Apophis was angry. He was, in fact, more than angry. He was very angry. The Tau'ri had escaped again, someone had stolen his goa'uld colouring book and there was no-one to send into the firey pits of hell. Apophis looked at his sole confident and best friend in the whole wide world- a cymbal crashing stuffed monkey.
***
Jack pouted and sat back in his chair.
"Well I don't see why" he said for what was probably the fifteenth time. Daniel sighed.
"You have to face facts, Jack" he said sympathetically "Teal'c and I are just the most popular characters."
The debriefing room was packed. To Jack's right sat the always stylish Sam Carter, she in turn was being squashed unceremoniously against the desk by the enormous bulk of what looked like a blow-up cow.
Come to think of it, there seemed to be more people than they picked up on their last mission. Martouf the SleazeBag was grinning at Sam with lots of teeth that would soon be missing if he kept it up. Jack prompted Daniel by raising his eyebrows.
"What? Oh, yeah, wow, isn't it amazing that Apophis hasn't attacked us for so long, maybe he's lost interest in us" Teal'c rolled his eyes because he never got to say anything interesting.
***
"I have it Monkey!" Apophis' day was looking up. Two jaffa had been wearing the wrong 'I love my job' t-shirts and so he had blasted them into oblivion. Plus Cooky had made his favourite cupcakes in the shape of staff weapons. But not to forget that he had come up with a plan to trap SG-1 once and for all. [insert evil laugh here]. The cymbal crashing stuffed monkey crashed his cymbals.
"What's that Monkey?" Apophis asked, revealing that under his crusty exterior lies a mentally insane mind "Oh, very well, I'll spoil the surprise just this once. I'm going to kidnap the cameo characters!"
He took a butter menthol because all this evil laughing was hurting his throat.
***
"SG-1!" a message boy squeezed his way past a person who looked suspiciously like the mighty morphin' bounty hunter from the X-Files. SG-1 turned themselves away from what was, in Daniel and Teal'c's case fan mail. An envelope was droped on the table just before the man was swallowed up by
the blow-up cow.
"Medic!" Jack yelled "and would someone please shot this thing? It's pissing me off!"
Sam wiped some of the cow's insides off her shoulder.
"It's a letter, addressed to all of us" it was indeed a letter and was addressed thus:
SG-1's secret base
Somewhere I Haven't Found Yet
Tau'ri Planet (which is, I must add, is nowhere near as good as mine)
SG-1 tore open the letter and read:
Dear SG-1,
We, the cameo characters have been kidnapped by the always amazing, never complaining Apophis! We are being held in a prison with no guards. We have included a map to help you discretely find us. Please Hurry!
"We have to help!" Daniel jumped from his knee deep pile of fan mail.
"Well, duh" Jack resorted to good ol' sarcasm in times of need. "Get someone to do that little dialy thingy."
SG-1 stood on the other side of the Stargate. Something suddenly occurred to Jack.
"Daniel, you haven't had your little Sha're angst thing yet" Daniel sighed.
"Righty-O, Oh, my love, my love, maybe I can rescue you this time, okay, I'm done, let's go" they walked into a musty abandoned warehouse.
"Ahaha!" Apophis had been practicing his evil laugh all afternoon "you walked right into my trap! Band, play my song" the band started to play 'always look on the bright side of life' "No, no you fools! My other song" the band played his 'other song' accompanied by a cymbal crashing stuffed monkey.
Teal'c did his little staff weapony thing and got them all out, despite the hundreds of guards stationed outside.
And they all lived happily ever after...
Teal'c decided that he just wasn't getting enough lines and developed his own talk show called 'so you're a goa'uld?'
Daniel decided to give modelling a try and lived comfortably in a mansion with Sha're look alikes.
Jack and Sam finally realised that they were perfect for each other and got married.
Apophis and Ammounet broke up because she felt that he was giving too much of his time to his cymbal crashing stuffed Monkey.
Thus, we conclude our tale with a special message to all those Daniel/Sam shippers out there. Get a Life People!
The End.
Story Notes: FEEDBACK: Yes please! But make it nice, she's a new author and needs lots of encouragement.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]