Sam sat in her quarters at the SGC, thinking. To the casual observer it would appear that she was simply staring into space, but she was truly thinking. That in itself would not be a surprise to anyone that knew her, what would surprise them is that she wished she could stop. She found her thoughts disturbing, and had ever since Col. Jack O'Neill had returned from Edora. Those thoughts were disturbing enough to keep her awake when she should have been sleeping. Goodness knows she'd had little of that in the past 3 months. Sam was almost thankful for the knock on her door that pulled her from the disturbing thoughts of her Colonel. "Coming," she called as she crossed the room to the door. "Hi Sam," Janet said as she pushed her way past her friend. "Gee Janet. Won't you come in?" The sarcasm lost in the thinly veiled weariness of her voice. "We need to talk Sam. I don't want you going off world tomorrow."
"Well Janet, SG-1 has a mission, and I'm going with them. Besides, why would you possibly want me to stay behind," Sam asked innocently. "Sam, how can you ask me that. Have you forgotten the conversation we had in my office day before yesterday?"
"No, I haven't forgotten anything. You talked, I listened. I just don't recall agreeing with you."
"Sam, you know I'm right. Look at yourself in the mirror. You've lost weight, your pale, anemic, overtired and run down. All your friends are worried about you."
"Janet, I apreciate your concern, but I'm fine. I need to work, get back in the swing of things. Besides, I wasn't the one lost off world for three months, are you giving him this lip?"
"No, Sam I'm not. I don't need to. He ate and slept well from what I can observe. It isn't the Colonel I'm worried about, it's you."
"Well you don't need to, I'm fine. I've slept a lot this past weekend and feel much better. Besides Janet, it's just a milk run. You know the drill, uninhabited planet, ruins for Daniel to explore. We hike in, we hike out. I need the fresh air."
"Sam, why is this so important to you?"
"God Janet, do I really have to explain it?"
"Yes, if you want to go then you have to explain to Janet, if not Dr. Fraiser."
"Fine then. If this will get you to let it rest. I can't let him think that it got to me. That I felt his absence more keenly than he did. Are you satisfied now."
"No. Now I know that your out to prove something, and I don't think it's wise."
"Janet, that was a rotten trick. You can't do this. I'm a major in the Air Force, and whether you like it or not I'm going. You know yourself you don't have enough to ground me with. I'm going, with your blessings or without." Janet observed her friend with a mixture of feelings. She was worried, but Sam was right, she didn't have enough to ground her with. The anemia would have been her best bet, but it wasn't low enough to constitute a danger. Sam was a walking borderline. Janet just hoped this trip didn't push her in the wrong direction. "Okay, Sam. Just be careful please. Your my friend, I worry about you."
"I'll be fine Janet. You know I'm not the accident prone member of SG-1, and I wouldn't want to take Daniel's title from him. He has worked so hard for it," Sam grinned at her friend. Janet smiled back, nothing she could do but prepare the first aid kit and try to get over the sinking feeling she had in the pit of her stomach.
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Daniel leaned against the wall outside of Sam's quarters and fell into step beside Janet when she began her journey up the hall. "Well," he asked when far enough away that the two could speak. "No luck Daniel. I guess I didn't really expect it to work."
"Why won't she let us help her," he asked. "Doesn't she know we care?"
"I think she does Daniel, but you know it's hard for her."
"Yes, but I guess I don't understand why."
"Daniel, Sam has always taken care of herself. She had to, she was the woman of the house when her mother died. She was older than you were, so she became the woman of the house, felt she couldn't be the child anymore. It was important that she be strong. Then she entered a male dominant world. It was imperitive that she show no weakness less someone go for the jugular. It has become an ingrained pattern. One she will most likely fall into whenever she is stressed. This is one of those times. It doesn't matter that you guys won't think less of her, she isn't capable of seeing that know."
"What do we do to help?"
"Be there, and be her friend. She will come around in her own time."
"Are you sure she is okay for this Doc.?"
