TITLE: A Day in the Life of SG-1
AUTHOR: Roxanne Kowalchuk
CATEGORY: S/J, romance and hopefully humor
SUMMARY: See the title...
ARCHIVE: SJA and Heliopolis... and anywhere else. (I'm not picky).
DISCLAIMER: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thanks: To Sarah for editing my story. :)
This is an answer to a challenge posted by Amelie on March 8. This is the challenge.
Write a S/J story including these ponderings....
- "The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it."
- Jack saying. "If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees."
- "There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
- Daniel thinking "The sky is falling... no, I'm tipping over backwards."
- The General or Sam saying. "Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes."
- Teal'c saying "If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?"
All I can say is the fishing line got me stumped.
Any ways, here's the story. Enjoy.
This, the mission was suppose to be simple. You know, easy as pie. No hitches or glitches. Ya right! Not with this team.
As they all walked back to the stargate, well okay walk wasn't the right word. Carter limped and Daniel stumbled, Jack voiced his opinion. "This has to be the worse mission ever. Do you kids realize that?" Of course no one answered. They didn't need to. Coming to a stop in front of the DHD, Jack continued. "Would somebody please do something right for once and dial us home."
Stumbling pass Jack, Daniel answered. "I will."
Shaking his head in disapproval, Jack objected. "No way! Not you."
Knowing Jack wasn't impressed with Daniel and Sam wasn't about to volunteer because she was injured, Teal'c offered his services. "I will, O'Neill."
"Thank you," Jack replied as he backed up a bit so Teal'c could get to the DHD. But as he stood behind Teal'c, Jack also kept one eye on Sam and the other on Daniel.
As Teal'c dialed, Daniel wandered pass Sam, who by the way was using a tree for support. He just couldn't understand that. But as he wandered, he kept away from Jack. He was mad at him. Well Jack was. Trying his best to walk properly, Daniel kept his thoughts to himself. 'Hmmm...' he started to think as he looked up. 'The sky is falling... no, I'm tipping backwards.' And he did. And he had no chance to stop himself either. He was on his back before he knew it.
Jack saw Daniel drop. Pulling his cap off, Jack hid his face with it. He was disgusted. It was basically useless to go help Daniel. Even if he got him to his feet, he'd be on his face in an instant. But Jack had figured Daniel had dropped at the right time. If he would of waited a second more, he would of been stargate dust.
"We are ready, O'Neill," Teal'c informed Jack after he sent the SG-1 signal through.
Putting his cap back on, Jack turned to the rest of his team. "Let's go kids."
Watching Jack stroll pass Daniel, Sam pushed herself off the tree and made her way to him. That being Daniel. Leaning down, she grabbed onto his vest and helped him up. "Let's go Daniel."
"Okay," Daniel answered as he stumbled.
Making sure Daniel was somewhat steady on his feet, Sam glared at Jack. This mission wasn't just their fault, it was his too. That was it, Sam came to a conclusion. Jack was going to have a bumpy ride home. Reaching the gate at the same time as him, she stuck her foot out.
Jack's plan was just to stroll into the gate. But his plan didn't pan out. Instead as he went to step into the gate, he tripped on something. But he had a problem. There was nothing he could grab onto. The end result, it would hurt on the other end.
Watching Jack stumble into the gate, Sam next lined Daniel up and pushed him through. She really didn't care if Daniel landed on Jack. And she didn't care if Daniel hurt himself, after all he was drunk, he won't care.
You heard it first, Dr. Daniel Jackson was drunk. But he didn't know that. Well maybe he did, but he didn't care.
Neither did Sam. They all had gone through the gate one time or another with something much worse.
Having watched Sam handle both Jack and Daniel, Teal'c gave his approval. Turning his head, he nodded once, then spoke. "Very good going, Major Carter. You handled that quite well."
Turning to answer him, Sam smiled at him. "Thank you, Teal'c."
Offering his arm for support, Teal'c only moved once Sam had taken it. Once she was leaning on him, he then moved with her through the gate.
It was the first time Janet had ever seen SG-1 strained as they were before her. It basically all started when Daniel mowed down Jack coming out of the gate. Well maybe not then, but there was something wrong. SG-1 wasn't themselves.
Daniel hadn't cared that he had mowed down Jack, he was drunk. Janet had quickly assessed that when he breathed on her. Jack on the other hand was busy glaring at both Sam and Teal'c. Well okay, it was mostly at Sam. And Sam didn't even bother to look at him. She seemed disgusted. But Teal'c, well he was cool and calm as a cucumber. Well that's at least what Janet thought.
