"Talk to me!"
The night was dark and ominous; lightening flashed, tore and racketed through the sky, emphasising the emotional turmoil of the man and woman facing each other from afar, with a multitude of expressions straining across their faces.
"What do you want me to say?"
The man was the more passive one of the two, his words came out neutral and cold, a total opposite of the fierce fire burning in his eyes.
"I don't know. Anything, everything…why can't you just tell me for once what you are feeling?"
A shiver of cold, angst and utter desperation cascaded through her body. Feeling a sudden wetness caressing the exposed skin of her clenched fists she lifted her gaze to the heavens for a moment and was rewarded with an immediate downpour of raindrops mixing and intertwining with the hot tears escaping the corners of her misty eyes.
"What do you want from me Carter?"
His hands were hidden away in the pockets of his pants; his back was leaning against the wall of his house's patio. A few raindrops were caught inside his eyelashes, causing one of his hands to escape their hiding place to wipe away the irritation before disappearing once again. Turning his head to stare at the warm welcoming light of the slightly ajar backdoor behind him, he signed slightly before turning his attention back to her.
"Just talk to me…please. That's all I'm asking, just talk to me…before it's too late."
Her tears threatened to overwhelm her self-control. Crossing her arms she turned around, away from him, needing to compose herself, not willing to break down completely. Her hand moved to her mouth, forcing back the sob storming out from the bottom of her heart. Her subconscious mind impassively noted how her car's lights were still switched on, shining brightly through the mistiness of the rain and burning away the remaining life of the battery, the same way hope was draining away from her soul. After a few moments she dared to turned around again, back to facing him, and found it immensely frustrating when he was still standing in exactly the same place, the same position, with the same kind of tensed, uncompromising body language.
"You've made your decision."
The words escaped his lips hard and bitter, no mercy, no holding back and no softening the blow.
"I was lonely, confused, uncertain. For such a long time I was forced to bury away my feelings, to be the perfect soldier. Not once did you give me any indication that-"
Her eyes were adverted, her hands forming ice-cold fists of fear and frustration along her side. She needed, wanted to break through the wall that he had erected between them.
The side of his lips turned slightly downwards. For a moment his eyes appeared to softened, only for a moment, before it formed the same hard, steel expression - the same one that only a few people had ever had the unfortunate to be on the receiving end of.
"Ah…now I see…it's all my fault," he interrupted her with a contempt sneer in a deep, husky voice.
"That's not what I've said and you know it!" her gaze were burning into his, exploring his soul, silently begging him to understand, hoping to find something, anything, even a small glimmer of hope would do.
"And now you're getting hysterical," it was more of a statement than a question.
Shaking her head in disbelief she stared at him in stunned silence.
A vein in his forehead pumped furiously, his eyes narrowed as his darkened eyes met hers halfway.
She realised then that it was going to be all or nothing.
"I love you." Three small whispered words and yet it portrayed so much of what she was feeling. "I've always loved you." Four simple words additionally added and yet it somehow managed to be heard over the drowning drumbeat of the rain.
And then there was silence.
No words spoken.
No actions taken.
No thoughts expressed.
Seconds, minutes passed by with an indifference to their plight.
Still he did not move from his spot, just stared at her impassively.
She swallowed. Her eyes was still showing the shock of the fact that she had managed to reveal her heart's content.
The wet blond hair plastered over her forehead made her look vulnerable like he had never observed her before, caused him to allow the merest hint of a smile to form across his face.
When nothing more was forthcoming from him her shoulders sagged in defeat and she turned around, back to the direction where her car was still patiently awaiting her return.
"I'm not going to marry him," she cried softly under her breath, "I won't bother you any more," she added as she started walking first slowly then more determinedly away from him.
Her feet sloshed loudly in the rain-soaked ground, maybe that was why she never heard, nor was able to prepare herself for what followed next.
A hand snaked around her elbow and twirled her around with something very akin to violence. Before any sound could escape from her lips she was forcefully pressed against a warm masculine body. Before she could utter protest two hands cupped her face and a mouth consumed hers with a fierceness that both scared and yet excited her.
The kiss, their first, lasted for an eternity and yet only a moment in a lifetime before it abruptly came to an end.
