samandjack.net

Story Notes: AUTHOR'S NOTE: A huge amount of gratitude goes to my beta readers. These wonderful ladies are DJ Boyd, Vicky/Starry Eyed Surprise and Tricia Byrne, who all write their own excellent fics. Please do note though, that all errors are totally my own.

This is the FINAL part of a nine part series. You need to read the first eight parts first, or it won't make much sense. The order is Tolgarth - The Beginning, Tolgarth - Despair, Tolgarth - Hope, Tolgarth - Blue Light, Tolgarth - Mystery, Tolgarth - Loss, Tolgarth - Moving On, Tolgarth - Trapped.

FEEDBACK: Is absolutely essential for my well-being. Please, I need to know what you think.


"No! Absolutely not!" Sam was standing, leaning over the table in the briefing room, shouting at her father. "He's not ready, especially not for something like this. It's only been two days."

"Lt. Colonel Carter, sit down. That is an order." General Hammond said firmly.

"Yes, Sir."

Sam sank down into her chair. She had a very bad feeling about this and everyone else seemed to think it should happen, but she knew he wasn't ready.

"Look, Sammie. To a certain degree, we agree with you, but we can't let this opportunity slip through our fingers. At least let us ask Jack and see what he thinks."

"Ask me what?"

Jack was standing in the doorway.

"Good, Colonel, you are here. Come, take a seat." Hammond replied.

Jack cautiously came into the room. He was still finding it difficult being in control of his body again and he found that he was nervous of being with a lot of people at once. For him, the briefing room was quite full. General Hammond sat in his usual seat, sitting beside him was Carter and next to her were Jonas and Teal'c. Sitting opposite were Jacob, Dr. Fraiser and two visiting Tok'ra. Sitting in the middle of the table was a large cardboard box with a closed lid. Jack stood behind Sam and shuffled his feet. Jonas quickly stood up and moved to the other side of Teal'c so that Jack could sit down next to Sam.

"So, what do you want to ask me?" Jack could sense Sam's unease, which was making him feel even more unsettled.

Jacob leaned forward over the table and looked directly at Jack.

"Anubis is meeting with the system lords in two days time. We have become aware that Tolgarth had been invited to the meeting. Is this correct?"

Jack nodded carefully. "Yes that is correct, but he wasn't invited to the actual meeting, rather a preliminary meeting with just Anubis. Anubis has been very cautious with Tolgarth. I don't think Anubis liked dealing with him much."

"While SG-1 were on Tolgarth's planet, Teal'c found these and brought them back." General Hammond pushed the box towards O'Neill.

Sam started to speak, but Hammond cut her off with a warning.

"Lt. Colonel Carter!"

Jack looked around at Sam. "Way to go, Carter, Lt. Colonel." He was smiling at her. She was pleased, since he hadn't smiled much in the last two days and he wasn't likely to smile a lot in the near future either.

Jacob brought Jack's attention back to the box with a gesture of his hand. Jack reached forward to open it, but then hesitated. He pulled his hand back and sat back in his chair and placed his hands in his lap.

"Show me."

Teal'c stood up and pulled the box towards him, opened it and pulled out the garments - they were the clothes that Tolgarth had worn. Sitting on the top of the pile of clothes, were the leather jerkin and mask. Jack suddenly had this overwhelming urge to run from the room. His heart was pounding rapidly and waves of nausea were washing over him. Sliding his hand under the table he gripped Sam's tightly, trying to draw strength from her. He didn't dare speak, as he was certain that if he opened his mouth he would vomit. His whole body was trembling and he was also quite sure that if he spoke his voice would show that he was afraid.

"Jack, we need you to go to this meeting. Anubis is expecting Tolgarth and you are the only one who could pull it off. You know how he walks and behaves. Also Anubis has met Tolgarth recently hasn't he?"

Jack nodded his head.

"Dad, won't Anubis sense that Colonel O'Neill hasn't a symbiote anymore?"

"Well, this is where I come in. I will be Tolgarth's personal assistant. If I keep close enough to Jack and we keep far enough away from Anubis, we should be able to fool him. Remember, Sam, the idea is to get the others into the ship, so they can plant explosives."

Jack tightened his grip on Sam's hand.

