Sam woke up, sitting bolt upright in her bed. Her breathing was shallow and uneven, her T-shirt and hair damp with sweat and her cheeks wet with tears. The situation was just as it was every night. For the past week, Sam had awoken in the same way every night.
Following the same routine that she had formed over the past week, Sam turned on the lamp beside her bed. She then got out of the bed that was now too big for her to sleep in alone and walked over to the dresser. Sam then removed her T-shirt and put on a clean, dry replacement.
She paused, not wanting to turn back to face her bed. She knew what would be there when she turned and part of her did not want to see it.
"You have to turn around at some point," a voice said.
"No, I don't. I can just stay here and wait for day to break. Then you'll be gone."
"Do you want me to leave? I'm only here while you need me, so you must still need me. Just say and I'll go. Is that what you want?"
She wanted to say yes, to tell him to go. She could not say it. Even in death she could not lie to him. She turned and saw Jack sitting on her bed.
"Another nightmare?" Jack asked and Sam nodded. "They'll go away soon."
"So will you."
"I still confuse easy, Sam. Do you want me here or not?"
"Yeah, I want you here."
"Come over here and I'll help you go back to sleep, then."
"But then I'll wake up and you'll be gone and one day you won't come back." Sam began to cry again. She felt like she had spent the past week crying.
"You've got to let me go at some point."
"I don't want to!" Sam shouted angrily. "Why did you have to leave at all? Why did you leave me?" she sobbed.
He stood and moved toward her. "I didn't want to leave. I never want to leave you, Sam, but I have to. I love you, Sam."
"Then make it better," she whispered, knowing that she was asking the impossible.
"Come here," he whispered back. She reluctantly moved toward him and he hugged her. He felt so real even though she knew that he was not. She knew that he was gone and that he could not really be here. During the night she could fool herself though. She could pretend that he had a heartbeat, that he felt warm, that he had a smell. Just being in his embrace, Sam could calm herself and fall asleep again.
+ + + +
The next time that Sam awoke, it was to the sound of her alarm going off. She was not sure why she still set the alarm - she had nowhere to go, nothing to do. She had not been to the SGC for a week, not since Jack had...
The phone rang. It did at the same time every morning. It was Daniel. He had rung at this time every day since Sam had locked herself in her house. Not once had Sam answered the phone.
The answering machine clicked on.
"Sam? It's me, Daniel. Please answer. Just let me know that you're okay. Please." He said the same thing every morning. "I'm here if you need me. We're all worried about you. I guess that's it. Bye."
The machine clicked off again and Sam rolled over. The other pillow, Jack's pillow, had been slept on. That was the only thing that kept Sam from thinking that she was going insane. Every morning after he visited, his pillow was squashed slightly. Smiling, Sam got up.
Sam went downstairs and was greeted by the smell of freshly brewed coffee. She poured herself a cup and went over to the table where today's mail was waiting for her. Jack had done both things for her before he had left again. She knew that one day he would never return, that she would have to sleep the entire night on her own, that no coffee would be made for her and that her mail would still be by the door.
She knew that day would come but she could hope and pray that it would not be for a while yet. She was not ready for that day to come.
+ + + +
Since Jack's passing, Sam had locked herself in her house, retreating from the world. She now spent her days watching daytime television, feeling her brain turn to mush. She did not care.
Later on in the day, Sam heard someone knock on her door and as usual she ignored it. Jack had always answered the door. They had not been together very long, but it had been long enough for habits to form. He had been taken from her before they had had enough time together. It was not fair. They had waited so long to be together and then just as they took the next step in their relationship, he was gone.
"Sam?" Sam turned at the sound of a voice from inside of her house.
"Daddy," she said, seeing her father standing in the doorway to the room. She had not called him Daddy since she was a little girl. "What are you doing here?" she asked.
"George contacted me. How are you doing?"
"Okay," she lied, turning back to the television.
Jacob did not say anything to his daughter's obvious lie; instead he sat down next to her. "What are you watching?" he asked.
"Nothing much." She turned the television off.
