'Am I ever going to figure this thing out??' She had asked herself that question at least a dozen times today. SG-3 had brought back this nifty piece of technology from their last mission, and for the life of her, she couldn't figure out how to, well, turn it on!
A knock on the door distracted her, and she gratefully took the opportunity to put it out of her mind for a minute, "Come in." She put the object down as Colonel O'Neill walked through the door to her lab.
"Hey, Carter. Whatcha doin'?" He straddled a stool and looked at the doohickey in front of her.
"Trying to figure this thing out, Sir. It's got me puzzled." She rubbed her eyes and had to stifle a yawn.
"Go home, Carter. This can wait." She always worked too hard and too long.
"Probably not a bad idea, Sir." She got up to start closing down the lab, but he was still sitting there, "Is there something that you wanted?"
"Actually, I came to ask you for a favor. A personal one." He was fiddling with the doohickey now, trying to keep his hands busy while his mind was figuring out what to say next.
She recognized the tactic and sat back down. It wasn't often that he asked for a favor, and a personal one? Not since she had known him, "What is it?" Did it matter? If he asked her to jump off a bridge, she wouldn't think twice. Of course, she was hoping it wasn't life threatening.
He took a deep breath as if summoning the courage, "A friend of mine is going back to school to become a nurse. Anyway, it's been awhile since they were in school, and some of the science classes are kind of hard, so..."
"You want me to tutor your friend?" Definitely not jumping off a bridge yet.
"Yeah, do you think you could?"
"It's not that I don't want to, Sir, it's just that biology and chemistry aren't the same as physics. Janet would probably be a much better teacher than I would."
"Right, I thought of that. But Janet's got her hands full with Cassie, and I just thought it might be less intimidating to have you help rather than an actual doctor."
"An 'actual doctor'? So, I'm just a fake, pretend doctor, is that it, Colonel?"
He looked up with fear in his eyes- actual fear. If he'd really offended her, not only would she say 'no' to his request, but he had a feeling he'd be sorry later- when he wasn't expecting it. She was just kidding though, and he found mock resentment in her eyes, and a smile on her lips that he returned immediately, "Sorry. You know what I meant."
"Yeah, I know." She waited a minute and said, "Sure. Just tell me where and when."
"Great! Thanks, Carter. She'll be at your place in an hour." He leapt off of the stool and out the door before she could ask...
"Who is 'she'?" He must have been seeing someone. Of course, why wouldn't he? A good-looking, funny, smart man. Did she mention good-looking? The thought of spending the night with her CO's girlfriend didn't exactly make her happy.
*********
Her doorbell rang at about 20 past the hour, 20 minutes late, Sam noted. Whoever she was, punctuality was definitely not her strong point.
Stunned didn't begin to describe Sam's expression as she opened the door and saw Sara O'Neill standing before her juggling books and notes and pencils, rather unsuccessfully.
Sam mentally shook herself out of her stupor and caught a pile of books before they fell, "Here let me." She carried them into her house and placed them on the kitchen table.
"Sorry I'm late. I hope you're not a stickler for punctuality like Jack is. It's one of the things about me that used to drive him crazy. Actually, there were a lot of things, but..." Realizing she was rambling and also noticing that Sam had turned white as a sheet, "Let me guess. He didn't actually tell you it was me that was coming?"
"Uh, something like that." Did she sound as stupid out loud as she did to herself? Recovering as quickly as possible, "Not that it matters, I'm just surprised, that's all."
"If this is going to make you uncomfortable, I can try to find someone else. It's just that there's this test coming up, and I'm kind of behind, and when I ran into Jack at the store the other day, I remembered that he said you were a doctor, and I thought that maybe you could help."
"Sara, I'm happy to help, but I hope he explained to you that I'm not that kind of doctor. A medical doctor, I mean. I'm an astrophysicist."
"Wow. Like a rocket scientist?"
"Not exactly, but close enough." She smile a little more weakly than she would have liked, but managed to say, "Look, why don't why just try this tonight and see how it goes?"
"OK by me- I've got class tomorrow, and it would be great to actually be able to answer a question correctly."
Two hours went by before Sam noticed the time, 2100 hours. She needed some fuel, "Coffee?"
