I'm sitting here in my quarters, thinking. Well, that and crying me eyes out. Why does everything bad have to happen to me, and in the space of a week? Those last few words Jack said to me keep haunting me. 'I love you.' Why did we only admit to this when he died? We can't spend time together anymore. We can't talk, laugh, or just hang out together. I'll never see him again. I wish this last week would start over again. Then we could have said those things earlier, we could have never gone to that planet, and Jack wouldn’t have died. We could have been happy together. Could have, but not now.
I hear someone knocking on my door. It reminds me of a time just like this. When I was in here, crying over Martouf and Jack came to comfort me. He'll never be able to do that again. I'll never see him, hear him, or feel him hold me in his arms. With that thought I start crying even harder.
The knocking won't stop. So, finally I yell, "Go away!"
"Sam, I want to talk to you."
I can tell that it's Janet. I know she won't leave until she sees me, so I get up and open the door. She comes in and looks at me.
"You want to talk about what happened on that mission?"
"Not really."
"Why not?"
I pause for a moment. I can't think of any reason that Janet would except. "Why? Why did it have to happen?"
"What? Sam, tell me what happened. All I got out of Daniel is that something happened to Colonel O'Neill."
I start crying again. "He's gone."
"Sam?"
"He died. He died right in front of me. He was shot by some Jaffa. I ran over to him. I knew it was bad when I first saw him, but I just refused to accept it. He told me to leave, but I wouldn't." I paused again. Janet waited for me to continue. "He said he loved me. He told me just before he died. Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't we have had a chance together? If only I had been paying attention to what was happening. Then maybe I could have noticed the enemy approaching and we could have gotten off that world safely and Jack wouldn't have died."
"No, Sam. Don't think like that. You can't go back and change things that have already happened. You don't know if you could have done anything different." I try to interrupt but she stops me. "No, I don't want to hear it." She gets up to leave. She can tell that I want to be alone. She stops and adds. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
I shake my head, "Not unless you can bring Jack back."
*****
SG-11 was supposed to go back to that planet. They were going to bring back Jack's body so at least he could have a proper burial. I had a talk with the General and convinced him to let me go too. I know it will hurt to go back there, to see him, but it is something I have to do.
So here I am waiting for the gate to finish dialing. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm sure I want to do this. I always tell them the same answer, "I have to." I walk up the ramp, ready to face my nightmare. I close my eyes and step through.
On the other side I open my eyes. "Something's wrong," I say as soon as I look around. There is no evidence of a fire fight here. It looks just like it was when I first came here, except for a few scorched places in the grass. "This isn't right. Where is everything?!" I'm almost screaming now. This can't be right. What did those bastards do with him?
"What do you mean, Major?" Major Warren asks.
"Everything's gone. Why would they do that? Who would do that?"
We continue looking around for an hour, but find nothing. Reluctantly we return through the Stargate. How are we going to explain this to the General? Tell the truth, I had no idea what is going on.
"Sir," I started trying to think how to word this. "There was nothing."
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing was there. I don't know how, or why, but it was."
"It's okay, Major. Although, I would like to hear about this more in an hour."
"Yes, sir."
*****
I woke up suddenly, that alone surprised me. The last thing I remember was getting shot, and telling Sam.... Oh, my, I have to go talk to her. I look around and notice my strange surroundings. Finally, I notice why I'm alive. I'm sitting up in a sarcophagus. I jump out of it and walk around in search of who ever put me here. I don't have to look for long.
"Stay where you are!"
I turn around to see Apophis with quite a few guards around him. "What am I doing here?"
"You have been brought back to serve us."
"Me? Serve you? Hell, no!"
"You will be our slave."
"No way! I'm not going to be anybody's ..." I am cut off as a hand hits my face.
"You will not talk back to us!"
I am going to say something, but can't because a staff weapon hits my legs causing me to fall to my knees. I have to stop myself from yelling out in pain. All these bad guys pushing me to the ground has been a killer on my knees.
*****
These past few weeks have been a living hell. At first all they did was try to beat information out of me. It didn't work. Now they have me working out in some mine. All day and part of the night, mining for naquada. My muscles ache constantly now.
Late one night I was trying to sleep when I felt something stab me. I reached into my pocket and found a pen. I had no idea how I got it, or how I managed to keep it. I searched my other pockets and found an old, crumpled up piece of paper. I don't know why, but I started writing. I ended up writing to Sam. I was spilling all my feeling onto that paper. I folded it up and put my dog tags in it. That way if by some miracle Sam gets it, she'll know it really is from me.
A few days later the guards gather a group of people to go to another planet to search for more places to mine. Sometimes I wonder why these people need so much naquada. Then I remind myself, they're Goa'ulds, they never make any sense. Lucky me, I got chosen to come along and go some where different for a change.
It wasn't really any different. Same kind of mines, same work. On the way back to the gate I realized I could find out where I was. The co-ordinates to the planet. When the guards stared dialing I got as close as I could. I saw all the symbols. I actually saw them. A joy went through me. I might be able to go home.
