It was a normal day as far as I could tell. I was sitting at my desk, marking some tests. I pulled a disgusted face when I noticed that the highest mark so far was 12 out of 30. It was times like this when I wondered why I had become a teacher. It wasn't actually my dream job either. My first love was always going to have be the military- the air force, if you wanted to be specific.
Until, twenty years ago, I was injured in duty, and forced to retire on medical grounds. Basically, the fact that I could no longer walk without a limp, thanks to my knee being smashed in meant that I was never going to be able to say that I was a major in the USAF.
I won't lie - I miss being military. But, most of all, I miss my last assignment - SGC. Probably one of the most secret military facilities in the United States - a gate, through which you could travel to a variety of planets.
I had been the 2IC of one of the teams sent through that gate. I had been a part of the team, as a scientist, for only a couple of years, before my knee injury. And so ended my brief, and as some would say, dazzling, career in the Air Force.
I stayed as a scientific consultant at Cheyenne Mountain for another year, before I realised that it was too depressing; watching the teams head off through the stargate, knowing that I could never be a part of them again. So I went back to college for a year, and trained to become a teacher.
I stayed in Colorado Springs once I was qualified for my new career - my husband is still stationed at SGC. It's a part of him now. Guess it's a part of us all really.
I heard a knock on the door, and called "Enter," laying down my pen as I prepared to receive my visitor. As well as being the senior science teacher, I was also one of the deputy principles of the joint middle and high school in Colorado Springs. My fellow colleagues joke that my military training help keeps the kids in-line. It could have been anyone from one of our few juvenile delinquents, sent for causing mayhem in their class, or perhaps one of my older students, seeking help with the problems I had set them.
However, it turned out to be someone I would never have expected.
"Doctor," I exclaimed, rising up to firmly grasp the offered hand. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit? Please, have a seat."
Yet even as my visitor took the offered seat, fear gripped at my heart. This was someone who I hadn't seen in a long time; her daughter had left school fifteen, sixteen years previously, and although her second had just turned twelve, she wasn't going to be under my jurisdiction for another two years, as I was only responsible for the high school students. And even though she is my doctor, it was still a long time, as I had been remarkably healthy for the last several years.
My visitor's face was pale, and there was no laughter in her eyes - something that I had always remembered her for. Even when she was giving you post-mission physicals, she was always kind about it, unless you belonged to a certain team, who always seemed to be spending more time in the infirmary than off-world!
"I need to speak to Carter, Caitlin and Samantha," Janet Frasier announced, trying to keep her voice steady. Janet Frasier-Jackson, I reminded myself. But, I guess old habits die hard - even though it had been thirteen years since she had *finally* married Daniel Jackson.
If I had been just another teacher, I would not have noticed the tremble in her voice. But I was not just another teacher, and instinctively, I knew that something was wrong. The fact that she was asking to see Carter and Caitlin was a bad sign to start with.
"Of course," I told her, picking up my phone, and calling the school secretary. "Sue - it's Holly. Could you get Samantha Jackson, seventh grade, and Carter and Caitlin O'Neill, ninth and eleventh grades, to come my office immediately please."
Sue agreed, without any questions; she was a good woman, and one I was proud to call my friend.
Turning back to Janet, I offered her a drink. She shook her head, declining. I was half tempted to offer her tissues, as it looked as though she was about to start crying.
Another knock on the door, and I instructed whoever it was on the other side to come in. It opened to reveal a very nervous Samantha Jackson, and I smiled reassuringly at her. Cassandra had never been this shy, I thought, then idly wondered how that young woman was getting on now. Samantha's expression changed from nervousness to puzzlement as she saw her mum sitting in my office. She doesn't know about my SGC connections; I don't broadcast the fact that I'm former military over the school. Over the years, I have been asked about my limp, and then I say that I was in the Air Force. That's it. No more, no less. If they try to distract me from my lessons by asking about my missions, or how I got hurt, I tell them that it's classified, then turn back to the safety of my science. I remember her when she was a baby - she would stay with Janet in the infirmary, which is where I have to go whenever I need to see a doctor, which I haven't ever since the birth of my third child seven years ago. Too many questions which I'm not allowed to answer would be asked if I saw a civilian doctor. How do you explain the residual traces of zat gun blasts, which will show up if they run the right tests? Not to mention the scars left behind from a couple of staff weapon blasts. And of course, knowing my luck, they would run those tests - probably first.
"Come here Sammy," Janet tells her daughter, holding out her arms, and indicating that she was to sit on her lap. Obviously completely lost, and bewildered in my office, the small girl did, even as there was another knock on my door.
"Come in," I called, as Janet brushed the dark waves away from Samantha's face. Noticing the tears brimming in her eyes, I checked that my box of tissues was in easy reach as both Carter and Caitlin O'Neill entered. These two were no strangers to my office. Carter was despised by his Latin teacher, who would use every excuse to drag the poor boy here, while Caitlin was always coming to me about some science thing or another. She's the only person who I can talk to about wormhole physics - for obvious reasons, since Cassandra left. I once asked her why she didn't talk to her mother about these sorts of things. She replied that she did occasionally, but when her parents were on downtime, they didn't really want to discuss work related things, and the fact that she has three other siblings - plus her father - competing for her mother's attention.
Both looked puzzled as to why they had been summoned here - they both looked to be mentally reviewing their behaviour in the past week or so. However, their puzzled looks only increased further when they saw Janet, and her daughter.
"Sit down you two," I told them, thankful that I had at least three chairs in my office. "Doctor Frasier wants to speak to you." I rose from my chair, preparing to leave and give them some privacy, but Janet looked at me, and held out her hand.
"If you don't mind staying, Holly," she told me. I stayed. Four pairs of eyes were fixated on the petite redhead - three brown and one blue.
Taking a deep breath, and obviously mentally preparing herself for what she was to say next, Janet began to speak.
"You know that SG-1 - the original SG-1, went to P3X639 for the Triumvirate," Janet began, aiming her question specifically at the children. I remember Stephen telling me briefly about it - a gathering between...
"Us, the Tollans and the Tok'ra all getting together on a neutral planet," Carter declared. "Yeah - I remember dad running around the day before looking for his dress blues."
