‘Off world activation,’ the technician calls with relative calmness. ‘We’re receiving SG-16’s radio signal.’
As Hammond steps up to the control room window he calls for the iris to be opened. As it peels back the first person I see step through is Carter. After that everyone else just fades into the background. And, for a change, because I’m happy to see her or that incredible smile of hers has captivated me once more. The look I give her is more than sufficient to let her know exactly how I’m feeling. Betrayed.
*
As I step back through to the reality of what I’ve done, it hits me full force. The look he gives me makes me feel, to put it delicately, like a piece of shit. I know I shouldn’t have followed Orlin, but what was I supposed to do? Just let him go through and die? Well…. I know he did anyway, but if I hadn’t of tried I couldn’t have lived with it. And anyway, my only other alternative was to wait for Simmons and his super troops to come and bust my ass…so, not much of a choice.
Walking down the ramp feels like the longest journey I’ve ever made. His eyes never move from me, even if I can’t make myself meet his.
‘Debrief right away please Major,’ I dimly hear the General announce over the PA, so I take the left door instead and walk up to the control room. When I get there the Colonel is already ascending the stairs to the briefing room, closely followed by General Hammond, so I follow suit. SG-16 still seems a little dumbstruck and follows slowly. Reaching the top of the flight, I walk slowly into the room and take my reserved seat next to the Colonel. He doesn’t even look at me. No ‘nice to see your ok’ even. I know what he’s feeling, and I know why. Because I lied to him.
*
She takes her rightful place at my side, but I can’t bring myself to look at her, let alone say anything. And besides, I don’t think it would be appropriate to start chewing out my second in command in front of the General.
The briefing itself is tense. I tell the General what happened at Carter’s place, putting quite a lot of emphasis on the her jumping through the gate after an alien part…my bad mood got the better of me. SG-16 filled us in on their work on the planet, and then Carter gave us the details on what happened when she and Orlin got there. Gotta say, hats off to the guy…alien…whatever. What he did was, noble.
The General gives Carter a bit of a chewing out himself. Lots to do with lying to her commanding officers, hiding the alien, running off to an alien planet with no regard for the consequences etc etc… She makes her case calmly and offers her apologies. The General seems to accept it all fairly well. Better than I’m gonna anyway. He gives her a warning, tells her she’s lucky her record is so good, and then dismisses us. I think about asking her for a chat now, but I don’t think it’s the right time. I know I’ll know when it is.
*
General Hammond calls a close to the briefing and I hurry to my feet and out the door as fast as I can without looking insubordinate. I know that the Colonel is gonna wanna talk to me, but I just can’t face it at the moment.
I get to my lab as quickly as I can and close the door, blocking out the harshness of the actual world. Leaning against the cool metal has the effect of calming me slightly. I know he’s coming, and soon.
*
She almost scampers out of the room in her hurry to escape. I don’t want her to be scared of me. God, that’s the last thing I want. I just want her to realise what she’d actually done by doing what she did. I just need her to understand that now time is the only thing that will help. And now, I decide, is the time.
*
Sitting at my desk I scam over some schematics that were made of the reactor by SG-16, but the amount I’m actually talking in is minimal. Then I hear it. A slow, steady, but purposeful striding down the corridor. It slows as it approaches the door, and then a rhythmical knock on the door is made. Oh shit.
‘Come in,’ I call tentatively. And, surprise surprise, I was correct in my assessment of who it would be.
‘Hey Colonel.’
‘Hey Carter.’
*
She looks almost scared as I enter her relatively quiet lab. Her quiet voice, along with the occasional whirring of some project she’s working on are the only sounds that can be heard.
‘I think you know why I’m here Major.’
‘Yes sir, I do.’
‘Well then, lets get started shall we?’
I know it’s a statement, not a question. He grabs a stool and puts it next to the edge of my desk, and I can see the same eyes that were looking at me as I stepped back through the gate just a couple of hours ago. My brain is telling me to say something first. Tell him how sorry I am for lying to him. How sorry I am for disobeying his orders and for leaving with Orlin. How sorry I am…for all of it.
