Pairings: Sam/Jack
Rating: PG
Warnings: Character Death
Summary: Sam faces death physically alone, but her loved ones never abandon her as the final battle between her desires and her conscience finally ensues.
Author’s Note: My thanks to my betas, Sammie and Laura, and to Amiga, my much appreciated illustrator and friend. If you wish to see the illustration for this story, send me a private e-mail at genvarel@sbcglobal.net.
Disclaimer: SG-1 and its characters are not my property. I have written this story for the enjoyment of Stargate SG-1 fans all over the world. No copyright infringement is intended and no monetary gain is expected.
Chapter One
Buried
‘Carter,’ she heard. It was a whisper, her name barely a breath caressing her mind, but it made her open gritty eyes, only to be faced with the thick darkness of her tomb.
‘Don’t give up, Carter,’ he whispered again. She should have known that he would not let her slip away so easily.
“There’s nothing I can do,” she murmured in the dark. Even if he had really been there with her, he couldn’t have heard her.
‘Yes, there is. You can refuse to give up. You can hold on,’ he insisted.
“I can’t,” she weakly protested. Even her voice was giving up.
‘Yes, you can,’ he countered.
‘Where are you?’ she begged, searching for him in the black shadows.
‘I’m right here, Carter. I’m with you. I’m always with you,’ he responded, making her smile with relief despite the agonizing pain inside her.
‘We won, Jack. We beat them, but I’m dying,’ she finally admitted.
‘No, you’re not. You can’t give up. You have to hang on.’
Damn him! Why couldn’t he just let her die? It would be so much easier to slip into nothingness and escape the pain. What did it matter? Her mission was complete. She had done what he had counted on her to do. ‘Why do you care?’
‘I care,’ he replied, his voice caressing her mind like a soothing warm breeze in the coldness that surrounded her, and she knew that it was true. He did care despite their ranks, their mission, Pete, despite everything.
‘No, you don’t,’ she, however, countered, hoping that he would contradict her, that he would reveal more. She needed to hear more.
‘I care… much more than I’m supposed to,’ he said, his tone regretful and grim, just as he had been during the past year. Somber, bitter, and grim. She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen him smile, and she missed that. She missed his smile. She missed his bad jokes and his goofiness.
Since he had made General, Jack O’Neill had lost his childish spark. It was rarely if ever seen anymore, and she deeply regretted that more than anything, but it wasn’t all her fault.
He had pushed her away. He had decided that she would be happier without him. He had given up on them long ago.
‘I heard that before,’ she bitterly replied. ‘It never changed anything.’
‘If you hang on for me, I’ll change anything you need me to change. Just… don’t leave me,’ he begged, making her smile sadly.
‘I don’t want to leave you,’ she admitted, her heart bursting with both sadness and joy, ‘but I don’t know if I can hang on anymore. I’m sorry!’
‘You can. You can hang on for me. Just think of the future. Think of us,’ he begged again.
‘I’m trying,’ she admitted. ‘I don’t want to leave you. I want that future. I do.’
“I really… do… so much!” she gasped under the pressure of the rocks keeping her immobile.
She did. She wanted a life that included Jack O’Neill. She didn’t want to settle for less, and she didn’t want to leave him behind. She didn’t want to have him mourn for her. She didn’t want him to have regrets. She didn’t want his bitterness to stay with him forever.
‘What about me?’ another voice suddenly interrupted, making a cold shiver of guilt run through her like ice water in her veins.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered again into the darkness.
‘Sorry? You’re supposed to be mine. You’re supposed to love me,’ he protested.
‘I do love you,’ she replied with remorse, knowing that she had no choice but to hurt him deeply.
‘But you love him more,’ Pete’s voice in her mind stated as if he knew, as if he had always known.
‘I’ve always loved him. He has always come first,’ she attempted to explain.
‘But you promised you’d marry me,’ he challenged.
‘I did. I wanted to marry you. I wanted something I could have, someone I could love without guilt and without heartache. But it just isn’t enough,’ she finally admitted.
“It’s not enough!” she cried out in rushed words that only reverberated in the confined space around her head.
“Jack,” Sam whispered in the darkness. “Where are you?”
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“What the hell is taking so long?!” General Jack O’Neill snarled through the microphone the moment Sergeant Siler and the team of specialists he had quickly gathered rushed into the Gate Room.
“Sorry, sir! We’re ready!” the sergeant immediately responded, physically pushing the three men before him as they all mounted the ramp, each heavily loaded with equipment.
“Do you have everything you need?” Jack asked, struggling to keep despair from permeating his words.
“Yes, sir! We already sent most of it ahead,” Siler immediately replied, only briefly pausing before the wormhole.
“Go!” Jack then barked, and the team disappeared through the glowing puddle.
As the connection winked out, he just stood there, breathing heavily next to a deadly silent Sergeant Harriman.
“Have we heard from the infirmary?” Jack asked in a controlled, business-like tone.
“Yes, sir. General Carter is still unconscious,” the sergeant quickly informed.
“Any more from Teal’c while I was gone?” he tensely asked.
Earlier, he had been forced to go yell at some people in order to get what he needed in a matter of minutes. It had worked, but it might still be too later for Carter.
“Nothing else, sir. More and more Jaffa were contacting Dakara and joining the rebels, last we heard.”
Jack sighed. “Well… viva la revolución,” he sardonically commented. “Daniel?”
The sergeant regretfully shook his head. “Sorry, sir.”
Why did this have to happen now? Why now that they had finally defeated both the Goa’uld and the Replicators? Why did he have to lose them? Was he cursed? Had he always been destined to lose those he loved the most?
His former teammates were all he had left. His real family was gone, dead. His son had been the hardest one to lose. Sarah was no longer family. She had her own now. She didn’t even think of him anymore, he was sure, and he only thought of her occasionally.
His family was Cassie, Daniel, Teal’c and Carter. Even Janet was gone. He loved them, especially Carter. He couldn’t lose her. He just couldn’t!
She was currently buried under what remained of the temple that had contained the controls for the Dakara weapon. The galaxy’s salvation had been her doom.
They had heard from the surviving Dakara Jaffa right away after the collapse of the structure, and they had started the search and rescue operation within minutes, but all they had recovered so far were bodies, a few injured Jaffa and, lastly, a barely alive Jacob Carter.
Sam was still there. They knew where she was. They had found her, and they had tried reaching her through her radio, but she had not responded, and Jack knew that she was either dead, unconscious, or her radio was shot to hell. He was praying for the latter.
They had reached a point where they could see her hair, but digging further would result in more rocks falling on her, ultimately killing her, therefore the need for the special equipment and experts to do it safely. They were now on their way.
Jacob Carter was receiving medical attention, and he had Selmak to help him. Daniel was missing, but no one had any idea of where to look for him, and Jack knew that the possibility existed that his friend was dead. Teal’c was busy with the rebel forces and probably didn’t even know about his team leader’s predicament.
Jack had already debriefed the SGC personnel that had just returned from Dakara. They had been staring at their dusty, booted feet as they had admitted that they had no idea whether Colonel Carter was alive. So, why the hell was he still here?!
“Call Reynolds. Tell him I need him to take over for a few hours,” Jack commanded, then he headed for the locker room to gear up.
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‘Are you sure?’ Daniel asked.
Why did he always have to do that? Even when things seemed clear, a logical path set, he would make you question it.
‘I can’t marry Pete. It’s not right’ she said.
‘Why? You were happy with him. He made you feel good. He made you have fun and laugh,’ he reminded her.
‘I don’t love him enough,’ Sam attempted to explain.
‘What is enough?’ Daniel asked.