"That would be great. If you want to stop for the night, it's fine with me. There's only one chapter left, and I'm sure I can manage it. You've helped me so much already."
"We might as well finish- it won't take long. So, what made you decide to go back to school? " Sam just wanted to keep conversation on neutral topics- away from her CO.
"Well, I actually had been thinking about it for awhile, and then I met Ray."
Sam lifted her head from the coffee pot and saw an enormous grin spread across Sara's face, "Ray?"
"Yeah, I was just walking along the path behind my house, and I literally ran into him. We just started talking, and he asked me out. I was stunned- a handsome lawyer asking me for a date! So I said 'yes'- that was almost 6 months ago."
"I take it he was responsible for pushing you to go back to school?"
"I had always wanted to go back, but it just never seemed to fit in. Ray works pretty long hours sometimes, and since he offered to help with tuition, well, the timing seemed right, and it just wasn't going to get any easier."
Sam brought over two mugs of coffee, and they hit the books again.
Sara broke up the studying this time, "It's getting late, and I should be getting home. Thanks again for helping me tonight. Do you think you would have time next week to go over the next assignment?"
"Sure. How about Tuesday?"
"Great. I promise to be on time and bring dinner." She started packing her things to leave. As she got to the door, she stopped and turned, "Sam, I hate to ask you this, but Jack doesn't know about Ray, and I plan on telling him, but it just hasn't been the right time. Things are getting pretty serious, and I want him to hear it from me. Do you think..."
"No problem. I won't say a thing."
"Thanks again. See you Tuesday."
Sam closed the door behind Sara and leaned back into it. Tutoring her CO's ex-wife who was dating a man that she was supposed to keep secret. Throw in a couple of aliens as teammates and a few alternate universes, could her life be any stranger?
******************
On her way into work the next morning, Sam had an epiphany about the doohickey she had been working on. Nearly running a stoplight and barely flashing her ID as she entered the mountain, Sam ran through the hall to her lab, nearly knocking Teal'c over. Not an easy thing to do given the Jaffa's size. "Oops! Sorry Teal'c. I was just on my way to the lab- an idea kind of hit me, and I wanted to test it out."
"No apology is necessary, MajorCarter. Do you require assistance?"
"No, thanks."
He nodded and continued on his way as she rushed through the hallways to her lab.
Once there, she settled herself in front of the alien device again. The formulas that she and Sara had been working on last night were floating through her head and something had clicked. Pulling out wires and tubes to test her theory, she heard a knock on the door. Not bothering to look up, she yelled, "Come in," her head stuck in a cabinet looking for something.
"Carter?" Jack couldn't see her but heard things moving around.
"Down here, Sir. Just looking for some things."
"Oh. Well, I don't want to interrupt. I can come back later."
"No, it's alright. It's going to take me a minute to get set up anyway. What can I do for you, Sir?" She was busy connecting things and moving stuff out of her way.
"I just wondered how it went last night?"
"Oh, fine. We're getting together again on Tuesday. She has a big test coming up." And you didn't tell me it was her because...
"That's great. Thanks again for helping out. I owe you one."
"I'll remember that, Sir. Oh, by the way, it might have been helpful for you to mention to her that I wasn't an MD." And to tell me that I would be tutoring your ex-wife!
"Did she mind? I mean, you were still able to help, so it didn't really matter, did it?"
"No, I guess not. It just would have been nice if we both had known all of the facts." And with that, she stopped her movements in order to let him know the double meaning behind her words as she looked at him.
Either not caring or not noticing, he started to walk toward the door and said, "Glad it all worked out."
The next few weeks passed with Sam tutoring Sara every few days as her schedule permitted. They talked about easy topics- movies, clothes, Ray. Never about Jack or Sam's work. Sara knew the rules about classified stuff.
On the night before her exam, Sara was at Sam's reviewing all they had gone over since the first night. Sam could tell she was nervous about her test, "Sara, you know all of this stuff. Stop worrying! You're going to do great."
"Thanks. If that's true, I owe it to you. I really couldn't have gotten through this without you. Jack was right, you are amazing."
What did she just say? That her CO thought she was amazing? Amazing how? 'Cool it, Sam,' she thought to herself and then said aloud, "When did he say that?"
