The sky was blue and the birds were singing, green trees and wild animals were living their peaceful life. Little did they know what was about to happen beneath their beloved mountain. Four culprits-to-be (two very eager, one reluctant and the other just tagged along) were facing one very thrilled Doctor inside the Lecture Room 6 at Level 9.
"Okay, Dr. McKay. Please sign here." The Colonel handed him a piece of paper.
"What is it?" McKay asked while he was signing the paper. That was a big mistake, you HAVE to read everything, including the small print before you sign any type of document, as McKay was about to learn.
Major Carter snatched the paper as soon as McKay signature was on it, "Oh, it's just the usual. You know. The one that stated that you wouldn't hold the SGC responsible for any physical or mental damage that can be induced by this test." She scanned the paper carefully, satisfied that she got what she wanted, she nodded to her CO. McKay's fate was in their hands now, literally and legally.
McKay was taking it lightly, "Good joke." He said while pointing his finger at the Major. She could only let out a half-hearted smile. Oh boy, if he only knew.
"Let's start the test now." The Colonel was so exited.
"So, what do I have to do?" McKay couldn't wait to get started.
"There are 4 tests that you have to pass. We will conduct one test each. First, Jonas will do the Memory test, and then Carter will do the Scientific test, after that I'll do the Logic test and the last but not least Teal'c will do the Endurance test. Got it?"
"Yes. Memory, Scientific, Logic and Endurance, got it." McKay clasped his hands together.
"Good. Oh yeah, one more thing, you will know the results of all four tests once you've completed them all. So, even if you fail the first one, you still have to do the other 3." At this point, the Colonel and Teal'c were exchanging a conspiratory glance.
"No problem. When are we going to start?"
"We start when you are ready." Jonas said.
"I am."
Jonas took a step towards the projector, "Please take a seat, Dr. McKay." He pointed at a set of table and chairs in front of the projector screen, the projector was behind the chair.
"I will show 5 pictures, every picture is going to be on the screen for only 5 seconds. So you have to concentrate, I'm going to ask 10 questions at the end, and you have 5 seconds to write down the answer on the paper that we have provided. Are you clear about this?"
McKay took a seat, "Crystal." he said with a smile. This is easy, his memory was good, and he would pass this one with no difficulties.
"Okay, let's start then. Are you ready?"
"Yes."
Jonas turned down the light inside the Lecture Room, and then the projector was humming, the first picture was up. It was a picture of the gateroom, with several people around it. McKay tried his best to record every detail to his brain. But then, he heard something.
"Colonel, is it hot in here?" Major Carter's voice.
"Now that you mention it, it is kinda hot." Colonel O'Neill replied.
"Permission to take of my... Sir?" She didn't say it, but McKay's brain went to the only black garment that she was wearing. He heard that she wore a cute number of tank top under it.
"It's against the dress-code, Major." McKay was wishing that the Colonel would just said yes.
"But Sir, I'm boiling in here. Beside you're in command now. So ... "
"I got your point. Okay, you can take it off." McKay mentally cheered.
"Thanks Colonel. You won't regret this." McKay could hear her struggling to take 'it' off. He made a mental note to thank the Colonel later on.
"Uhm, Sir. I need help here."
"What do you want me to do?"
"Can you pull this for me." McKay almost jumped and rushed to her side.
"Done."
McKay could hear that the Colonel took a deep breath. Involuntary, his head turned around to see them. He could not see them. It was too dark. And then suddenly, there was a bright light inside the room. The sight that greeted him was Colonel O'Neill holding a boot, and Major Cater was one boot short. The Colonel noticed him and grinned, "McKay, weren't you supposed to concentrate to the screen?"
Damn, he was so distracted by Major Carter taking her boot off that he hadn't paid attention to the screen. Jonas gave him a piece of paper and a pencil.
"I'll start with the first question."
"Wait ... can I take a look at those picture again? I was distracted."
Jonas frowned, "You said that you were ready. I'm afraid I cannot allow you to look at it again. Don't worry Dr. McKay; they are multiple-choice questions. You can guess if you're not sure. Let's start with the first question." McKay face was as white as a ghost.
