Captain Samantha Carter
I can't believe this is happening. The SGC is being shut down. The Stargate is being buried, I'm being re-assigned and I may never see the members of SG-1 again. Little over a year ago we were just four people who hardly knew each other. Daniel was a civilian scientist only here to find his wife Sha're and he was forever teased by the colonel. Teal'c was here to help us defeat the evil, tyrannical, system lords and free his people. He was hard to judge when it came to trust. I was the Doctor-Captain who struggled to be more than a woman and Colonel O'Neill was the slightly bitter, sarcastic and tough Commanding Officer.
Now, we all respect each other and depend on each other in times of need. We've mourned together, come close to death together and on one occasion we even died together. Daniel is more than just a sensitive guy who can't harm a fly, Teal'c is more than just the large, stoic warrior, I am more than just a female scientist and the Colonel is more than just a bitter old man with huge emotional scars. We're a family and now someone is shutting us down taking us all from this family that we've been accepted into.
It's the family that allowed the Colonel to heal after his failed marraige and the death of his son. It is the family that has allowed Daniel to continue even through his darkest days. It is the family that has welcomed Teal'c to this planet and accepted him although he is imposing. It is the family that I have been accepted into after my brother near disowned me and I stopped talking to my father. I've never felt this close to people, this intergrated into a family since before my mother's passing. But someone's taking it all away from us, from me.
I look up as the colonel enters. I can tell by the look on his face that his talk with the general hasn't gone well. Even in this short time I can read his expressions. Daniel and the colonel begin a conversation and I can't believe what they're considering. They want to go through the gate to the co-ordinates that Daniel got from the alternate reality.
I can't believe that they are seriously considering this. I mean they want to risk court martial to go through to some planet where we have no idea what to expect and would have no back-up. So I tell them that, well I remind the colonel of the regulations.
Not to my surprise he dismisses the regulations almost immediately. I'm getting used to the way he follows rules, or the way that he doesn't. I think it's part of what makes him a good CO. I've never really had a CO like him. At first he could only see me as a woman, although he claimed it was because I was a scientist. Whichever it was I soon proved my worth and earned his respect. Not once as he ever had to pay special attention to me, which is good because he can pay more attention to Daniel. I've never had a CO who was like that. Then again I've never worked on a project like this nor have I worked as closely as I do with my unit.
The colonel and Teal'c have agreed with Daniel that they should go through the gate and now they're all looking at me. I look directly at the colonel as if I have to answer what he wants to hear. He tells me that it's not an order but my mind is already made up. I know what he's saying to me though. He knows how much my career means to me and he would never let me harm my career.
Sadly, this world means more to me than my career. I have to go with them.
*****
I don't think that this day can get much worse. First of all we didn't gate to a planet, we're on a ship heading for Earth and now, to make matters ten times worse, the Gou'ald on board this ship is Klorel. Colonel O'Neill glanced at me when we realised that it was Skaara, or Klorel that had rested in the sarcophagus.
I can't explain the look he had after the shock cleared. I want to call it sadness but I'm not sure. I might know all three of my team-mates well, but this is a situation that I have never seen O'Neill in. He tells us his plan and then I realise why I can't tell what he's thinking. He's letting his emotions cloud his judgement and I have *never* seen that happen before. I doubt his plan and tell him so, as a junior officer, and he reassures me that he knows what he's doing.
I hope so.
*****
This day *is* getting worse. I'm crouched behind the Stargate with Daniel and can hear the people in the centre of the room. My eyes close as I hear that the colonel and Teal'c have been caught. This situation had been bad before, but now it seems impossible.
I breath a silent sigh of relief as Klorel tells his 'father' that there could be no others on board. Ha! He's wrong. The relief doesn't last long though as Apophis orders for both of them to be killed.
Everything goes silent and I have no idea what is going on up there. I have no idea if my friend's are already dead. And then a strange thought runs through me. It's more like a sensation really. I suddenly wonder what I'd do if Jack is dead. It's not if they have just died, or if the colonel has just died.
This is not the time for me to start exploring these feelings. Antarctica wasn't the right time and neither is this and if I have anything to do with it it'll never be the right time. I don't want to know how I feel for Jack so as long as I see him as the colonel and block out all of those thoughts I'll be fine.
Then I hear Jack plead with Klorel not to kill him or Teal'c. After a short pause, that seemd agonizingly long, Klorel agrees and then I hear them leave the room.
Daniel and I stand and even before we've turned to look at the now empty room my brain has formulated a plan. I'll set the C4 for explosion in twenty-four hours and we'll go rescue my team-mates and friends.
Daniel gives me an odd look as I tell him this and I don't like it. He's looking at me as I looked at Jack when we last spoke to him. He's unsure of my motives and thinks I'm letting my emotions cloud my judgement. Thankfully, he has better sense than trying to object further to my decision because I am not in the mood for an argument.
*****
I keep thinking the same thing over and over. Well, the same two things actually. One is how much worse this day keeps getting. That as soon as I think we've hit the worst that can be thrown at us new depths are found.
The second is that I'm looking out of this window at the Earth and I know that soon the Earth will be destroyed and there is nothing that I can do about it, but the thing that's really annoying me, and that keeps repeating in my head, is that it's too late. It's too late for me to ever confront my feelings about Jack, but even now I still can't admit anything to myself.
We tried our best to save Earth, but our best wasn't good enough and there's not a thing we can do about it. After everything that our planet, us as a team have been through and we have nothing to show for it. Nothing at all.
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End
Story Notes: Thoughts - Comments: Thanks to Wendy G for suggesting an episode and causing me to reorganise the whole story :> I apologise in advance to anyone who disagrees with the way in which I have interpreted the episodes you're welcome to tell me what you thought, but no flames please. Also thanks to the Sam and Jack list because it's their dicussions that make me watch episodes in so much detail . And to Dustdevil for beta-ing this and encouraging me to continue :-) Hope you enjoy it.
Copyright (c) Elise Hudson, January 2000
Copyright (c) Elise Hudson, January 2000
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]