Sam and Jack sat there quietly listening to the plans. Everyone seemed to be having ideas as they worked out what they were going to do. They were all assuming that Jack was going to be involved.

It was Jonas who asked the obvious question, that everyone else but Sam had missed.

"Colonel, will you do it?"

Sam felt Jack take a deep breath. He was breathing very carefully and looking intently at the tabletop. He seemed to be having great difficulty controlling his breathing. The look he gave Sam before he answered was full of fear and trepidation. Looking back at Jonas, he answered in a firm voice.

"Yes, I'll do it."

Sam's shoulders sagged in defeat. She knew that once Jack heard the scenario, he wouldn't be able to refuse. Her Dad was right. It was too good an opportunity to miss.

Jack waited until everyone else had left the room. He was still clasping Sam's hand under the table, keeping her there beside him. He was still too scared to move, as he really thought he was going to throw up and his legs were still shaking.

"Are you sure about this, Jack?"

Looking at Sam, he shook his head from side to side.

After Sam had delivered a very white faced Colonel to the infirmary, she went back to her office to think about what had been happening over the last few days.

\Jack had explained to them how Tolgarth had escaped. When Lt. Grogan had come in to collect the empty tray, Tolgarth had tried to pretend that Jack had taken back control. Obviously, Grogan had been taken in at first, but he soon realised that it was a ploy of Tolgarth's. But he had got too close to the bars and the Goa'uld symbiote shot out of Jack's mouth straight into the back of Grogan's neck. Jack wasn't sure what Tolgarth was going to do with him, when he opened the cell door to get him out. The guard on the door must have heard something, because he interrupted Tolgarth as he came in. That's when all the shooting started. Jack had made his way out to the corridor and found Sam.

Sam hadn't found out a lot yet, about what had happened while Jack had been host to Tolgarth. Every so often Jack would tell her little pieces of information. Sometimes it was like about Lt. Grogan, very matter of fact and report like, but other times he would tell her what he had been feeling, these were the hardest for her to hear about. Sam felt sad about Lt. Grogan. She and the others were going to miss him, but every so often a feeling of guilt would come over her, as she knew that it could have been Jack lying dead in the morgue, not Grogan. The guilt was there, because she preferred this outcome to what could have so easily happened.

Sam now knew why she had dreamt that nightmare in the infirmary after Jack had been killed. He had explained to her, that when Tolgarth had been implanted in him, he had cried out to her to save him, but she had never answered him. He had been terrified. After this, for the first three and a half months, Tolgarth had tortured Jack constantly. Sifting through his mind, pulling out bits and pieces. Jack never knew from which direction Tolgarth would come from. Tolgarth would bombard Jack with immense pain to distract him so he could pry into his mind. It hadn't taken Jack long to realise that Tolgarth was a weak Goa'uld and couldn't control his hosts very well without pain. Every so often, he would get the better of Tolgarth and manage to stop him from hurting other people. Tolgarth was desperate to retrieve the wealth of knowledge that Jack had of the Tau'ri and Tok'ra, but the only way he could keep control was to bury Jack so deep that Jack couldn't see or hear what was going on. As far as Tolgarth was concerned it was a no win situation. Bury Jack deep and not have access to his knowledge, or let him nearer the surface and risk him taking back control. That is what had happened when Tolgarth had tried to kill Sam. He wanted Jack to suffer. He wanted him to feel Sam's throat beneath his fingers, as the life was squeezed out of her. But that was Tolgarth's mistake, Jack had taken control and managed to stop Tolgarth.

There was one piece of information that Jack had told Sam, where she felt like he had only touched the surface, she would have liked to know more. He had said, that when he saw Sam's face before she had come to the planet, he thought he was dreaming. He had given up trying to fight Tolgarth. He had been buried for so long, that he had no idea how many days, weeks or even months had gone by. He kept on seeing her face, it would come and go, sometimes she was crying, sometimes not. Jack had started to hold on to that, he wanted to see Sam again. So he made a decision and started to fight back and the next time he had seen Sam, was when she had spoken to him to tell him that she was coming. Sam would have liked to know more of how he felt and what had happened through that time, because she knew that he needed to talk about this experience and he wouldn't speak to anyone else.

