*We could sit and talk about this all night long,
So try not to think about
What might have been
'Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again, there's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been.
No, we'll never know
What Might Have Been*
You’re not supposed to know ‘what might have been,’ thinking about it is supposed to drive you crazy. However, going through the mirror to see if we can help, well I guess help ourselves, makes me wonder. I can see where some of the choices I’ve made have changed things.
I have never found paperwork particularly enjoyable, but lately it seems even worse than it once was. With the gou’ald threat gone we have begun to experiment with the quantum mirror. I’ve decided to write a sort of journal, that way if I go crazy at least someone knows why.
Eleven years ago Daniel accidentally went through a mirror into a reality that was being taken over by the gou’ald. He became back with valuable information on how to save our own butts, and also with the information that Sam and I were engaged. I didn’t understand how that was possible.
//But Daniel, how could I be engaged to Carter? We’re both military and I’m still married to Sara.”
“Not there Jack. Sam never joined the military, and you and Sara were divorced.”
“What?”
“Apparently you divorced not long after Charlie shot himself with your gun. That’s why you were chosen for the first Abydos mission.”//
Sam then started spouting some theory about how for every choice we make an alternate reality splits off. I didn’t believer then, but I do now. One thing is for sure; I can’t imagine losing my son.
Since starting our new missions to Alternate realities a couple of months ago we’ve visited five. SG-1 always goes first.
The first reality we visited said that they had been in contact with two other realities. the fist was pretty much the same as us. Daniel went through by accident, blah blah, Sam and I engaged blah blah blah, he comes back through they saved the world. However the second hadn’t happened to us.
// “Then a couple of years later an alternate Sam and major Kawalsky came through.” their Daniel says to me.
“Really?” I ask.
“Yeah but it was disconcerting for everyone involved.”
“Why?”
“Well I don’t know what happened with you guys, but our Kawalsky was taken over by a gou’ald early on.”
“Yeah that happened with us too, but the Doc did an MRI right after the surgery, and saw the gou’ald still in there. She went back to get it. He’s leading SG-2 still today. Good old Doc Fraiser, I don’t know what I’d do without her.” I say, and I notice that all of their faces have paled when I mentioned Doc’s name.
“What, what I say?” I say.
“Jack, our Janet died while trying to save a member of the SGC.”
“He actually let her go here? Hammond told our Janet that she was too valuable to the SGC and to Cassie to risk it. He sent someone else.”
“Well not here...so anyway I was saying disconcerting...oh yeah, and the alternate Sam hadn’t joined the military, so her and Jack had been married, and she had just watched him die, and then they come through. Well, you know Jack...ehem...he was just larger than life.”
“That had to suck!”
“Yeah, but to top it all off the alternate Sam started having these tremors.”
“Tremors?” My Daniel asks.//
So of course with that question both Sam’s started with a theory about cascading failsafe whatever. We sat there for a while longer. They told us that Jack is in charge of Homeland security, Hammond’s retired, and Hank Landry is in charge of the SGC.
They told us how dad died and this time I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t want them to have any unnecessary guilt. How would anyone have known that a mixture of Tylenol and some good old fashioned Jack Daniels would have cured Selmac. I had just snuck the bottle in to have a last drink with Dad and all of a sudden Doc’s over there fussing. In the end it took six “treatments” but Selmac was as good as new, well as new as a 2000 year old Tok’ra can be.
When we got home Sam told me that she thinks Jack and Sam are together now that he’s out of the SGC. I asked her how she knew, and she told me that she just did.
Sam figured out a way to keep the tremors from happening and then we continued on.
After that reality we went to another one. In this reality the only person we didn’t throw for a loop was Daniel.
// “I expected this variation was out there somewhere. It had to be really...”
“Space Monkey!” I interrupt. I know that tone of voice and misty expression. If I don’t interrupt now he could go on for hours. However, when I do interrupt tears start rolling down his cheeks.
“I didn’t realize how much I missed that until now, don’t EVER stop calling him that or teasing him, never stop.” He says to me.
“I thought you hated it?” I say looking between him and my Daniel.
“I thought I did too, but it’s been a long time since I’ve heard it. I didn’t realize how much I loved it until it was gone. I’ve destroyed everyone I cared about; my parents, Sha’ree, SG-1 everyone.”
“Whoa, slow down, SG-1?” I say.
