It was the deathly silence that drew me to her lab that day. Sure, on occasion I have been known to pass by on route to my own office (so what if they're on different floors?) and there has been times that I've just glanced in, only to make sure that she hasn't blown herself up or something like that. But this particular time, it was different. Maybe it was the lack of her doohickies humming, or the absence of the light tapping on her long, delicate fingers on her laptop keys...or perhaps for some freakish and deniable reason, I just felt like I had to pass by Sam Carter's lab that day. Slowly, I stuck my head around the small gap between the door and the frame, I guess she had tried to close it, but hadn't checked to make sure it was. It was dark in her lab, not just a "The Major's conducting an experiment" dark, but un-naturally dark. All those strange little lights spread across the machines in the room, that usually blink uncontrollably and often make me wonder that if Carter would have become an astrophysicist if she had epilepsy, weren't on at all. The latest find that SG-7 brought back from P4X...whatever, and gave over to Carter, well actually she ripped it out of their hands with that bright, glazed look in her eyes...and I still can't work out whether it is a incredibly advanced explosive device or it makes the best coffee in the universe, well, it sat untouched on the desk. The small desk lamp that Carter often used when she was examining something really close up was producing the only light and it was under this light sat Carter, her laptop in front of her, while she hunched over, her blonde head in her hands. She lifted her head up, brushed a couple of tears from her eyes and wiped her nose on the sleave on her BDUs. The Major placed her fingers to the keyboard of her computer, but for the first time since I had known her, she didn't begin typing straight away. Instead, she remained in the position, almost uncertain about where to go from there. Whatever Carter was trying to write, it wasn't the easiest thing she had ever had to do. I knew that evesdropping wasn't really something that I wanted to get a name for, so I had two, neither very easy choices. I could leave, which was not something I was comfortable in doing. I could probably count on one hand the number of times since I had met Samantha Carter that I had seen her cry. All not the nicest memories for me as well as her. Secondly, I could make it obvious that I have seen her upset, offer whatever...hell; she knows I'm no good at this stuff. As fate would have it, Carter made my decision for me. "Sir?" "Ah, Carter...was just passing by...saw the lack of light..." Surprisingly, she smiled, weakly and rubbed her hand quickly over her eyes again. "I'm sorry sir, I haven't had a chance to get a closer look at SG-7's discovery." She stood and brushed down her uniform, running a quick hand through her short hair. Despite what I had just witnessed, I felt a wave of respect flow through me. Standing in front was one of the most amazing people I had ever met. Even with whatever had made her sad only moments ago, was pushed aside, with the prospect of work related problems. "Please Carter, sit down," I insisted, waving my hands back towards her seat. "I'm sure that the cool Mr. Coffee can wait an hour or so." She looked at me puzzled, and then saw the machine on her desk. She laughed softly and wiped a fresh tear from her face. I guess I could say I felt almost honoured that Major Sam Carter, USAF would allow me to see her cry. "Carter," I said gently, pulling her working stool over to the small table and seating myself beside her. "You know that I'm not very good at this sort of thing..." she smiled and sniffed. "...But you know that I'm always here if you need me." She nodded. "Yeah, I know. It's nothing Colonel. I'm ok. Don't you have reports to write or something?" I may have fallen for it, if I didn't know her as well as I did...and if I hadn't seen the well of tears in her eyes, threatening to fall over. "Carter, I'm here now..." Those tears were now free falling and she bent over forward in her seat, covering her eyes with her hands. I was at a lost...so I put my hand on her back as she sobbed gently. Looking up at me, her deep, blue eyes examined me briefly before she sighed and lent back in her seat, forcing me to withdraw my hand. "I got an email today...my best friend while I was in high school died yesterday afternoon. We still keep in touch...emails, birthday cards; I'm godmother to her eldest child. He's in 6th grade," she sniffed and attempted to dry her eyes. "Jesus Carter, I'm really sorry. Was it sudden?" I ran a hand through my hair. "Yes and no. She had had cancer, she went through the treatments, the radiation, the chemo...the doctors were 95 percent sure they had gotten all of it. A tumour in her brain burst yesterday at 3:25pm, it was immediate." I glanced at her computer screen, where the email address of some one had been entered and the rest of the page was blank. "I just don't know what to write sir...to her husband...her children...she had four...three boys and a girl. How do you even begin to express all you feel in a letter? How