Colonel O'Neill smiled, he had taught Jonas well. He handed back Major Carter boot, she took it from his hand and sighed.
"I can't believe I just did something that low." She muttered.
"Desperate time calls for desperate measure, Major. And it's only the beginning."
----------------------------
Meanwhile, in the commissary there was a wide screen TV on display. Sgt. Siler managed to hook the TV to the security camera inside the Lecture Room 6 at Level 9, where the test was held. Almost everybody gathered around it, some had two-way radio with them, to update the on-duty personnel who couldn't leave their posts.
"Did you see how McKay turned his eyes from the screen?"
"I can't believe he was dumb enough to do it."
"Something happened when the light was out."
"Yeah, it wasn't something that he could see, it was dark."
"So it must be something that he heard then."
"Can we get an audio?"
"No, we would have to bug the room."
"Anyone brave enough to do it?"
"Not me."
"Why don't you do it, Sir? You're brave, aren't you?"
"Hey, I'm brave, not stupid."
"Any ideas?"
"What about the ventilation system?"
"What about it?"
"Well, we don't actually have to put the bug inside the room, just get someone to put it just outside the room's air vent window."
"That's right."
"We could actually do this."
"Okay, Barlow, you do it."
"Me? Why me, Sir?"
"Because you're small enough to actually get inside the ventilation system."
"That's right Paul."
"Come on Paul, you can do it."
"But if Colonel O'Neill knows..."
"He won't."
"Come on Paul, we won't do that to you."
"I'll buy you a drink later on if you do this."
"If it's bothering you Barlow, then I'll make it as an order."
"Uhm ... okay. I'll do it."
"That's the spirit."
------------------------------------------
Back to the Lecture Room.
Jonas had finished his part, now it was Major Carter's part.
"Okay, here's the rule. I have a naquada generator here and..."
"Wo ... wo ... aren't you going to check the results of my Memory test first?"
McKay interrupted her.
"As the Colonel said earlier McKay, you're not going to know the results until you finished all of the tests. You better start listening to people when they talk to you, you know that?" she said with a harsh tone.
"Oh, yes. My mistake. Sorry." McKay was so sure that he failed the Memory test, so there was no point to do the other test. But it was the rule so he just had to do his best. At least this way, he could show the Major that he was not a total loser.
"Okay, so as I said. I have a naquada generator. I deliberately sabotaged it, and you have to fix it in 5 minutes. Now, you don't have to fix it completely, all you have to do is to make sure that the generator won't blow up. I'll give you 30 minutes to read the generator's manual and familiarize yourself with it." She tossed the book to him.
"Got it. Read the manual and fix the generator." He started flicking the manual and concentrated.
Major Carter joined her teammates across the room.
"Are you completely sure that we absolutely have to do this?" She whispers to her CO who was grinning.
"If we want to discourage him from trying again, I believe we do, Major Carter." Teal'c answered, also whispering.
"Sam, are you having doubt about this?" Jonas asked in concern.
"Carter, are you going to chicken out?" the Colonel was worried that his Major was going to pull back. He needed her to execute his plan.
"NO." She said a bit loud, but then she lowered her voice again, "but he already failed the first one, so I couldn't see why we make him failed the second one."
"Trust me, Carter. Once we finish with him, he will be a different man."
"Ohhh ... he better be." Or all her forfeits would be wasted.
"Say ... how good are you at acting?" The Colonel asked.
"I got A in drama class in high school." Translation: quite good.
"Good enough for me."
"What about you?"
"Me? I played Peter Pan once."
"Really?"
"Yeah, in kindergarten." Translation: not quite so good.
"Do I have to worry here?"
"Oh, no. Don't worry. I've had lots of practice during my Black Ops. days." Translation: he was better than her actually.
"Oh ..."
------------------------------------------
Lt. Paul Barlow was crawling inside the air vent and cursed his misfortune to have such a small body. He finally reached his destination. He couldn't resist the temptation to take a peek inside the room. All SG-1 members were standing in one corner of the room while Dr. 'I'm so smart' McKay was on the opposite side, reading a book.