"We'll speak tomorrow…not now…I need time to think," he murmured into her warm ear before suddenly letting go of her, leaving an empty coldness behind.
Turning around, not looking back once, he started walking away from her. First slowly and then at a more hurried pace until he reached the warm, inviting glow of his backdoor. Only then did he stop and as a last afterthought he addressed her over his shoulder, "I'll phone you tomorrow," before disappearing into the light, closing the door behind him - leaving her behind in the cold and the dark.
"I'll be waiting," she replied, even thought she knew he could no longer hear her. Suddenly sensing that the rain had stopped she lifted her head only for a second to the heavens and whispered, "Thank you," before making the way once again back to her car, to start the eager await of a new dawn, the promise of a new start.
***
She was sleeping.
Caught in a land where dreams of darkness and light fought each other for survival.
Somewhere during the night a small drizzle of rain had started up again and caused her to snuggle deeper under her blankets. Even in the state of deep sleep that she was in memories of the previous night's revelation and the anticipation of what a new dawn might bring took centre stage in her subconscious mind, affecting her dreams and at times nightmares in unexpected ways.
It was just as she was deep in the mist of one of her more horrendous nightmares, trashing and turning in her sweat-ridden bed that the persistent ringing of a telephone suddenly broke through all boundaries to force her back to the arms of reality.
Turning on her side, lifting her head from the pillows she stared at her alarm clock for a little while, at first unable to make out the time through the sands of sleepiness clouding her eyes. When she finally registered that the clock stated the time to be somewhere just before 3 am she frowned, wondering who would have the audacity to try and contact her at that time in the morning.
Sighing in frustration, maybe even a bit of annoyance, she reached out a hand to pick up the handset, murmuring, "Carter…" even before the guilty device has even reached the warmth of her ear.
At first there was no sound on the other side, just utter quietness.
Narrowing her eyes Sam took the phone away from her ear and stared at it for a second in confusion, wondering as to whether the phone had actually rung in the first place.
Just when she considered putting the handset back on its original place the unmistakable sound of his voice coughing was heard. The unexpectedly of it was a shock to her, it burned through the remaining fogginess of a now bygone sleep and without consciously realising it she sat up immediately in her bed, back rested against the bed support.
"S-sir?" she whispered, scared that maybe she was mistaken, that what she had heard was nothing more than wishful thinking that had escaped from her subconscious mind.
"Yeah it's me…or where you maybe expecting him?" the harsh words had managed to escape before Jack could put a guard in front of his mouth. Mentally he berated himself but he found it impossible to utter any form of an apology, instead he coughed softly once again and swung his legs over the edge of his bed. While cradling the cellphone in the crook of his neck his hands started fumbling with the buttons of his alarm clock, absentmindedly he was trying to fathom whether the device was wrong or whether he had in actual fact really contacted her at such an unforgiving time in the morning.
There was at first no sound coming from her.
Just as he was about to feel that maybe he should try to say something, anything, she answered with a soft, yet firm, "I told you last night that I wasn't going to marry him."
"Yeah…well…never mind." At first he wanted to reply to her truth with some wisecracking comment, but at the end all that came out were words that trailed off into nothingness.
Not quite willing to let the issue go, also realising that she was on the winning side, Sam continued on with a warning edge in her voice. "Right…either you tell me why you decided that 3 am in the morning is the ideal time to wake me up or I'm going to hang up the phone right now."
"Uh…" he found himself suddenly speechless.
"I'm not kidding Jack," although her words came out strong and full of bravado she could feel her insides quivering in nausea and a bit of fear. She knew that she was playing with fire, he was more than capable of disconnecting their conversation and that would be the end of her hopes and dreams, but on the other hand she was also tired of dancing to his tune. She wanted things to come to an end - one way or another - even if it meant using his name in the tone of voice that she just had.
Still silence prevailed.
She could hear him moving around on the other side. She could have sworn that the sound was that of someone getting out of bed and pacing across the floor.
"I'm counting to ten and then I'm hanging up." The confidence that she was feeling was unbelievable, better that any of the adrenaline rushes that she had ever got on the battlefield.
"Hey!" He objected, indignation clearly audible in every letter of the word.
"One…" she knew that she was pushing him, but she also took a small pleasure in being the one in control for a change.
