I'm sitting here across the room from her, watching as she mingles with everyone else at the party. She's so full of life, so happy, how in hell can I think that she wants to be with me?
I've had so many problems, and I've sucked at relationships so badly that I'm surprised she even listened to my proposal. She said she was happy that I had asked her to try a relationship, but I worry that one day she'll come to regret that decision. I worry that I'll be too needy, too clingy, too...well, anything too much that would inevitably drive her away from me.
I've lost people before, it's nothing new. People come and people go, that's part of life. But she's become such a major part of mine that I don't think I would handle losing her very well. I already get lonely when I don't see or hear from her on a daily basis, just imagine the way I would react to never have contact with her again. This too scares the shit out of me.
As my thoughts seem to veer to the worst, she turns and looks at me, that beautiful smile of hers lighting up her face, making me feel like the most important person in her universe. She excuses herself from her current discussion companions and walks my way, stopping beside me, resting against the table I am now standing next to. She leans her body toward me conspiratorially.
"Ya know what?" she asks quietly, her eyes twinkling.
"What?" I respond, moving a little closer to hear her better.
"I missed you." Three words. Three simple words that send a thrill through me. You'd think that an 'I love you' would do that, and not that it doesn't, but at this moment, this is something I needed to hear.
"You've been no more than 10 feet away from me at any given time," I reply, teasing her. Last thing I want her to know is how much I missed her too, gotta pretend to be the strong one here. She throws me a look that tells me she doesn't believe my attitude for a second. She knows me so damn well.
"I missed you too," I whisper back, looking a little ashamed at not saying it before. I look down and away, but then I return my gaze to her as she touches my arm. She is shining that smile upon me once again, and I feel like my whole being wants to sing. I know, I know, kinda sappy for me maybe, but that's how she makes me feel.
She affords a quick glance around us to see if anyone is looking, and seeing that no one is, she quickly places a kiss on my lips.
Now normally when I'm kissed, it feels good, I admit it. Some people are good kissers and some still have a bit to learn. But when she kisses me...well, I feel a delicious shiver straight through to my toes. Even the smallest, quickest pecks from her delight me beyond words.
She pulls away, and there is a feeling of loss. I could easily kiss her for a while longer, the rest of my life as a matter of fact. But I don't say that because that would be way sappier than I normally am, and I worry about her reaction. We've only been together such a short time as a couple and I don't want to rush things. We agreed on that. And I fear saying something like that will make her think I'm wanting too much too fast. So I keep quiet, just smile contentedly as she smiles once again at me. She takes my hand and gives it a squeeze, leaving them joined as someone else comes over to start another discussion.
Do I love her? Yes. Does she love me? I think so. No, I know she does. I can't doubt that she has similar, if not the same feelings as I do. She may say it infrequently, but when she does, she means it.
Love is never something to take lightly, at least not if you want it to last. I'm not saying to be all dead serious about it all the time, just not to take it for granted. Real, reciprocated love comes so rarely, so keep a hold of it when you do find it. That's what I hope to do, if I do this right.
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I Miss You by Sio
Story Notes: Dedication: To D. To quote Willow "Love makes you do the wacky".
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DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]