Jack was a very different person from what he had been before Tolgarth had got a hold of him. Now he was quiet, reticent and frightened. Little things seemed to fill him with fear, especially loud noisy rooms and people cornering him when they spoke to him. Apart from Sam, he didn't like being touched. If someone came up to him and touched him on the shoulder, it would startle him and he would break out into a sweat. Sam really didn't know how on earth Jack was going to manage to pull this Tolgarth mission off.//

^^^^^^

It was 22 hours after the meeting in the briefing room. Sam was dressed in a long grey dress that had a tight fitted bodice with a full skirt. The skirt had to be full, as she had a knife strapped to her thigh. Around her was a long black cloak. This was fitted with a veil, as they didn't want to risk that Sam might be recognised by any of the Jaffa. Both the cloak and veil were made out of flimsy material. Sam hoped that the ship wouldn't be too cold. She would blame Janet if she caught a chill, as it was Janet who had brought the outfit into the SGC for Sam to wear. Jonas and Teal'c were with Jack getting dressed. She wondered how Jack was coping wearing those clothes again. Just in the last four or five hours he had seemed to get stronger and be able to cope with things better. He really needed time, something that he didn't have much of. At least they wouldn't have to cope with the fear of the death gun, as Teal'c had informed them of its destruction.

Jonas interrupted her thoughts as he knocked on the door of her room. When she looked at Jonas' face, she knew that things weren't going very well with Jack.

"You had better come, Sam. We've done as much as we can to help him."

When Sam went into the locker room, there wasn't any sign of Jack. Teal'c looked decidedly worried and the black cloak and mask were sitting on the bench. Teal'c let out a big sigh of relief at the sight of Sam and swiftly left the locker room.

"Jack? Where are you?"

She found him leaning over a toilet bowl retching. He had complained of nausea that morning, but they had put it down to nerves and hoped it would settle. Obviously, the nerves had got control.

Grabbing a paper cup, she half filled it with some cold water and took it to him. He looked awful. The vomiting had stopped, but he was pale and shaking.

"I can't put it on, Sam. I just can't."

Sam looked over at what Jack was staring at. He was staring at the mask.

"Jack, listen to me. You CAN do this. It is only bits of metal and...and...I'm not sure, anyway some kind of polymer. Tolgarth is dead. It's a costume."

Jack closed his eyes, took another sip of water and slowly stood up.

"I need your help, Sam. I can't do this by myself."

Sam took hold of his hand and led him over to the bench. He was already fully dressed in the clothes, so all that was needed, was for him to put on the cloak and mask. Sam picked up the cloak and firmly fastened it around his shoulders. She bent down and picked up the mask. Looking at it closely she could see that the silver had been inlaid into a light metal, she wondered what type of metal it was. Looking at Jack, she handed the mask to him. Lifting it up, he took in a deep breath and then fitted it over his head. As he brought up the hood and easily clipped it to the mask, Sam found it disturbing that Jack knew exactly how these items fitted together.

"Well, Sam, all I need is the doohicky to make my voice Goa'uldish."

Sam reached up and fitted the voice 'doohicky' under his shirt against his neck where no one would see it. Jack checked it to make sure it was working and quickly switched it off. Sam noticed that he was still trembling slightly, but as she couldn't see his face, she wasn't quite sure how he was coping. Even though she knew Jack was under the mask, she still found herself beginning to react adversely to the mask and the enhanced sound of his voice. Taking strength from within herself, Sam remembered that it was Jack and not Tolgarth that stood before her. Very carefully, Jack removed the mask and handed it back to Sam.

"You carry it for me, please? I s'pose you haven't got a doohicky that could make my eyes glow, have you?"

Sam smiled. She was glad to hear some humour come from Jack. "We could always plug you into a light socket." She retorted. "But I do have this." She pulled out a small device hanging off the end of a light silver chain. "This is Naquada. It is pure and hopefully Anubis will sense this and believe that you still have a symbiote inside you." Jack carefully took the chain and placed it over his head and put it down under his shirt.

Feeling more in control of her fears, Sam spoke kindly to him. "Come on, Jack. We have to go, or they will be wondering where we are." Sam moved off, walking away from him, swirling her cloak behind her.