‘What I feel for Jack is enough,’ she simply responded.
‘But you still can’t have him. He’s still your CO,’ he argued.
“I know. I know,” she whimpered, but no one could hear her. Her radio had been smashed and she had been unable to call for help. She knew that she was doomed.
‘So why give up a chance at happiness with a man that adores you? Is it better to have nothing?’ Daniel relentlessly demanded.
‘I’ll still have Jack… even if… even if we can’t be together the way we want,’ she responded. That would just have to be enough.
‘Do you even have any hope left?’ Daniel finally and gently asked.
‘Yes!’ she replied. ‘Maybe some day…’
‘Okay,’ Daniel accepted. She could feel his hand stroking her hair and his warmth enveloping her, keeping away the chill that had been permeating her body. ‘I just wanted you to be sure. You do understand that you have to live for hope to exist, right?’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I want to live… but,’ “Ah!” she cried out; then she gasped as an agony of pain pierced her middle.
‘You have to live for him, Sam. Do you have any idea what would happen to him if you died?’ Daniel insisted urgently.
Yes, she knew. Jack would suffer. He might be able to deny his desires and be nothing but her commander and friend, but she knew he cared for her. He had just told her. He had begged her not to give up.
‘I want to live for him,’ she said, but she knew that her life was slipping away.
‘Good, because I want you to live for me, too. I’m away right now… visiting… but I’ll be back,’ he promised.
‘Don’t go!’ she begged, feeling him distance himself and fearful of being alone in the dark again, afraid of the cold.
‘I have to leave now. Help is near. Remember that you’re never truly alone, Sam.’
“Daniel!” she whispered in desperation, but, again, no one heard.
Chapter Two
Rescue
Jack stood aghast at the sight before him, his terror threatening to burst through and make him wail like a madman, but he forced himself to stand aside, appearing utterly impassive as he watched the experts at work.
A spotlight was permanently aimed at the patch of golden hair at the end of the tunnel, their goal as the men very carefully reinforced with steel beams and mesh the path to Sam’s deliverance.
Only a tick under his left eye betrayed the general’s tension, but no one dared to look at him. Everyone acted as if their commander were not present while his mind pleaded pathetically, his eyes affixed on the blonde hair at the end of the dark tunnel.
The whole building had come down on Carter and her companions once the weapon had discharged. Only the outside walls remained in place. The structure was ancient, after all, as in old. Only a few had made it out unscathed, and they had thankfully run straight to the Stargate to seek help from the Tau’ri.
The ground outside was littered with dead bodies, but there had been survivors. The last one to make it out had been Jacob, and he was still alive. Sam, therefore, could still be alive as well.
She had to be alive!
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‘Dad?’ Sam called. She could feel him and smell him near, but she couldn’t see him.
‘I'm here,’ he replied softly.
‘What happened?’ she asked.
She was still trying to understand. She knew that they had won, that the Replicators had been destroyed. Why had the building collapsed on them?
‘It was an old building. It just caved in with the force of the weapon’s discharge,’ he explained. He sounded tired. He sounded sick.
‘Are you all right?’ she asked.
‘Don’t worry about me, Sammie. Just try to take care of yourself,’ he said. ‘You need to stay awake.’
At that moment, Sam heard cracking noises nearby, then voices.
‘That’s right! They’re here. They’re coming for you!’ he encouraged.
‘It hurts, Dad!’ she moaned softly.
‘I know, sweetheart, but you have to hang on. You have to get out of here,’ he persisted.
‘That’s what Jack says,’ she admitted.
‘And he’s right. Listen to your CO,’ he encouraged tenderly, as he used to do when she was a child.
‘I always listen to him… but I wish he wasn’t my CO,’ she confessed.
‘I know, Sammie.’
‘You know?’ Her dad knew. Daniel knew. Teal’c and Cassie knew. Even Janet had known. Did anyone not know?
‘How can a father not know? You love Jack, and he loves you. Maybe it’s time you let it happen. Don’t let the rules stand in your way,’ he suggested.
‘Are you sure you’re my dad?’ she asked jokingly.
‘I am your dad, and I love you. I want you to know that you have my blessing, and that I want you to be happy. Remember that I’ll always be with you, even when I’m physically gone,’ he said.
‘What does that mean?’ she asked, feeling sudden panic take hold of her.
‘I’ll be joining Mom, but I’ll always be watching over you,’ he said.
“No!” Sam cried out, but there was no answer from her father.
The voices, however, got louder outside.
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“She moved! She’s alive! Hurry with that wedge!” one of the two technicians inside the tunnel yelled, propelling Jack into action. In a few seconds, he had pulled one of the men out and he had replaced him inside the passageway.
“Sir! Don’t go in there! It’s dangerous!” the supervisor of the operation exclaimed, but Siler grabbed his arm and shook his head at him, and the man backed down. “Collins, brace the left, upper side first!” he opted for shouting.
Jack immediately reached the booted feet of the man that had yelled earlier, the one that had seen Carter move. “Airman! Did you try talking to her?”
“Yes, sir, but she’s not responding. I heard her earlier, though. I think she said ‘no.’”
“Carter!” Jack called loudly. “Carter, can you hear me?”
“She moved again! She can hear you!” the man shouted back.
“Carter! We’re getting you out of here, you hear? We’re trying to reach you! You just hang on for a little longer!”
There was no response.
“Damn it, Carter! Don’t do this to me! Respond, Colonel!” he demanded, feeling cold panic sneak up inside him.
“Jack?” they barely heard.
“Yes! It’s me, Sam! Hang on, okay? We’re working on getting you out!” he shouted.
Hearing her voice made relief flood his insides, making him almost feel lightheaded.
“Jack…” she paused, but both men listened intently. “I’m sorry.”
“No! Don’t be sorry! Don’t you give up on me, Colonel, or you’ll really be sorry later!” he yelled frantically, then he realized what a stupid thing he had just said, but he didn’t care. The technician didn’t even glance at him, continuing to work at a careful but speedy pace.
Sam was silent, and Jack finally panicked.
“Carter! Don’t give up! Please!” he outright begged.
“I love you,” she weakly said; then she fell silent again.
No matter how loudly he called for her, she did not stir again.
Chapter Three
Hanging On
Teal’c stepped out of the wormhole without sparing a glance at the marines pointing weapons at him. He hurried down the ramp, handing over his staff, and immediately disappeared through the now open blast door.
He reached the infirmary in a matter of seconds, having taken the stairs in his haste. O’Neill was leaning against the wall; standing next to a closed door that Teal’c knew led to an observation room.
“How is Colonel Carter?” he asked his commander, who looked like he had aged ten years since he had last seen him.
“She’s… in a coma. They’re bathing her… making her comfortable,” Jack replied listlessly.
At Teal’c’s tense silence, the general continued to explain. “The structure came down on them. Many of your Jaffa died, but some survived. Jacob is hanging on, but… they say they think the symbiote… Selmak… is dead.”
“What are Colonel Carter’s injuries?” the Jaffa prodded when his friend fell silent.
“Internal bleeding, injured liver, four broken ribs, concussion, broken arm, cuts, bruises. It seems she covered her head with her left arm, otherwise she’d be dead.”
“She will survive,” Teal’c stated categorically.
“They’re not sure. I guess the liver trauma is serious, and she was bleeding internally for a while,” Jack responded.
“She is strong. She will survive, O’Neill,” Teal’c repeated, placing a large hand on his friend’s shoulder. “You should get clean so that you can be with her when they are done. I will stay here until you come back.”
O’Neill glanced down at his uniform as if for the first time realizing that he was covered in dust; then he nodded and silently walked away.