“Yeah Sam married this guy Pete and then she left the SGC. After that Jack started getting crazier and crazier on missions. It was like he lost his will to live. He got himself killed not too long after. I hadn’t seen him like that since the first Abydos mission. Cassie told me that Sam and Pete divorced six months after Jack died. Sam had said that Pete was a great guy, but he deserved more than she could give him. I’ve seen her once since then. She works at the academy now. It’s like Sam’s not really there, sorta like her soul died with Jack.//
We visited a couple more realities after that one and in most of them life kinda sucked. There was on where Ry’ac, Cassie, Daniel, and Teal’c made up SG-1 because they never found a way to get General Hammond out of retirement. His replacement had Sam and Jack court marshaled for the feelings they had shared to prove that they weren’t za’tarcs. Apparently though they’re happy and have five kids.
There was another one where we ended up in another situation with a gou’ald force field only this time it didn’t come down. Jack died with Sam. Daniel and Teal’c didn’t last long in the SGC after that. Daniel was shot by one of the new members of SG-, and then Teal’c decided that he would serve a better purpose to directly help the Jaffa rebellion, and he left. The only thing the same there as in our reality was that General Hammond is still in charge of the SGC. He told us that he knew it would happen one day. He knew that they loved each other more than life itself, but he couldn’t do anything about it. He said that he retied SG-1 and their lockers. Across the lockers is a team picture of us. I know because he showed us. It says ‘remember’ across the bottom. He said he did it to remind everyone that talent and luck will only get you so far. You need to care and spend your life with those that you love while you have the chance. Then he told us again that he wished he could have done more for our counterparts.
Once again I kept my mouth shut. He didn’t need more guilt than he already had.
However, there was this last alternate reality and it has Daniel jumping for joy. He had been fussing about soul mates the entire time I had known him. I figured that there had to be a reality out there that Sam and I weren’t together or that we hadn’t given up on life just because we couldn’t be. So I made him a little deal. If this last reality had us together then I would believe him.
Well let’s just say I have one smug little archeologist walking around here. The president in that reality was still being pressured to find a civilian commander for the SGC, but he wanted someone who knew what it was like to be out there fighting. He made a deal with my alternate. Jack retired from the Air Force as a General and became the civilian commander of the SGC. Having gotten rid of the military regulations Jack and Sam married.
After all of these realities I’m actually starting to believe Daniel and Sara. Daniel has always reminded me of Sara. The two of them always tried to talk me into believing in soul mates. Hell, Sara believed in soul mates so deeply that she divorced me. At the time I didn’t believe her, but since then I’ve begun to change my mind.
I was chosen for the first Abydos mission because of all the time I had spent doing black-ops. They didn’t tell me it was a suicide mission until it was too late to back out. Needless to say I didn’t quite follow orders, but Ra was dead so it didn’t matter. A year later here comes the Air force again. They scared the hell out of Sara and Charlie that night let me tell you, and they dragged me back again. Things went relatively fine until after Sam and I got stuck in Antarctica. After that Sara started to distance herself a little. I didn’t understand until after Sam got taken over by Jolinar.
// “Something happened today...no didn’t happen, but almost did.” Sara says to me, but how can she know?
“It’ Sam isn’t it? Your second in command, the blonde that was here with everyone else when your leg was broken. What happened to her?”
I know I shouldn’t tell her anything, that it’s all classified, but Sara knows me better than to believe ‘Deep Space Radar Telemetry’ So I speak. “She was hurt, she could have died, she almost did.” It’s true, and I didn’t tell her anything really classified.
“You love her.” She says it to me like she’s talking about the weather.
“Sara, I love you!” I say in return, but I don’t deny loving Sam. I love my whole team.
“Yes you do Jack, just as I love you, but she is your soul mate. I’ve always known that we were not meant to be together. We loved each other, yes, and we had many happy years together. However, now that you have found your other half it is time for us to part.”
“Sara, I would NEVER cheat on you!”
“I know that Jack, and that is why I must step aside. For as long as I have known you, you have kept your face as if it were a mask. The only thing that betrays you are your eyes. Through your eyes I can see into your soul. Your soul is in turmoil Jack, I am happy for you, and I hope we can stay friends. Maybe one day I will find my soul mate, and then you can share in my joy as well.” She says then, and she seems to be truly happy about leaving me.
“Sara, even if what you’re saying is true and Carter is my soul mate, we can’t be together. She’s my 2IC. “ I know I can’t talk her out of leaving me, but I might as well point out some facts.
