saying 'Yes I know that", and then shut off the laptop and settled down to think about her response. She didn’t believe she was worth it? How alike they were in so many ways.
Her words about fighting herself made him conjure a vision of two Sam's in a boxing ring; one the business like and repressed Major Carter, the other Samantha Jayne, the provocative and sensual lover. He was the referee. Then he started thinking about mud, and wrestling. It was turning into quite an amusing little fantasy.
He should try and get some sleep as she had suggested. He'd see her tomorrow, and probably every day until he was discharged. SG-1 had no missions scheduled for a little while, so at least he could have the pleasure of her company for part of his time here. It was better than nothing.
He could wait until he was discharged for his answer. It might not be perfect, but what was a couple more days when they'd waited this long? If she turned out to want to wait, he'd persuade her differently. If she thought he would let go now, she didn't know Jack O'Neill.
Sam actually knew Jack O'Neill pretty well. She certainly knew him too well to believe he would give up now. It gave her a tremendous sense of satisfaction, and the determination to find a way to make it happen, and work. She lay in bed looking forward to visiting him in the infirmary the following day.
Of course, it could never be that simple for Jack and Sam. They might have guessed. Sunday was going to be quite a surprise.
When Sam waltzed into the infirmary next day Jack's heart beat quickened and he got that nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach which reminded him of when he'd been at high school. Polly Jones! Fancy thinking of her after all these years. He laughed.
"Penny for them sir?" She asked as she sat by his bed, curious as to why he was laughing.
"Polly Jones." He replied and then noted the puzzled expression on her face. "I was nuts about her at high school." He continued by way of explanation, "My heart used to beat faster every time I saw her, and I'd get butterflies in my stomach. It's strange how some things don't change when we get older." He looked her straight in the eyes, making his meaning plain, and she rewarded him with a broad grin. He so loved Sam's smile. She could melt polar ice caps with that look.
"Was she your girlfriend sir?"
"Eventually, after much heartache and dithering shyness on my part. You okay this morning Carter?" He rapidly changed the subject, not wishing this topic to be the focus of attention.
"That should be me asking you that question Colonel. How are you Sir?"
"Just peachy. I wish they'd let me out of this hell hole. I'm fine. Sore, but fine."
"I'm sure the doc won't keep you in here unnecessarily."
"Ummm. Wanna bet on that? Doctors love to torture their patients. It's what they're best at. Sam I…" He got no chance to finish what he was going to say as the klaxon sounded; incoming wormhole. Jack sighed heavily. Wasn't it always the way of things. Timing had a habit of being against him.
"I'll go see what's happening Colonel. I'll be back later."
Yeah, but you only just got here Sam, he thought, and cursed silently under his breath.
It turned out to be her father, Jacob Carter. The Tok'ra were back asking for help from the Tauri again. It always gave Jack a sense of smug satisfaction that these arrogant snake heads still came to them for help, even though they claimed they needed none.
Not that Jack counted Jacob amongst those patronising, big headed so called allies; he liked Jacob. Selmak wasn't too bad either, but he figured that was Jacob's influence. In fact they saw very little of Selmak and much more of Jacob, which pleased Jack. He didn't really like snake heads of any description. He liked them even less since he'd briefly been one of them and was unceremoniously abandoned to face a fate worse than death with that master of the malicious and malevolent, Ba'al.
Jack didn't feel quite so smug this time, though. SG-1 were going on a mission and he wasn't allowed out to play. He ranted and raved about it, despite knowing very well that he wasn't up to anything too strenuous. He just had to vent his spleen over something, aware that he would worry about Sam the whole time she was out there and he couldn't watch her back.
This is how he would feel if he retired and left her to go out there without him. It gave him pause and he wondered if it was worth that sacrifice. He imagined Sam coming home to him each night and taking her in his arms, figuring that it could be more than worth it. The part he didn't like was the image of him sitting at home bored, waiting for her, and then running to the door when she came in, like some overgrown puppy dog. That was less than appealing.
They had no time to talk about their mails to each other, even in veiled terms. She briefly came to tell him about the mission, her father, Daniel and Teal'c in tow wanting to say hello / goodbye to Jack.
When she told him, Sam thought Jack looked miserable. Just when he needed their companionship, and her, they had to leave him to his own devices. He would so hate them going on a mission without him. It wasn't the first time, by any means, but she knew he was never happy about it.
She hated that they hadn't been able to talk, needing it almost as much as he did. She wanted to kiss him goodbye, squeeze his hand, or give him some other sign of comfort. Instead she was Major Carter like, or so she thought.
"So Jack, what is it about you that makes Jaffa wanna cause you grievous bodily harm?" Jacob asked, with some amusement.
"Well thanks for your concern Jacob. I never knew you cared."
"Your face looks like a horse's ass. Cheer up a little for God's sake." Jacob responded.
"Just take care of my team out there Jacob, ok?"
"Don't forget your team are pretty good at looking after themselves Jack."
"Do you say these things deliberately to remind me they'd probably manage perfectly well without me?"
"Of course. And I love it when my own daughter bosses me around." This raised a smile from Jack.
"You don't need to remind me that your daughter is a very capable woman, Jacob. I've known that for years." Jack looked at Sam, who blushed slightly. "Don't get yourself killed out there Carter. That's an order."
"Yes Sir." She smiled.
Sam! He wanted to hold her close to him, feel her in his arms and breath in the scent of her before she left. Instead he almost didn’t dare to move a muscle. He would have to content himself with the memory.
Jacob sensed there was something different between his daughter and her CO; something he couldn't quite define. He knew they cared deeply for each other, probably more than they should in their position, and he wondered what had happened between them to shift the emphasis… almost indiscernibly, unless you knew them well and had worked with them often, as he had. He looked at Teal'c and Daniel, who both avoided his gaze. Curious. He resolved to talk to Sam about it if he got the opportunity.
Jack was pissed. Not only did he not get to play, but he'd all of his balls taken away. No Daniel, no Teal'c, and worst of all, no Sam to help him while away his hours of boredom in the infirmary. This was so not fair. He didn't know how long they'd be gone and prayed they would be coming back; that she would be coming back. He would miss her and yearn for her company.
Timing… it sucks.
/TBC Part 9/
Story Notes: Exclamation Series Part 8: Author’s Note: My thanks to Bonnie for her patience and helpful advice as my beta reader, for the book covers makes from the art or caps that that I send her and, last but not least, for her hard work on the Fic with Fins website. She also made a very wonderful book cover out of a cap of Jack, which can be found at:
http://www.ficwithfins.com/su/ship/exs8.htm
http://www.ficwithfins.com/su/ship/exs8.htm
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]