A few minutes later, two nurses came out of the infirmary room, followed by Dr. Brightman.
“Doctor,” Teal’c greeted her.
“Teal’c, where’s the general?” she asked.
“He has gone to change,” he replied, but his eyes questioned the physician.
“I assume he explained about the colonel’s injuries,” she said.
Teal’c nodded. “He is concerned about Colonel Carter’s liver injury. I assured him that the colonel will survive,” he responded.
“We all hope she will, Teal’c,” she agreed with a nod. “The CT scan revealed that she had stopped bleeding by the time we brought her in, so we did not have to perform surgery. We’re trying to drain the abdominal cavity and replenish the blood she lost, but she’s in critical condition.” Then she added, “You can go in and see her. Tell the general when he returns that he can stay with her as long as he wants. Talking to her won’t hurt. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some other patients to attend to.”
Teal’c bowed as he watched the physician disappear down the corridor; he then pushed the private room door open and stepped in.
Colonel Carter was lying on the bed looking frail and battered, her blonde hair still damp from her recent bath and her face marred by a few cuts and bruises, but the swelling was not bad. Her left arm was heavily bandaged and held against her body in a sling, and she was hooked up to too many monitoring machines and tubes. Most prominent was the blood bag hanging behind her bed. Teal’c understood the need, but he always associated such contraptions with impending death, and he hated seeing his friends attached to them.
A middle-aged nurse was still in the room, making notes in a pad, and she smiled when he bowed in greeting. “We’re monitoring her pulse and blood pressure, but I’m done. We will be back later, and we’ll continue to keep an eye on her from up there,” she informed him, pointing at the glass window overlooking the room.
The woman then gave her patient one more concerned glance and left.
The Jaffa silently stepped close to his team leader, gently taking her hand and marveling, as always, at how small and delicate it was. Colonel Carter was always so strong and capable that he rarely acknowledged how truly fragile she was as a human female, but her frailty was hard to ignore now.
“Colonel Carter, you must listen to me,” he began.
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‘Teal’c?’ Sam thought, her mind lost in a dark fog devoid of the intense pain she remembered suffering only seconds ago. The gentle, deep voice of her old friend soothed her senses even further, and she paid attention to his words.
“We have defeated our adversaries. We are, at last, victorious, and our struggle has ended. It is time to reap the benefits of victory, to rebuild, and to reclaim our lives and our loved ones. It is time to live our dreams.”
‘Victory!’ Yes, she remembered.
“Nothing stands in our way any longer. The sacrifices of the past were painful but necessary. They are needed no more.”
‘Yes, no more.’ She was tired of sacrifices, of struggle, of frustration.
“It is time that you allow yourself your heart’s desire, and that you become one with your true love.”
‘Jack!’
“It is a time for rejoicing and healing. O’Neill needs you.”
‘He needs me.’
“He will not heal without you, and he will certainly never rejoice again if you leave him. You both deserve happiness together; therefore, you must fight and survive.”
‘Together!’
Yes, she wanted to survive. She wanted to finally taste happiness in Jack’s arms. She wanted to wipe out the bitterness he seemed to dwell on; she wanted to see him smile again.
Sam tried to open her eyes, to squeeze the hand that held hers, to respond in some way, but she just couldn’t. Blackness was claiming her again, and her friend’s voice gradually faded.
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“T,” Jack said as he entered Sam’s room.
“O’Neill,” the Jaffa responded. “She is still sleeping.”
The general nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He had retreated into survival mode, utilizing as few words as possible and relying on his capable staff to keep the SGC running. His sole concern was for the woman lying on the bed before him.
“I will leave you with Colonel Carter. I will visit Jacob Carter and return later,” his friend said; then he silently left the room.
Jack pulled a stool close to the bed, where he could sit and hold Sam’s right hand as he stared at her battered features, willing her eyes to open.
She was so beautiful! She was always beautiful, even when covered in blood and grime. His heart never failed to swell with pride when he looked at her, so powerful and magnificent even in her darkest moments. His body could never refrain from responding when he witnessed how she handled herself in battle, as tough and lethal as any male warrior, and his heart could never avoid melting when he saw pain and anguish reflected on her delicate features.
He looked down at her slim fingers as he played with them, gently caressing her bruised hand and forcibly pushing back the fear that threatened to overwhelm him. He had to remember that they had gotten her out in time, that she was alive and breathing, and that she was a fighter.
Glancing again at her beloved face, he slowly brought up her palm to his lips and held it there, closing his eyes and inhaling her scent, his mouth warm against the fair skin he had long desired to taste. He kept her fingers pressed to his cheek as his eyes opened again, tears threatening to fall.
Sudden movement above him distracted him, making him lower Carter’s hand to the bed, and he noticed that a nurse was quietly walking out of the observation room.
Well, that was awkward. He knew that he had not said anything compromising, but the woman had certainly seen the despair written all over him as he kissed his Colonel’s hand. He had no doubt that the grapevine would be distributing this latest bit in no time.
He wondered whether Sam’s heartfelt declaration inside the tunnel had already made the rounds, but he just could not seem to care. He didn’t care about barriers and rules anymore.
His attention returned to the face of the woman he loved with all his heart, the one he was terrified of losing, and he made a secret vow.
When Sam recovered, he would give up command and retire. Nothing would keep them apart anymore. She had said she loved him. Maybe he could claim her back. Maybe it wasn’t too late.
It was time to start living again. There was no one to listen to his words now, except the woman that needed to hear them, so he softly spoke to her.
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Sam felt the warm kiss caressing her palm, the pressure of calloused fingers holding hers, and the wetness of tears as her fingertips grazed thick lashes. Jack.
His scent caressed her senses, making her heart soar. He was with her again. He was back.
She struggled to resurface from the depths of darkness, to move, to make some kind of sound, but she could not.
‘Jack! I can feel you next to me!’
Then she could hear him.
“Carter, I know you don’t belong to me. I know that I have no right to ask you this… but… I need you to live.”
‘I want to live.’
“Even if your happiness lies with someone else, and even if all I ever have is your friendship, I need you to survive.”
‘I need you! I don’t want anyone else.’
“I don’t want to live knowing that you’re not there.”
Sam desperately tried to respond, to squeeze her fingers around his, but her body refused to respond.
“Everything we ever did for this planet would mean nothing to me if you’re gone. I mean that. I would not want to live without you. What I said inside that room years ago still applies. I’d rather die than lose you, Carter.”
‘Oh, Jack! I want to live for you. I want to be there for you!’
“I love you, Carter. I’ve always loved you. I could never stop.”
Sam felt joy flood her soul, but her body remained motionless, unresponsive to Jack’s caresses.
“I’ll do anything you want me to do, Sam… anything at all. I’ll be here for you in any way you want if you just beat this. I promise you anything you want.”
‘I want you,’ she whispered in her mind, her senses again relinquishing her tenuous hold to reality. Then blackness slowly sneaked up on her again.
‘Jack! Stay with me!’
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“O’Neill,” Jack heard his friend’s deep voice call from the door, making him hastily wipe his eyes dry and gently release Sam’s hand. Then he turned to face Teal’c.
“I must speak to you,” the Jaffa informed in a grim tone, making Jack’s heart freeze with dread.
He stood and exited the room, facing his friend in the corridor once he closed the door behind him. “What is it, T?”
Teal’c’s face was drawn with sorrow, his eyes holding Jack’s worried gaze with sympathy. “Jacob Carter has expired.”
Jack did not visibly respond to the unexpected announcement, but he felt blood draining his face as he stood frozen in the corridor, his heart twisting with grief. He just stared back at his friend silently, willing himself to regain his composure.
