Playing With Fire by Little Miss

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Story Notes: Email: littlemissstargazer@hotmail.com

Status: Complete, but part of an ongoing series.

Category: Angst, Sam and Jack

Rating: to be safe I’m gonna say PG-13

Archive: SJA, Heliopolis, Shipperworld, My site and Bee’s site if she wants it ;o)

Season/Sequel Info: After the season four episode Divide and Conquer, takes place about a month after.

Spoilers: None in this installment.

Summary: Sam and Jack continue to struggle with their feelings.

Author’s notes: Well, this is the third 'episode' in the After Hours series, following on from 'Fight The Good Fight' (I) and 'And If I Should Die Before I Wake…' (II). I decided to do this as a series under the duress of torture from the wonderful gals in AIM chat, they know who they are and they know how much their opinion means to me, I love you guys! *hugs* Further hugs are extended to Ali for sending me a copy of The First Ones, and declaring that Jack is a saint! As with the previous two posts this is a VKGC fic, that is Valium, Kleenex and Galaxy Chocolate fic!

I would just like to say how warmed I was by the amount of feedback I received from the previous two episodes, it really touched me how many of you took the time to send me some lovely feedback and encouragement, so *hugs* to those as well. I have got the *whole* of this series worked out, and it runs into 21 'episodes', and I have decided to post one a week, every Wednesday. I *might* post a further episode on a Sunday night, but I will have to see how things work out in that damn pesky Real Life. Kudos is extended to Bronn, for sending feedback, beta'ing and overall general niceness *hugs*

Dedications: To all the lovely ladies in AIM, who have been so supportive and allowed me to bore them silly by writing fic in Sam and Jack chats on a Friday and Saturday nights, to all the wonderful people who sent me heart-warming feedback and Chocolate Covered Colonels *grins*, and again to Bronn for beta'ing. Okay, that's enough from me! And on with the angst...

'Playing With Fire' Copyright Little Miss 2000

Consciousness is slow in it's arrival as I struggle to break from the heavy bonds of sleep. My eyes open; slowly, cautiously, and I'm rewarded by the sunlight glaring in through the thin white curtains.

I don't have white curtains.

And then it dawns on me where I am, and with whom I am. Feeling his arms encircle me, I smile lazily to myself with the satisfaction of my situation; I'm in Jack's house, in his bed, and in his *arms*.

I nestle closer, safe in the knowledge that he is not yet awake, not surprising when the clock on his bedside reads 0650. Considering I have only slept for five hours, I feel pretty good. So I lay here, content to watch the rise and fall of his chest as his breathing grows less shallow, preparing itself for the inevitable intrusion of consciousness; and reality.

Extricating myself from his arms, I rise up out of the bed, pulling a sheet along with me, wrapping it around my still sleepy frame. Quietly, so as to not disturb him, I pad to his en-suite, wincing as I turn on the harsh fluorescent lights. Returning I am slightly amused to see that he has now already commandeered the expanse of the bed; his body sprawled out, with only a few sheets around himself for modesty; besides his boxers of course.

I briefly toy with the idea to rejoin him, but I think better of it; knowing that if I stay, he will want answers, answers I'm not quite ready to provide, answers I'm not even sure I have found. The most logical argument for me returning at this very early hour is that I left my apartment in a rush last night. I had found myself driving to his house almost on autopilot, and I had surprised myself further when he opened the door, allowing him into his home; and his arms.

Again.

Shaking my head, I gather up my things, dressing hurriedly. Taking one last look at his still sleeping form, a faint trace of a smile appears on my lips; a smile filled with the knowledge that I shouldn't have come here, but I was powerless to stop myself. I couldn't stop myself.

I didn't want to stop myself.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Uhn.

What time is it?

It takes a while for my brain to register the fact that it's morning, and that it would probably be a good idea for me to get up instead of ignoring the real world and return to the land of the unconscious.

Sleep or go to work? It's a close call....

I relent, nuzzling the pillow as I let my body wake up on it's own terms. Half fuzzy, my brain makes a rather important observation.