"No, but she'll have to be. I don't have a reason to ground her." Daniel watched Janet Frasier walk up the hall, knowing she was as worried as he was, and as helpless. Morning dawned to find SG-1 suited up and ready for final briefing. It would be a realitively straight forward mission. SG-3 had found a beautiful, unpopulated planet with ruins approxiamately three days walk from the stargate. Hammond wanted Daniel to have a look at the ruins so it was decided to send SG-1. It would be an easy mission to get the group back in the swing of things after Jack's absence. Daniel would really be looking forward to it, if it wasn't for Sam. He couldn't help but worry about her. It wasn't just that she had worn herself to exhaustion trying to return Jack, but that he hadn't even bothered to thank her, or ask her how. He had hurt her, and that left her unable to recover her equilibrium quickly. No one had told Jack the extent to which her efforts had taken her. The enormity of her effort, and her loss. He didn't know that she had collapsed once, or that she had lost her apartment. He didn't know that she had lost all her belongings, sold to pay for the rent that she had forgotten in her zeal to recover him. She had made them all swear to secrecy, at least those that knew. Jack could find out if he opened his eyes, if he took time to notice that she hadn't been off base since his return. "Coming Daniel," Jack called as he left the briefing room. "Yea Jack, on my way." Daniel said a silent prayer that Sam was as strong as she thought she was. They would be off world for over a week, and hiking at least six days of that, and exhausting trip even under the best of times. Sam follwed her team mates up the ramp and through the event horizon. She was unable to explain to Janet or Daniel how much she needed to be off world. Well she probably could have, but she was unwilling to discuss the loss of her apartment, and that played heavily in her desire to get away. No home to go to, no tapes of her favorite music to sooth her, no favorite clothes to wrap herself in, all the little comforts so easily forgotten, so hard to replace. It would take time and energy to recover. Time she had in spades, energy she didn't.
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SG-1 completed there sweep of the area before deciding it was time to move out. Jack O'Neill took point, with Teal'c covering there backs. All reports suggested uninhabited, but it was never a good idea to let down your guard. Sam found herself falling into step beside Daniel, the perfect place to be if you didn't feel like talking. Daniels excitement had taken over and he was discussing what they had already been told about the ruins with his usual zest. The four stopped for a lunch of field rations in a large clearing. The weather was perfect for hiking, neither too hot or too cold, and the scenery beautiful. This place almost seemed to good to be true, but Sam hadn't really noticed the beauty. She allowed her pack to slip to the ground with a barely suppressed groan. She didn't want to admit that Janet was right, but she knew she wouldn't normally be so tired. Oh well, she could work through it, she was tough, or so her father had always told her. Sam was not aware that she was being watched until O'Neill's voice cut through her thoughts. "Major, you with us," he asked sharply. "Yes sir," she responded automatically. "Then look alive Major."
"Yes sir," she responded, taking the rations he had been holding out to her. Night fall came suddenly, and with it a drop in temperature. The camp fire would feel good to them all. Daniel had launched into a discussion with Teal'c about campfire songs, and in general the mood was good. Sam had even begun to share in some of the conversation that afternoon, and earth was beginning to feel a long way away. She sighed to herself after lying down in her sleeping bag, she was sure she had made the right decision, even if she was exhausted. The next two days of hiking passed quickly, and Daniels excitement grew with each passing mile. He was like a kid when it came to ruins, and it was hard not to be affected by his excitement. Sam found herself enjoying the trip, and able to ignore the tired ache that had set in after the first day's hike. It was the morning of the fourth day that the ruins finally came into view. The first city they came upon in an hour, the second remained several hours away. It was decided, after a brief debate, that Sam and Jack would proceed to the next city to decide it's worth. Daniel and Teal'c would stay and begin work in the first city. There was little conversation between Sam and Jack while they walked, and for the first time in a long time that silence was strained. "Major, ah Sam... I never thanked you for coming after me."
"You would have done the same for any of us sir," she responded automatically. "Maybe, but I couldn't have done what you did. A lot of people would have let me wait on the ship. I do appreciate your efforts. Sam, I'm not good with words, I..."
"It's okay sir, I understand," she responded, and knew that it wasn't a lie, she did understand what he was trying to say. She was still hurt about Lara, but that really wasn't any of her business, or so she kept telling herself. It was a relief to them both when they finally reached the second city of ruins. Sam took a deep breath as she surveyed the view before her. The ruins set tucked beside a crystal clear lake, the waters blue and sparkling. She could almost imagine how beautiful this would have been when the city thrived. "Oh my," she murmured softly. "Be glad Daniel's not here Sam. He would be sure to expound on it's practicality, not it's beauty."