"Sam," Janet started. "I want an x-ray."
Sitting on the edge of the bed, Sam answered her. "I'm fine, Janet."
That was a typical Sam answer and she knew she'd have an argument on her hands. So she took the easy way out of it. "Do I have to order you?"
Rolling her eyes, Sam was in no mood, she gave in. "No."
"Good, now hop into the wheelchair," Janet triumphant. As Sam did as she asked, Janet turned her attention to her other two patients. Actually there was three, but Daniel was out cold. "Teal'c, your free to go."
"Thank you, Dr. Fraiser," Teal'c told her as he nodded his head at both Jack and Sam then walked out of the infirmary.
As Teal'c left, Janet turned her attention to Jack. "Colonel, you have to stay."
Jack quickly objected. "Hey, I'm healthy."
"Are you?" she challenged. "You took a nasty spill on the ramp."
"That wasn't my fault," Jack stated but he also gave in. "Hurry back."
As Janet parked Sam's wheelchair beside the x-ray table, Sam spoke up. "Janet, do I really need an x-ray?"
"Well from what you told me, I'd say yes," Janet answered as she set the x-ray machine up. But as she worked, her curiosity got the best of her. "How exactly?"
"Huh?" Sam questioned. She hadn't really been paying much attention.
"How'd you fall?" Janet asked.
"It's a long story."
"We got time."
Sam knew her friend and she knew she won't give up. "You can't tell a soul."
"No worries, you know I won't." They always told each other deep personal secrets.
"Okay," Sam agreed. "Well there wasn't too much to this village. About 10 to 15 huts, but the people were really friendly."
"Well that explains Daniel's condition."
"More or less, but let's just put it this way. Daniel is just plain and simple, drunk. He just got a little carried away."
"I'd agreed." When Daniel finally got up with help on the ramp, he couldn't even walk properly. "But it's also Jack's fault."
"Why?" Janet questioned. Janet didn't really understand why Daniel being drunk was Jack's fault.
"Well when he saw how big the village was, Jack told us to mingle. We did. All of us."
"Okay, so I take it Daniel went off to learn their ways." Theirs being the village people.
"Yes, but he got more than he bargained for."
"Just say it, he got drunk."
"All right, that explains Daniel but that doesn't explain how you hurt your knee."
"Well that was just basically an accident."
"Well let me take you back..." Sam replied as she drifted off into her thoughts.
"Yes Major Carter," Teal'c replied as he turned to her.
"Where's the Colonel?"
"Gone?" Sam questioned. Right about now, she was starting to hate Teal'c's one word answers.
"He told me he was going on a tour," Teal'c explained.
"Do you need assistance, Major?"
"No, I was just wondering," Sam replied as a thought popped into her head. "Teal'c when you finally see him, could you tell him I went to the hot tub."
"Thanks," Sam said as she wandered away and down a small trail. She walked for about a total of ten minutes until she came to a hole in the ground filled with water. Earlier in the day, the women of the village had shown it to her.
Bending down, she stuck her left hand in. It was hot but not piping hot. It was just right.
Standing up, she stripped her clothes off. Leaving everything in a neat little pile, Sam slowly slipped into the water.
Coming out of her thoughts, Sam explained. "...Well any ways, the women of the village had shown me their version of a hot tub. So when Teal'c told me that Jack had gone on a tour, I decided to go take a dip."
"Wait a sec," Janet interrupted. She understood the hot tub but was a little confused about Jack. "Jack went on a tour?"
"Jack mingled," Sam answered. "Basically, the men of the village showed him around."
"Oh, okay. Continue," Janet replied.
"Well as I was taking a much deserved dip, Jack got wind of what I was doing."
"Okay, but didn't you tell Teal'c to tell him?" Janet questioned.
"Ya, I did. But I wasn't expecting the end result," Sam replied.
"Well let's just say, that when I got out, I got a surprise."
Wanting to say what she was thinking, Janet wasn't going to but she very quickly changed her mind. "Jack joined you."
"No!" Sam quickly answered.
Trying her best to hide her smile, Janet apologized. "Sorry, thought I'd ask."
"Well it didn't happen."
"Okay, so what did happen?"
"Well, let's just say, I still think Jack was the cause."
Janet was lost. "Ah, how is Jack to blame?"
"When I started to get out, I noticed something."
"Let's just say, my comment was something like this. Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes."
"Oh no!" Janet got it. "No clothes."
"None. All I had was my vest, gun and boots."
Putting it altogether, Janet came to her own conclusion. "Jack."
