SG-1 was sitting around in Jack's living room. They've been doing that a lot lately, just hanging out with each other. Jonas and Teal'C were in front of the TV amiably arguing about who would win in a fight between Spiderman and Batman. Sam was working on her laptop, half writing a report, but mostly watching Jack. The colonel was throwing a nerf ball through a mini-hoop and sneaking glances at Sam when she wasn't looking. He threw it again and as the ball swished through the hoop he said,
"I am a god." Sam looked at him with her patented what-the-hell-are-you-talking-about expression. "Forty-three in a row." Jack explained gesturing at the hoop.
"That doesn't make you a god, Jack.." She said with raised eyebrows. They had long ago agreed to drop the formalities when off-duty. Jack thought about this.
"I suppose you're right, but at the very least I'm a superhero." Jonas and Teal'C turned their attention to him in response to the seriousness to his voice. The colonel glanced at them and added, "we all are."
"Are you not well, O'Neill?" asked Teal'C.
"No, I mean it," said Jack and launched into an explanation, "Look at what we've accomplished. We saved the world seven times in six years, we never get killed, well, not permanently anyway, we take out impossible odds. Isn't that the definition of a superhero?" He could see that Sam was thinking about it. By the look on her face she found an objection.
"We don't dress the part." she pointed out triumphantly. Jack grinned,
"Well, that's easily fixed."
The next day...
Dr. Fraser knocked on General Hammond's door and walked in when he called out, "Come in." He looked at her with an expectant expression, "problem doctor?"
"Well, SG-1 is waiting for their next mission in the briefing room, but you better come see this before you give them the go ahead." She motioned for General Hammond to follow her. They walked into the briefing room and he exclaimed,
"What the hell is going on here?" SG-1 was sitting around the table, but they were dressed...in tights? And what was up with the capes. Idly, he noticed that they were color coordinated with each other and they all had the SG-1 logo on their chests. Jack bounded up and said in a booming voice,
"Never fear, General, we have come to save the world from the villainous Goa'uld and we are ready for everlasting vigilance so that the forces of evil overwhelm not the forces of good." Hammond mentally checked to see if it was April Fool's Day, but it was September. He opened his mouth to say something, changed his mind, and snapping his mouth shut, walked out without saying a word. Fraser followed him to his office just in time to see him pouring two glasses of what looked like scotch. He passed one of the glasses to her and downed the other in one gulp. The doctor hesitated, then an image of SG-1 flashed through her head and she followed his example. Feeling suitably fortified, the pair returned to the briefing room.
"Care to explain...this, colonel?" he swept his hand around the room to take in their outfits. Jack explained,
"We just though we should dress appropriately to what we are."
"And what exactly is that?" asked Hammond with a scowl.
"Superheroes." answered Sam.
"Superheroes?" echoed Hammond, taking in the beaming faces of his flag team. Seeing his CO's bemused expression Jack decided to elaborate,
"Yes, we realized it last night. You see, on our first mission, we killed Ra, then we saved a lot of people from being killed after Apophis made his selection. In that same year, Carter defeated a Mongol chieftain in hand-to-hand combat, we saved a civilization from Jonas Hanson working them to death, made contact with the Asgard, rescued Ernest after he'd been trapped off-world for decades, died and were brought back to life by the Nox, defeated a Goa'uld queen, saved Cassie's life, survived Antarctica, and prevented Apophis from launching an attack on Earth." Then Sam picked up the explanation.
"The next year, we escaped from the prison on Hadante, set free a civilization being held captive by the Gamekeeper, talked to the Asgard again, kept Earth from being overrun by large insects, made contact with the Tok'Ra, saved a civilization from having their planet destroyed by unstable weather, saved Earth from being pulled into a black hole, had the Asgard tell us we're on our way to becoming the fifth race, outwitted Ma'chello, saved the world from the Reetou, traveled back in time and came home again, and killed Hathor." Then it was Teal'C's turn,
"In our third year, we infiltrated and stopped Seth, negotiated a treaty to make Earth a protected planet, altered the way the Orban treat their children, saved an alternate reality, defeated an Unas, dealt with Sokar, prevented a Foothold situation, saved Skaara, defeated the renegade operations of the military, found the Harsesis, rescued Daniel Jackson after he was entrapped by the Crystal Skull and kept the replicators from engulfing both Earth and the Asgard home world." Jack then picked up the tale again,
"The year after that, we destroyed Apophis' new ship, uncovered a Zatarc in the Tok'Ra ranks, broke a time loop, saved the Russian's ass, made contact with the Unas race, saved the Enkarans, recovered our memories in slave mines, saved Martin's ass, thwarted an alliance between Apophis and Heru'Ur, prevented NID from taking over the program, dealt with beings made of pure energy, dealt with Cronos, and dealt with that thing that took over Carter." Jonas then took up the tale,
"And in the last two years, SG-1 dealt with Nurriti, freed Unas slaves, killed a goa'uld in a tomb, saved the Tollans, prevented the Aschen from systematically eradicating the people of Earth, pulled Teal'C when he was stuck in the gate, saved Earth from an asteroid, stopped the replicators again, saved a planet from the Goa'uld, saved Earth from being taken over by Goa'uld clones, and just on our last mission we took out a hell of a lot of Jaffa without so much as a scratch." When Jonas finished, Jack asked Hammond,
"Now, isn't that what superheroes do?" Then he turned to Carter and grinned at her. "All that's missing is that I get the girl." Sam walked up to him and fingered the cape,
"Did I ever tell you that you look hot in tights?"
A few minutes later when Siler came in to talk to Hammond about some technical issues, he found the general banging his head repeatedly against a wall and the doctor staring open mouthed at SG-1 who looked like a cross between superman, batman and spiderman .Jonas and Teal'C were calmly sipping coffee and talking about shedding the capes in favor of metallic wings and Sam and Jack were in a corner doing things that Siler was sure he was too young to see. He sighed and muttered to himself, "Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed."
Story Notes: Note: This fic is written in humor. It came to me after watching 'The Other Guys' and wouldn't get out of my head. Blame it on a combination of insomnia, slurpees and my own twisted mind.
Distribution: SJD, yes, anyone else just let me know where it is so I can show off to my friends.
Copyright © 2003 Jo Jadczyk
Distribution: SJD, yes, anyone else just let me know where it is so I can show off to my friends.
Copyright © 2003 Jo Jadczyk
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]