"Oh, Colonel. I thought an appreciation of practicality was more your style. Daniel comments on beauty before you do," she responded as she began to pick her way across the ruble. "That doesn't mean I don't notice Sam," he responded, but too softly for his words to be heard. Colonel Jack O'Neill was not as blind as those around him thought he was. He knew that he had hurt Sam, that there was something bothering her. He just wasn't sure how to fix it, or to what extent it was damaged. Jack shook his head as he realized how much like a military man he really sounded, time to follow Sam. Sam had made it to the top of the ruble heap that protected the inner city from view. She had to know if there was anything on the inside worth bringing Daniel to see. Sam shook her head as she surveyed the remnaints that lay before her. There was nothing left to find here, at least not without a bulldozer. She shook her head as she allowed her view to settle on the water, it would have been a beautiful site in it's day. "Well Sam," the Colonel called from near the bottom. "Nothing sir," she called as she turned to make her way down, the rocks shifting precariously under her feet. Sam knew she would have made it to the bottom easily if it wasn't for the tremor that shook the land. It was mild and brief, but enough to affect the precarious balance of ruble. Sam felt herself fall, the rocks tumbling down with her. She felt pain cascade along her body before she felt the chill bite of the water. Jack O'Neill observed the majors fall, and took himself to the side of the lake quickly. "Sam ," he called as he saw her bob to the surface before sinking again. Jack didn't waste any time diving into the cold water to fish out his major. He pulled her to shore carefully, before trying to wake her. Sam came to with a cough, quickly expelling water from her lungs, before gasping in pain. "Where does it hurt Sam?"
"Shoulder, head," she mumbled between chattering teeth. Jack checked her over quickly, she had a gash on the back of her head that was still bleeding, and her shoulder was obviously dislocated. Jack pulled the first aid kit out and began to clean up the head wound as he called Daniel and Teal'c. "O'Neill to Daniel," he called through the radio. "Daniel here Jack, what's the matter?"
"Daniel, Sam's been injured, I'll explain when I see you. Set us up camp and get a fire going. As soon as I set her shoulder we'll be heading your way."
"Okay Jack, we'll be ready," he responded, not even bothering to hide the worry in his voice. This was the last thing Sam needed to have happen, he just hoped she wasn't seriously injured.
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"AAAGGHHHHH!!! Stop, please," Sam's voice died on a whimper. "Sorry Sam, almost there," Jack reassured as he felt the shoulder pop into place. "There Sam, all done."
"Oh God, sir. It hurts," she whispered, through teeth that continued to chatter violently. "I know Sam. Look the rest of the pack is back at camp. Let's get you back so we can get you dried out, and get you something for pain." Sam nodded slightly as Jack helped her to her feet. She wasn't at all sure she could walk that far. Shivers wracked her frame, which did nothing for the pain in her shoulder. Jack became increasingly worried about Sam as they made there way to join the rest of their team members. Her shivering had stopped, and she could only answer a direct question in monosyllables now. He knew she was slipping into shock, and that she needed to warm up and rest. Jack was never more relieved to see his fellow team members as Teal'c joined them and lifted Sam into his arms. Jack jogged behind with the rest of their day packs. Sam woke slowly, she was aware that she was dry and near a fire, but she didn't recall getting there. "Sam, you okay," Jack O'Neill asked as he watched her eyes flutter open. "Yea, I think so. Nothing hurts as much now. Where are the guys?"
"They are trying to finish at the ruins so we can head back in the morning. I gave you something for pain, and we'll pull out in the morning. You should feel at least partially human after a good nights rest."
"I'm okay sir, I can wait till Daniels done. It's just my shoulder and it's much better know that you set it. There is nothing else Janet could do. If we don't finish, we'll just have to come back later."
