“And I thought you said I should get a life.” Major Samantha Carter stood in the doorway of her CO Colonel Jack O’Neill’s office. His desk was piled high with paperwork.
“Hey Carter. What was that?” He asked smiling at her.
“Nothing important sir. Do you need some help?” She asked feeling sorry for him.
“Sure, I need to review and make a note of all weapons fired and the number of bullets fired.”
“Why sir?” Sam asked confused the data didn’t really seem pertinent to their jobs.
“Hammond’s idea of punishment for not finishing my paperwork on time.”
“Ah. Death by paperwork.” She smiled knowing Jack hated doing paperwork and would usually come by her lab just to avoid doing it.
“Exactly. So what are you doing here so late?” He asked knowing it was almost 2200 as she grabbed a pile of folders and opened the top one. “Or don’t I need to ask?”
“General Hammond wanted some tests run on the gate. It’s easier to do it at night when there is less chance of anyone coming through.”
“Any problems?” He asked looking up at her.
“Do you really want to know or are you just asking to be polite?” She asked knowing he didn’t understand half the scientific things she said even though he tried really hard.
“Only if it’s liable to malfunction and send me god knows where. It’s nice to know whether there’s a chance I need to pack gloves and a scarf.” He said remembering when they’d been sent to Antarctica.
“Then no there is no problems you need to know about. You know this would be easier if you had a computer program, which you could just check a box.” She said.
“Unfortunately we’re just going to have to do it the old-fashioned way.” He sighed marking his findings on a piece of paper.
“I’m going to get some coffee. Do you want a cup sir?” She said after twenty minutes.
“Sure. Thanks Carter.”
Sam returned ten minutes later with two cups of coffee and a floppy disk.
“Here you are sir.” She placed the cup in front of him. “This should help as well.” She handed him the disk.
“What is it?” He was always weary of the computer for doing anything other than writing his reports.
“A computer program, you type in the planet code, SG team number, check off the team members whose names are supplied and then click on type of weapon and number of shots fired.”
“You were only gone ten minutes how did you get that?”
“I had to do something while I was waiting for the coffee pot to heat up sir. If you log on to the computer I’ll install the program and you can read me the information. We should have it all done in a couple hours.”
“You’re a life save Major.”
“All part of the job description. Save the world, kill the bad guys, come up with solutions to impossible problems and save you CO from death by paperwork.” She teased. Jack shot her a trademark grin and let her on the computer.
Two hours later there was a neat stack of statistics for the General. They ranged from the number of shots and types of weapons fired in total by each team on each mission and statistics for the whole base and each member of personnel.
“Done.” Sam smiled. “I think we deserve tomorrow’s downtime. Any plans sir?”
“No. I thought I would still be doing this. Any suggestions?”
“You could mow your lawn, watch TV, go on a date. I don’t know.”
“You know the last date I went on was twelve years ago.”
“Sara?” Sam asked. Jack nodded. “I hate to be the one to tell you this sir but the dating seen has probably change a lot since then.”
“So you’re going to give me dating advice?” Jack asked.
“If you like. What do you want to know?”
“Whatever you want to tell me, Sam.”
“To start with don’t wear comedy ties, it makes women think your infantile.”
“No comic ties.” He repeated. “I think I’d better take notes.” He grabbed a pad and pen.
“Let’s see. Movies aren’t a good idea for first dates because you can’t talk. Clubs are too loud so dinner is always the best option. Always offer to pay and don’t get offended if she wants to go Dutch. Take an interest in what she does and what she likes and doesn’t. As what we do is classified you can’t talk about your job so talk about your hobbies and interests, but don’t bore her with talk about hockey scores and how bad the Black Hawks are doing this season.”
“Hey I only did that once.” He protested remembering the mission where he’d spent the whole time he wasn’t moaning about Daniel’s rocks complaining about the bad refereeing decisions at the last Black Hawks game.