“I am sorry, O’Neill,” Teal’c finally said, his gaze dropping to the floor.
“Yeah,” Jack at last was able to verbalize. “Me, too.”
Telling Sam about her father would not help her condition. He hated the blows fate had decided to deal Carter at this time, a time when she should be rewarded, not punished.
Just as he was about to go back into the room, he saw the slim form of Agent Kerry Johnson approach from the end of the corridor.
Crap! He had completely forgotten about her! This was going to be awkward.
“Jack! I just heard about General Carter. I’m so sorry!” Kerry said as she came to stand very close to him, her hand landing on his arm, which made Jack’s body stiffen in discomfort. He casually took a step back, creating a little more distance between them.
Teal’c, clearly sensing his uneasiness, bowed lightly and walked away, leaving the couple standing alone before the infirmary room’s door.
“How is Colonel Carter?” Agent Johnson asked with sincere concern in her tone.
“She’s in a coma,” Jack replied.
“I’m so sorry!” Kerry said again.
“She’ll pull through,” Jack responded with conviction he was far from feeling.
Kerry gave him a concerned look, then tried to step closer, obviously worried about him, but Jack again stepped back.
“We’ll talk later. I want to be there when she wakes up,” he said. Then he gently patted her shoulder and went back to Sam.
Kerry just watched him disappear behind the infirmary door, her intelligent brown eyes missing nothing. She then nodded and went back to her temporary office.
Chapter Four
Goodbyes
‘Sammie,’ she heard. He was waking her again, forcing the fog in her mind to dissipate.
‘Dad.’
‘I’m sorry, Sam. I tried to wait for you, but I couldn’t. It was time for me to go.’
‘Dad? What are you saying?!’ she cried out in her mind, the cruel fist of grief squeezing her heart mercilessly.
‘I’ll always be with you, Sammie. Remember that.’
‘Dad, please! Don’t go!’
‘I’m sorry, Sammie. I love you, sweetheart, but I’ve been called home. Your mom is waiting, and she loves you, too.’
‘Dad!’
‘Survive, Samantha! Live on and be happy for us!’
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Both Jack and Teal’c were startled by the sudden rush of medical personnel heading their way, one of them pushing a crash cart before him. They had been quietly talking outside Carter’s room. Teal’c had been trying to lure Jack to have dinner with him.
The general’s reaction was instantaneous. He opened the door to Sam’s room and ran inside, his wild eyes taking in the flat line of the heart monitor, the even tone blaring inside his head. Sam’s heart had stopped.
“Move out of the way!” Dr. Brightman shouted at him, making him step aside and allow the medics to surround the bed.
He barely noticed Teal’c standing by his side as he watched in horror the scene taking place before him, almost as if in slow motion. The repeated attempts of the physician to bring Sam back seemed increasingly desperate.
Then the sluggish beep of the heart monitor returned, like music to his ears, and he closed his eyes in utter relief.
He felt Teal’c’s hand grasp his arm firmly, making him look at his friend, who returned his look with intensely worried dark eyes.
“You must sit, O’Neill,” the Jaffa advised.
“I’m fine,” Jack automatically replied.
Dr. Brightman was on the phone, ordering the surgical unit to prepare the operating room for emergency surgery and to contact the surgeon.
“What’s going on?!” he asked the moment she put the phone down.
“We’ll have to operate. Something’s not right,” she responded.
“What’s not right? What could it be?” he demanded.
“We don’t know, sir. The CT scan could have missed something,” she replied.
“Tell me!” he almost shouted.
“We were hoping that we would not have to remove any of her liver, but I’m afraid we might have to. There might also be a secondary hemorrhage that we can’t detect yet. I’m sorry, but more explanations will have to wait. I have to assist Dr. Warner.”
Without giving him a chance to protest, the physician walked out in a rush. Two medics had already started to roll Sam’s bed out of the room.
“Wait!” Jack begged, stepping next to his Colonel and placing his hand on her flaxen hair.
“You fight this, Carter. You hear me? I need you to fight this!” he stated in a barely controlled tone, then he stepped back and allowed the medics to take her away.
Teal’c came to stand next to him, but he said nothing.
Both men just stared at the empty doorway with asphyxiating dread descending heavily upon them.
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‘I’m back, Sam,’ Daniel called, pulling her away from the light she had been drifting toward, floating as if in empty space, but warm and content as she relinquished control and let herself go.
‘Daniel?’
‘Yes, I’m here. Take my hand,’ he asked.
‘Where are you? I can’t see you,’ she replied, but she could feel his warm hand firmly clasping hers. She could see the beckoning light now getting increasingly distant.
‘You can’t go, Sam, remember? You’re not done. You have a life to live. You have someone to go back to,’ Daniel reminded her.
‘I know. I wasn’t leaving,’ she said.
‘Yes, you were, but you can’t. You can’t stop fighting. Feel the pain again, Sam. Feel those around you, those who are willing you to survive. Listen to Jack. He needs you!’
‘I need him, too.’
‘I know you do. You just have to hang on a little longer and you’ll be with him again.’
‘I’m trying,’ she replied in despair. She really had been trying! She had just lost her grip momentarily. She had been too shocked by her father’s departure. She had not been ready to say goodbye.
‘I know you’re trying, Sam, but you have to try harder.’
‘I will. I promise.’
‘I have to go now. I won’t remember any of this, but you will.’
‘Are you coming back?’
‘Yes. I’m not ready to let go, either. But I have to say goodbye first.’
Chapter Five
Awakening
Dr. Brightman was talking to him, attempting to explain why Carter was still unconscious after almost six days, but Jack had trouble concentrating. He could not understand most of what she had said, something about hepatic resection, bile peritonitis, and hemobilia, whatever those things meant.
“Sir?” the physician was waiting for him to react, but he could only stare at the pale face of his colonel, still beautiful despite the lack of color in her cheeks.
“Sorry, Doctor. Why don’t you summarize it for me in a few, non-medical terms that I can understand?” he finally asked.
“She’s not critical anymore, sir. That’s what I’ve been trying to explain. The surgery was a complete success and there has been no further bleeding. We fought the infection and her lungs are back to normal.”
That all sounded like good news. So, why wasn’t she waking up? Why was she still hooked up to a blood bag?
“Is that still necessary?” he pointed at the contraption holding the bag above her bed.
“It will be the last one. She needed a total of eight pints of blood, but she won’t need any more. We just wanted to be safe.”
“How long before she recovers completely?” he asked.
“It will be a few weeks. Her body will take a while to mend.”
“How many weeks?”
“It’s hard to say. Six to ten weeks, maybe, but the last couple she could spend at home as long as someone is taking care of her.”
Jack nodded. That would not be a problem. He would be there for her. He only had to finalize his retirement and get rid of an increasingly annoying cop that kept calling and demanding to see her.
He really couldn’t blame the guy for feeling desperate, but there was no point in giving him clearance. Sam was not able to talk to anyone, anyway.
“Why isn’t she waking up?” he finally voiced his concern.
“Her body has been busy fighting her injuries. Being in a coma probably has saved her life, but she should awaken any day now.”
“Okay,” he sighed, still feeling frustrated and worried despite the physician’s assurances. “Thank you, Doctor.”
When the woman did not move to leave the room, he looked at her questioningly.
“Sorry, sir. I’m rather concerned about you. Have you been sleeping at all?” she asked.
“I’ve been sleeping right here!” he pointed at the second bed in the room.
He had not left the SGC or Sam’s bedside except for emergencies and to shower and eat. He didn’t give a crap about wagging tongues at this point.