"We'll see in the morning Sam, " Jack responded in his tone that brooked no argument. "Yes sir, " she mumbled softly. Sam hated to be the reason that a mission was aborted before completion. She couldn't let that happen this time. She could already see the unspoken told you so she would find in Janet's eyes. Janet may not say it, but Sam would hear it anyway. Next morning dawned bright and clear as had all the others. Sam was feeling much better, and Daniel felt like he would need only a few more hours to finish up. So the decision was made, they would finish up and then head out. Sam was relieved that they would get finished before heading out. Sam sat under a nearby tree watching as the rest of her team packed up camp, they had refused to allow her to help, and truth be told she was relieved. She had felt much better that morning than she did now. Her head ached, along with the rest of her body, and she was cold. So very cold. She had pulled out her extra jacket and had it wrapped around her shoulders as she sat waiting on the others. Night fall found them four hours closer to the stargate, and seeking shelter from a sudden storm. The rains fell sharply, and the trees rocked with the violence of the winds. The team was grateful for the shelter they found in a nearby cave, and Sam sank against the wall shivering. She surprised everyone, herself included, with the sudden bout of violent coughing. "Sam you okay," Jack asked as he knelt next to her. "Don't feel so good, sir," she mumbled as the coughing started again.
Jack placed his hand gently against her forehead, dismayed to feel the heat there. "You've got a fever Sam, let me get you some Tylenol." Jack gave her the Tylenol to reduce her fever, and held the water for her as her hands started to shake. He had her sleeping bag layed out quickly and helped Sam into it before she dozed off to sleep. Jack woke in the middle of the night to another bout of violent coughing, and was disturbed to hear the mild wheeze in her chest. Sam seemed to sleep through it, and so he left her alone. "She okay Jack," Daniel asked softly. "She's pretty sick Daniel. I didn't think she took in that much water," O'Neill admitted softly. "She probably didn't," Daniel admitted."Under normal circumstances she'd probably have been fine."
"Whats that supposed to mean Daniel," Jack asked sharply. "Jack, are you really that blind? She's run down and tired. She hasn't eaten or slept right for the past three months."
"You mean," Jack started, his voice trailing off, leaving the sentence unfinished. "Yes, I mean exactly that. She worked herself into the ground while you were gone. I promised I wouldn't tell you, but considering the circumstances, well you have a need to know."
"Oh God. I had no idea, I mean I knew she looked tired, but I didn't know that was all to get me back."
"Well it was. I was afraid she would get sick sooner or later. I just wish it wasn't here, like this," Daniel said sadly. The storm continued to rage violently outside the cave next morning, leaving the team with no altenative other than to stay put. Sam was certainly in no condition to hike in the rain. Daniel and Jack took turns sponging her forehead and feeding her Tylenol, but it seemed to have little affect. Sam was awake for short periods, and seemed to feel worse everytime she awoke. The coughing was violent and harsh, and there seemed to be little the men could do to make her feel better.
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Sam woke slowly allowing her senses to fill her in on pertinant information before she started moving. She knew she was off-world, an assessment supported by the hard ground and cold air. This knowledge allowed other facts, including the source of her pain, to seep into her consciousness. She was only vaguely aware of the last 24 hours, and this disturbed her. Nothing much she could do about it she knew, but it bothered her anyway. She couldn't be sure of what she may have said while sick and feverish. Well, more feverish than she was now. Sam sighed softly, and using her uninjured right arm, levered herself into a sitting position. "Sam, how ya feeling," Daniel asked when he noticed her sitting up. "Truth or lie," she croaked. "Ah, guess you'd better make it truth."
"Terrible, which is a vast improvement over death warmed over," she offered, a small smile lighting her wan features. "Where are the Colonel and Teal'c?"
"Well, um, looking for something to make a travois out of."
"Well call them back Daniel. Nobody's going to drag me anywhere as long as I'm conscious," she barked, her words ending in a bout of coughing. "Sam, listen to yourself. Do you really think you can make a three day hike back to the stargate?"
"Well, I have to don't I. Daniel, I'm a major in the Air Force and 2IC of this team. I have to be able to pull my own weight. Colonel O'Neill wouldn't let you drag him to the stargate as long as he could stand, and neither am I. Now call them back."
"Alright Sam, I just hope you know what your doing."
"So do I Daniel, so do I." Jack and Teal'c rejoined the two quickly. "You feeling better Major," Jack asked. "Yes sir. I'm sorry if I slowed us up sir, I really don't remember much of yesterday."
"You didn't. We didn't really want to walk in the rain anyway. Are you sure your up to this?"
"Yes sir. I'll make it."