“Okay sir. Flowers are a nice touch but not too many. Compliments are always a good idea.” She hesitated. “Sir can I tell you something without offending you or you putting me up for court-martial for insubordination.”
“Go ahead.”
“Sir, you might want to curb the jokes and sarcastic comments she may not be as used to you sense of humour as the rest of us.”
“You laugh at my jokes.” He interrupted.
“I know sir, but I’ve know you a long time and besides my father has the same sense of humour.”
“Jacob? A sense of humour?” Sam shot him a look. “Sweet.”
“Never expect sex on a first date and only kiss where appropriate and if all else fails sir, follow the K.I.S.S principle.”
“Kiss principle?” Jack questioned confused as she had just covered kissing.
“Well it’s a slight adaptation given your rank but yes sir. K-I-S-S. Keep it simple sir. I’m going home. Goodnight sir.” She slipped off the chair.
“Night Carter.”
* * *
The next evening Sam was stirring a pot of pasta sauce. She was dressed in tight black jeans and a white T-shirt, when the doorbell rang, she quickly put the spoon down and answered the door.
“Colonel O’Neill?” She looked at him questioningly.
“Hey Sam. I’ve been doing some thinking. Do you want to go and get some dinner?” He waited as Sam looked him up and down. He was dressed in black dress pants and a blue shirt.
“Huh?” She said.
“Do you want to go out and get some dinner?”
“Actually I’ve just finished cooking, there’s more than enough for two. Do you want to come in sir?”
“Jack.” He corrected. “I’d like that. Oh by the way these are for you.” He pulled a large bunch of flowers from behind his back.
“They’re beautiful. Sit down. I’ll be back in a minute.” She returned a few minutes later with two plates and sat next to him on the sofa. He’d put his feet on the coffee table and crossed his ankles, he placed the plate on his lap.
“Comfy sir?” Sam asked as he grabbed the remote and switched on a hockey game.
“It’s Jack and yes thank you.”
“So what did you do today in the end?” Sam asked trying to make conversation.
“Mowed the lawn, watched TV…No the goal is at the other end.” He yelled at the TV.
“Ah. So what did you think about?” She asked trying to distract him as the other team scored.
“Huh?” He asked.
“You said you’d done some thinking.”
“Yeah. Can I watch the end of the game before we talk?”
“Sure.” Sam conceded. She lent back against the couch and ate in silence as they watched. When the game ended Jack switched the TV off. Sam took the plates into the kitchen and deposited them in the sink and returned with two beers.
“You did some thinking, you turn up at my house in very nice outfit, invite me to dinner then proceed to watch a hockey game. Did I miss anything?”
“No. Sorry, I wanted to ask you something. Why were you giving me dating advice?” He looked her straight in the eyes.
“Because I didn’t want you to scare someone off with military bravado.”
“Daniel has a different theory. He thinks women only give men dating advice because they want to hide from their feelings.”
“Does he now? This coming from a man who doesn’t notice half the women on the base swooning over him. Let’s forget Daniel for a second. Jack do you remember the thing I said to you last night.”
“What you were going home and goodnight?” He joked.
“No the stuff about keeping things simple?”
“Yeah sure. The K.I.S.S Principle.”
“Yes. Jack can you handle complicated?” She asked.
“I guess but what’s complicated.”
“The other part of the K.I.S.S principle.” She lent forward and kissed him. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her towards him.
“This kind of complication I can handle.” He smiled and kissed her again.
THE END
What do you think?
Story Notes: Authors Note: I think Sam and Jack are following me. I went out for ten minutes this morning and I walk passed a bar called O’Neill’s, I almost got ran over by a van with Sam Carter on the side. Then a guy called Jack walked into me. So when I thought I was safe in my room I picked up the book after which I was named and I found a character called Major Carter. After that I thought I would read one of the K.I.S.S. series of books until my lecture and my lecturer started talking about number systems and the fact that 0 was important and the fact that ‘it was a math thing’ as Sam says in Serpent’s Venom. So I had to write something it keep them at bay for a few hours.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]