He had assigned Reynolds as Acting Commander, and Jack had already submitted his request for retirement. He had refused to discuss the matter with General Hammond any further on the phone, forcing the older man to make a special trip to Colorado Springs in order to yell at him.
Jack, however, had stood his ground, refusing to withdraw his request or to take over command of the SGC again. In a few days his retirement would take effect.
The threat was over. Anubis had been dealt with. The Replicators had been destroyed. Jacob was dead, but Daniel was back. Teal’c made daily visits to the SGC from Dakara in order to visit Carter, and now all Jack cared about was her.
“You’ve been lying here, but my nurses tell me you don’t sleep much,” she challenged with an understanding smile.
“I sleep enough,” he refuted, unwilling to dwell on something as unimportant as sleep at the moment.
“I could give you something to help you rest better,” she offered.
“No. That won’t be necessary,” he refused, dismissing her and taking a step closer to Sam’s bed, his eyes glued to her sleeping features.
The doctor sighed, but did not insist. “Just let me know if you change your mind. Good evening, sir,” she said as she left, but Jack did not respond.
He took his customary seat next to his colonel’s bed and reached for her hand.
“Why aren’t you waking up, Carter? Do you want me to beg? Is that it?” he demanded, gripping her fingers earnestly. “What do you want from me? Just tell me! I’m begging here!”
“I want you to kiss me,” she slurred the words unexpectedly, her voice almost inaudible, but he heard her.
“Carter!” he exclaimed. Then he stood next to her so that he could lean over her, watching her eyelids intently. “Sam, talk to me again!”
“Stop yelling at me,” she mumbled, “and just kiss me.”
Jack, for the first time in eons, felt an irrepressible smile tug at his lips. He then lowered his face and gently placed a heartfelt kiss on Sam’s forehead.
“That’s not… what I had in mind,” she whispered, her eyes flickering open as he pulled away.
Jack smiled even wider, shaking his head at her. “You just had to make me beg, right?”
She smiled back, her blue eyes bright as she gazed at him lovingly. “You’re smiling,” she said in a delighted tone. “You’re smiling again.”
Jack lowered his face again, this time tentatively getting closer and closer until his lips lightly pressed against hers, never losing the smile. “I guess I am. I must be happy,” he replied, only briefly parting from her. Then his lips settled on hers again.
Sam responded to the sweet kiss, moaning softly when he finally pulled away.
“Time to wake up, Sleeping Beauty,” he teased quietly. “Are you hurting?” he then asked more seriously.
“Not much,” she replied, squeezing his fingers in response to his own elated grip. “Pain meds are great.”
“You’ve been out for days,” he informed her.
“Not quite,” she smiled back, her thumb caressing the top of his hand.
“Oh?”
“I heard you. You kept me from giving up.”
“I did?” he widely smiled again.
“Yes, you did. And Daniel, and Teal’c, and… my dad.”
Jack couldn’t help the smile from fading, holding her blue eyes with difficulty.
“I know, Jack,” she surprisingly said.
“What?”
“I know he’s gone.”
Jack didn’t have a clue how she could know that, but he nodded. “I’m sorry, Carter.”
“He said goodbye,” she replied, her eyes watering and a single tear escaping to roll down her temple and disappearing into her blonde hair.
Jack didn’t know what to say to that, but then he said what he felt. “I’m glad he did.”
“He just wants me to be happy,” she told him. “He insisted on it, as a matter of fact.”
“I’m sure he did,” he replied softly, his hand now gently stroking her face.
“And… if I remember right… you made promises,” she said, her grief momentarily set aside.
“I did?”
“Yes, you did.”
“Promises, you say?”
“Yes, promises. You promised anything I wanted if I made it back. And I did.”
“Yes, you did,” he beamed again, again kissing her forehead as he stroked her cheek. “You’re back.”
“And I know what I want,” she said.
Jack pulled away, his dark brown eyes holding her blue ones expectantly. “Tell me what you want and it’s yours.”
“I want… you. All I want is you,” she admitted, her voice breaking with emotion.
“God, Sam!” he exclaimed, his forehead touching hers as his fingers traced her cheek lovingly. “You’ve always had me! I’ve always been here for you!”
“I know. I’m sorry, Jack. I just… lost hope,” she tried to explain.
“You don’t have to be sorry. I understood. I really did. There were too many barriers, and you had a right to a real life.”
“But you are my real life, Jack. The closer the moment came to close the door forever, the more I realized that. I can’t be happy without you.”
Her tears were flowing now, and Jack became increasingly concerned for her. “Stop that. Don’t cry. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I promised, remember?”
“Yes, you did. I’m holding you to it.”
“I wouldn’t want it any other way,” he replied, smiling at her tenderly.
Then he kissed her again.
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Daniel knocked softly, but there was no answer.
He looked at Teal’c in concern, wondering why Jack was not opening the door, and he knocked softly again.
“What do you think it’s going on?” he asked his friend when there was still no response.
“There is only one way we can find out, Daniel Jackson,” he replied.
“Right. If he yells, remember it was you,” he pointed a finger at the Jaffa; then he pushed the door open.
Daniel quietly stepped inside and froze, his blue eyes incredulously taking in the most wonderful scene. Jack and Sam were kissing tenderly.
She was clearly awake, her blissful smile soft and her eyes closed as she kissed her CO. He was oblivious to the trespassers, his hand holding her face as the other one stroked her hair. They were so immersed in each other that Daniel and Teal’c were able to just stand there and gawk for almost a minute; both wearing delighted smiles on their faces.
Daniel suddenly realized that they were intruding, and he nudged Teal’c with his elbow to try to retrace his steps, but just then Sam opened her eyes and saw them.
She froze, and Jack instantly opened his eyes and turned around without letting go of her. “Hi, Daniel. What a surprise!”
“Sorry, guys,” the archeologist awkwardly apologized, sticking his hands inside his pockets. Teal’c, however, just slipped past him and came to stand next to Sam, taking her free hand in his.
“I am most relieved to see you are awake again, Colonel Carter.”
“Glad to be back, Teal’c,” she replied in a hoarse voice.
“Once more, I was correct, O’Neill,” he then directed at Jack.
“Yes, you were, T,” he smiled. He couldn’t stop smiling, and his hands were still holding on to Sam’s injured one.
Daniel, nudging the Jaffa aside, took his place next to Sam and, since there were no hands available, placed a hand on her knee. “About what?” he asked even as he leaned over to kiss his ailing friend’s forehead.
“I assured O’Neill that Colonel Carter would survive.”
“Oh, of course!” Daniel smiled as he pulled away from his recently awakened friend. “Hi, Sam. You did give us a scare.”
“Sorry, Daniel,” she said in a little voice, her eyes tearing up.
“Hey, why the tears? You should be ecstatic!” Daniel chided. “Didn’t I just see you two making out like little turtledoves?”
Jack just rolled his eyes at him, but Sam sniffed and then tried to explain. “You were there.”
“I was?” he asked in bafflement. “Where?”
The other two men looked just as interested in the answer.
“When I was buried. You were there with me. You kept me warm,” she said in a broken voice. “You even brought me back when I was drifting away.”
The three men stared at her in silence, each assimilating her words and eventually nodding in understanding.
Daniel finally gave her a gentle hug and whispered. “I knew there was a reason why Oma had kept me for so long.”
Sam chuckled in between tears. “You said you were just visiting, but that you would be back.”
“And he was thrown back! Naked as the day he was born… again!” Jack added, making Daniel blush.