"Alright, but you'd better take some Motrin before we head out. Hopefully it will help with the pain and the fever. And Sam, don't go all macho on us, if you need help, ask for it." Sam nodded her head as she reached for the Motrin he was handing her, she couldn't answer him verbally without coughing in his face. Sam gained her feet slowly as they prepared to move out, relieved to see the team had already divided up her pack. She knew she would have to make it to the stargate on strength of will alone, she certainly didn't have the energy to do it any other way. Sam remembered little of that days hike. The day had blurred into her mantra of 'keep walking Sam, keep walking Sam'. She knew that they had stopped several extra times when the coughing became so severe she couldn't get her breath. She felt miserable, and longed for a shot of Morphine and a nice warm bed. The pain in her chest, shoulder and head were all competing for attention, and she staunchly ignored them all. Not that ignoring it really helped, but she was trying to convince herself that it did. It was late afternoon of the second day when Sam suddenly found herself on the ground with no idea how she had gotten there. "Sam, you okay," Daniel asked as he had been the first to reach her side. "Yea, I guess. What happened," she asked, honestly confused.
"You collapsed Sam," Jack O'Neill said gently as he knelt on her other side. "It's okay, we'll rest a few minutes."
"Okay," she mumbled, her eyes drifting shut even as she remained sitting up. Jack O'Neill pulled out one of the sleeping bags and layed her down gently. He was concerned about Sam, and angry at himself. He wasn't sure what he had done to foster her belief that she couldn't ask for help, couldn't lean on her teammates for support. They had been through so much together, this team known as SG-1. They had all had moments when they had needed help, or been the one to give it, and yet here she was pushing herself beyond her limit. "Daniel, why is she doing this," Jack asked his friend softly, knowing that if anyone would understand it would be Daniel. He was closer to Sam than her own brother. "You really don't want me to answer that Jack."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean," he bit out sharply. "It means exactly that. You don't want to know that answer."
"You might be right Daniel, but I need to hear it anyway."
"Okay, but remember, if it doesn't seem completely logical to you, Sam is a woman."
"Daniel, I don't think I'm likely to forget that."
"Well, it has to do with the time you were on Edora. You've already been told that Sam worked herself into exhaustion trying to build something that only existed theoretically. Well, obviously, she accomplished it, did the impossible. In an impossible length of time I might add. Well I think she came to some realizations about you while she was at it, and before you ask, she didn't tell me what. I could guess, but I'm not going to tell you guess work. What I know is that her only priorities while you were gone was her primary duties and rescuing you. Everything else, and I do mean everything, fell by the wayside. She worked and she worked, then we got you home. You didn't know what had been done, you didn't ask. Well Sam decided that you just expected the impossible from her. You expected that she could work, and build particle beam generators in the course of an average day. You wanted, no demanded no downtime on your return, consequently, she didn't get any either. She decided in her exhausted state that to show how tired she was would let you down. She has just decided that you expect more from her, that she can't show weakness. Do you understand Jack."
"Yea," he answered morosely. "I do. I don't know how I'll fix this, but I will."
"I know Jack, but it won't be easy."
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Sam remained oblivious to the conversation around her, her body finally claiming the rest that it had been demanding. Neither was she aware of Teal'c lifting her when a further conversation about travel had been concluded. She had no way of knowing how much she was worrying her team-mates, most especially one Jack O'Neill. The event horizon snapped shut behind the team as they heard the familiar 'welcome home', and the equally familiar 'medical team to the embarkation room'. Dr. Janet Frasier hurled questions at them even as her team loaded Sam onto the stretcher they had brought with them. "How long has she been ill? When was she injured? How long has she been unconscious?"
"She's been sick for four days. Injured five days ago, and unconscious for slightly less than 24 hours," Jack answered briskly, trying to maintain a military report tone. He was only partially successful. Anyone that knew him could tell that he felt both worried, and guilty. "I'll let you know as soon as I know something," Janet said, answering the as yet unasked question as she exited the room. "Clean up team, we debrief in one hour," the general spoke, regarding the forlorn and bedraggled team. "Aye, sir," Jack responded for them as they exited the room. General Hammond watched them leave with a shake of his head. It was still a mystery to him how SG-1 could get into so much trouble doing the simple runs, and come out so ahead on the big ones.