"Mum then reminded him that they were on-base, because they hadn't needed them last time they wore them. So they left them there, as they'd only wore them for the journey between home and the mountain," Caitlin remembered. Not for the first time, I marvelled at the girl's memory; then reminded myself that she was the daughter of Samantha Carter.
Janet smiled, although it didn't reach her eyes. What could have been so bad, I wondered, that could have affected her this badly? Yet even as I asked myself the question, I had a horrible feeling as to what the good doctor was going to say next.
Another deep breathe. "They left yesterday, at 0800 hours, along with the new SG-1, SG-7, and three of SG-15."
Standard information - she was obviously stalling for time.
"They were meant to report in at 2000 hours last night," Janet continued. "We haven't heard from them since they reached there yesterday morning."
There was a sharp intake of breath from Caitlin, and I noticed her brother reach out to grip his little sister's hand.
In the same lifeless tone that she had started in, Janet continued to talk. "Colonel Richardson sent a MALP through at 2200 hours last night, but no telemetry came through. They tried again this morning, at 0800 hours, and from what we can tell, it looks as though the planet's been attacked."
We were all staring at Janet in horror. Who could have attacked them? Who knew that the meeting was happening then, and there? It was supposed to be top secret - I knew that it was happening, but not where and when. And Stephen had only told me about it due to the momentous fact that it was the original SG-1 team going; General Jack O'Neill, Major General Doctor Samantha Carter-O'Neill, Doctor Daniel Jackson and Teal'c.
"SG-2 and SG-9 went through the gate at 0900. They reported back at 1200 hours. They haven't found anything." Janet paused, and swallowed. "Or anyone."
I looked at the three children sitting in my office, the horror starting to sink in. And it showed on their faces. All were old enough to understand the seriousness of this; old enough to understand that their parents might not be returning.
"Colonel Richardson announced them Missing in Action an hour ago," Janet finished, breaking the silence that had fallen upon us. However, at her stark words, another silence fell, punctuated only by Samantha's quiet sobs, as her mother rocked her in her arms as though she was still only five, and the worst thing that had befallen her was a scraped knee.
I knew that I had to call Stephen - the Colonel Richardson that Janet had mentioned. I just had to talk to him - find out details that there was no way in hell that I was going to ask Janet.
I looked over at the two teenagers, still maintaining their contact through their hands. Caitlin was chewing her lip, and I could her blinking away the tears in her blue eyes. She was not going to let them fall in my company; I could see that. And Carter was sitting still, just staring ahead at the wall in front of him. Janet was still trying to quieten Samantha, although I could see that she was keeping one eye on her best friends' children.
Noticing Caitlin's composure falter, I quickly pulled out a box of tissues, and handed them over to her. She grabbed one, while nodding her thanks and dabbed at her eyes.
I don't really know how long we sat there, in silence. I think the bell rang, indicating the end of the lesson, but we still didn't move. It was kind of hard to comprehend. The original SG-1 team was kind of bigger than life. In all their years in active service, they had never lost anybody. They had remained together; would never leave anyone behind. They had seemed invincible, untouchable. And now they were gone. Not in a blaze of glory, but killed during stupid, pointless negotiations. They were never diplomats - they should not have died while sitting at a conference table, discussing peace treaties. They had survived just about anything that the stargate had thrown at them - Goa'uld invasions, time travel, alternate realities, Hathor.... They deserved to have died hero's deaths, or peaceful deaths. At home, surrounded by their family; those who they loved, and who loved them. It wasn't right, I realised. But was death ever right? I asked myself.
Still we sat there. Until a knock came at my door, shaking us all out of our own thoughts.
"I need to get, um," Janet began, helping Samantha off her lap. "I need to get the children from school. I need to tell them."
I knew that she was referring to her young son, and the O'Neill twins - the latter two who were only seven years old. My heart went out to them - my youngest is that age. How would she cope if she were told that her father and I were never coming back?
"Of course," I told her, standing up as she did. "Carter, Caitlin, Samantha... are you going with Doctor Frasier?"
Asking Samantha was pointless - it was obvious that the way she gripped at her mother's hand that the two weren't going to be separated. And I think that I would have been very, very surprised if Carter and Caitlin had replied in the negative.
Caitlin just nodded, while Carter managed a weak "yeah."
"I'll inform your teachers," I assured them, although I expected that school was the furthest thing from their minds at the moment. "Janet - it was good to see you; I only wish it could have been under better circumstances."
My visitor nodded curtly. "You too Holly. I'm sure we'll be seeing more of each other soon."
Such a simple comment, but we were both aware of its hidden depths. I would be present at the memorial service, so I'd see her then, and as she and Daniel had been listed as the O'Neill children's legal guardians, she would be talking to me on behalf of Carter and Caitlin. Oh yes, we were certainly going to see more of each other.
When Mrs Patrick came with a note in the middle of my geography class that I was to go to Doctor Richardson's office immediately, I was as puzzled as hell. I hadn't done anything that warranted her pulling me out of class. Or at least, not without Paul and James being summoned too.
And then I met Caitlin coming from the other way, and I just wondered where she was off too; it never occurred to me that she was going to see Doctor Richardson as well. But even when I knew that her location was the same as mine, I never figured that it would be mom and dad.
We walked to find Janet and Sammy already sitting there. Now that just struck me as odd. Why the hell would Janet want to see us *and* Sammy, and why was it so important that she had to disrupt our classes?
Then she started to go on about the Triumvirate. Yeah, we knew that's where mom and dad had gone; they went yesterday, and were due back tomorrow at 1400. If they had been delayed then surely Janet would have waited until we got home, or just phoned a message in?
Now, looking back, I could kick myself for being so dense. Guess it's never been a problem for us - they normally never go off world, except maybe to the Tok'ra or Tollan worlds, or maybe Chulak. It's not often that they need the base commander of SGC or head of the science advisory board, or whatever mom's title is (!) to go off world anymore.
And the fact that they were just there for negotiations. I think that's the bit that I couldn't comprehend. The Triumvirate was meant to be about us and our allies working together, to ensure all of our futures, now that the 'false gods' have been destroyed. And as flippant as this sounds, guess they missed one.