He put the bug as close as possible to the air vent window; his job was done. He was crawling backward to get out of there as soon as possible. It made him wonder though about what people are willing to do in the name of entertainment.
------------------------------------------
"Your time is up McKay." Major Carter told him
"Ah, yes. Okay. I'm ready." She put her hands in front of him, palm side up. He looked at her questioningly.
"The manual?" She said as if it was the most obvious thing.
McKay just grinned sheepishly and gave her the book. Teal'c brought the reactor and put it on the table where McKay had his first test. He gave McKay an intimidating glare before he retreated back to his teammates. Meanwhile, Major Carter handed McKay some tools for his test.
"Okay, you're 5 minutes starts..." Major Carter set her watch to the timer mode, "now."
McKay quickly opened the generator shield and started to work on the problem. He looked for the core of the generator, the most important part of it. Ah, he found the problem, Major Carter opened a hole in the cooling tube, and all he had to do was plug the hole. He was looking for the tool to do that when the corner of his eyes caught something.
His Angel was standing so close to Colonel O'Neill. Teal'c and Jonas were next to them, but they seemed oblivious to what the other two were doing. She had both of her hands on either sides of his face. Looked like her hands were tracing the line of his face and she gazed at him affectionately. McKay was stunned. His Angel ... with another man ... Arghh. This was so wrong.
Major Carter was enjoying herself in her role as she slowly she let her fingers run down his face. His breath was getting heavier, and so was hers. She could feel his hands rested on her hips. The brown eyes in front of her said everything that she wanted to hear; she only hoped that her eyes were doing the same things to him. They were lost in their own fantasy world.
*Beep beep*
Her watch told her that McKay time was up. Without breaking their eye-contact and close proximity, she said, "You're time is up, McKay."
*Splat*
McKay was covered in yellow paint now. The generator 'blew' up, but he was still too stunned to move.
"You failed to disarm the bomb." She said while still looking at her CO eyes.
"Ah, thank you, Major, I think you've managed to get the dust out of my eye." Colonel O'Neill said, his eyes were still locked with hers.
"Anytime Sir," She moved away from him, very slowly. She composed herself before turning her attention to McKay, "I think you need to take a shower and change your clothes, McKay. Jonas will show you where the shower is."
Jonas approached McKay and poked him, "Hey."
McKay woke up from his disorientated state, his brain still processing what he just saw, "Huh?"
"Let's get you to the shower." Jonas then dragged McKay to the shower room.
------------------------------------------------
Inside the commissary, people were talking.
"I can't believe this. He screwed up twice."
"McKay was frozen."
"Maybe he saw a ghost."
"I quite like the yellow paint thing though."
"Can someone develop a picture from the security camera?"
"I can."
"Brilliant."
"I want one too."
"Me too."
"I'll send it though our mailing list, don't worry."
"Thanks Carrie."
"You rock, girl."
"Hey, anyone know why he was so distracted?"
"I bet it had something to do with Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter."
"Are you kidding? Teal'c and Jonas were blocking the view. Of course it had something to do with them."
"Yeah, it was the lamest excuse ever. Dust in his eyes?"
"But it works."
"Definitely works."
"It's so typical."
"What do you mean?"
"We just put a bug inside the room, hoping that the audio would clear things up for us."
"Yeah?"
"So?"
"What's your point?"
"The bug didn't help."
"I guess you're right."
"What else can we do?"
"O'Neill is one sneaky Colonel."
"We'll just have to wait and see."
"Yeah."
There was silence in the room.
"Anyone want to go to the locker room and see yellow McKay?"
Story Notes: SPOILERS: none, but it was set in Season 6.
ARCHIVE: SJD yes.
Copyright by Blue Topaz, 2002
ARCHIVE: SJD yes.
Copyright by Blue Topaz, 2002
End Notes: AN: I dedicate this part and the next one to the members of 'Go Suck A Lemon' club. Please do send feedbacks.
blue-topaz@lycos.com
blue-topaz@lycos.com
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]