“It must be an old joke among Ancients,” he shrugged in embarrassment. Dropping by on the debrief with Bra’tac, wearing nothing but his birthday suit, had been awkward, to say the least.
“I do believe Daniel Jackson was instrumental in stopping Anubis,” Teal’c stated.
“And again,” Daniel protested, “I don’t see how. I’m sure it was all Oma.”
“All I know is that you helped me. Thank you, Daniel,” she insisted softly, wiping her tears with trembling fingers.
“Yeah,” Jack added. “Thank you, Space Monkey.”
“Well…” Daniel accepted reluctantly, “If you say I did, then I did it because I love you. You know that.”
“I love you, too!” Sam broke down again, lifting her arms for another hug.
Daniel willingly went into her arms and held her close, careful not to squeeze too hard.
“I owe you my life,” she whispered in his ear, making him pull away and look her in the eye.
“Ditto,” he whispered back with a smile. And it was true. How many times had she saved his ass? Many.
She just smiled back, letting him go and then turning her loving gaze on her other friend, the tall Jaffa standing next to her. “I heard you, too, Teal’c, and I agree. It is our time to rejoice.”
He only bowed in agreement, taking her hand when she searched for his again.
“Thank you. You all kept me alive,” she said, her bright gaze settling on each of them in turn. “And I have a lot to live for,” she added, her eyes locking with Jack’s tenderly.
“You sure do,” Daniel agreed, beaming at his friends’ transparent happiness.
Chapter Six
Loose Ends
“I don’t understand why he couldn’t wait until Sam was released in a few weeks. I can’t see how having him confront her so soon after she woke up is good for her,” Daniel protested as he and Jack walked up to the elevator, where they were to meet Sam’s fiancé.
“It’s what she wants. She says it’s not fair for him to have to wait weeks to find out he’s not getting married anymore.”
“Well,” Daniel shrugged as they stopped, waiting for the elevator doors to open. “I guess there’s that. But this is just going to upset her, and she only woke up the day before yesterday!”
“I hear you, Daniel, but this is her decision,” Jack sighed, clearly not happy about the situation at all.
“We have to make sure he takes it easy on her,” he insisted, deeply concerned about the impending confrontation.
“You and Teal’c can stand outside the door,” Jack suggested. “You have my authorization to use brute force if necessary.”
“Where are you going to be?” Daniel asked, surprised that Jack would not be hovering close when the dreaded conversation took place.
“General Hammond is waiting for me in my office,” the general explained. “He said something about a counteroffer.”
“A counteroffer to what?” Daniel asked.
“To my retirement,” Jack replied.
“Can they do that? I mean… they’re not going to stop you from…”
“There’s no chance in hell. Carter and I are getting married and that’s that!”
“Then you might want to stop calling her Carter,” Daniel suggested.
“Why?” Jack asked, sounding completely clueless, which just made the archeologist roll his eyes and shake his head, just as the elevator doors opened.
Detective Pete Shanahan stood inside, next to an escorting airman, his features revealing days-old stress as he lifted his gaze to meet Jack’s, then Daniel’s.
“Shanahan,” Jack said as a greeting.
“General,” the cop greeted back, just as unenthusiastically.
“You’re dismissed,” Jack addressed the airman, who saluted and exited the elevator. Then he turned to Pete again. “You remember Dr. Jackson,” Jack pointed at the archeologist.
“Of course I do,” Shanahan frowned, and then extended his hand to Daniel, something he had failed to do for Jack.
“Hi, Pete,” Daniel greeted, shaking the man’s hand. “I’ll take you to see Sam.”
“Thanks,” the cop nodded.
“Call me when he’s ready to go. I’ll pick him up from the infirmary and take him topside,” Jack instructed, then he turned on his heel and left.
The two younger men stepped into the elevator again and Daniel pressed the floor for the infirmary.
“He’s never liked me,” Shanahan suddenly commented.
Daniel really didn’t want to answer, so he played dumb. “Who?”
“Your commander.”
“Oh, Jack? He’s always grumpy.”
“No, he’s not. He hates my guts.”
“Why do you say that?” Daniel continued to play dumb.
“I can’t blame him. I took her from him.”
Daniel was floored; enough that he pressed the stop button to temporarily halt the elevator and face the detective.
“Excuse me?” he prompted.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. He’s in love with Sam, and she was in love with him.”
Was? Oh, the poor guy was up for the shock of his life!
“There was never an intimate relationship between them, if that’s what you’re implying,” Daniel defended.
“Maybe not, but they were in love, anyway,” Pete stated with certainty.
“Well… if you knew that… then why…?”
“Because she deserves better,” he interrupted.
“Better?” Daniel challenged, feeling his hackles rise.
“She deserves more than a life of work, and injuries, and war. She deserves to be loved and cherished. She deserves a husband and a family. He could never give those to her.”
“Well…”
“And he’s too old for her,” Pete stated with finality.
“That’s a matter of opinion,” Daniel argued.
“Not really. Everyone can see that. She’s just in awe of him. She has the real thing with me,” Pete argued earnestly, and Daniel suddenly realized that he was trying to convince himself.
The cop was terrified. He knew what was coming.
Daniel wisely chose silence. He pushed the release button and did not offer an argument. He truly felt sorry for Shanahan.
He knew that the cop was crazy about Sam, and that he was going to be crushed when she broke up with him, but Daniel was solidly on Jack’s side.
As the two men approached Sam’s private room and Daniel knocked, he turned to the detective and said, “Just remember that she’s still recovering, and that Teal’c and I will be right here, waiting for you. Don’t upset her.”
Then Teal’c opened the door and stepped aside to allow Shanahan inside.
The cop gave Daniel a look that revealed pure apprehension, but then he entered the room and softly closed the door behind him.
Teal’c stood before Daniel, clearly waiting for the comment he knew was unavoidable. The archeologist didn’t disappoint him.
“He already knows.”
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Sam watched her fiancé enter the room as she swallowed a lump and attempted to straighten herself in bed, only to feel a stab of pain lance through her side, making her grimace.
She could do this, she told herself. She would get it over with and let him go. She couldn’t string him along any longer. It wasn’t fair to him.
Teal’c’s concerned eyes were on her features when she opened hers, but she just nodded at him, letting him know that she would be okay. The Jaffa then silently stepped outside and Pete closed the door behind him.
The moment he turned to face her, Sam knew that she had her work cut out for her. His tense features immediately morphed into a forced smile as he solicitously came to help her sit up better, his large hands warm on her arms. Fluffing her pillows, he said, “Here, let me. I can tell you’re hurting. God, Sam! Why wouldn’t they let me see you sooner? I’ve been worried out of my mind!” He then leaned over and placed a tender kiss on her cheek.
“I’m fine,” she automatically replied.
“No, you’re not. You were in a coma, babe! For six days! And your doctor told me over the phone that you’re not completely out of the woods yet.”
“Pete…”
“But don’t you worry, I’m here now. I already postponed all the wedding arrangements and we can wait as long as you need to recover.”
“Pete, listen…”
“I’m really sorry about your dad, Sam. I called Mark. He’s holding up okay, and he’s relieved to know that you’re doing better. He was worried sick about you, too.”
“Thank you for doing that. I’m glad Mark is okay,” she said.
“I also called the printer to hold off on the invitations. We’re going to have to set up another date for the wedding and…”
“Pete!” Sam finally and firmly interrupted, taking hold of his arm. “I can’t marry you.”
To Sam’s surprise, he did not seem shocked by her revelation, but he forced another smile as he shook his head at her. “Honey, I know that you feel overwhelmed by everything right now, but you don’t have to stress over anything. You just need to focus on getting better and everything else will fall into place.”
