Grow up Sam, I berated myself. Stop feelin like this! Just admit it, he doesn't care about you in that way! He's your CO, and it's against regulations, for crying out loud!
Holy Hannah... where did that come from? I'm spending way too much time with him... What am I talking about 'way too much time'? He's been gone for over three months, and I swear it felt as though some vital organs had gone missing... my heart, maybe. Then when we finally were able to contact him and bring him home... there she was. Lara. The love of his life. "What about Sara?" I had felt like screaming.
No.
"What about me?"
"What about you?" I voice, unmistakebly the Colonel's, questions from behind me. I'd obviously stated that last sentence out aloud. Oops.
"Oh, uh... Sir... I was.. uh... just talking to myself," I sigh, and look at the ground of the locker room. THE locker room. This place brings back so many memories - of *that* past occurence; of my dreams; of the unattainable.
"Well, uh, shower's all yours, Sir. You'll probably feel like having a long one too, what with being away for such an extended period of time. I can't imagine that the plumbing system in your last place of residence would have been incredibly desirable, right?"
I look up at him. He's got his head cocked to one side, and he's sort of smiling, I think. It's been a while since I've seen that smile, since I've seen him at all...
"It's been a while," he says, reiterating my thoughts precisely, although I know he isn't thinking about me when he says it.
"Yes, Sir... I'll, uh, leave you to your shower now." I walk away quickly, avoiding his eyes.
"Major," he calls out to me just as I reach the door, "that's not what I meant." I turn to face him. "I missed you," he says quietly.
"Yeah... me too," I reply.
I walk into the hallway, allowing the door of the infamous locker room to close behind me. I still miss you , Sir, becuase it's never going to be the same, is it?
++++++++++++++++++++
She's upset; I can tell. She didn't exactly say anything about it, but that's the problem. She didn't *really* say anything. Even my, "I miss you," which I had meant sincerely, was met with a short, curt response.
"Yeah... me too."
Three words. Three little words. Words that mean, essentially, nothing. Not the three little words I'd been dreaming, wishing, to one day hear come from her mouth.
"I love you."
Stupid Jack! Why would she say that to you, of all people? Especially after... Lara. Not that she would have said anything before this last couple of months anyway. She doesn't think of me like that. She's my 2IC and she'd never forsake her career for her personal life. At least I know that much about her. Apart from that, she doesn't feel the same way about me, as I did about her.
Did. Past tense. What about now? Do I love Lara? Yes. Do I love Carter? Well, yeah, I guess I do. But, hell, I also love my mother! I care about these women! But, am I 'in love' with Sam or Lara? Hmmm... I don't know. Lara... I thought I wasn't coming home. I thought I'd never see the SGC or SG-1 again... and Carter... not that Carter would've missed me or anything. Boy, did she prove that not more than two minutes ago.
"Yeah... me too."
What sort of an answer was that anyhow?! Talk about your non-commital responses! I missed her! It was the truth! Yet she wasn't prepared to believe me. Why? I didn't do anything wrong! It's not as if we had a more-than-just-platonic-kinda-relationship and I cheated on her! We didn't even have a more-than-friends-kinda-relationship! She doesn't love me! She never did!
She never will...
The End
Story Notes: EMAIL: spaceangel666@hotmail.com
ARCHIVING: SJ yes. Anyone else, just ask!
CATEGORY: SJ, mild angst (hopefully!)
SPOILERS: "100 days", small one for "Broca Divide"
SEQUEL/SERIES INFO: none
AUTHORS NOTES: hey all! This is the first fanfic that I have ever posted (others are in the process of being written!) so I'd really love some feedback! Also if anyone can think of a better title, I'd be forever grateful! I just saw " A Hundred Days" last week, and I still can't get over it! So, here goes...
ARCHIVING: SJ yes. Anyone else, just ask!
CATEGORY: SJ, mild angst (hopefully!)
SPOILERS: "100 days", small one for "Broca Divide"
SEQUEL/SERIES INFO: none
AUTHORS NOTES: hey all! This is the first fanfic that I have ever posted (others are in the process of being written!) so I'd really love some feedback! Also if anyone can think of a better title, I'd be forever grateful! I just saw " A Hundred Days" last week, and I still can't get over it! So, here goes...
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]