********
Nearly two hours later found SG-1 and General Hammond gathered around the briefing table listening to Janet Frasier's report on Sam. "General, she will be fine, but she's going to need several weeks of rest away from the base sir. She has some injuries from the fall, broken collar bone, concussion, and two broken ribs. The biggest complication is the pneumonia. I have her on a little oxygen at this time, but it is more for comfort measures. I believe that once the antibiotics kick in, in about 24 hours, she will be able to go home. It would be best if someone stays with her, but I'm sure that I can work that out. I don't want her trying to do too much too fast. She needs rest and a proper diet if she is going to really get her strength back." Janet took a big breath before she struck the blow that would conclude her report. She expected a protest from this one. " General it is my recommendation that SG-1 all be placed on downtime for the next month. It is my belief that none of the members of SG-1 are functioning at peak effiency."
"I tend to agree with you Dr. Frasier, so as of right now you are all on down time. Once Major Carter is out of the infirmary I don't want to see any of you on base. Is that clear?"
"Yes Sir," Jack O'Neill answered smartly for his team. "Very good, dismissed."
"Daniel, did Sam tell you about her ribs," Jack asked softly as they left the room. "No Jack, she didn't."
"God, Daniel, she must have been hurting like hell. Especially with all that coughing. For crying out loud, why didn't she tell us?"
"I think she was afraid of not being able to walk if she had any more pain meds in her system. Jack, we've got alot to fix here."
"No Daniel. I've got alot to fix."
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It was well into the next day before Jack was allowed into the infirmary, and a part of him dreaded what he would find. It was as he approached her bed that he heard Sam's voice as she argued with Janet. "Janet, you know good and well I can't stay with you for that long. You've got Cassie in your only other bedroom and I'm not going to put you or her out. Besides, she's got her slumber party coming up."
"Sam, Cassie loves you. She wouldn't mind rearranging things for you."
"Janet, that isn't the point and you know," her voice died on a fit of coughing. It was a few minutes before she resumed her speech at a lower volume, but still one that could be heard. "Janet, Cassie has had to grow up to fast in her short life. She doesn't need things like this thrown in her face and reminding her that life isn't simple. So no."
"Alright then Sam. What's your idea?"
"Daniel can take me to a hotel that's close to both of you, that way you can both check on me to your heart's content, or you could let me stay on the base." Jack didn't like the conversation he was hearing and decided to interrupt. "Ladies, what's all the hubbub?"
"Nothing Colonel," Sam answered quickly, looking down at the blanket in her lap. "Your a lousey liar Sam, now spill." Sam was saved from answering by a coughing fit, this one longer and harder than the last. She grimaced in pain as she sank back against the pillows, and Jack was struck forcefully by her appearance. She had even less color now, and the bags stood out in stark relief under her eyes. She almost looked tearful as she fought between the pain and the coughing. "Okay, that's enough for now. Sam we will finish this later," Janet said firmly as she ushered Jack out of the room and signaled one of the nurses to sit with Sam. "What was that all about Doc," Jack asked as they entered her office. "I'm not at liberty to say."
"The hell you aren't," he spat forcefully. "That is one of my team members we're talking about, and I want to know what's going on."
"That's privileged information Colonel."
"Fine than, I'll make it an order. Will that help?"
"You aren't going to let this rest are you?"
"No, I'm not."
"Have it your way Colonel, but just remember I'm not doing this voluntarily, so the repurcussions are on your shoulders."
"Oh for crying out loud. Stab it through to the heart already, your killing me here."
"Fine, we were discussing somewhere for her to stay. Sam lost her apartment Jack."
"Lost it, how?"
"In her zeal to do the impossible she forgot to pay the rent," Janet replied launching into the full subject.
*****
Jack O'Neill settled one unhappy Major Sam Carter into the car for the trip to his home. Janet had ultimately agreed that this was the best solution for Sam, and so the major had little choice. Jack never realized that Janet also agreed that it was the best solution for him also. He just understood that this arrangement would ultimately make or break SG-1.
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Sam Carter sat hunched miserably in the passenger seat of Jack O'Neill's vehicle. She wasn't happy about the arrangement's that Janet and the Colonel had made, to which she had little input. There was a part of her that wanted to rage against the situation she now found herself in, and a part of her that simply wanted to cry. Neither was really a viable option, not with your CO at any rate. "You really don't have to do this, Sir," Sam said softly. "No, I don't."
"Then why are you?"
"What would you suggest I do?"
"You could have left me on the base," she suggested softly. "Carter, just what kind of a bastard do you think I am? Err, Belay that. I can guess for myself."