I don't think it's sunk in yet. Mostly I'm thinking about what we're going to do now. Or more specifically, what Janet's going to do now. Mom and dad named her and Daniel as our legal guardians should anything happen to them. Obviously didn't think that anything would happen to Daniel either, and why should they? He's not military, and even if he does work with the archaeological and anthropological finds of the stargate teams, dad always said that he was like a cat with nine lives. Unfortunately, nine didn't seem to be enough. So that means that Janet's gonna have to look after six of us - by herself, unless Cassie helps. I've only got another year and a half 'til graduation though, and Caitlin's got another two and a half, but that still leaves the other four. Plus the fact that both Cat and I are gonna go onto college or university. And all she's got is her Air Force salary, and three Air Force pensions to support us on. I know I shouldn't be worrying about money, but I'm the oldest of the O'Neill family now. And boy does that sound weird. Weird and wrong. I'm only sixteen - I shouldn't be the oldest.
Okay - so this officially sucks. Both my parents are MIA, due to a highly secretive facility hidden in a mountain. I know it's only going to be a matter of a few hours, maybe days, before -presumed dead, is added at the end of their status. And then next week, we'll have their memorial service. People are going to stand up, and say nice things about them, even though they didn't know them that well. And you know why not? Because with the exception of Janet, all their close friends are now dead: Daniel, Teal'c, Uncle George and Grandpa Jacob. And our Uncle Mark doesn't actually have clearance enough to attend the service. Don't know what we're going to tell him - mom and dad are MIA in a mountain! God, I'm being flippant now, but that's the only level at which my brain is operating at the moment now. I've always been told that I'm like my dad - especially with my sense of humour. Cat's always been more like mom - what with the science and stuff. Hadn't really classified the twins yet - they're both smart and mischievous, but that could be either of our parents, despite what dad always says... said.
It just seems so strange referring to them in the past tense. But I don't think that it's gonna get any easier anytime soon.
Missing In Action. That's only one step up... or is it down... from being dead. No longer living, deceased, demised, passed away, no more, departed, expired... They *can't* be dead - it's not right. I need them... Carter needs them... the twins need them... Hell, even the US Air Force needs them. They can't be dead.
Wonder how they'll be remembered by the government. Their achievements can't exactly be broadcasted across the country, or even throughout the Air Force. And it's not as if they were nobodies. They were General Jonathon O'Neill, and Major General Doctor Samantha Carter-O'Neill - we always joked that mom wanted the longest name in the Air Force. I think she probably got it too. Dad would also joke that she liked her initials being CO, something that she was going to be next year after he finally retired. He was meant to retire last year; maybe it wouldn't have happened if he had done.
No, I can't second-guess things like that. If I were to, maybe them getting together earlier may have changed the course of history. Of course, that would probably have been in a bad way, as it would have involved court martials and stuff, but at least if would mean that they wouldn't have gone to that God forsaken planet and got themselves blown up.
It's not fair. We had all these plans for the future. Next year, after dad's retirement, we were going to go to Europe or somewhere else on Earth - all together, as a family. And Daniel, Janet, Cassie, Sammy and Taylor would be coming too - they are our family. Forget Uncle Mark - I think I've seen him, like, four times since I was born.
And for dad's birthday - we were going to go up to the cabin. It was going to be a surprise. We don't get to go there very often, as there's not much room for all six of us. But dad loves it there - it's where he and mom spent their first anniversary together. Apparently, he was going to propose there, but changed his mind at the last minute. I asked mom when he proposed last week, but she was too busy, preparing for the Triumvirate. She said she would tell me when she got back. Guess I'll never know now.
It's just so strange though. I miss them, but even if they were alive, they wouldn't be here. I wasn't missing them this morning, before Janet came. Okay, maybe a little, but not like this. I want them to just walk through the door, and tell me that it was a mistake. That they're okay, and their not gonna leave me... leave us again. Stop it! I'm the scientist - I'm meant to be rational, logical. SGC wouldn't have reported them MIA, wouldn't have got Janet to tell us, if they weren't certain. Would they...?
All I want is my mommy, and my daddy. Is that too much to ask?
* * *
Daniel's dead. Daniel is dead. Daniel was killed. I keep repeating it to myself, but it hasn't sunk in yet. I'm a widow; my children are fatherless. And my best friends are dead too, and their children are orphans. Orphans under my care.
It's not fair. Daniel can't be dead. I love him, I need him - don't they understand that? I can't do this without him. And especially without Jack and Sam. Sweet Jesus - why did they all have to leave me? I haven't been this alone for over twenty years now; how am I expected to cope?
I'm a doctor. I deal with death on a regular basis. I'm the one who has to write the condolence letters to parents, spouses, children... Now I'm the one receiving the letter, but I'm still the one who has to tell the children. I have to be strong for them - they're going to be looking to me for support. But I've got no one to support me.
Except Cassie of course, who's halfway across the continent, on her honeymoon. There's this part of me that didn't want to tell her until it was over. Let her finish, and enjoy her honeymoon without the disruption of flying back home for the memorial service, and having her mother cry on her. But then I knew that she would never forgive me if I didn't. Everyone knew that if it weren't for Sam's commitments to SG-1, she would have adopted Cassie. At first I envied the bond between them, but now I realise that Cassie and I have our own bond, which is now even stronger than the one she and Sam first shared. I may have only married Daniel four years after she graduated high school, but he'd been around us for a long time before we actually got up the courage to get married. Although thinking about it, I don't think getting drunk in Vegas and finding the nearest wedding chapel actually required *that* much courage! Still, at least we managed to have a service when we returned - even if it was "just for show," to quote Jack. Jack - actually, he was probably Cassie's first father figure. Especially when he bought her that puppy. She was devastated when we had to put him down. Actually, to tell you the truth, so was I.
But I don't think the woes we felt when we put our dog to sleep even begin to reach the magnitude I feel now. How could it? I've just lost my husband, my lover, my children's father, my children's godparents and my best friends. With the exception of the children and my job, my entire life has gone. And how am I meant to go back to SGC, knowing that they were responsible for the pain I feel now?
I'm just so numb. Numb, empty... can't even think of the words to describe how I feel, apart from sick, depressed, stunned, crushed, devastated, shattered, broken hearted, in shock. Actually, I think that sums it up pretty much.