"Carter –"
"Two…" she interrupted him, almost rudely. A smile formed across her face. Climbing out of bed she walked to the direction of her kitchen, a sudden sore throat making her thirsty for something cold to drink. Then as an afterthought she added, "Three…" just as her bare foot reached the cool tiles of her kitchen.
"Would you just give me a chance –" he tried to utter some words. Somewhere in the background she could hear a door opening and closing, followed by some noise that sounded suspiciously like that of rain and traffic combined.
Just as she felt like saying, "Four…" before drinking the water that she had poured for herself the line was suddenly and without warning disconnected from his side.
It was sufficient to say that it felt like the world had collapsed around her.
With the glass of water still clutched into her hand she collapsed onto the closest kitchen chair, her eyes closing in disbelief that she had actually been so foolish as to believe that she could push him when he was clearly not ready for it yet.
Closing her eyes Sam whispered, "What have I done?" Putting the glass down on the kitchen table she shook her head, cursing herself inwardly for her foolishness.
For the next couple of minutes she sat like that, a frozen statue, unable to move or do anything, her heart beating furiously in her chest.
And then…
`Knock-knock.'
At first she thought it was all in her imagination, after all who would visit her at such an early time in the morning.
`Knock-knock-knock."
The sound was more persistent this time, almost like it was demanding her attention at all cost.
"W-hat," she replied, rising slowly from her seat. Then realising that there was no way that the person could have heard her she said in a louder voice, "I'm coming!"
At first unsure, hesitant to face this unknown, she walked at a slow pace toward the sound of the knocking. After a few small steps she increased her pace until she reached the intended destination, her backdoor.
Despite her best attempt all that she was able to see was the silhouette showing through her rain covered windows and when she peered through the peeping hole she was the sole witness to a complete blackness.
"No peeking," a deep, very familiar, voice spoke up suddenly from the other side of the door. It was more than enough for her to nearly break the lock in her rush to open the door. When she finally managed to open the door she could only stare at her arrival with total unbelief radiating over her face.
"What are you doing here," she was barely able to asked after a few seconds of intense silence of observing her visitor, soaking wet, dressed in only a pair of old jeans and a mismatched coloured jersey.
He stared back at her, shivering slightly from the wetness that had now invaded every part of his body, a variety of emotions fighting for survival on his face.
"What are you doing here…Jack," she asked again, this time it was in a more stable voice. As she addressed him her arms crossed protectively over her chest, she was suddenly all too aware of the old and flimsy, almost see-through, pyjamas that she was dressed in. From the burning intense look on his face she was sure the same observation was passing through his mind.
He took a small step forward, still not replying to her question.
She hesitated at first, before taking a small step backwards.
The hot, smouldering atmosphere between them was belaying the cold that she knew was supposed to be reigning.
Cursing softly under his breath he crossed the distance between them in a few short, hurried, steps. Before she could do or say anything his hands grabbed hold of her shoulders in a firm grip.
"Don't you ever do that to me," he growled before pushing her warm body against his cold one and consuming her mouth with his.
After a few minutes he let go of her mouth reluctantly for some much needed air, but his arms moved to encircle her waist in order to ensure she kept close to him with no chance of escaping.
"J-jack?" she tried to speak but he shook his head and kept further words at bay with a trail of kisses trailing from her forehead to her lips. The slight groan of pleasure that followed from her gave him the answer that he needed.
Pushing his forehead against hers he took a deep breath and licked his moist lips before addressing her, "I…this is difficult for me to say but I'm going to come out and just say it. I have feelings for you Samantha Carter. I always had and will always have feelings for you."
"Just feelings?" she finally managed to ask, between salt tears pouring down her cheeks.
Another very long minute that felt like an eternity followed.
"Will `I love you more than the world itself' be okay?" he stated before consuming her mouth with his once again.
Story Notes: Author's Note: I posted this story as a standalone a while ago and it got such a great response here and at some of the other Stargate fanfiction websites that I decided to write a sequel.
But...I'm kinda scared that if I only post the sequel people won't know what's going on so I'm posting both chapters at once rather.
But...I'm kinda scared that if I only post the sequel people won't know what's going on so I'm posting both chapters at once rather.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]