Sam and Jack both watched as the rest of SG-1 made their quiet escape. Sam had no idea what to say to him except to repeat the questions she had already asked him, hoping that he would now answer her. Or she could just wait for him to volunteer answers. He knew what she had asked and therefore what she wanted to know, but as the other three SG-1 members became smaller and smaller, it dawned on Sam that Jack had no intention on starting to speak. Wanting to remain calm with him, Sam had no idea how to when he was still being stubborn and standing there silently. She wanted to know what was going on and why he was claiming they could not live together one day and then practically kicking her off of SG-1 the next. Either they could not work together or they could not live together. Surely both did not need to happen in order for them to sort out their problems. Unless, Sam considered, Jack had no intention of sorting any problems out.
It was more in line with the Jack O’Neill she truly knew – he ran away from things, hiding behind telescopes or special ops, suicide missions rather than face up to things. In the field he was the bravest man she had ever met, but in his personal life Jack was a proportionately sized coward. With the thought that maybe Jack was in fact being a coward, Sam's anger started to bubble up once more.
"Come on then, Jack," she demanded, "What's going on?" He did not make any move to say anything as he continued to look off into the distance. Assuming that he was still watching SG-1, Sam said, "They're far enough away, Jack, they can't hear whatever you're about to tell me."
"That wouldn't really matter, would it?" he asked rhetorically. "Seeing as you just aired most of our dirty linen to them."
"What was I supposed to do?" she asked with a slightly calmer voice. Another yelling match was not on her agenda. "We sleep together after weeks of barely speaking, you disappear in the morning. Then you spend two weeks barely speaking to me, arguing with my father, you tell me that you're going to move out and then attempt to kick me off of the team. Jack, our family and SG-1 are both the most important things in my life and you're attacking both of them. If you truly believe that we can't live together anymore because of work and our feelings getting in the way then why do you also need to kick me off SG-1?"
"I didn't kick you off SG-1."
"What do you call rearranging a mission and lying to everyone about me? This is my career, Jack, and I thought you knew how important it was to me. Is to me, hopefully."
"Of course I do."
"Then why? I understand if you were picking us over work and by shifting me permanently off the team meant that we could be together, but you're not. You're kicking me off the team and out of my family. What are you trying to do? Don’t you realise that things are different now? We’re not both on SG-1 anymore, there are ways to solve whatever your issue is. But, I mean, what is your issue? You don’t want to work with me or live with me. What's going to happen when we pass each other in the corridor or are present in the same meeting? Are you going to acknowledge me or would that be our friendship over? And what about our family? Are we going to meet in passing as we swap Daniella over between the two of us? Are you moving out or am I? I don't want either of those options, Jack, but you seem to be leaning towards both. It doesn't make sense."
Jack shrugged his arms wildly. "I don't know, Sam!" he declared. There was a long silent pause and Sam could see him struggling over his words. "Things have just got too complicated and the only way I know how to deal is work. That's just what I do: work. I ignore everything and work. I get consumed in silence and being solitary. Hey, I’m a grumpy old man who deserves and normally survives on their own. I just needed time alone to think, but I figured that I couldn't do that with you here. I didn't mean anything to do with your career. Although, it may be pretty ruined now since you waltzed on through the Stargate without permission."
"Can we deal with that later please?" Sam asked. She did not want to think about the repercussions of her actions right now. Her family was more important than her job and that needed sorting before she could have any thoughts or concerns over her career. "I want my family sorted. If you don’t want to be part of that family, then fine, I guess, but I deserve some answers."
"Like?" he asked.
She wanted to scream at him and question how dense he could be. "How about what happened after we slept together and why you weren't there the next morning?" She gave him a few moments to answer and when he didn't she spoke again: "Okay, maybe an easier one - what happened between you and my dad?"
"Well," he answered straight away, "that's directly linked to the first question."
"Could you try answering them then please?"
"I panicked," he admitted and Sam softened slightly towards him. "I just needed to think. Every time that something has almost happened between us, something else has happened to cause everything to crash down around us. Things aren't that simple anymore. Every time that we came close to crossing a line, or bent it a bit, it was you who stepped back and you didn’t. I woke up and you were lying there and I knew what we’d done and I had no idea if you’d take it back, if we should take it back, or if we even could try and take it back. I still agree with what we said months ago that Daniella comes before work, us, anything else, but then I've been living with you and things aren't as simple as when we first became parents."
"So what did you decide?"
"Well, our feelings aren't just getting in the way of work and regulations, but in the way of our family. If we can't keep our feelings under control then Daniella will be affected."
"Have you not noticed that she already is?” Jack sent her one of his pointed looks and she sighed. “And you came up with living apart?" That had been his suggestion when Daniella had been mentioned the night before.
"No," Jack shook his head. "I came up with the opposite. That we, if you agree, that we give things a go. I mean, it's still not that simple, but it was a start."
"So what happened?" She asked with a low, emotional voice. Ignoring his announcement and the feelings it stirred within her, Sam needed to know what had stopped him before she could attempt to broach the new revelation.
"Your dad reminded me of a few facts during our barbeque. Facts which made me question the whole giving it a go thing."
Sam shook her head, knowing what her father would have said to Jack. Jacob had always wanted Sam to have the best of everything, even after she had joined the air force he still felt like she was not living the life or having the career she should have. That was why he had tried to arrange for her to join NASA rather than the unknown project which was the Stargate programme. "Jack, my dad and I get on better now, trust me, but he doesn’t know what's best for me. I do."
"You don't understand," Jack argued. "He told me that you're scared of getting hurt, that you stop yourself from finding happiness because of how everyone seemingly leaves you. It made me question why you were in this can't-be-made-possible situation with me. Was it because nothing would ever come of it so you can't get hurt?"
"Come off it, Jack, I've had nothing but pain since sleeping with you. No offence."
"None taken. He said that you deserve to love and be loved and he wasn't sure that I'm the right person to give you that love. Which I happen to agree with, by the way. You just admitted yourself that you've had nothing but pain since we first ever attempted anything more than friends. I don't want to hurt you more, make it worse."
"He didn't mention my career and the regulations?" Sam asked curiously.
"No," Jack shook his head. "He knows that I'd never ask you to give up your career. Which I wouldn't. He thinks that focussing on your career has kept you lonely and brought no real happiness, but he's unsure that I can make things better. He just wants you to be happy and his talk with me made me doubt that I could."
"Really?" She was surprised that her father was not more anti-Jack.
"He told me that neither of us should let rules stand in our way of anything that makes us happy."
"So why the distance from me?"
"Because I don't know what's going to make you happy. I don't even know if you want to take that step or if you regret stepping over the line so completely."
"Of course I do." There was no hesitation concerning his revelation, she knew that things needed to change and that step was the route she wanted to try, despite the risks to their family. Sam took a small hesitant step closer to him. "Ever since our first night together that's all that I wanted, but my dad's right - I don't want to get hurt and I don't want Daniella to get hurt. I'm already hurting though and maybe admitting what I feel and taking that chance that I've never taken before is the only way to stop the pain."
Jack smiled at her. "Especially now that Hammond's going to court-martial you, you may as well fall back on us; you got nothing else but me and Daniella."
Sam shook her head, smiling at his joking. "Jack, try and be serious. Are we really saying...?" Sam suddenly felt electricity flow through her right before her world went black.
SG – SG – SG
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