STARGATE COMMAND
Cheyenne Mountain Complex, Colorado Springs
Report by Colonel S. Richardson, CO SG-5
RE: Triumvirate, PX369
Date: March 3, 1100 hours
Following the decision to report the following, Missing In Action, at 1300 hours March 2, their status has been rectified as of this hour to Missing In Action -presumed dead.
General Jonathon O'Neill, Base Commander, Former CO SG-1
Major General Doctor Samantha Carter-O'Neill, Science Advisor, Former 2IC SG-1
Colonel Robert Johnston, CO SG-1
Colonel Laura Holliwell, CO SG-7
Lieutenant Colonel Kate Owen, CO SG-15
Major Adele Jamieson, 2IC SG-1
Major Brendan Evans, 2IC SG-7
Major Naomi O'Donnell, SG-1
Captain Doctor Jordan Stevenson, SG-7
Captain Doctor Andrew Payne, SG-1
Captain Ewan McTaggert, SG-15
Lieutenant Patrick Mulchaey, SG-15
Lieutenant Doctor Kimberly Summers, SG-7
Doctor Daniel Jackson, 3S, Former SG-1
Teal'C, 3S, Former SG-1
The next of kin below will be notified, and memorial services will be held on base for those lost.
General O'Neill - Mr Carter O'Neill (Son)
Major General Carter-O'Neill - Mr Carter O'Neill (Son)
Colonel Johnston - none
Colonel Holliwell - Mr and Mrs James Holliwell (Parents)
Lieutenant Colonel Owen - Captain Elizabeth Owen (Sister)
Major Jamieson - Mr and Mrs Robert Jamieson (Parents)
Major Evans - Mrs Felicity Evans (Wife)
Major O'Donnell - Mr Shane O'Donnell (Brother)
Captain Stevenson - Mrs Marie Stevenson (Wife)
Captain Payne - Mr Anthony Payne (Brother)
Captain McTaggert - Mrs Fiona McTaggert (Mother)
Lieutenant Mulchaey - Miss Andrea Boardman (Fiancée)
Lieutenant Summers - General and Mrs Christian Summers (Parents)
Doctor Jackson - Colonel Janet Frasier-Jackson (Wife)
Teal'c - Drey'ac (Wife)
At this time, basing on the initial reports from SG-2 and SG-9, it is unlikely that any bodies will be recovered. The Tok'ra and Tollan have extended their sympathises towards us, and I likewise to them for their losses.
Both have agreed that the attack will not stop the Triumvirate from taking place, as soon as another suitable planet is found, and replacements for those lost.
SGC is taking the loss of so many hard. I have reason to believe that the loss of the original SG-1 team is partly one of the reasons - many people believed that they could get out of anything alive. It is a huge blow to SGC, both physically and psychologically. Many personnel are booking appointments with Doctor Williams - she predicts a busy time over the coming months. Memorial services will be starting at the beginning of next week, starting with one for General O'Neill and the rest of the original SG-1 team.
Colonel Stephen Richardson
Temporary Base Commander, SGC
"Ma'am?" I looked up from my desk, where I was signing my signature countless times to a variety of things to see Kieren anxiously hovering nearby.
"Yes, what is it?" I asked.
Kieren looked really ill at ease, which struck me as being peculiar. He had been with me ever since I first ran for the Senate, and had never acted like this around me.
"We've just received a call from Colorado Springs," he told me. "SGC."
I looked at my watch in surprise. They had finished early. Surely that was a good sign? But it still didn't explain Kieren's discomfort.
"How did the Triumvirate go?" I asked. As President of the United States, I should have been among the Earth delegation, but there were too many things on Earth that needed my attention. How would I explain my absence to the English Prime Minister for one?
"Ah, you see..." Kieren began.
"Whatever it is, just spit it out," I told my aide, growing impatient at his inability to tell me what had happened. I had a million and one other things to get through that day - all of them annoying.
"The Triumvirate session was attacked, and all in attendance are presumed killed," he finally told me. The pen dropped from my hand. The loss of all the stargate personnel who had been present at the meeting was a national tragedy. Yet because of the secrecy of the stargate project itself, very few would know the truth. They were all good people, none of which deserved to die.
"When are the memorial services?" I asked him, my voice shaking. It was not so long ago that the General O'Neill and his family visited Washington, and dined with me and my family here at the White House. Hell, I could even remember the controversy in the Senate when the fraternisation rules had been modified to allow him and his wife to marry in the first place, although I obviously didn't know about the Stargate program back then.
"I'm not sure, Ma'am," Kieren confessed. "If you want I can find out..."
I nodded, curtly. "Do it, and clear my agenda to allow me enough time to get to Colorado Springs and back."
"Ma'am?" Kieren's tone was questioning.
"A lot of good people died whilst attending the Triumvirate," I told him. "Died while trying to safeguard our world's future. The least I can do is to pay my respects to them."
"Of course Madam President," he replied, leaving me alone in the Oval Office. Alone with the paperwork and my thoughts. It was a bleak day for me, the O'Neill children, the Air Force, the country - hell, the world.
When mom told me, I was numb. I mean, it's bad enough being told that your adopted father is dead, but to be told that everyone I had grown up with, everyone I held dear to me was dead... I don't think words can even begin to describe that experience.
When I finally arrived back home in Colorado Springs last night, -presumed dead had been added to their statuses. They wouldn't be called Killed in Action until a body was found. And if that's not a depressing thought, then I don't know what is. Those bodies were my friends, and my confidants for over twenty years.
Robert's been acting really strange ever since we flew back from Toronto. I don't think he knows what to say, or what to do. He knew everyone who went, but not like I knew them.
The worrying thing is that if we hadn't been on our honeymoon, *I* would have been a part of the Triumvirate team. I would have been killed on P3X639, and then what would mom have done? I should be dead, because Robert and I had originally planned to honeymoon *after* the Triumvirate. He just took me in his arms, and didn't let go when mom told me. I bet if I go and see Doctor Williams, she say that I'm suffering from survivor's guilt, and in a way, I think she's right. What did I do to survive that the others didn't? I only didn't die because I fell in love and got married. Jack, Sam and Daniel all did that. Sure, it may have taken them all a while to stop being so stubborn, but they managed it, and there are six children hopefully still asleep at mom's because of it. I *deserved* to die more than they did - I have no children waiting for me at home.
