"Inside my skin there is this space, It twists and turns, It bleeds and aches......"
Major Samantha Carter was tierd. The day had maintained in being her worst since she could remember. The mission was over and as routine SG-1 went about the task of explaining themselves, evaluating themselves and catagorising themseleves until each memeber felt like nothing more than a lab rat.
With a weariness she had become acustomed too she slipped inside her dark and stale labratory. It's tables and work benches and decorated mantal no longer felt home or personal, just desplays of what her life should be. In the dark she moved about, living in a world of dreams and nightmares, moving about like the creature of the night.
But the confines of her lab could not contain the yearning that she felt in her bones. That deep aching feeling that she missing something. Like a thirst or a hunger it burned away, but not in her stomach. In her heart.
"Inside my heart theres an empty room, Its waiting for lightning, It's waiting for you...."
Her hands wandered over the cold and stale coffee and they rested upon a frame. A gold frame and in the dense light from her moniture she could see the something that rested in her heart. A face to the lonliness that ate away at her mind at night and all through the day. It was only times like this, after a long and emotional mission, that it was unbareable. It was that tug of war that over whelmed her and made her vunerable to rash desions.
Tonight was worse than the rest. Too many close calls and an admission of love that brought her to the knees begging for relief. Neither of them needed the admission, it only harded the incrusted rock in their hearts and weighed down their minds until they begged for mercy.
Cold and miserable she walked along the yellow line towards the elevator, her mind acting in autopilot, her eyes registuring nothing but the grey slabs of concrete. There had to be relief, there had to be a way, there had to be something to stop the pain, something to quench the thirst or to fill the hunger. Anything.
"And I am wanting, And I am needing you here, Inside the absense of fear....."
She must of appeared as a zombie for those that crossed her path. Her eyes where blank, her shoulders hunched together and she looked like a woman who held the weight of the world on her shoulders. She struggled to sling two words together as she signed herself out and entered the world of the night.
The night sky smothered her like a blanket and called to her as she wandered through its path. The stars illuminated her steps while she travelled through the forest. To the airmen watching her it seemed like the night rushed to vaporise her as she disapeared into it's depths.
The world around her was nothing but splashes of colour on a black canvas and she found her heart growing heavier as she fought the tears that spilled. Then falling to her knees she let the tears fall as she began to dig.
Sam dug until her finger nails bled and her shoulder ached, she pulled away the roots and the rocks and dug deeper. She dug and dug and dug, deeper and deeper into the earth until she could dig no longer. A sob escaped her lips and she bent forth and screamed into the hole. A deep howl full of pain and anguish and she cried her misery into the hole. Her woes and desperation and her loneliness where all delivered into that hole, falling deeper and tumblition into a black pit of obliviation.
"Muscle and sinew, velvet and stone, this vessel is haunted, it creeks and moans..."
The tears fell into the hole and she stopped screaming when she could breath no more. Laying across the hole she breathed deeply, trying to control the sobs that racked her shaking body. She closed her eyes and lay completly still.
Sitting up she began to burry the hole. Filling the dirt back in and replacing the roots and the rocks and making it look like the hole had never been made. Than laying across it, as if protecting it, she peered at the sky through wet lashes.
Her silence was suddenly disturbed and she saw him standing there, a shadow lurking by a tree watching her with steady eyes. Neither of them moved, just stared at one another with longing. How could something so simple, yet so invauble be this painful?
"My bones call to you, In their seperate skin. I make myself translucent, To let you in, for I am wanting, And I am needing you here, Inside the absence of fear....."
I do not move from my postion as he comes towards me. His steps are careful and well thought through and he is hesitant as he stares at me from above. I know he has heard me and I know he has come here too to seek that relief. But I wish to tell him that I did not find my relief by screaming in a hole, I wish to tell him that after running for so long I want to stop and lay down.
He stares are me for a long time and I stare back, the tears that had stained my face now dry and a cool wind makes me shiver at its presence. He sits beside me and wraps his jacket around me, even though he too is cold. "I'm tierd." I tell him and he knows I'm not talking about tonight or the mission, I'm talking about us. I'm talking about the fear of being accused of something that hasn't happened. I'm talking about the lonely nights by the fire, in my bed, and in my lab. I am tierd.
The world around us seems to slow and meld away as we stop staring at each other and look at the stars. A mystery we had always longed to reach out and touch has now become our prison. Its too late to take it all back, too late to walk away. Were trapped and forever we will wonder what it could have been like. Unless......
"There is this hunger, This restlessness inside of me, And it knows that your no stranger, You're my gravity...."
Suddenly the stars are replaced by his face and I tenderly stroke his face while kissing his gently. His hand comes to stroke my hair and I feel something ripple inside of me. My skin burns with a fire i had only dared dream existed and suddenly the coldness i had felt is now roasting comfortably.
We lie in our own little universe as we give into tempation and finally break down the walls down. I am not surprised as I feel his tears roll down my face and I feel my own break free and merge with his. But kissing isn't enough and I am still thirsty for his touches and his carrasses.
His lips leave mine and follow the trail of my tears all the way down my neck. He lays me gently amoung the blanket of leaves and makes love to me and I to him. Our breaths puncture the warm air and the stars above become rivers of lights as I toss my head back in a fevered moan.
I can't help but hunger for more and I take my time in discovering the length of his body with my hands. I could spend forever wandering up and down the cures of flesh and I am lost within his hands as they hold me in his embrace.
"My hands will adore you, through all the darkness aim, they will lay you out in the moonlight, and reinvent your name....."
Still shaky from passion we both sit up, kneeling infront of one another. He leans forth and kisses my heart gently before kissing my forehead. My tears flow like a river down my face and I repeat the motion on him, his tears falling onto my heated skin as we nuzzle one another lovingly.
It feels so perfect. I feel the cool metal slide beneath my finger tips and I inerlace my fingers around the holister. My left hand travels to rest on his shoulder and he pulls me tighter to him as he tighten his fingers around his own gun.
I lean in a press my lips against his lips and we whisper the words of love to one another while looking each other straight in the eye. An then it is all over and the guns fall from our fingers and crash to the floor. With him still wound in my arms I fall and we rest umoung the bed of leaves together at long last. Our thirst and hunger finally fed.
An airmen is the first on to the scene and his is sicken at the site and throws up viloently to the side. The next airmen runs up to see his friend vomiting and looks around to see the blood darkening beneath the two most famous soilders. "Oh God." He murmers and they run back to the base with hell on their heels.
"For I am wanting you, and I am needing you here, I ned you near, Inside the absence of fear....."
THE END....
Story Notes: warning: if your in a good mood and wish to stay that way RUN! this is one saved for the nights when your depressed.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]