Jack hesitated, as Sam walked away from him. This was the last thing he wanted to do. In fact, he had no idea what he wanted to do. His life had been turned right upside down and just as he started to feel human again, he had to wear this gear again. While he hesitated, he watched Sam float through the door. \'Wow, you're beautiful, Sam.'// He thought to himself. With this thought in his mind, he managed to unstick his reluctant feet from the floor and follow after her.

When they got to the gate room, everyone was already waiting for them. All the team members were wearing black and grey clothing. It seemed to be Tolgarth's trademark. Jack was the only one wearing any silver. Going with Jack, were Jacob as his personal assistant and Jonas and Sam, as his attendants. Teal'c couldn't go, as he would be recognized. Jonas had a large bag. In this bag was food that Jacob had brought with him, as it wouldn't do to turn up with food that you could only get on earth. Also in the bag, was a large specially built tray and enough C-4 and detonators to blow up Anubis' ship. They would be gating directly onto Anubis' ship. This is something that Jacob hadn't accounted for, but fortunately, Jack knew the coordinates that they would need. After the event horizon had settled, they all started to walk forward except for Jack, who seemed frozen to the spot. Jacob leaned forwards towards Jack.

"You can do this, Jack."

Sam knew going through the gate wasn't the problem it was putting on that mask again. He had felt trapped before and the memory of his captivity had come flooding back into his mind. He had told her about it on the way to the gate room. With a quick glance at Sam, Jack reached out and took the mask from her. Because they were going directly onto Anubis' ship, he had to have everything ready, voice enhancer switched on, mask in place and the arrogant manner of Tolgarth. From behind Jack, Sam could see his body trembling. She wished that they could still 'think talk' so she would be able to help him through this, but after extensive scans, there was now no sign of the white mass in either of their brains. She did know that this fear was something he had to overcome by himself.

Jack stood there for a moment before he swiftly placed the mask on and clipped the hood into place. He then adjusted his voice and with a very convincing Goa'uld voice, ordered them through the Stargate.

Sam was amazed at how well Jack was able to imitate Tolgarth's arrogant walk. He swaggered off the steps at the other side of the Stargate. They were now directly on board Anubis' Mother Ship. Jaffa were waiting for them and then escorted them into another room and left them there. Jack kept up the character of Tolgarth, because there was a very good chance that they were being monitored. Soon, two Jaffa came back to the room and spoke Goa'uld.

"Lord Tolgarth, Anubis is waiting for you. You will follow us."

"I wish my attendants to go to the kitchens to prepare my meals."

"Lord Tolgarth, refreshments will be provided for you."

"I only eat what I bring. And my attendants are the only ones who prepare my meals."

"As you wish, Lord Tolgarth. They will follow them." He pointed to two other Jaffa that had been waiting outside the room in the corridor.

Jack and Jacob followed the first two Jaffa. Jacob was keeping very close to Jack, just in case the Naquada necklace didn't work. They couldn't risk the Jaffa picking up that Jack had no symbiote. While Sam and Jonas followed the two other Jaffa, that were going in the opposite direction as Jack and Jacob.

Sam and Jonas were left in the kitchens, where Jonas quickly unpacked the food and the tray. He then nodded to Sam and left the kitchens. Sam very quickly started preparing the food, making sure that it looked good on the tray. The tray was large with high sides, almost like a large oval bowl. She couldn't help smiling at herself remembering when her Dad had said she would prepare the food and the guys had made caustic remarks about her cooking and food poisoning. Her Dad had flown to her defence and embarrassingly told them what an excellent cook she was. That she had kept him fed for years after his wife had died and he was still alive. The tray was set. With an effort she lifted it up, as it was quite heavy. The reason being, that set into the bottom of the tray was nearly half the C-4 that they needed. As Sam started to walk back towards the room that they had left, she started to make detours all over the ship. Every so often, she would stop put down the tray, lift the food up laying on the false bottom and pull out some C-4 and detonator and place the charge in a concealed place. Sam tried to put the charges against the interior of the outside wall of the ship. Many times she was asked why she was where she was. She would lower her eyes and say in rehearsed Goa'uld.

"I am lost, I am taking these refreshments to my Lord Tolgarth."

They would direct her in the right direction and as soon as they were out of sight, she would then shoot off somewhere else.