I haven't seen any of the kids yet - we only got back late last night. Mom said that Elizabeth hasn't said anything since she was told. None of them will be going into school today, but can you blame them? I'll be going to the mountain later - see if I can find Colonel Richardson, and see what he can tell me. There are so many things that I want to know - none of which I want to ask mom. She's suffering enough as it is now - I know she *really* loved Daniel... dad. I never called him that enough, thinking about it. But he *was* my dad. I was twenty when mom became the second Doctor Jackson, but I was only fourteen, fifteen, when they started seeing each other. And now mom's a widow, with six children to look after.
An idea was forming in my head, and I turned over and poked my new husband in the ribs. He just groaned.
"Robert," I called softly. The only response I got was another groan.
"Captain Paris wake up this instant - that's an order, mister," I commanded in my best 'Major Frasier' voice. Maybe I should have changed my name to Jackson when mom married Daniel. Maybe that would have shown him how much he means... meant to me.
"Hu? What's up Cass?" He asked, looking up at me bleary-eyed.
"I want to adopt Daniel and Beth," I announced, watching his reaction. His face showed an expression of pure surprise.
"If I say yes, will you let me go back to sleep?" Was his only comment to my proposal.
I thought about it for a minute. "Only if you say yes," I told him.
"Sure then. You can sort out all the legal stuff, right?" My beloved husband was gradually falling asleep on me. Any other time and I would have been insulted. But, in his defence, it *was* 0400 hours.
"Yeah, I'll do all that," I told him, aware that he probably wasn't listening to me anymore. I wondered if he'd even remember the conversation when he got up later.
I couldn't sleep after that conversation, but if truth be told, I hadn't really slept all night. The tragedy that had befallen the stargate program and all involved was just too great.
I've been stationed at the SGC for twelve years now, and I've never seen it so subdued. We've lost entire teams before, but nothing's been as shocking, as unexpected as this.
Colonel Richardson's a good man, and a good officer, but he's not General O'Neill, or Major General Carter-O'Neill. They've both been here from the beginning - since General Hammond. They were the representatives for the SGC - until the very end.
Major Frasier was in this morning, which didn't surprise me. Her mother must have contacted her and her new husband, even though they were on their honeymoon. She looks as though she's in shock, which I think is the general reaction to most of the personnel stationed here. I didn't know her until she was assigned here a couple of years after me. Knew all about her of course - SG-1's exploits are still told around the base today. Everyone seems to have a new angle on it, or have heard a piece of gossip relating back to their earlier days. Before they went off to the Triumvirate, there was one about O'Neill and Carter - something about O'Neill buying Carter on one of their earlier missions, and that made them married. I don't really listen to gossip, and besides, they're married anyway; have been for longer than I've known them.
"Off world activation!" A familiar call comes through the base communications system, accompanied by the equally familiar warning lights. I hasten to the control room, wondering who it could be. Seems like most of those on base have the same idea; including Major Frasier.
"Are we receiving a GDO code?" Colonel Richardson is demanding as I reach the control room, staying out the way, but close enough to be able to see the stargate and the ramp through the window.
"Ah, yes sir. It's SG-2," the technician replied, waiting for the next command which was to be 'open the iris.' No one ever said that the military was full of surprises.
"Open the iris," came the predicted order, which the technician was halfway to executing anyway. The titanium circle span out of the way and four figures appeared through the event horizon. Even from up here in the control room, I could see the way their shoulders slumped in defeat. However, I knew that they were glad to be doing something, even if it was only finding bodies to return home to loved ones. Unlike me, and several other SG teams, who were grounded because officially we were on down time.
"Are you coming Major Frasier?" I heard Richardson ask the young officer by his side, and I knew that it was a pointless question. Wild horses would not have kept her away from the returning team.
I follow my two fellow officers down to the gate room, anxious to know what...if anything... SG-2 found. I had friends who had attended the Triumvirate, and although I knew that my hope was probably in vain, I wanted to be there when... if... anything was found. Of course, what I really wanted was to go through the gate and help, but what with my CO being confined to the infirmary for a good few weeks if the Doc had anything to say about it, and the other half of SG-11 on loan to SG-5 for some science thing off world for the next month, I was pretty stuck. Even if we had been a full team, we probably would still be here on base - we're half military, half civilians. Not that I have a problem with Heidi and Aaron, it's just that we wouldn't have been the best choice to send.
We must have reached the gate room in record time for people not planning on using the gate for unauthorised purposes.
"Report Lieutenant Colonel," Richardson ordered, as William Dawson, the CO of SG-2 pulled off his dusty helmet, and wiped his sleeve across his brow.
"The Tollan have recovered six bodies," Dawson replied, not knowing where to look. Behind him, the rest of his team looked uncomfortable as well, so I prepared myself for the worse. Those six bodies were the first to be recovered, despite it being nearly four days ago. Any and all hope had been dwindling as the hours drew on. The longer they took, the less chance they had of finding anyone alive. Just pulling one person out alive would have been enough for the rescue teams working there. "Four Tollan, one Tok'ra, and one of ours."
"Have they..." Richardson paused, and took a deep breath. "Has the body been identified yet?"
"Yes sir," Dawson told him. "The dog tags report the deceased as Captain Ewan McTaggert. SG-15 sir. SG-9 are preparing to bring the body back through the gate for a visual confirmation"
Frasier inhaled loudly. She was... used to be, the second in command of SG-15. McTaggert probably saved her life more than once, and she his. Now he was dead.
"I'll do the visual confirmation, sir," she told Richardson, her voice deceptively calm. He just nodded, before turning back to Dawson and SG-2.
"Report to the infirmary, and get cleaned up," he ordered. "I want a full report in an hour."
"Yes sir," Dawson replied, saluting tiredly, as he and the other three officers filed out of the gate room.
"Shit," I heard Richardson swear under his breath, as he ran his hand over his unshaven face. The recovery of a body just made it seem all the more real. No one was denying that we were all hoping for some miracle, but bodies would shatter that hope. Even if we knew in our hearts that they were gone, we would not accept it until we had proof. We had been surprised more than once by people who we thought were dead returning. But after you've found a body, then there was nothing left to return. And all hope is lost.