As soon as I could go back to the small room which I have been living in, I wrote down the symbols. I had to get this to the gate. I had to.
One day we were working near enough to the Stargate that I could reach the DHD. While no one was looking, I ran up by it and quickly put in the address for Earth. Of course the activating gate attracted attention, the guard's attention. Before I could get through they caught me. I struggled to get loose, but couldn't. With one last effort I threw the note I had been writing for these past few weeks through the gate. At least they would know where I was. That's the last thing I remember before I am knocked unconscious.
*****
I'm now laying in that same small room. I can tell I'm hurt badly. I got 'disciplined' after my attempt to escape. I try not to move, it hurts too much. I know my arm's broken, I think I have a few cracked ribs, and a lot of bumps and bruises. I just hope they got my note. I don't think I can take this place much longer.
*****
I am walking down the hall, going to my lab. It has been weeks since Jack went missing, but I still haven't gotten over it. Every time I walk into the briefing room there is a seat empty. We haven't found a replacement yet, so it is just us three on SG-1. Every time I am in my lab working on something, I think about how he would always come and play with what ever I had left sitting out. He would always try to get me out of there. He said I needed to get more of a life, have some fun.
Just then I hear the alarms going off. The gate has been activated, but we don't have anyone scheduled back today. I turn around and run in the direction of the control room to see what's going on.
When I make it there I see General Hammond talking with the technician.
"Do we have a code yet?"
"No, sir."
"Who is currently off world?"
"SG-6 and SG-9, but they're not due back for a few more days."
"Close the iris."
Before the iris closes, a piece of paper comes through.
"What is that?" Hammond asks, when he too sees it.
An airmen walks up to it and picks it up. "It's a letter, sir. It's addressed to Major Carter."
I run out to the gate room as soon as I hear that. I grab the letter from the airmen. I open it and find something I never thought I would see again.
"It's from Colonel O'Neill," I yell up to the control room so the General can hear.
"How can you be so sure of that?"
I hold up what I found, Jack's dog tags. I look at the letter again and start reading it.
Dear Sam,
It'll be a miracle if you ever get to read this. So why am I writing it? I have to let you know something. From the look of things, I probably won't be able to tell you myself, so that is why I'm writing this. I love you Sam. I don't know if you remember me telling you the first time. I just wish we could do something about it. It took my... apparent death for us to actually say what we knew for so long. I've always been interested in you, ever since the day I met you, but it took me a while to figure out exactly what I felt. I know now, but it's too late. I'm stuck here on some planet. I don't know what planet, all I know is it's far away from you. I hope you can get on with your life, go back to normal. But you probably don't even feel the same way I do. Why would you? You could have any man you wanted. You're so smart, sweet, beautiful. Why would you ever want to be with someone like me?
Love, Jack
I almost start crying in front of everyone. He didn't hear me tell him I loved him too. I look back at the letter and see more further down the page.
You got to come get me! I found out where I am! I know the co-ordinates! You have to help me. You have to come save me.
Just below that, I see an address. I can't believe it. He's alive. He's alive and now I know where he is.
"General, I know where he is!"
I go back to the control room, fold the paper in half, and show the General the part with the address. I can't let him see the other part.
"How can we know that this is really where he is?" General Hammond asks me.
"We have to at least try. If we don't, and he is there, we could lose Jack forever." Oops. I didn't mean to call him Jack. Colonel O'Neill, that's who he is, especially around the General.
If he noticed my slip, he didn’t say anything. "All right. SG-1 and SG-3 can go check it out. Go tell them to get ready. You can leave in an hour."
"Thank you, sir," I say as I run out of the room.
*****
We're all standing around, waiting for the gate to finish dialing. To me, it seems to be taking forever. I've been going through the full range of emotions. Right now I nervous. He has to be alive, he just has to. After reading that note, I can't lose him. The gate opens and we walk up the ramp.
On the other side, there are lots of Jaffa waiting at the gate. I'm not sure who fired first, us or them, but now I don't think it really matters. We've got most of them down, but more are coming... a lot more.
I sneak off. All of us can't get past them, but maybe they won't notice one person. Well, someone does, Daniel.
"Where are you going?" He asks me.
"I have to go see if Jack's here, and we aren't going to make it anywhere with all these Jaffa around."
"So how do you plan to make it through?"
"I thought maybe they wouldn't notice me. I am just one person. And they are busy with everyone else here."
"Okay, fine, go." I start to leave, but he stops me again. "But I'm going with."
From the way he says it, I can tell that I can't convince him otherwise. So, we both head off in the direction of a small building, since it's the only one close by. I was right. No one noticed us, well not too many did anyway. We made it past those that did.
We make it inside the building. I guess all the Jaffa that used to be here are off by the gate now, because there aren't any guards here. Inside there's a hall with many doors, I guess rooms, on both sides. Daniel takes the right side and I take the left. We start checking all the rooms, and free a few prisoners in the process. I'm almost to the end of the hall, and still no Jack. I break open one of the last doors, and there he is laying on the floor.