"Sam, you can't disappear from the world. People are worried about you." Sam just sat there, not saying a word. Tears began to form in her eyes. She knew that people were worried. She knew that they were hurting too. "He's gone and you need your friends to help you."
He's gone.
He'd left her.
He'd never come home again.
She'd be alone forever.
"You're not alone, Sam." Sam looked at her father and finally began to cry in front of someone else.
"I want him back, Dad. I miss him. My heart hurts so much."
"I know, honey," Jacob whispered, bringing his daughter into a hug. Sam yawned some time later and Jacob said, "You should go to sleep. I'll be right here if you need me."
Sam seemed to pause.
"It's okay. I promise." Sam nodded and went to bed.
+ + + +
Sam awoke after having the nightmare again. It was always the same. The dream replayed Jack's death. SG-1 had been off world at the time and an attack had begun. Something, Sam could not remember what, had fallen on Jack, trapping him. The dream replayed it all in slow motion - Sam going back for Jack. Jack ordering her to leave before the whole place came down on them. She saw his face as she had left, the pain, the agony. And then she woke up as his scream permeated the air.
She turned on the bedside light and went over to her dresser. She changed her nightshirt and turned around. Her brow furrowed in confusion. Jack was not standing there waiting for her. She began to breath in short gasps as realisation dawned on her.
"Jack?" she whispered, hoping that he would answer her. There was no reply, no magical appearance of him. "Jack?" she shouted, beginning to cry. Why wasn't he coming? Why wasn't he there? "Jack!" she screamed.
The door opened and Sam turned, hoping to see Jack standing there. Part of her believed that he would be there, not in ghost form but really there. Part of her still believed that she would wake up one morning and find out that the past week had all been a dream. Neither ghost-Jack nor real-Jack was in her doorway though. It was her Dad.
"Honey?" Jacob whispered, moving into the room.
"He's gone," she whispered in reply. Sam looked up at her father, his concerned eyes meeting her tear-filled ones. "He's really gone, isn't he?" Jacob nodded. Sam began to sob and Jacob moved closer to hold his daughter. As he took her in his arms, she let him take all of her weight as she gave in.
"It's okay, Sam. Let it out." Jacob comforted his daughter and stayed with her as they both fell asleep.
+ + + +
Sam awoke to find herself in her father's arms. It was still night time. She sat up in her bed and remembered what had happened earlier on in the night. Jack had left her. It was hard for her to fully understand. She had known that he was physically gone, but his ghost had still been around. She still wanted the ghost to be around. No matter how un-real he was or how impractical it was to have him there, she felt like she needed him right now.
Sam got to her feet and went into the bathroom to get a drink of water. She turned on the faucet and filled up a glass. She looked up at the mirror and saw Jack looking at her, replacing her reflection.
"I thought you'd left?" she whispered. She knew that Jack was really there, but her father would never believe her if he heard her talking to herself.
"I have, but I had to see you once more. I need to know that you understand why I've left."
"Because everyone has to at some point. Because with you around I would never get used to life without you. I know that you're gone now and that you won't be back."
Jack's image nodded. "As long as I was here every night you would never let others help you because I would still be here. But we had so little time together I stayed for a while."
Sam nodded, her eyes welling with tears again. She gingerly placed a hand on the mirror. "I'm going to miss you, Jack."
Jack's image smiled slightly. "I'll miss you, too, and never forget that I love you. You changed my life so much, Sam, and I wouldn't change a thing. You made my life such a better place. You made me a better person. I knew that you were special and important the day you walked into my life. You changed everything. Never forget."
"I won't." A tear slid down Sam's left cheek.
"I have to go. Bye."
"Goodbye." With that Sam's reflection looked back on her. She dropped her hand from the mirror and smiled. She would never forget him and she would continue on with life, remembering him and everything that they shared.
+ + + +
The End
+ + + +
Story Notes: Comments: I know that I've been away for a while, but I'm back and hopefully I'll have other stuff finished soon. This is just a short fic while I work on two longer SJ fics and a Charmed fic, so it isn't excellent. Feedback is liked and may get me writing other stuff faster :) Oh, and yes I know Sam's sleeping a lot in this fic.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]