As she hugged him goodbye, as much to his surprise as to hers, Sam understood why he had reacted so chilly before. As she threw her arms around him, after the General, Daniel and Teal'c had mounted their cars and driven out of the driveway, and held him, a flash of emotion darted through her body. And she wished she had never done that move.
Holding him, feeling his warmth and his heartbeat quicken. Feeling him hold her closer and inhale deeply, she hurt even more.
Before, as she tried to grasp that he was about to die, tried to comprehend the fatal effects the alien device was going to have on him, she felt her stomach cramp and her eyes burn. Sam didn't want him to die, would have given anything to prevent that from happening. And she wanted him to know. This and so much more. That's why she came here. But he had pushed her away, didn't want to talk about his feeligs, didn't want to hear her say what she needed to tell him.
But nevertheless didn't want her to leave. And then Daniel and Teal'c showed up, followed by the General and their moment was past.
Until now, as she held him close. She felt her eyes burn with unshed tears. Tears she under no circumstances wanted him to see because now she understood. Now she knew that holding him like this, for maybe the last time in her life, hurt more than anything.
This hug was a reminder of how strongly she felt for him, how deeply he felt for her. It amplified her feelings, let them grow and overwhelm her completely because she realised she needed him to live. But she knew at the same time that he was already gone.
She wished she had let him be, let him have it the way he wanted it to be. Just be with him, but not closer than they ever were. Because only thus could he prevent her from being hurt. Keeping her near but not close, being her friend but not her lover - only thus could he stop the following events from breaking her completely. Or him.
But now it was too late. She had drawn him close, and though she wanted to hold him till he died, she wanted to run away.
She felt his hand stroke her back slowly. The other hand moved up and dug the fingers into her hair. Briefly she was crashed against his body as he held her tighter than ever before. And then she felt him withdraw carefully. Sam kept her eyes down, afraid to look at his face, afraid she might see the same desparation she felt in it. His hand moved away from her hair and along with the other cupped her face. She closed her eyes and only seconds after felt him placing one tender kiss on her forehead. Then she felt him move away, his hands slowly sliding down to her shoulders, down to her hands, while, she knew, he took a step away. He briefly squeezed her hands before letting go and as Sam slowly opened her eyes again, she saw him already turning and walking to the door. As he closed it behind him, the first tears ran down her cheeks and she quickly escaped to her car.
She didn't know that Jack was desperately gripping the doorknob from inside the house, forcing himself not to open it and run after her, as he heard her walk away.
*The End*
That's it.
Take Care
Jenny
Story Notes: SPOILERS: The Lost Ciy 1
AUTHORS NOTES: Not beta'ed. Too short really.
FEEDBACK: Yes, very welcomed!
© Jennifer Renner 2004
AUTHORS NOTES: Not beta'ed. Too short really.
FEEDBACK: Yes, very welcomed!
© Jennifer Renner 2004
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]