"Sir, I would never call you that."
"No, your too well trained, but you certainly have a right to think it. I'm really sorry Carter."
"Sir, it isn't your fault I got hurt."
"That isn't what I meant."
"What did you mean?"
"Oh for crying out loud Carter. You know what I'm talking about." Sam was saved from answering by a coughing spell that left her clutching her ribs, and somewhat breathless. Sam leaned back against the seat, almost too tired to even care what he was talking about. "We'll thank you sir, I don't mean to sound ungrateful, and I don't want to put you out. I do appreciate getting off base, but if you need me to go away anytime, or night, just say so, I'll err, leave you alone," Sam sputtered to a stop. She wasn't sure why she had said that, but suddenly she felt very uncomfortable. "Sam, I really don't think that will be a problem. Will you relax, and just allow yourself to be taken care of for once." Jack O'Neill didn't miss the almost frightened look Sam shot his way at the mention of being taken care of, and he barely hid his sigh. This whole month was going to be harder than he initially thought. Sam was not being anything but unfailingly polite, too polite. Their easy comradery seemed to be missing. Sam seemed stiff and wary around him, and it was this that he had to fix if SG-1 was to be alright. That wouldn't repair it all, but it was a start. Jack knew that for now he just needed to convince her that it was alright to allow someone to care of her, and that he could be that someone. Jack glanced out of the corner of his eye to see that she had fallen asleep already, an occurrence that spoke to her exhaustion. He reached over to gently tilt her head to a more comfortable position, and was reminded immediately how sick she was still. She still ran a fever, especially afternoon and evening, and he knew she was in more pain than she would admit. It had bothered him no end that she had gotten back to the SGC without him being aware of the broken ribs. He could remember a time that she wouldn't have ben ashamed to tell him, and a time when he would have noticed if she hadn't. He felt immensely guilty, and knew that at some point, probably before Edora, that he had begun to take her for granted. He had begun to assume that she would be there for him, and the team, but he had stopped being there for her. * He had stopped being there.* Jack groaned to himself, realizing for the first time what he had driven her to, and amazed at the lengths she went to, for him, anyway. He was a fool, and he didn't know anyone that would argue that point for him. He would help her to understand that his actions weren't always where his heart was, a problem that had caused him a fair amount of grief in his lifetime. He wouldn't let those actions cause her grief also, she simply meant too much to him to be lost to blind stupidity. He would take care of her, love her, and do what was best for her, whatever turned out to be best.
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Sam woke up and looked about, confused for a minute, before finally placing her location. She was at the Colonel's house, she remembered part of the drive, but not the arrival. Oh well, nothing much she could do about it she thought, as she headed for the bathroom. It was very dark out, the nightstand clock read 3Am, and all was quiet in the house. Sam washed her hands and began to look around the bathroom for her medicine, to no avail. Her ribs and shoulder where killing her, and she knew there would be no more sleep without Janet's magic pills. Sam sighed in disgust as she made her way back to the bedroom, she would need to find a robe, then her medicine. Sam made her way quietly down the hall to the kitchen, she supposed that would be a good place to start her search, and get something to drink. She was trying to be as quiet as possible, and did well, until a bout of coughing interrupted the silence. She could only hope that the Colonel slept more soundly at home than he did off-world. Sam found the light switch and began to look around the kitchen for her medicine when she began to cough again. The coughs where hard and violent, and there was nothing she could do to stop her cry of pain. She was leaning against the counter trying to catch her breath when she started to cough again, the pain sending spots before her eyes. Sam was helpless to stop the coughing, and was suddenly alarmed at how weak and dizzy she was beginning to feel. She needed to sit down, but didn't have the energy to get around to the chairs, the room beginning to spin at a frightening speed. The floor looked suddenly very inviting to her as she slid down the refrigerator, it's cool front welcoming to her overheated face. Sam wasn't sure how long she sat hunched against the refrigerator before her coughing finally subsided. She was left feeling weak, and not just a little cold, and no where near strong enough to stand. Suddenly she wished the Colonel had heard her coughing, and the fact that he hadn't brought tears to her eyes, tears that would not be checked. Sam found herself crying, over all of it, and wishing for once that she had had the strength to tell her Colonel how she really felt about him before it had become to late. She knew that she couldn't tell him now, not after the obvious feelings he had for Lara, and suddenly she was crying harder. Her crying only lead to another bout of coughing and pain, and Sam knew she had to pull herself together. Slowly Sam managed to calm herself, and her crying slowed to hitching breaths that did nothing to still the pain in her chest. Sam was concentrating on controlling her breathing, and never heard the screen door push open behind her, nor did she hear Jack enter the room. "My god, Sam are you alright," he asked in alarm, upon finding her in the floor. "No, it hurts," she admitted weakly, no longer having the energy to pretend. "Oh Sam, I'm sorry I wasn't in here, I was looking at the stars," he explained as he gently lifted her from the floor. Jack carried her into the den and covered her with an afghan before returning to the kitchen. It didn't take him long to bring back a glass of juice and her pain medicine, and he gently lifted her as he fed her the pill and the juice. "What happened Sam?"