Today was not a day I had been looking forward to. Today was to be the first day of the memorial services for those lost attending the Triumvirate. Today we were going to say goodbye to SG-1... the original SG-1.
And I was the one who would have to perform the ceremony. The base commander, and base second-in-command were two of those who the ceremony was for, and the third in command would be mourned in another two days.
Which left me, as the oldest colonel on world at least, although I think technically Colonel Doctor Frasier is meant to be in command. But, based on her current emotional state, I don't think that her being in command and being forced to hold the memorial service for her own husband and her best friends is the best idea that the US Air Force has ever come up with.
My hands were shaking this morning when I was getting dressed. I couldn't even manage my buttons, so Holly did them for me, brushed the invisible dust off my jacket; the perfect military wife. She wasn't showing any emotion on her face as we got ready for the memorial service; her military training still shines through despite the years. It may have been a long time ago since she worked at the SGC, but she knew the people that we are remembering today. She often worked in the lab with Sam Carter - especially when she was working as a civilian advisor. And before that, when she was still in the Air Force, her team had gone on several joint expeditions with SG-1, as they had still been then. I knew that she had kept in touch with Sam, and then by default, General O'Neill. Our daughter, Megan, is friends with Elizabeth O'Neill, so we would see them outside the SGC too. Megan asked this morning why Elizabeth wasn't at school anymore, and wanted to know if she'd ever see her again. Holly just told her that Elizabeth was very upset at the moment, but she'd be coming over to play with her soon. I know from talking with Major Frasier that Elizabeth hasn't actually said anything since she'd been told, and that they're all worried about her. She was very attached to both of her parents, and the loss has hit her hard. She'll be coming soon for the memorial service.
I rose from the chair in my office, preparing to check that everything was under control. I know I should theoretically be in the base commander's office but I can't go in there. It's still General O'Neill's office - there's just so much of him in there; photos of his wife, children and extended family - his SGC family.
Oh God, I can't do this. I stand half way in between my desk and the door, frozen. I can't go through with this. Until a few days ago, the people who we are mourning were parents, spouses, leaders... living human beings. My friends. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through this service, with the O'Neill children, the Jackson children... Maybe if it were a military affair then I'd manage it. Distance myself from the truth; hide behind the uniform. But I'm going to take one look at those orphans and fatherless children, and I won't be able to do it. I'm a father myself, and I know I risk myself every time I step through the stargate. But before I justified because of the importance of the work that we do here. Something that is bigger than every single person that has ever stepped through that ring. But now I realise that there *is* something greater, and that thing is love. I know that Carter and O'Neill had to sacrifice a lot along the way before the amendment came so they could marry. Holly explains it better - she and Sam had a long talk about it apparently, a long time ago, when she was an advisor. We'd only just become a couple, and she worried about me going on missions. Sam replied that neither she nor O'Neill would give up SG-1 to have a relationship because neither could bear the thought of having one out there without the other. They sacrificed their physical needs, the allowance of showing their love physically to soothe their hearts, because it hurt them too much to be separated. Love isn't sex, it isn't kissing, it isn't cuddling. It's making the sacrifice so both can be happy. They both loved their jobs, and neither would have asked the other to give it up. We all knew back then that they were all but a couple without the vocal and physical demonstrations, although there was the one incident where they were forced to admit it. Or at least, those were the rumours going around, although no one could say for certain. With the exception of a Tok'ra - I forget her name - the only other witnesses were Janet Frasier and Teal'c, and nothing would drag anything from them. The Tok'ra said some things, I know that much, but I didn't listen to rumours back then. Still don't. A lot of rumours fly round a place this big.
My phone rings, breaking me out of my thoughts and memories. The president and her entourage are here, and it's up to me to greet them. Head up, shoulders straight and just do your job fly-boy. It's the least you can do.
I blinked back the tears as Will told me to get back to the stargate, ready for when Earth contacted us. We'd found another two bodies, and it was up to me to report back to the SGC. I can't be seen crying. Even though women in the Air Force are no longer normally subjected to any harassment, we're still a minority by far. And we can't show weaknesses.
I've just been informed that as I'm the 2IC of SG-2, it's up to me to inform home of the latest developments, and Lord knows I don't want to. The chevrons began to move as I neared, and the event horizon formed and settled as I neared the MALP.
"This is Colonel Frakes at the SGC calling SG-2 or SG-9. Please respond."
Gulping, I pressed the transmit button on my radio. "This is Major Reeves of SG-2. I'm receiving you Colonel."
There was a slight pause and I mentally prepared myself for the question that was coming, and the answer that I would have to give. Christ, I'm in the military; I shouldn't be flinching at death. But there's something so different about having your comrades die in an attack on an alien world. I know it wouldn't be any easier if they'd died in a terrorist attack back on Earth, but there's just something about this attack. Maybe it's because we all finally thought that the Goa'uld threat was finally over, and we'd be able to travel throughout the stargate without fear.
"What's new over there?"
"We've recovered another two bodies," I replied, my heart heavy. "Major Jamieson and Captain Payne, both of SG-1." It's always harder when one of the deceased was your friend, as Adele Jamieson was. We had been at the Academy together and had both trained as pilots. Now she was dead, and I was the one having to report finding her body back to the authorities. I had been the one to find the corpse; sheltering that of the younger captain. Even in death she took the responsibilities of being 2IC seriously; trying to protect her team to the end.
"Visual confirmation?" Frakes asked. SOP - just because the dog tags state one name doesn't necessarily mean that it's that person. The SGC has had that problem before off-world - been informed that a team is dead, but when the bodies come through the gate, it turns out that they're not actually the people we sent out.
"Yes sir, by myself for Major Jamieson and by Lieutenant Price of SG-9 for Captain Payne," I confirm. "SG-9 are preparing the bodies to return through the gate, while the rest of SG-2 are still searching. Another Tollan and two more Tok'ra have been discovered." Where as we'd only recovered the bodies of three of our personnel, the latest discoveries meant that the Tollan have recovered seven of theirs while the Tok'ra had found five. There were still over thirty bodies not yet recovered - twelve of them being ours.