"He denied it, though."
"Typical. But I don't understand how Jack got you to fall."
"When I finally radioed him, he told me he had to find my clothes. Eventually, after ten minutes or so, he did. Although, when he got to my location instead of being a gentlemen and putting them in a pile, he threw them. So as I started to get out, I stepped on a slimy rock and fell."
"Did he realized?"
"No. He was gone."
"So I got up, got dressed and stayed mad at Jack for the rest of the mission."
"Is that why Jack is glaring at you?"
"Nope, not because of that."
"Then of what?"
"I made sure he tripped going through the gate."
"That would explain why he got up from the ramp the first time."
"Yup. So that's why Jack isn't to sure which one to be mad at. Teal'c or myself. We were the last ones through."
"Oh," Janet replied as a thought hit her. "Now before we get carried away, I have a job to do. After all, I am a doctor."
"I still need an x-ray?" Sam asked.
"Yes. Now get on the table."
Getting up out of the wheelchair, Sam slipped herself up onto the table. But as soon as her skin touched the table, she jumped off. "Whoa! That's cold."
"No way. It's too cold."
"Sam," Janet started. "The colder the x-ray table the more your body is required on it."
"Just get on the table."
Giving Janet a dirty look, Sam slid back onto the bed.
"Where's Carter?" Jack asked as soon as he spotted Janet.
"Where's Daniel?" Janet countered, not bothering to answer Jack's question.
"On the floor."
"What?" Janet asked in total shock. Moving away from Jack, Janet moved to Daniel's bed. She found Daniel right where Jack had said he was. On the floor.
"There's no use of picking him up," Jack told her. "He'll just fall off again."
"Right." Janet didn't believe him.
"Whatever," Jack mumbled as he looked away from Janet just in time to see Sam walk back into the infirmary, fully clothed. "Carter."
After picking Daniel up with help, Janet turned her attention to Jack. "Colonel."
"I'm free to go?" Jack asked.
"No. I want you to touch your toes," Janet instructed. She should of asked Sam to do to it but Jack had been the one to come tumbling out of the stargate.
"You heard me."
"Listen Janet," Jack started. "If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees."
Jack was going to be a problem. "If you don't, I want an x-ray then."
"I'm healthy, doc."
"Let me be the judge of that," Janet told him as she turned away from him. "You can go Major, but I want you to relax. That means no lab. Got that?"
"Ya," Sam replied. "I'll go to the lounge." Sam didn't even want to go near her lab or even think about it.
As Sam left the infirmary, she didn't even bother to talk to Jack. She had nothing to say to him. When Sam was gone, Janet turned all her attention on to Jack.
Sam did avoided her lab. She actually headed straight to the lounge. She expected it to be empty and it was. When she got to the couch, she sunk down into it and got comfy. But a few minutes later, another person entered. It was Teal'c carrying a stack of books.
"Major Carter," Teal'c greeted.
"Teal'c," Sam also greeted as she watched him walk to the empty lazy boy and sit down. Watching him pick up a book, she then looked away and closed her eyes. She planned to take a nap. Although, it wasn't going to happen.
"Major Carter, may I ask you a question."
Feeling like answering him, he already did, Sam behaved. Leaving her eyes closed, she answered. "Sure Teal'c."
"If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?"
Her eyes instantly flew open and her head whipped around. She knew she had heard him correctly, but it was still an odd question coming from Teal'c. "Are you reading more comic books?"
Leaning her head back on the couch, Sam remembered that before they went on their latest mission, Jack had introduced Teal'c to the world of comic books. She thought it was funny because he had no clue as to what they were but she also wished that Jack had started with some one else. Say maybe Batman, Iron Man or even the Green Lantern. But no, it wasn't so. He started with the man of steel. Superman.
Coming out of her thoughts, Sam apologized. "Sorry." Quickly thinking back to all the movies, the tv shows and the comic books she had read, Sam remembered why and who had made his costumes. "His mother made them."
"His mother?" Teal'c sounded confused.
"Ya. It should be in the first or second comic book."
Leaning forward, Teal'c looked through his stack of comic books that he had placed on the table in front of him. "I don't have the first or second comic book," he announced.
"What?" Sam question as she swung her legs over the edge of the couch and leaned towards the table to get a better look. "Are you telling me that the Colonel never started with the first comic book?"
"No he did not," Teal'c answered, truthfully. "Should he have?"
About to answer, some one else did.
"Who have what?"