“No, Pete, you don’t understand,” Sam shook her head at him sadly. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Sam,” he started to insist, but she shook her head at him again.
“I’m so sorry, Pete! I never meant to hurt you… and I truly… really do care for you. I never lied about that.”
“Then why talk this way?” he asked, still smiling and attempting to dismiss her words.
“It’s not fair to you… or to me, but especially to you. You deserve someone that loves you deeply and completely. I can’t offer that to you.”
“What you offer me is more than I ever hoped for, Sam. I love you enough to deal with your job, with your attachment and loyalty to Cassie, to Daniel, to Teal’c…”
“Pete, please, don’t!” Sam looked away.
He knew. She could tell that he was fully aware of her feelings for Jack.
“I’ll even deal with him always being part of your life if that’s what you want, Sam.”
“Don’t!” she shook her head.
“I know, I know. He’s important to you. If he’s got to be around, I can deal with it. As long as you’re my wife, I can deal with anything,” he insisted earnestly, sitting on the stool next to her bed but leaning closer to her.
“You can’t even say his name,” Sam challenged, her heart breaking for him.
Pete looked at her in the eye for the first time since he entered the room, his dread and pain clearly written on his features, and Sam felt horrible. She was hurting him more than she had ever suspected she could.
“I don’t care. I still want you, Sam, and I can make you happy.”
Sam didn’t know what to say. He was begging with his eyes, impending tears making the brown orbs shine with blatant desolation.
“Pete, I…” she began, but a sharp pain made her gasp and her hand flew to her side.
“Honey, we shouldn’t be talking about this now. You’re still too weak…”
“No, Pete, please listen to me. I can’t marry you. If I did, you would eventually get to hate me, because I just can’t love you the way I should,” she tried to explain, to make him listen.
“How can you say that? We’re great together!” he cajoled.
“We have fun. We care for each other, but…” Sam paused, attempting to catch her breath despite her increasing discomfort. She had refused the last dose of morphine because she wanted to be very clearheaded for this conversation, but her body was telling her that she was pushing herself too much.
“Sam, we’ll talk about this tomorrow. I’ll come back every day and keep you company, and we’ll have plenty of time to discuss anything you want. We don’t have to decide anything right now.”
Sam let her head drop back onto her pillow, but she would not give up. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, ready to continue arguing, but Pete took advantage of the respite to tuck her in, bringing her covers up to her chest and sitting next to her in bed.
“Pete, please. I really hate to do this to you, but the wedding is off. I can’t marry you, now or ever. I love you, but I’m… I’m not in love with you,” Sam explained, sadly holding his eyes.
He looked at her for long moments, his eyes filling up with tears again but his face impassive as he seemed to consider his next words. He stood and turned his back to her, rubbing his neck and looking down at the floor. Then he softly admitted, “I always knew.”
“What?” Sam asked, not sure that she had heard him correctly.
Pete turned around to face her, his shoulders hunched in defeat and his face a mask of resigned unhappiness. “From the beginning… I knew.” He paused, still struggling with forming the words. “It’s the way you look at him.”
“What do you mean?” Sam asked, feeling rather horrified that she could be that transparent. Did the whole world know about her forbidden feelings for her CO?
“Your eyes shine differently when you look at him,” he revealed, making her close her eyes in mortification.
“At the beginning I almost convinced myself that it was hero worship and nothing more, but…” he shook his head, “I knew that you’ve always been in love with him. I just thought… since you couldn’t have a relationship…”
Sam understood, so she did not interrupt. She was hurting badly now, but she was trying to concentrate on Pete’s agony instead.
“I thought that… if I could get you to marry me, I could make you forget about him. I thought I could make you happy.”
Sam’s tears finally could not be denied. She let them slip past her eyelids and run down her cheeks as she wallowed in guilt.
“From that first day, when you revealed everything to me about this place, about your mission… the way you talked about him… I could tell.”
“I’m so sorry, Pete! I hate hurting you,” she cried, making him come to her and engulf her in a warm hug.
“Don’t cry, Sam. It’s okay. You never lied to me. You always told me that this place and the people in it were your priority, your mission in life. I was willing to be second, as long as I could have you.”
Sam couldn’t believe her ears. He was letting her off the hook too easily. “You’re too good for me, Pete,” she said, weeping softly against his shoulder and hugging him back with honest, deep affection.
“No,” he shook his head, pulling away and wiping her cheeks tenderly. “No, Sam. You’re the greatest thing that ever happened to me, and I’m not sorry for any of it. I don’t regret a single second I spent with you.”
Sam sobbed, shaking her head and looking down, unable to meet his direct gaze.
“I just hope…” he began, then he sighed and continued, “I honestly hope that you get what you want some day. You deserve it.”
Sam just looked at him through her tears, not knowing how to respond to such selfless, loving words. She truly felt unworthy of the man’s devotion.
“Please, promise me that you’ll be okay,” he finally asked.
Sam nodded, her eyes finally meeting his again. “I’ll be fine, I promise. Will you be okay?” she asked, sincerely worried.
He sadly chuckled, rubbing her arms as he replied, “Eventually.”
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Jack left Daniel in charge of the cop and went directly to his office, where General Hammond waited. He had been glad to have an excuse for not having to deal with Sam’s fiancé.
He wasn’t sure he could have maintained a reasonable level of civility. He had always disliked the man, not because he wasn’t a decent sort, but because he was.
Pete Shanahan wasn’t really good enough for Carter. No one was. But he had lots of good qualities that Jack would have to be blind not to see. He was a good man who adored her. He was clearly a fun guy, and he had made Sam happy. He had treated her well, and he had truly allowed her to flourish as a woman, as more than just Carter the scientist, the officer, the genius. He had made her hum.
Jack’s heart had been ripped to shreds and turned into a mass of bitter bile the day she had shown Pete’s engagement ring to him, but that day he had looked into her eyes and perceived the anguished ambivalence there. He had witnessed her intense desire for a normal life cruelly conflicting with the desperate hope for something that might never be, and he had loved her enough to help her decide… and let her go.
That Friday he had finished all his paperwork and gone home late. Then he had unplugged all the phones, turned off his cell phone, taken out a bottle of malt, and proceeded to get stinking, rotten drunk. He had been lucky that there had been no emergencies at the SGC and that no one had come looking for him. They would not have found Jack O’Neill home. They would have found the same man that had put a gun in his mouth years ago, the man that had been sent to Abydos to die.
The next morning, Jack had woken up with a splitting headache, showered, swallowed some aspirin, drank some coffee, and shoved his love and his hopes inside a drawer along with the snapshot of Carter he had always kept by his bed. He had not looked at that picture ever since, but now it was time to dust off his dreams and smile again.
As Jack reached his office and walked in, readying himself for an argument, he found General Hammond sitting in his old chair and laughing with someone on the phone. Hammond. Laughing. Hmm!
The older man waved him in and then said, “Okay, sweetheart. I’ll pick you up later and I’ll sit through that awful movie you want to watch. Yes. I will also buy you popcorn and soda. Okay. Bye!”
“One of the munchkins?” Jack asked, taking a seat across the desk from his boss. He always found it more comfortable to sit in this office from this viewpoint. He still hated the big chair.
“Kayla. She’s been bugging her mom to take her to the movies for the past two weeks. Now that Grandpa is in town, she’s found another victim more likely to give in to her wishes.”
“What else are grandpas for?” Jack smirked, getting comfortable.
“I’m looking forward to doing a lot more of that in the near future, Jack.”
Jack. He had called him Jack. Not good.
“What’s taking a joy ride inside that shiny head of yours, General?” he jumped in.