"Understood Major," Frakes replied. "Both teams should return through the gate as soon as possible. You've got an hour and a half before the memorial service."
"Yes sir," I gulp. "Reeves out." The blue event horizon flickers and disappears, leaving behind the unassuming metal ring. I've worked at the SGC for three years now, and this is the first time that I wish that I wasn't part of the team. It's a time where ignorance is bliss, and when I look at a page of military obituaries, only meaningless names stare back at me; not the names of my former base commander; my fellow officers; my friends. Pressing the call button on my radio, it's time to remind my commanding officer and SG-9 that it's time to go home. "Major Reeves to Lieutenant Colonel Dawson."
There's a brief pause before the strained voice of William Dawson comes through. When it became obvious that another team was going to have to go through the gate, it was clear to anyone that he wasn't going to let them go without him. Everyone on base knew how close he and the CO of SG-15 were, although only their two teams knew just how close.
"Go ahead Major."
"We've been ordered to return to the SGC," I informed him. I couldn't bring myself to remind him what for; it wasn't as if any of us could forget the event that would be happening in only a few hours.
"Understood Hallie. We're on our way back. Dawson out." His voice was just so lifeless it was heartbreaking. I knew that he'd barely slept, barely eaten since the attack, and the length of the search was slowly killing him. I only hoped that when we found Lieutenant Colonel Owen I'd be close enough to give him some support. He was there for me the previous year when my brother was killed in a car accident, and knew that it was up to me to be a good 2IC and a good friend and get him through this.
The seven figures of the rest of my team and SG-9 came into view, and I began to dial home, trying not to think about the two stretchers that they were carrying between them. I was so immersed in my routine duties; dial the gate, send the GDO code that I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up into the pale, sunken face of my CO and just wished that there were something I could do to help.
"All set Major?" he asked.
"Yes sir," I automatically replied, stepping forward. Together, we stepped through the stargate to return home, taking two of our fallen comrades to their final resting-place.
"I offer my condolences to the families and friends of the fine officers of the SGC, lost in the attack of the Triumvirate, on behalf of myself and the people of the Tau'ri. They may have died for their world, but that does not ease the pain, and I only wish that there were more that I could do for their loved ones other than tell them how truly sorry I am for their losses.
Olivia J. Maguire,
President of the United States of America"
* * *
"To Carter, Caitlin, Daniel and Elizabeth,
I am writing to express my condolences at the news of your parents' deaths. Both Jack and Sam were good people, and although they died for their world, I understand that it will not offer you much comfort in your time of grieving. I also understand that such sympathies may be becoming trite, but I only wish that the circumstances were different, and that I was not forced to write this letter. It was an honour to know your parents, and I only wish that I could share the truth with the world. I can assure you that their names will never be forgotten, and one day the world will know of their noble sacrifices made during their time at the SGC. Again, my deepest condolences.
Olivia J. Maguire"
"We are gathered here today to pay our final respects to the first, the original, and some may say, the best team of this command. SG-1." I pause at that point to look at the crowd of solemn faces that are gathered in front of me in the gate room. Despite what I'm feeling inside, my voice is steady and my outward appearance is that of a perfect military officer. I know precisely where the O'Neill and Jackson children are sitting along with Colonel and Major Frasier, and I purposely don't look that way. My eyes briefly drift to my wife, and she gives a barely noticeable nod, telling me that I'm doing okay. That's easy for her to say; she's not the one up here. "Everyone here knows who they were. What they did; the sacrifices they made; the lives they led. I could stand here for hours telling you about all the wonderful things they did, who they helped, what they saved. But it's not what they would have wanted. I had the privilege of serving with them for over twenty years, and I'd like to think that I knew what they were like. How they didn't boast about their achievements, how all they were satisfied with just a few days extra leave for saving the world over and over again. Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter did it because it was their job. Doctor Jackson did it because he felt that it was his duty. Teal'c did it to free his people. They were just four people who fate had thrust them into this role, and trusted them to do what they thought was right. Maybe to some of you they were heroes to be worshiped; larger than life. Maybe in some ways you're right. But they were also just people with families..." I swallowed - hard. "And we should remember them that way too. Not just as General O'Neill, General Carter, Doctor Jackson. But simply Jack, Sam, Daniel and Teal'c."
I nodded towards Janet Frasier-Jackson as I stepped away from the makeshift podium and hurried to sit beside Holly; a lump already in my throat. There are only a few personnel in this command who understand what it's like for me; having been around from almost the beginning. The petite woman taking the podium is one of them. And for her, this is a hundred times worse.
"Daniel honey,
I never thought I'd have to write this, and now that I do, I don't know what to say. I know you don't want me to mourn you for the rest of my life. I know I have to try and stay happy for the children, but I don't know if I can do it. I know you were able to cope with loosing Sha're, but I don't know how I'm going to cope with loosing you. I love you Daniel Jackson - forever. Just wish I could tell you that one last time.
All my love, Janet."
* * *
"Sam,
I have so many regrets that I don't know where to start. I regret not thanking you enough for giving me Cassandra. I regret not telling you how good a friend you were more times. You are... were my best friend honey, and it's going to be so hard without you. I don't know how I'm going to cope without knowing that you're just a phone call away. I have so many things that I wish I told you, but all I can say now is thank you. Thank you for everything.
Love Janet"
I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out. What can I possibly say to express to these people how much SG-1 had meant to me? How do I do justice to the best friends I have ever had, and the man who showed me what love truly was? "When Daniel and I made the announcement that we were going to get married, both Jack and Sam looked at me as if I'd just announced that they had to redo their annual physicals." Good Janet crack a joke, I thought to myself, knowing that without any humour I was going to be in tears within minutes, although I seriously doubted that any humour was going to stop that. There was a small laugh from the audience, as my tactic of trying to lighten them was well known. "At first I was really worried, thinking that they thought that I was making the biggest mistake of my life. Then they turned round and asked me if I was sure it was such a good idea, as it meant that my name would be Janet Jackson!"