Looking up at the doorway, Sam saw Jack standing there with a goofy looking grin on his face. Just seeing him made her mad. Standing up, she walked straight for him. "How dare you?"
Jack was instantly confused. "What?"
"How dare you?" She repeated.
"How dare I what?" Jack asked.
"Here you are giving Teal'c a whole bunch of Superman comic books and you don't give him the first one. That's just wrong," Sam answered. "And you should of started with some one less confusing. Like Batman, Iron Man or the Green Lantern. At least he would of understood that they made their own costumes and that they made sense." She wasn't about to let Jack get a word in edge wise. "But no, you just have to be difficult. So as I leave this place, I want you, even if you don't listen to me, to sit down and please explain to Teal'c, the poor confused Jaffa, why Superman wears his underpants over his trousers." And with that she left.
Jack was amazed. Sam flipped out on him over a Superman comic book. Weird. Turning his attention to Teal'c, he spoke as he walked over to where he was. "What's up, Teal'c?"
After leaving the lounge, Teal'c and Jack, Sam headed for her quarters. She just didn't want to be around people. She was still steaming mad over what Jack had done to Teal'c. And she knew she needed to cool down. So she figured her quarters would be the best spot.
But as she laid on her bed, she was interrupted. As she got up to answer the door, she figured that she would never get to take a nap.
Opening the door, she groaned when she saw the person. "Great..."
"Nice to see you too," Jack told her. Yup, it was Jack at her door.
"Done explaining Superman to Teal'c?"
Not really wanting to hear his excuse, Sam went to close the door. "Goodbye, Jack."
Putting his hand on the door, he stopped her. "We need to talk."
"No we don't."
"Yes we do."
Giving up, because she was tired, Sam let go of the door and headed to her bed. As she laid down, she spoke. "Make it fast."
"Well I told Teal'c that his mother made his costume and that he does eventually change because he has no choice whatsoever," Jack started. "And he actually looks better."
Rolling her eyes, Sam leaned over the edge of her bed. Pulling out a plastic envelope, she held it up. "Yes, I know."
"Where'd you get that?"
"I bought it," Sam told him. She had a copy of the Superman wedding album and the new Superman. "Should be a collectors item sometime in the near future."
"Could I borrow that?" Jack asked.
"Why not?" Jack questioned as he watched her put it back.
"Because I'm letting Teal'c read it after he's done with the other ones," Sam answered. Changing topics, she continued. "Do you have a reason for being here?"
"Ya, actually I do."
"Then let me hear it."
Okay, that made her sit straight up in her bed. "Excuse me? What for?" She fired at him.
"That mission wasn't completely all your fault. And when I say your fault, I mean Daniel and Teal'c too. I guess I should of explained the mingling part more."
"You should have," Sam told him sarcastically.
"Hey, I'm trying my best here."
"Ya, sure." She knew he was but she wasn't about to let him off easily.
"And I also apologize for throwing your clothes all over the place. I should of been a gentlemen and put them in a pile."
Staring straight at Jack, she gasped. Had Janet told him what she had told her. Because it was sounding so close to what she had told her.
"Did you just come up with that on your own?"
"Come up with what?" Jack questioned.
"The being a gentlemen and placing my clothes in a pile." But when Jack didn't say a word, Sam jumped up off the bed and faced him. "Tell me the truth, or else I hurt you." She didn't care about the pain in her leg, she just wanted to get to the bottom of things.
"I may of had a little talk with Janet. You know she's very persuasive when she wants to be."
"Oh, that's it... she's in deep trouble for this," Sam said through clenched teeth.
"Oh just chill will ya," Jack told her. That made her look up at him and that's what he wanted. "I would of eventually figured out why you were so mad at me. Janet told me that you slipped on a slimy rock when you went to get out. That's why you're limping. I trully apologize for that Sam."
"Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't believe you."
"What Jack? You played a stupid practical joke on me and you didn't stay around to see the end result," Sam told him.
"I know that."
Since before the mission, they were arguing. Jack really didn't know why, but he figured Sam did. But he also figured she wasn't going to tell him. Or she had forgot too and didn't want to confess it. "Look Sam," he begun.
"There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
About to open her mouth to question what he just said, Sam stopped. She just looked at him. Stared at him. What he just said made no sense. "What?"
Not even bothering to answer with questions, Jack cupped her face with his hands, leaned in and kissed her.
Sam's defenses dropped. They just basically fell apart. Her only instinct was to wrap her arms around his neck. Even if his fishing comment made no sense, she wasn't about to argue with him. She just didn't feel like it. Kissing was a better solution any ways.
That's all folks.