‘So Major,’ he begins. ‘What exactly do you think you were playing at?’
Oh shit. And so it begins…
‘Sir, I know how disappointed you must be.’
‘You know what Carter, I don’t think you do.’
‘Sir…’
‘Ah! I think I should finish, don’t you Major?’
The guilt is beginning to hit in full force now, so I just nod mutely I response, unable to even meet his eyes.
‘What you did was unacceptable behaviour. If I were the General I’d have had your ass for this Carter. You lied to me, to him, to everyone. You disobeyed my direct orders and you jumped through a home made Stargate to another planet, where you could have quite easily been killed.’
He pauses for breath, and as he does so I look slowly up to him, trying to tell him how sorry I am. It may be wishful thinking by he seems to soften a little. Just a little.
‘Now, as your commanding officer, it’s my duty to give you this little disciplinary lecture. I don’t want to be Carter, especially to you.’
It’s only now that I’m beginning to understand exactly what it is I’ve done. I betrayed him, in every way possible. As his second in command, as a member of his team, and as his friend.
‘I know,’ I whisper.
I can’t believe how awful I feel right now. I betrayed the trust of one of my closest friends. How do you go about getting that back? Then I feel it; a little pool of moisture building up at the back of my eyes. Holy shit. I never cry. God…what does this man do to me?
‘Why’d you do it Sam?’ he asks so quietly I strain to actually hear him. If I didn’t know better I’d say he was pretty close to shedding some tears of his own.
‘Because I thought I was doing what was right. Because that’s what you’ve always told us to do.’
‘I’ve never told you to hurt the people who care about you.’
‘I know that too. I didn’t mean to.’
‘Then why?’
‘He needed my help sir.’
The air has become still. The words we speak are so quiet compared to how he had started out.
‘Listen to me sir,’ I almost plead. ‘I never meant to hurt anyone. I was trying to do what was best by everyone. And at the time what was best was for me to help Orlin without the rest of the team. Can you understand that?’
‘Yeah, I can Carter.’
I breathe out, relieved that we seem to have taken a first step.
‘What I can’t understand is why you couldn’t let me help you.’
He stands, knocking the stool backwards and heading for the door at lightening speed. In desperation I stand up and call his name.
‘Jack!’
There we go. He stands rooted to the spot. I sit, unable to form the words to follow that single one.
‘Please. Understand.’
It’s a last ditch attempt. To get back his trust. His friendship. His respect.
Slowly he turns back around to face me. He’s calm compared to how he was just seconds ago. Looking me dead in the eye he answers.
‘I will. In time.’
That’s it. He turns, walks out of the door and doesn’t look back. I slowly retake my previous position of sitting on the stool.
~
Two hours later I’m still sitting, although I’ve managed to make myself a cup of coffee in the process, which has since gone fairly cold.
I don’t quite know what to make of our little talk earlier. But, there is one thing I do know for sure. It’s gonna take time. I hurt a lot of people. Him, I know, most of all. I never meant to. I know he was jealous of Orlin, but he didn’t need to be. He never needs to be. I did what I did because I thought it was the right thing to do, not to try and hurt him, or push him away. I know that eventually he’ll realise it, maybe he does already, who knows. But I know that when he does, he’ll understand.
***
Story Notes: OK, so I’m feeling particularly stressed at the mo, and I haven’t written for ages…things like English essays and University applications keep getting in the way! Anyway, this has been nagging and nagging at me to write it. I was really, really hacked off with Sam after Ascension. Fancy treating Jack like that?! Bitch. Anyway, I’ve tried to be nice-ish to her…but there will be no sequel to this! No happy ending! After what she did she doesn’t deserve it! Ahem…anyway… Also…Em and Annie!! This is the one I was telling ya about in the chat room on Sunday night! Unfortunately, it’s not Jack/Janet…hehe… Well…all that said and done…enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]