"Now or then," she whispered softly. Jack O'Neill was suddenly aware that they we're talking about two different subjects, and that Sam was looking at him very intently. "Now," he whispered softly. "Simple, the theoretical astrophysicist realised that she has been stupid, and slow, now that it's too late."
"Stupid, how?"
"There where things I should have done while I had the chance. I blew that important window of opportunity."
"Oh, well... what about then?"
"Then, isn't it too late for then."
"It's never too late," he whispered, his hand beginning to caress her cheek. "Well,... Then is when I should have spoken up about my theories," she responded softly, her head turning into his caress. "I don't love her Sam, I didn't then, and I don't now. I was stupid, and blind, and frightened of being without you."
"I thought I was the one frightened?"
"Only because I let you think I cared for her, I wanted to see if it would matter to you. I had no idea of everything that had happened while I was gone, and I didn't bother to find out. Will you forgive me?"
"If you'll forgive me, for being stubborn, pigheaded, and for not telling you how I felt before all this happened." Jack leaned down slowly, giving her plenty of time to protest before his lips touched hers softly. "I love you Sam," he said against her lips. "I love you too," she responded before he sealed her mouth completely with his kiss. The kiss ended too quickly for Sam, but Jack would not be swayed."You don't have the strength for this, let me take care of you."
"Jack, I'm alright now," she protested as he lifted her. "Sam, you've got to learn to lean a little. Let me take care of you."
"I'm not used to being taken care of," she stated simply. "I know," he responded as he lay her gently on the bed. "We'll have to help you work on that."
"Sounds interesting," she responded. "Get some sleep Sam, we can talk about everything later."
"Jack, can you stay, just for a little while."
"Sam, you need your sleep."
"I know, but...."
"But what."
"I don't want to be alone right now." Jack smiled down at the form of his rumpled Major, her eyes downcast waiting for his response. He knew that he never wanted her to be alone again, because he never wanted to leave her. Slipping off his shoes he slid into the bed beside her, taking her gently in his arms, and kissing her forehead. "You aren't alone Sam, not now or ever," he whispered, the emotions making his voice deep and gruff. "How's this for leaning?"
"Be quiet Sam, you need to rest."
"How you going to make me," she asked grinning. "Like this," he growled before sealing her mouth in a kiss. It was a long time before Sam wanted to talk again, and even then she remained leaning against Jack O'Neill's broad chest. She suddenly had no desire to be anywhere else. Leaning wasn't bad, as long as she was leaning against her very handsome Colonel, she thought to herself as she fell asleep.
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That's all folks, thanks for sticking with it. Feedback is coveted, but not demanded. Wendy G. --
" Is that a money-back if your not completely alive guarantee?"- Jack "pretense"
Story Notes: E-mail: x-philes@worldnet.att.net
Spoilers: 100 Days, In the Line of Duty
Season: Third Season
Archive: Yes to Heliopolis and S/J archive. Anyone else please ask.
Author's Notes: This is only my second attempt at an SG-1 story, and this has been rattling around in my brain since 100 days. I hope it comes out minus the rocks that have been in my brain with it.*G*
Spoilers: 100 Days, In the Line of Duty
Season: Third Season
Archive: Yes to Heliopolis and S/J archive. Anyone else please ask.
Author's Notes: This is only my second attempt at an SG-1 story, and this has been rattling around in my brain since 100 days. I hope it comes out minus the rocks that have been in my brain with it.*G*
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]