Finally, all of the C-4 was placed and the tray was considerably lighter now. Of which she was very grateful, as her arms were getting very tired. With all the directions that she had been given, she knew the way to where Jack was, blindfolded.

^^^^^^

Jonas had shot down to the engine room and to the hanger where the death gliders were kept. He found it easier to stay undetected, for some reason most of the Jaffa weren't patrolling the ship. Jonas thought the reason was most probably because the Jaffa were making most of the quiet before the remaining system lords arrived.

Just as he set the last charge, a Jaffa discovered him. Fortunately, Jonas managed to miss the blast from the Jaffa's weapon, as he swivelled around throwing his body straight at the attacking Jaffa. With a loud 'oouf' and clank of metal, the Jaffa fell to the ground with Jonas straddling his body. In no time at all, Jonas managed to incapacitate the Jaffa with a blow from his fist. After tying him up, he dragged the unconscious Jaffa around behind some stores. Effectively gagging him, Jonas left him there, hoping no one would find him. Once he had done this, he went up to the room where Jacob and Jack were and waited outside for Sam to arrive.

^^^^^^

Jacob was finding it very difficult to keep close to Jack, without it looking odd. The Jaffa guards walked very fast and after they left the others, four more Jaffa came up behind them and marched with them. Jacob also knew that he couldn't help Jack in any way, as he was a servant and must not speak unless spoken to first. It was very important over the next couple of hours that they kept Anubis occupied. They didn't want him wandering around the ship and coming across Sam and Jonas.

Jack walked into the room with an arrogant swagger.

"Anubis." He acknowledged

"Tolgarth, I assume. Prove it."

Jacob was alarmed. How was Jack going to prove to Anubis that he was Tolgarth? He was amazed at how simple it was. Jack reached up and removed his mask and hood, putting the mask down on a small table. With a sneer, Jack then sat down on a chair uninvited. Jacob was relieved to see that Jack did not show any fear and he looked just like he would imagine that Tolgarth would look.

"So, Tolgarth, you have information for me, information about the Tau'ri?"

Jack leant back in his chair, steepled his fingers together and in a cocky voice.

"And why should I give you any information?"

"This is why you are here. This is why I gave you ships and Jaffa warriors. You owe me."

"The Tau'ri, they have a shield over their Stargate. They call it an iris."

"I already know that. What is it made of?"

Jack paused. "Some kind of metal, my host doesn't know what kind."

"I thought you said he was the leader of the Tau'ri."

"No, he is not the leader of the Tau'ri."

"You mean to say this host is not Colonel O'Neill." Anubis said as he quickly leant forward in his chair.

"Oh, he is Colonel O'Neill, but he isn't the leader of the Tau'ri."

The conversation carried along in this vein for an hour. Jack letting a little information out, just enough to keep Anubis interested, but not enough to put the SGC in jeopardy. After a while the door opened and Sam and Jonas were led into the room. Sam very carefully walked over to Jack and laid the tray down on the small table next to the mask. She was surprised to see the mask removed, but did not show it. Bowing to Jack, she then moved quickly around to stand with Jacob and Jonas behind Jack's chair. This was Jack's cue. He reached across and took some food from the tray and started to eat it.

"My food is not good enough for you, Tolgarth?"

"I have a delicate palate." Reaching across again, he picked up another piece of food. As he leant back into the chair, he very carefully stuffed down the back of it, a small package that Sam had dropped down behind his back.

Anubis' first prime entered the room and he bent down and whispered something into Anubis' ear.

Anubis stood up. "You shall go now, Tolgarth. I want to see you again after the conference. You will come here, but wait until I contact you." Anubis walked out of the room.

Jack quickly stood up, picked up the mask and fitted it back on. "Right, we're outta here."

Moving swiftly, they walked to the Stargate room. When they got there, Sam quickly dialled in the coordinates for a planet that was close by. Waiting for them at the planet was a cargo ship, manned by the Tok'ra and Teal'c. There was no way that they could gate to Earth, as the Jaffa in the gate room would have seen the coordinates. They also needed to be in close proximity so they could detonate the explosives. As soon as they arrived on the planet, they moved towards the cargo ship. The ship took off quickly, as they had quite a way to go and they didn't want to arrive after all the system lords had left. While they were travelling towards the mother ship, they started to get changed. Sam couldn't wait to get out of her dress and get back into BDU's. It would be heaps more comfortable and a lot warmer. But she decided to wait for the guys to change first, as Jack had already started ripping off his clothes in obvious anger, as he stormed off into the back of the ship.