"Just about every time I've seen him for the past few years. Actually, now that I think about it, since we split up." Sara was studying Sam's reaction as if looking for her to give away something.
"Well, I guess you can't spend as much time working together as we do, and not tend to talk about each other off duty, too." Yeah, that was it.
"That's funny, because you hardly mention him at all."
What the hell was she trying to do here? "I guess it just never came up." Please let it drop, Sara...
"Not because I haven't tried to bring him up, Sam. You just change the subject." It was getting late, and Sara thought it was time to pay back her new friend for all of her help the past few weeks. "Look, this is none of my business, except that I care about Jack and I would like to consider us friends, and I just think someone needs to say something, and I guess that someone is me."
Uh-oh. Sam didn't know where this was going, but it didn't sound good, so she attempted to change the subject. Again. "So, how's Ray?"
"You asked me that earlier, and don't try to change the subject. Is that something they teach you in the Air Force? Jack used to do that all of the time, too. All I'm trying to say is that since our divorce, I've only seen Jack a few times- mostly be accident- and every single time he mentions your name, usually near a word like incredible or brilliant or remarkable- he gets this look on his face. It was a look I used to see all of the time, in the beginning, but hadn't for years. Even before Charlie... died. At first I was jealous that he could feel that way about someone else, but even before I met Ray, I realized that I was actually happy for him. That he had moved on- that someone could make him feel again. That someone is you, Sam. Whether you want to admit it or not."
Taking in the meaning of her words, Sam sank down into her chair, "Sara, you don't understand, he's my CO. No matter what we may feel for each other, we can't do anything about it."
"Have you even tried?" She was packing up to leave now. "I can't tell you how much I appreciate your help. I'll call you tomorrow after the test- actually it might be the day after. Ray is taking me out tomorrow to celebrate- I wish I had his confidence!"
"You're going to do great, really. Good luck!" You're smarter that you think, Sara.
"Think about what I said, Sam. I don't know what you two do all day- you could be saving the world from some kind of alien race for all I know. But no matter how complicated it is, I can't believe that the two smartest people I know can't find a way to let love in their lives. Surely it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out." And with that, she closed the door behind her.
Two days later, Sam's phone rang in the middle of her doing dishes, "Hello?"
"Sam, it's Sara. Guess what?" She could barely contain her excitement.
"You aced the test! I knew it!" She was really happy; Sara had worked so hard.
"I'm not sure about that, but this is better!"
"What!?"
"Ray asked me to marry him, and I said 'yes'!"
"Congratulations!!! I'm so happy for you- for both of you." Good things did happen to good people sometimes.
"Sorry it took me so long to call, but I wanted to tell Jack first. I thought he deserved that much. I think he's OK with it."
"I'm sure he will be. Sara, I'm really happy for you. Call me later with the details, OK? I'm looking forward to meeting Ray someday."
"Sam, have you thought about what I said? About you and Jack?"
Had she thought about anything else? "A little, but you know the rules, Sara."
"Don't give up trying to find a way, Sam. Don't give up on him, or yourself."
The line went dead, and Sam sat staring out the window wondering what the hell to do. Suppose Sara was right? Suppose he did still have feelings for her? They hadn't really talked about anything since that damn Zay'tarc testing. She knew her feelings for him had grown, but she couldn't assume... could she? And what about SG-1? Even if he still cared about her, what could they do about it? She couldn't quit, and she wouldn't ask him to retire- so where did that leave them? Out of stupidity or some kind of instinct, she grabbed her keys and drove to his house.
He was on the roof when her heard a car pull up. Probably the neighbor, he thought until he heard a knock on his own door. "Up here" he yelled to whomever was down there.
"Colonel?" She was looking up at him from his yard. She had to admit, it was a perfect night for stargazing.
"Carter! Come on up, and grab some beer on the way, would you? The patio door is open."
Doing as she was told, she made her way out his bedroom window with two beers and sat beside him on the roof. Neither spoke for awhile, but he went first, "Sara is getting married."
"I heard. She sounds pretty excited about the whole thing."
"I guess you've been keeping secrets from me, Major." He took a swig of beer before looking at her with a small smile to let her know he wasn't really angry.