“I know that, but the soul will find a way, it always does. This way there is one less obstacle in your way. Goodbye Jack.” And with those words she kisses me gently on the mouth; a kiss goodbye.//
SG-1, Kawalsky and Doc helped me through the divorce, and in the end I wasn’t as devastated as I thought I’d be. I still didn’t believe Sara, but I did realize that I had strong feelings for Sam.
It wasn’t until that damn experiment with the armbands that I knew I loved her more than life itself. I would die for any one of my friends; SG-1, Hammond, Jacob, Kawalsky, Doc, even Sara, but the only one that I would live for was Sam. I couldn’t imagine my life without her.
A couple weeks later Anise came through the gate, and we had the whole za'tarcs fiasco. We could have been court marshaled for our feelings alone, but apparently Hammond decided to ignore it. Life continued that way for another month, and then out of nowhere Hammond tells us he is going to retire. I thought something was fishy, so I checked it out, and it turns out I was right. General Hammond asked me what he could do to repay me, and I told him that continued acceptance of me and my subordination was enough. He on the other hand, had other ideas.
// “Colonel, Major, could I speak to you in my office?” Hammond asks at the end of a briefing.
Walking into his office I can only assume that the worst is coming. He begins to speak only after he sits and tells us to be at ease. At ease? Yeah right! How are we supposed to be at ease when we know a court marshal is coming?
“I spoke to the president while you were off-world, and he and I had a little discussion. I told him what you did for me Jack, and I also made him understand what the people in this facility have gone through. I took the time to remind him how many times the people here-especially SG-1 have saved the world, including the little problem with the replicators not so long ago. After much discussion he agreed with me. He has agreed to suspend the fraternization regulations for any personnel that I see fit. I informed him that you two are the first I’d like to use that privilege for. Now I know that the two of you care for one another....so I thought I’d let you know that as long as you are professional while on duty you can see where that caring takes you.”//
A year after Sam and I were married. Seven years later we have three kids: our four year old daughter Grace Ann, and twin two year old boys Jacob Daniel and George Charles.
Yeah, I can definitely see where choices we’ve made have changed the course of things. If Hammond hadn’t of fought being replaced by Dr. Weir things would be so much different. I wouldn’t still be on SG-1. The people on some planet Sg-9 was supposed to go to-that is until their team’s leader went into labor-had some kind of “miracle cure” for my knees. Except for their medicines they were barely out of the stone age. If they hadn’t f seen me limping slightly we would have pegged them as ‘some nice folks-nothing useful.
I remember feeling sorry for Sara and asking Sam’s brother Mark if he knew anyone we could set her up with. He suggested Pete, and Sara told Sam and I that the moment she saw him she knew that he was the one. To think that if just a few choices were made differently Mark would have been setting Pete up with Sam.
Staying friends with Sara has come in useful. She agreed to set up a daycare of sorts for the children of the SGC. In the end Hammond allowed ten couples to pursue relationships normally prohibited because of working on the same base. They needed someone they knew they could trust, so SG-1 suggested Sara. Hammond and the president agreed with us. They told Sara all about the Stargate program because sometimes she needed to keep a kid or two for a couple of days at a time. It worked out great, because for the first time we all didn’t have to keep secrets from her or stop talking every time she came into a room.
Some days I wonder how my life turned out so perfectly perfect. SG-1 is still together, and Charlie, Cassie and Ry’ac make up three quarters of SG-11. Janet, Dad, and Sha’ree are still alive, and Kawalsky is still leading SG-2. How am I the lucky sob Jack in whose reality everyone made the perfect choices? I guess I’ll never know the answer to that.
Starting this journal has helped me to deal with all the alternate realities and also to realize something. Wondering about what might have been will drive you crazy, but then again I believe knowing will too...but only if you let it.
Story Notes: Authors Notes: It’s been a really bad year for my friends and I. A lot of us have lost people that we were close to, so to cheer myself up some I decided to write a bit of fluff.
Authors Notes 2: Some of the spoilers are so small that if you blink you’ll miss them, while others are jumping out screaming boo. I’ve also made a lot of things up since a lot is from other realities. Dedication: To anyone who could use a bit of cheer this year.
Authors Notes 2: Some of the spoilers are so small that if you blink you’ll miss them, while others are jumping out screaming boo. I’ve also made a lot of things up since a lot is from other realities. Dedication: To anyone who could use a bit of cheer this year.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]