Hammond chuckled, then he announced, “I’m retiring!”
“You, too? Good for you! We both deserve it!” Jack grinned, hiding the fact that he knew that the general’s announcement meant his own plans were probably going to hell in a hand basket.
“Not quite. I’m older. I deserve it more,” General Hammond stated with a glint in his eye.
“Uh-oh!” Jack responded. Crap!
“The President wants you to take over for me in DC, and it isn’t quite a request, if you catch my drift,” the general informed.
“General!” Jack exclaimed, jumping to his feet. “I already have plans! I told you! I’m done flying a desk! I’m done dealing with the Tok’ra! I’m done sending people to their doom! It’s time to get married and have some fun!” Jack complained.
He was now pacing the office furiously.
“Sit down, Jack. It’s not as bad as you think. You’ll still be able to get married if you want,” the general said in a calming tone, “and have plenty of fun.”
“Really?” Jack instantly replied, stopping the pacing. Now he was mildly interested.
“Really. After our last argument, I presented your situation to the President, and he assured me that you’d be able to proceed with your marriage plans as long as you gave him at least three years as Head of Homeworld Security.”
“Three?” Jack said, considering the proposal but still hesitant. “What about Carter?”
“Colonel Carter can remain in her position as SG-1’s Team Leader or decide to take one of the many other offers on the table. The Pentagon wants her, Area 51 wants her, and there’s still the Science Department top position here at the SGC that she has been trying to do on a part-time basis. Now she could really dig into her projects.”
“A long-distance marriage?” Jack asked, making a face. “I don’t know about that.”
“Would a personal jet make a difference?” Hammond asked with a knowing smile.
“It might,” Jack replied noncommittally.
“Talk it over with Sam, Jack. It’s a good offer, and the President is dead set on you taking over. You’d be getting another star on your shoulder, by the way.”
“A second star, huh?” Jack commented, not really that excited about another promotion. He was thinking about Sam. Would she be disappointed that he would not be retiring? Would she balk at having a long-distance marriage?
“I’m staying in town for a couple of days. Give me a call and let me know what you think. The President wants an answer by the end of the week.”
“Yes, sir,” Jack replied pensively.
He didn’t see the smile gracing the older man’s lips as he shook his head and left the office.
“Jack?” he heard coming from the door, and he was momentarily confused. Why did Hammond sound like a girl? Then he turned and realized that the one standing at his door was none other than Agent Kerry Johnson.
“Kerry!”
“You were miles away,” she said with a fond smile.
“Yeah, I was… thinking,” he replied. “I see you’re back from Washington.”
“Yes, finally. I just came back to wrap things up here. I’m going back for good by the end of the week.”
“I see,” he responded awkwardly. “Listen, I…”
“You don’t have to explain anything. We had agreed that there were no commitments, and that our relationship would not interfere with work. I hope this is still the case.”
“It is,” he nodded.
“I’m a big girl, Jack, and I’m not stupid. I suspect you didn’t even realize that I was gone for the past week.”
“Of course I did, I just… didn’t want to have this conversation over the telephone,” he justified truthfully.
“That’s very thoughtful of you,” she said, her smile turning sad. “I know that you’re taken, Jack. You were taken even as I met you. I knew there was someone; it just never occurred to me that it was Colonel Carter.”
“We didn’t…”
“I know, but you should. If she’s whom you want, then go for it. Don’t let rules stand in your way.”
Jack nodded, dropping his gaze to the floor in discomfort, but he replied, “I’m working on it.”
Kerry then fondly smiled at him again. “I wish you all the best, Jack. You deserve to be happy; and so does Colonel Carter.”
“Thank you,” he simply said, not knowing how else to respond.
The agent’s smile widened, then she turned and said as she left, “See you around.”
“Goodbye, Kerry,” he replied; then he watched her go, rather relieved that the short conversation was over.
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Minutes after his clean break with Agent Johnson, Jack was on his way back to the infirmary.
As he arrived, Pete Shanahan was leaving Sam’s room and Teal’c was entering.
“Jack. I was about to call you,” Daniel said, turning to him as the detective faced him. Jack could tell the man had been crying.
“I’ll take it from here. You go check on Carter,” Jack ordered Daniel; he then started walking toward the elevator.
Pete followed silently, his face grim and his eyes on the floor.
The two men waited for the elevator in chilling silence, then stepped inside when the doors opened. Jack was actually surprised when the younger man spoke.
“Just promise me that you’ll make her happy,” Pete asked in a subdued tone, making the general turn to look at him.
After a moment, Jack replied, “You have my word.”
The detective nodded, then returned his gaze to the floor tiles.
Soon they were on the NORAD floor, and Jack patiently stood aside to allow his guest to exit. Seeing him through the security check, he patiently stood as Shanahan recovered his ID from the guard.
To Jack’s further surprise, Shanahan had more to say.
“You stepped aside for her sake once. I guess now it’s my turn.”
Jack didn’t reply, but he nodded in acknowledgement. He felt sorry for the guy, but not enough to engage in pointless conversation.
“Take care,” Shanahan finally said; and then he left.
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
After escorting Sam’s ex-fiancé off premises, Jack returned to her room to find her asleep, and Daniel and Teal’c looking clearly upset.
“What happened?” Jack asked.
“She was in pain and crying her eyes out when we came in. I told you this was a bad idea,” Daniel replied. He wasn’t a happy archeologist.
“Did you hear them argue?” Jack asked, his eyes taking in the tear tracks on Sam’s still blotchy face.
“No. They did not fight,” Teal’c replied. “Colonel Carter even said that Detective Shanahan had been too kind.”
Daniel just pursed his lips unhappily, then he added, “But she got upset, anyway. She was so exhausted that she was barely coherent. I had to call Dr. Brightman.”
Jack’s eyes were on Sam’s face the whole time as he responded. “Calm down, Daniel. We knew this was going to be difficult for her, but she really wanted to get this over with. This was her decision, not ours, and the doc okayed it.”
He understood Daniel’s upset, and he actually agreed with his friend, but this had been Sam’s call. At least now he knew that the cop would not be calling the SGC and demanding to see her every day. Their relationship was over, and Jack felt glad and relieved about that.
Daniel was still sulking, so Jack turned to him to place a hand on his shoulder. “Thank you, Danny,” he said.
Daniel just nodded, who then turned to Teal’c. “I guess we better go eat while she’s sleeping.” Turning back to Jack, he asked, “Are you coming?”
“You guys go ahead. I’ll join you in a few minutes.”
“Okay. Dr. Brightman gave her a strong dose of morphine. She won’t be awake for a while.”
Jack nodded, but he just took a seat next to Sam’s bed and reached for her hand.
Daniel, taking the hint, sighed and motioned Teal’c for them to leave.
Jack heard them shut the door; then he felt free to bring Sam’s fingers to his lips. He had missed her. He had been away from her for only a couple of hours, but he had missed her intensely. He couldn’t wait until she woke up so that he could discuss Hammond’s proposal with her.
“It’s time to start planning our future together, Carter. We’ve waited long enough,” he whispered, kissing her fingers again; then he leaned over her and gently kissed her lips.
It seemed like he had waited a lifetime for Carter, and now he felt impatient to start his new life with her. Feeling the way he felt right now, looking at her sleeping face and knowing that she belonged to him, made everything he had gone through the past eight years worth every second.
Giving her one more loving glance before he closed the door behind him, he reluctantly left Sam to join Daniel and Teal’c for lunch. He would let her rest.
Jack didn’t notice, but as he made his way toward the mess hall, people stared.
The SGC personnel were not used to seeing their general smile.
The End