"Sorry about that, Sir. I figured your ex-wife outranked you in some ways." She returned the smile. "Are you OK with it? Really?" Where in the hell was her courage coming from? First driving over unannounced, then grilling him about his feelings for his ex-wife? She must be losing it!
"Yeah, I am."
He was thinking about something, she could tell, by the way he was fingering that bottle. Were his hands ever still? She would like to find out in a different situation- 'Stop it, Sam! He's your CO!'
"I guess the truth is, I'm a little jealous."
Great- so he did still have feelings for Sara. All of a sudden feeling very foolish, she decided to cut this trip as short as possible and go home, "I'm sure that's perfectly normal, Sir, given that you were married for so long, and this kind of came out of the blue..." She wondered how far down it was to jump.
"For cryin' out loud, Sam! We're on my roof in the middle of the night- do you think you could call me Jack?"
Too far to jump and not break something, she decided to stay for a little longer, "I guess I could try, Jack." She smiled at him and looked up at the stars, "I have a confession to make."
"You're not getting married, too?" Did he really just sound terrified?
"No, nothing so serious. It's just kind of embarrassing for an astrophysicist to admit, that's all."
Now he was curious, "Oh?"
"I've always had trouble seeing the constellations. I mean I know where the stars are and I get that they are in formations, but I don't really see the right shapes." At least they weren't talking about how he still loved his ex-wife anymore. Anything was better than that.
"Wow. I would never have guessed that you had a problem seeing anything." He was stunned. He really thought she knew everything.
"I guess I'm not as amazing as you thought, huh?" She did not just say that!
"Sara told you that?" He wondered what other secrets the two of them had shared. If he knew Sam, probably not much, but if he knew Sara... "Well, I still think you're amazing, now I just know that you're human, too."
"Sometimes I wish I weren't." She was serious now, and a little sad, too.
"Why?" He couldn't imagine that she would want to be anything else- she was perfect just the way she way, flaws and all.
"Nothing. Just rambling, that's all."
He didn't believe her, but decided to let it drop, "So, you didn't let me finish. About feeling jealous."
Now it was definitely time to go, "Look, Jack, I don't want to pry into your personal life, and I probably shouldn't have come over like this, so why don't we just call it a night, and I'll be on my way." Before she had spit out the words, she was half way through the window to his room.
"Wait! Where are you going?" He caught her arm as her feet landed on his bedroom floor. He kept hold of her and he slowly crawled through. Damn knee! Why was she running away?
"I don't know what possessed me to come over here. I guess I thought that maybe there was a chance that you, that we..." Her eyes held his for a moment until she looked away.
"That we what?" She couldn't mean them, could she? Or could she? He decided to continue before she tried to make a break for the door, "I'm not jealous that Sara has found someone else. In fact, I'm really happy for her. Ray sounds like a nice guy."
"Yes, he does." What was he saying?
"It's just that I wish I could have what she has- a chance at a "normal" life with someone that I love. I don't mean a white picket fence and a mini-van, although the 2.5 kids might be nice..."
He was smiling at her, and with a look she didn't quite recognize- is that the one Sara told her about? No, it couldn't be, could it?
"I don't know if I deserve a second chance at happiness or not, but I have found love again, and I guess that's as good a place to start as any, don't you?"
"You deserve to be happy; we both do. But that doesn't really change the situation we're in, does it?" Back to square one- nothing new about this.
"Sara said something to me this afternoon about how you and I are two of the smartest people she knows, and that if we just put our heads together, we should be able to find a way-"
"To let love in?" She completed Sara's words for him, letting him know she had heard the same speech.
"I guess we both got the same lecture?"
"I guess so, but it doesn't change anything."
"No, but this will." And with that, he kissed her. A real, honest-to-god kiss.
Wow. Oh my god. That was, wow.
Their eyes opened at the same time and neither one wanted to look away. "Look, Sam, I'm getting to old for this. Too old to be risking my life everyday and too old to let a second chance at love pass by. If there's one thing I've figured out, it's that happiness doesn't come along very often. Sara was right- there isn't anything else worth holding on to. I let it go once, and I'll be damned if I do it again."
"I guess it doesn't take a rocket scientist, after all."
"What?"
"Nothing, just something my tutor said."
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