I saw Cassie smile in the front row; she obviously remembered that. "When the news came through about the attack, I was physically ill," I informed them, knowing that would surprise anyone who knew me. It takes a lot to make me vomit - I've been through the stargate enough times, and as a doctor I've seen many unappetising things. "With the attack, I lost a lot more than a husband. I lost my best friend; the closest friends I have ever had. The SGC had only been operating for a few months before I was transferred here. My first encounter with SG-1 was when both Jack and Sam were under the control of a virus, causing them to revert back to their primeval urges. Never in a million years would I have ever guessed that those four people would turn out to be four of the most important people in my life. They brought me my eldest daughter, they taught me to love again. They have remained by my side, or I by theirs, for over twenty years now, and now they're gone." I bit on my lip, trying to force back the tears. "But what I have to try to remember, what we all have to remember, is that as long as we remember them then they will live on. And in that way, SG-1 are immortal..." I could feel the tears started to run down my cheeks, but my hands were firmly grasping at the podium. "Because each one of them was so unique, they will never be forgotten.... Oh God." I paused, and my hand came up to try and wipe away the seemingly end of tears. "I can't continue... I'm sorry."
With my head bowed, and my vision blurry, I was barely aware of the figure that brushed past me to get to the podium; a brief squeeze on the shoulder trying to infuse me with strength. Oh Daniel I miss you.
"Sam... Jack
I'm doing you two together, because as far as I'm concerned, you always have been. It may have taken you a while to see things, but you got there in the end. I've got so many things to say to you guys that I don't know what to do. One thing is to say thank you for rescuing me, and giving me your friendship. I just wish that there were some way to repay you, even though I know it's impossible. Don't worry about mom and the children - Robert and I are going to take in Dan and Beth. They're always going to know that their parents were the bravest people I knew who loved them very much. There wasn't a word for 'goodbye' on Hanka, and I'm not going to say it here. Missing you already.
Love always, Cassie"
* * *
"Daniel... dad,
Thank you for making mom so happy. Thank you for being such a good father. Thank you for always being there. Thank you for being you. I love you dad, and I'm sure as hell gonna miss you.
Love, Your Cassie"
As I stand here in front of all these people, suddenly I'm twelve years old again and have just been rescued from my destroyed world. I lost my family on Hanka back then, as I have all but done now. I know my mother well enough to realise that even though she's with us in body, her spirit has all but joined the others. Still, I know that she will never truly leave us as long as the children need her.
"The Goa'uld destroyed my world, and I was rescued by SG-1," I begin my tale, but am interrupted by the familiar sound of the Stargate. Those closest to the ancient artefact instinctively move away, even though none of us are in any danger from it. The iris, which has automatically closed, is now reopening, and I look to Colonel Richardson for confirmation as for what to do. There are still three teams off world, so it may be one of them, or perhaps a representative of the Tok'ra, although our current Tok'ra representative is sitting not ten feet from me; a young man called Hakeem, who carries the symbiont Selmac. It's only been two years since Jacob Carter died in the final assault against the Goa'uld system lords, yet it seems like an eternity now. In a way I'm glad, as it means that he doesn't have to sit through his only daughter's and son-in-law's memorial service. The seventh and final chevron locks, and as the wormhole forms with its usual brilliance, I risk a quick glance to the doors, where armed guards are waiting; just in case.
All the eyes in the gate room are fixed on the blue surface of the gate. Suddenly a figure - no, make that two figures - appear through the event horizon, followed by another two, then another one, then another two. All dressed in what appears to be very dusty, and ripped Air Force blues.
The taller of the first two figures lifts up his head, and in an unmistakable voice asks "Missed us?"
The figures that stepped through the gate were so familiar, yet at the same time so alien. I had resigned it in my heart that I was never going to see them again, yet here they were standing in front of me. The world was already swimming around me as a pitched forwards. It was black before I knew it, my last thought being 'Daniel.'
* * *
In response to O'Neill's question, it appeared that they had indeed missed us. Doctor Frasier-Jackson indeed fainted on our return through the Stargate, and was carried to the infirmary by Captain Miller of SG-10 and Lieutenant Price of SG-9. It was a joyous reunion for O'Neill and General Carter and their children, and DanielJackson and his children. Indeed it is my understanding that only the intervention of Carter that prevented O'Neill from having to carry Elizabeth. Cassandra Frasier later explained to me that the youngest of the O'Neill children had not spoken since we were reported missing in action.
In the infirmary, Doctor Frasier-Jackson regained consciousness, and spent the rest of the time in DanielJackson's arms. It has provided me with some relief, as DanielJackson had been what O'Neill would call "driving me crazy" while futilely wishing that he could be reunited with his wife. Now that he is, I believe that he is satisfied.
Despite O'Neill's worries concerning General Carter, she only suffered a mild concussion, a sprained ankle, two broken and five bruised ribs. O'Neill always believes that injuries to his spouse are worse than they are, yet when he suffers himself, he always states that they are not as bad as they really are. Despite my many years among the Tauri, there are still many things that I do not understand. O'Neill is one of them.
Doctor Townsend has stated that we were very lucky to escape with the injuries that we have sustained. My symbiont was able to heal any damage I suffered; O'Neill suffered from bruises, while DanielJackson sprained some muscles in his back, as well as spraining his thumb. The other three officers who made it out with us - Lieutenant Colonel Owen of SG-15 and Major Evans and Lieutenant Summers from SG-7 were not severely injured either, although I believe Lieutenant Summers suffered from a broken collarbone. However, based on the damage I saw when we were heading to the Stargate, I agree with Doctor Townsend's diagnosis that we were very lucky to escape with what injuries we have. I only wish the others who had been present had been as lucky.
* * *
It's good to be home. Now we've been checked out by the infirmary, and our butts have been used as pincushions, it's time to head to the briefing room. I've got a feeling that there's a lot of people who want to know what the hell happened out there...
* * *
The end, although there may be a sequel about what the hell happened out there, and how they got out of it! Did you really think I'd kill off all of SG-1? You did? Oh well - maybe next time!!!
Feedback to little_miss_likes_to_fight@hotmail.com please.
Copyright Vicki Pryke May 2002
Story Notes: AUTHOR'S NOTES: I don't know what inspired to write this, but it sort of just wrote itself. I don't normally write in the first person, so this was a bit of a change for me.
* * * Means that the point of view's changed. (May get a bit confusing!)
* * * Means that the point of view's changed. (May get a bit confusing!)
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]