"Jack!" I yell and run up to him. I wrap my arms around him, holding on to him as tightly as I can.
"Ow," he groans.
I let go quickly. "I'm sorry. Are you okay?"
"Just a few broken bones, nothing that bad. I feel a lot better now that you're here."
I hug him again. Not quiet as tightly this time. "I never thought I'd see you again."
"Well, here I am."
"Did you really mean what you said?"
"Huh?"
"In the note you sent through the gate. Did you mean it? Do you really love me?"
"Yes. I did. I love you, Sam."
"I love you too, Jack."
He wraps one arm around me and pulls me closer.
"I hate to ruin this little Kodak moment, but we should really be going," Daniel says from the doorway.
Daniel and I both help Jack to the gate. They have it somewhat more under control. Daniel was able to dial up the gate and send to iris code through. We make it through the gate.
I walk down the ramp with Jack leaning heavily on me. A medical team is already standing in the gate room. They take Jack and a few others that were injured while fighting of the Jaffa.
General Hammond comes up to me. "So I guess the mission was a success?"
"Yes, it was."
"We'll have a briefing after we find out how Colonel O'Neill is."
"Yes, sir."
*****
Daniel, Teal'c and I are sitting outside the infirmary, waiting for any news. Daniel finally got me to stop pacing up and down the hall.
Just then Janet comes out and I jump up and walk toward her.
"How is he?" I ask, as Daniel and Teal'c walk up beside me.
"Well, he is suffering from exhaustion, malnutrition, he has a few cracked ribs, and his left arm is broken. Other than that there's nothing seriously wrong."
"Can I go see him?"
"Yeah, but just for a few minutes."
I walk into the room. Daniel stops Teal'c and they closed the door to give me some privacy.
"So, how are you feeling?" I say as I sit down on the side of his bed.
"Oh, just great."
"I can't believe you're actually here. Everyone thought you were dead. I missed you so much."
I try not to cry, but just remembering what it felt like when he was gone brings a tear to my eye. He reaches a hand up and wipes away my tears. He leaves his hand resting on my cheek.
"It's okay. I'm here now. You'll never get rid of me."
I smile at him. "I know. Just don't ever leave me like that again."
"I'll try my best not to."
Then Janet walks in. "General Hammond wants to see you Sam."
"Okay. I'll be back as soon as I can," I say to Jack.
"You can come back when you're done, and after Colonel O'Neill get some rest."
"Come on Doc, I feel fine." He sits up, but lays right back down. "Okay, maybe a little rest."
*****
The briefing was pretty normal. We told the General all that happened. He thought that maybe we should send a team back through to destroy the Goa'uld and Jaffa that were there. When we sent the MALP through everything was gone. They must have moved to another planet. Janet came and told the General how Jack was doing. She said that he could go home in a few days as long as he doesn't do to much.
So, today Jack gets to go home, but he's not allowed to drive. I volunteer to take him. We drive to his house in silence, neither of us sure what to say. When we make it there, I help him out of the car and to the door. I turn to leave but he stops me.
"Stay?"
I really should go, but I don't. "Okay."
We sit on his couch and watch what ever movie is on late tonight. I'm getting really tired and I fall asleep.
I wake up some time later. I'm alone, laying on the couch with a blanket over me. I glance at the clock. It's almost 2 am. I wonder where Jack went, so I go to look for him to see if he's all right.
I find him asleep in his bed. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps. I walk quietly over to him. I kiss him lightly on the cheek and turn to leave. I must have woken him up because he reaches out to stop me.
He pulls me back to him. I sit beside him.
"Stay with me? Please?"
I don't say anything. I just curl up beside him. I rest my head on his shoulder. He wraps his arm around me and pulls me closer. He's finally back, not dead, and here he is laying beside me. I smile and slowly drift off to sleep.
The End
So what do you think? Please send feedback!
Story Notes: Email: sj4ever_meg@yahoo.com
Feedback: Yes! Please send some!
Status: Complete
Warning: Slight violence. Nothing graphic.
Archive: SJ Archive, Heliopolis, my site, anywhere else please ask
Season/Sequel info: Sequel to my fic 'Purgatory'
Spoilers: Don't know all of them. It would be best to know everything up through season four.
Author's Notes: You really should read my other fic, Purgatory. If you don’t you probably won’t know what’s going on. Thanks to Jez for beta'ing for me. Thanks!
Feedback: Yes! Please send some!
Status: Complete
Warning: Slight violence. Nothing graphic.
Archive: SJ Archive, Heliopolis, my site, anywhere else please ask
Season/Sequel info: Sequel to my fic 'Purgatory'
Spoilers: Don't know all of them. It would be best to know everything up through season four.
Author's Notes: You really should read my other fic, Purgatory. If you don’t you probably won’t know what’s going on. Thanks to Jez for beta'ing for me. Thanks!
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]