do you tell your best friend's family that you can't even be there for the funeral?" Something hit me, in those seconds when she was explaining how lost she was feeling and I put my arm around Sam Carter and pulled her close. She sobbed into my jacket and I stroked her hair, saying nothing, because I just didn't have a clue, but just being there for her. "You know the worst thing sir?" She said, muffled by my jacket, and I pulled away enough so that I could see her face. "After I thought about Erica's family, and extended family, and all the friends that she manages to keep in contact with, I thought about me. And if something happened to me, who would actually be around to mourn? I don't voluntarily keep contact with people from my past, my brother and I rarely talk, my father...well, I haven't seen him for months...I could drop dead tomorrow and everyone's life would continue as normal." A cold, deep fear coursed through me in that second. A life without Carter...I couldn't imagine...nor did I want too. She was the reason that I kept waking up every morning. The novelty of saving the world occasionally encouraged it, but knowing that I would see Sam Carter's beautiful face everyday, made leaving my bed so much easier. 'It's self-pitying sir," she took my silence as disappointment. "I know. My friend is gone and I'm sobbing about my lack of a social life, with the one person who continually orders me to have one." I smiled at her attempt to lighten the situation. "No Carter." Her slight smile disappeared. "Sir...?" "There are so many people who would be destroyed if you were to ever go. Firstly, everyone here...the lab techs who all fight to be assisting you, the General...where would he find another astro-whatever-you-call-it, Daniel - he'd have barely anyone to get as excited about dirt as him if you weren't around. Teal'c - well, he needs you to explain me, so...your father, Major he's your dad, he'd never get over it...Mark, well, I haven't met the guy, but with you as a sister how bad could he be...Cassie, who would she complain to about Fraiser when the going got tough...and the good old Doc - well, without you the male to female ratio in the SGC would be considerably lower." She laughed and I felt as though my mission was complete, until... "And you sir?" "Me, Carter? I'm not a woman." She grinned, but wasn't fooled. "You mentioned everyone close to me...except you." "You need me to spell it out? I'm not very good with words Major." "Ok...I'm an intricate part of your team. We work well, all four of us...we get the job done." She pulled away from me and faced her computer again. I grasped her shoulders lightly and turned her back to face me. "Ahhh, Carter, all true, but not even close to what I was thinking." I took a deep breath. "You are the reason I am the man I am. I joke, poke fun only so I can see you smile. I love watching you as you discover something new. The look on wonderment makes my day so much better. If you weren't in my life, my world would crumble...because, somehow, Major Carter, you make it seem such a better place." She looked at me, stared at me, her mouth slightly open, her letter to whomever forgotten. "Better close that mouth Carter, you'll let the flies in." Closing her stunned mouth, she smiled shyly at me and ran a hand over her eyes again. "Thank you sir." I could hear a thousand subtle messages behind that simple phrase. "Anytime Carter. When's the funeral." "Thursday morning sir, in Boston." "PS3..." "437, yes sir." "I'll get Hammond to reschedule, Major. You should and need to be there." "Thank you again sir." "No problem." I turned to leave, thinking that she'd want some privacy to finish the difficult email. When I had a thought. "Carter?" "Yes sir?" She looked up from her computer, the confused look that I was so used to had returned...like she had even forgotten I was in the room. "Would you like me to...you know...go with ya...on Thursday?" Sam Carter smiled warmly. "I would love that Colonel." "Ok then," I stepped back and reached for the door handle. As I pulled the door, I forgot to remove my foot, so as I opened it, it hit me straight in the face. "Generally sir, I tend to step to the side of the door, prior to opening." She was grinning as she tapped lightly away on the keyboard. She wiped a stray tear from her eye. "Thanks Major, I'll keep that in mind." And I closed her lab door quietly behind me.
~fin~
Story Notes: SEASON: 4, between Upgrades and Divide and Conquer.
SPOILERS: I'm hoping.none.
ARCHIVE: SJD please.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This was a short one I wrote while I was supposedly studying for my exams.needless to say I passed, so, who knows, perhaps it helped
FEEDBACK: Yeah, sure, you betcha. (Loosely translated means: Please, please, pleeeeeeeeeeeeese.)
SPOILERS: I'm hoping.none.
ARCHIVE: SJD please.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This was a short one I wrote while I was supposedly studying for my exams.needless to say I passed, so, who knows, perhaps it helped
FEEDBACK: Yeah, sure, you betcha. (Loosely translated means: Please, please, pleeeeeeeeeeeeese.)
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]