Story Notes: Email :

Category :
Jack and Sam romance (what else), angst (I think),

Status :

Rating :
pg (I think)

Content warnings :

Pairings :

Season/sequel info :
fourth season during Entity

Spoilers :
Entity, CO--… actually just say a lot.

Archive :
Heliopolis. SJR anywhere else ask first please

Summary :
Jacks thoughts thru entity

Disclaimer :
Leave me alone!!! A girl can Dream you know… Oh, well, We all know the drill. The characters aren’t mine, I’m just playing with them a little, I’m sure no-one minds I’ll put them back where I found them, there won’t be any damage, well…not much anyway. I’m not making any money (too bad) blah, blah, blah. NOW READ. No pressure. (Smiles sweetly.)J

Feedback :
desperately needed, if I have to beg I will. Honesty, greatly respected. Flaming accepted, although it burns I think I can take it. (Silent plea: ~ Be gentle)

Author's Note :
We all know this fic is not true. Humour me, just a little thinking. WHAT?! WERE YOU EXPECTING A PLOT?!! Ha! I’d like to thank Joey, my beta. And all those who inspired me to write (that includes my busy beta)
Author's Notes: We all know this fic is not true. Humour me, just a little thinking. WHAT?! WERE YOU EXPECTING A PLOT?!! Ha! I’d like to thank Joey, my beta. And all those who inspired me to write (that includes my busy beta)

“Leave Major Carter right now” I give her…it a stern look…hoping against hope that my red rimmed eyes, from the hours of crying, or the catch in my voice do not betray me. It seems to work she…*it* looks almost frightened. It pushes away the bed covers and makes a run. “Let her go!”

We follow. Where is it going…. back into that memory thing?…as soon as its in there I’ll destroy it. Sam shouldn’t have to go through this again.


A memory of Sam behind bars, but yet not Sam. Jolinar.

////end flash////

Concentrate Jack…..Ok we got *it* cornered. What’s it doing. What the hells coming out of her hands.

No. I bite my lip. Raise the Zat, and fire. It hits her. But its like she just absorbs it. She…no *it* looks at me. It stares into my eyes….reminding me it has control, reminding me I can’t do anything. It knows….is there anyone who doesn’t know. The general even knows. I care about her…a lot….I think I lo….I can’t Zap it again, it might kill her but if it gets into our computers. Oh god. Sam.

I raise the zat. Sam…..It still stares at me…..the light pulsating from her fingers…..Sam


“Where’s he transferring form?”

“*She* is transferring from the pentagon”

God, She’s beautiful.

“I take it you’re Colonel O’Neill. Captain Samantha Carter reporting.”



“Don’t worry sir….I won’t let you down”

“Good…..I was going to say ladies first.”

“U know u really will like me once you get to know me”

“Oh I adore you already. ”

I did.


“I’m not an Anthropologist”

“You are Today”


“I can’t move. I can’t walk”

“I don’t know it kind of works for me.”

////end flash////

I can’t do it. The general was right. I have to do it. Oh God. Why doesn’t it just stop. It still stares. How long have we been stood here. Just fire Jack


“Good job”

That smile


She’s upset, she has to take cassie down the lift. She should have let me do it

////end flash////

Fire Jack!#


“Jack! we got to get out of here”

“Carter! Carter”

“Oh god, sir we left him behind”

“I know. I know. We’re going back”

It felt so good to hold her.

////end flash////

Damn it Jack just do it


Ice. Cold. Sam.


“Its my sidearm I swear”

I love to make her laugh

////end flash////

For crying out loud!


“Let me get this straight………engaged?!!”

////end flash////

Please Sam. Forgive me. I beg you. I fire, barely holding back the tears. She falls the life torn from her body. OH GOD. What have I done. Sam. Don’t look at me like that Janet.


The first time she kissed me.

“Carter...err…sorry didn’t know you were in here”

Then she grabbed me and kissed me. And although I deny it. I know I kissed back, but it was wrong.

“wow. Wait, what the hells going on?”

“I want you!”


In a dark room. Thinking of Sam. Just b4 I went to interrogate Jolinar.


“Oh God, he's telling you the truth! Please, Jack, no Jack, please, Don’t leave me, please, give me a chance! Don't leave me like this! Jack!! Please!”

////end flash////

I left her. She called out and I left her. Sam!!!

I failed her then. And I failed her now. Sam. Why didn’t I tell her?





“I thought you were Dead.”


“Colonel…what happened”?

“Oh god”

I pulled her into a hug. I thought I’d lost her forever. Why didn’t I Tell her.

////end flash////

She’s lying on the bed, so many tubes, someone’s coming. Janet.

“Still no change.”

That is definitely not what I want to hear. God what have I done? I don’t think I could live with out her.

“I don’t know if she ever told you this, colonel, but Sam made a living will. No extra ordinary means.”

“Yeah, she told me”

I remember. It was after Jolinar.

“There’s no brain activity of any kind, no sign of either Sam or the entity”

I can hear the catch in Janet’s voice. I look up at Sam. Why?

“she’s being kept entirely alive on life support…..I think its time to let her go sir.”

But don’t you see Janet I can’t. I can’t let her go. I can’t live with out her.

“Give it a minute will ya…..yeah a minute”

I know I’m buying time.


I walked in wanted to know whether she was coming fishing or not. She was looking through a magnifying glass I put my face up to the glass, it made her smile. I’d do anything to see that smile again.

“What ya doing'?”

(Still smiling)”They salvaged a couple of replicator pieces from the ocean, I thought I'd take a look.”


“Colonel ...” she was being stopped by MP's, I turned, bit my lip. Her face filled with anguish and confusion….why didn’t she understand I was doing this for her.



“I know! I know!”

I couldn’t leave her!


“Sir! Just go!” she was crying. So was I.


I couldn’t.

////end flash////

I look back at her. She looks so peaceful. Why didn’t I tell her?!


I tried to touch her. Just fingertips, but the forcefeild stopped me.


I stared into her eyes. She had a pleading look in her eyes. She cocked her head to the side with the pleading look. Didn’t she understand! I was confused I could hear Jaffa-steps in the background. The Jaffa appeared.


“Because I care about her ...” we made eye contact! “A lot more than I'm supposed to.”

But it’s so much more now.


“Carter ...”

“Sir ... None of this has to leave this room.”

I was Confused & kind of disappointed. “We're OK with that?”

Just like me go with the flow

“Yes, Sir.”

But I wanted her to say no. I wasn’t ok with it. Why didn’t I say something.


“Resigning what for?”

“So I can do this”

It felt so good to kiss her like that. If only she remembered.

That’s when I realised……

////end flash////

I realized I loved her. And I never told her. I should have told her.

I still love her. I love you Sam.


She’s alive, she was in the memory mainframe. I haven’t been to see her since. I shot her, she probably hates me. Oh god Sam. I’m going to tell you. One day. And if you don’t feel the same that’s ok. As long as I tell you. I LOVE YOU!


The End.

End Notes: I hoped you liked it, please send me feedback. There may be a sequel, but I need feedback, to build my confidence. Thanks. Lovely wasn’t it. Date: 11.10.01. Happy Remembrance Day!
~Splash. SG-11. *XO* Wraith Squadron!

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