When they arrived near Anubis' ship, they noticed that most of Goa'uld ships were already there. They counted them off. Jack sat on the floor over against the wall, with his head in his arms not moving. Sam had tried to talk to him, but he had ignored her. He had been behaving like that ever since he had finished getting changed. When Jacob announced that Osiris had arrived, Jack spoke for the first time.

"I hope he's sitting in that chair when we blow the ship." Sam knew what he meant, as the package he had put down the back of the chair was made up of C-4 and a detonator.

Finally, all the Goa'uld had arrived. Sam walked over to Jack.

"Sir! Sir?"

"Huh?"

Would you like to detonate the bombs?"

Jack looked up at her and he looked tired. He quietly shook his head and laid his head back down on his arms. Sam lifted her thumb and brought it down on the button. They watched on the screen as simultaneous explosions erupted throughout the mother ship. They had done it; the system lords were all dead. Sam put the remote down on the consol and walked off into the back room.

Jacob hadn't watched the screen when the explosions had gone off, because he had been watching Jack. Jack had been looking at Sam and Jacob had seen the longing in his face. Jack looked tired and burnt out. This last mission had taken a lot out of him. Sam had been right, as it was too soon after what had happened. Even so, if he had to ask Jack to do it all over again, he would.

Jacob left the room and went to find his daughter. He found her sitting on the floor against the wall. Her legs were straight out in front of her and her head was leaning back against the wall.

"Sammie?"

"Yes, Dad." Came a tired reply.

Jacob sat down beside her. "Sam, when are you going to tell him?"

"Tell him what?"

"That you are leaving the Air Force."

"How did you know?" She asked surprised.

"I haven't been your father for this many years to not know you."

"I've had enough, Dad. These last eight months have been like a living nightmare and it's been even worse for Jack. I don't know if he is going to survive this. I don't know if we will survive this."

"I think Jack is stronger than you think. He will be OK. It's only been 4 days since his release from Tolgarth's control. Time is a great healer."

Jacob leant back against the wall and they sat in companionable silence. Sam thought it was strange, she hadn't felt this close to her father before. Sam found she liked it, she realised that she should make more of an effort to share herself with her Dad.

Jack walked into the room.

"Sam, I need to talk to you."

Jacob got up from the floor, turned and smiled at Sam. He mouthed, "tell him", before he walked out through the door, leaving Jack and Sam to talk.

^^^^^^
Epilogue

Two months later.

It was warm and the sun was shining brightly in the blue cloudless sky. Jack was leading her through some small trees away from the cabin. She looked back towards the jetty and she could still see the fishing pole stuck up against the railing where Jack had left it. She remembered that he had suddenly sprung up off the jetty and grabbed her by the hand. \"Come on, Sam, I want to show you something."// So she followed him up behind the cabin towards these trees. As they came through the other side of the trees, a warm breeze blew through her hair and making the skirt of her pale blue dress billow out and swirl around her bare legs. Her sandaled feet were leaving slight footprints in the dry dusty ground. Jack bent down and held out his hand to her and helped her over a difficult part of the pathway. They carried on climbing. Sam felt good and she hadn't felt this happy before. Soon they reached the top of the rise. Sam gasped as she looked out at the scene below her. Still holding Jack's hand, she ran down amongst the flowers, pulling him along with her. It was the meadow, the meadow from her dreams. The fragrance was just as she remembered it. The only difference was that this was real and Jack was here, standing beside her. Turning to him, she said. "Jack, this was your dream, not mine."

Picking her up off the ground by her waist, he whirled her around him, laughing the whole time. "No, Sam, this is our dream." He settled her feet gently on the ground, while still holding her he reached down and kissed her.

THE END
OR SHOULD I SAY THE NEW BEGINNING

Feedback: Now there has been some mutterings from beta readers etc, of a sequel. I need fuel to feed the brain. So, please anyone who wants a sequel, please e-mail me. :) arrietty39@hotmail.com




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