Sometimes, when she lies alone in her tent, unable to sleep, she thinks of her old team. Times like now, when the sound of steady rain against tarp tries to soothe her tired mind. She thinks of Jack and Teal'c and Daniel, wonders how they are doing, if their mission is going well, or poorly.
It's expected, those thoughts. At least, that's what she tells herself. Even now they come, after she's been with her own team for five months- because really, they're five months that her old team has been without her.
Not that she regrets the change in the least. Even when it was difficult to accept, in the beginning, she never had regrets.
Her replacement is Lt. Jennifer Hailey. She only has positive thoughts about her successor. She herself recruited Hailey for the SGC, when the girl was still a cadet. Brilliant and capable, Hailey is the best of the best- has, over her short career on SG-1, demonstrated why she's a perfect fit. There's no one else she'd prefer in her place.
And her own team? She adores them.
Major Adam Rogers is the best 2IC she could ask for. He has four years of experience at the SGC, finely tuned instincts from intense combat, an almost sixth sense on things, and the ability to remain absolutely emotionless in battle. Practical and sensible, with a military mind. And as a person, he has an amazing sense of humor, one of the best laughs she's ever heard.
Lt. Thomas Yamada is still pretty fresh, but he's bright (graduated second in his class), quick to follow orders, enthusiastic, and passionate. Doesn't always get her jokes, but then, she never quite does either, those that she's picked up somewhere, from someone. Of course, he needs occasional pointers from herself and Rogers, but he usually takes their advice graciously, knowing he's still green, still has much to learn. He's a good kid.
And then there is Jonas Quinn, good friend, former SG-1 teammate; intelligent, quick-thinking, dedicated, with that desire to learn, to understand, to sympathize, but sensible, too, even if occasionally idealistic. He's as integral to her team as everyone else.
They're like a family already- or they're getting there. She has no doubt about that. Sometimes, with certain people, you never really click. It always takes time to gain trust, to learn about each other, and with some, it just never happens. Not so here. With them, she already knows. They can, as a team, only improve; their bond can only deepen.
Yes, she loves her team, loves having her own command, loves her job. But having Jonas here helps. He is, after all, a familiar face, and they've worked together already, know how the other thinks. But mostly, he understands what it's like to wonder how your friends are doing. To know they are out there, without you at their side. Jonas, better than anyone else, understands.
Oh, she knows that they're capable, can take care of themselves. But knowing that doesn't stop her from wondering. It does, however, stop her from worrying- just a little bit. They're in good hands, she knows. Their CO is great. The best. *They* are the best... just as SG-1 always has been, always will be.
She thinks of this, and it comforts her a little, and she closes her eyes, imagining when she'll return home. To their home, to their bed, with his arms around her.
It's only when they're on Earth that she really feels secure. Then, she knows they're really alright. Her friends have returned safely.
And it's only when she's at home, with him, that she ever fully relaxes. She can watch over him, then.
But every other time, she's just left wondering.
Sometimes, when he's sitting alone on watch, he'll let his mind wander- but not often, only on the rare occasion when he knows, can feel, that there's no danger. Even then, he doesn't let it go very far, never for very long. He's always aware of his surroundings; years of being in the Air Force, in the Special Ops, have engrained that into him.
Inevitably, all thoughts return to her. It's stupid, he knows, to worry about her. After all, he's the one who pushed for her promotion to Lieutenant Colonel, and he's the one who recommended she get her own command. She's the best 2IC he's ever had, and so, with mixed feelings- happy, excited for her, sad, selfishly so, for himself- he let her go.
Since then, things between them have changed.
It's a relief, being able to express things for her, to tell her things, words he could never say, thoughts he could never think. Hearing her emotions spoken to him, feeling them against his skin, knowing, completely and fully, that she feels the same way about him... He'll never take these things lightly. Because, being able to see her smile, being able to bask in it, without worry, without fear, without having to think, "This is wrong" while knowing it was right... He wouldn't want it any other way.
But, like all changes, there are other things he needs to get used to. But, unlike some changes, he's not sure he'll ever be able to.
Now, he doesn't get to see her everyday. Sometimes, he doesn't even see her for weeks. And every time she steps through the 'gate, those inner conflicts return. Pride in her, in her abilities, offset by that paradoxical desire to protect her. Because now, being on different teams, he can't. He can't watch her back all the time, can't make certain that she's alright.
It's not that he doesn't trust her, or her team. He knows they're good, knows their leader is the best. She'll protect them, and they'll protect her. They have a bond, a rapport, that he's seen before, but rarely, the type that will never break, one he has shared with her, and Daniel and Teal'c and Jonas. They're more than just a team, more than just a unit.
So, his fears are irrational. And yet, they're also so real. He has no illusions about death, but knows that if anyone has a chance at eluding it, it's her. She's saved him before, many times. He shouldn't worry, but he does.
It's only when she's back in his arms, in their bed, in their home, that he can relax. With him, she'll always be safe; he'll make certain of that.
But every other time, he's just left worrying.
Story Notes: Notes: Thanks to Phil and Bonnie for beta-reading =) Feedback is appreciated.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]