I thought I went to bed with someone in my arms last night.

My hand flails to the other half of my bed, seeking out my sleeping partner, but dismayed to find nothing but slightly warm material. I open one eye only to screw it shut tight when the sunlight glares at me. Blinking furiously, I become focused and find what my hand had predicted.

My bed is empty.

Sam's gone.

Grunting, I raise my head off of the pillow, turning to see if she is perhaps in the en-suite. Hearing nothing, I peel my body from my bed, only putting on my sweats as an after thought. Staggering slightly, I feel the foggy haze of sleepiness lift slowly, and the very clear and very distasteful realisation hits me.

She left me.

Again.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Arriving on base, I am immediately 'greeted' by Janet, her face troubled and concerned. Exchanging pleasantries, she asks me if we can talk, and glancing at my watch, I find I have a little spare time before the Mission briefing at 0900. Walking in silence to her office, I'm filled with apprehension and dread. Yesterday when she gave me 'advice' it had left me confused and I had acted upon that fear, telling Jack that *we* could never be. But once the fear had subsided, and my heart had regained control, I found myself needing him more than I needed my last breath.

Following obediently, I try my best to shrug off the shadows of conflict I see looming on the horizon

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Rushing to find Sam before the Mission briefing, I vainly search the whole base, practically running from A to B to C and then back to A again. Checking the lockers, her Lab, the commissary, the lockers again, the control room, the gateroom, the lockers for a third time; warranting me to fall out of favour with four female SF's in the process of changing for duty. Mumbling my sincerest apologises, I resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't get a chance to talk to Sam before we moved out to P3X 491...no...P3X 194...whatever.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"I tried to phone you this morning," her inquisition starts without ceremony, and seating herself at her desk, she leans forward as she clasps her hands together, laying them on the hard surface.

"Really?" I reply nonchalantly, refusing to let her dissuade me again. I know I can't argue with her, because I know she's right. But I can't help myself.

"Yes," she resumes, her eyes dancing over my face, trying to find a shred of remorse from me for not being at home. "Cassie wanted to know if you would be able to come to the movies with us tonight after work; she wouldn't leave for her school trip until I'd asked you."

Her attempts at the guilt trip are successful, and I feel myself grow hot under her gaze, my face no doubt flushing red with shame and a feeling akin to betrayal.

"I'm sorry," I begin, finding it hard to face her. "I was...uh..out."

"At 7 o'clock in the morning?"

I finally face her, seeing the disbelief and obvious disappointment there.

"I hope you know what you're doing," she finishes finally, giving up the ignorance. She knows where I was last night, and she doesn't approve. Not in the slightest.

Setting my face and squaring my shoulders, I rise to leave.

"I appreciate the concern Janet, but I don't need your judgement." I feel a surge of anger in my veins, not directed at Janet, but at the situation I find myself; I'm alienating my best friend.

Walking out of her office, she calls after me

"You're playing with fire Sam,"

I ignore the rest of her words, almost breaking into a run in my haste to rid myself of her warnings and the harsh reality;

I am playing with fire, and I'm going to get burned...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I hardly see Jack before the mission; our respective responsibilities demand our attention, leaving little time to seek out the other.

I see him properly for the first time in the Gateroom, we both wait in silence for the remaining team members, the silence almost stifling.

"Hey Sam," Daniel greets me warmly, single handedly melting away the tension.

"Hey yourself," I return, thankful at least I have a remaining friend, from the look on Jack's face, I have also fallen out of favour with him.

Not that I can't understand why he might be slightly perturbed. I left him in the early hours of the morning, taking the coward's way out by stealthily leaving when he didn't have the chance to stop me, to ask questions.

"So Jack, is poker still on tonight?" he asks, trying vainly to clean his glasses on his BDU's but to no avail.

Looking at me for my reaction, Jack smiles to Daniel and assures him

"Yeah, sure, just make sure you bring some *decent* beer tonight Daniel, none of that reduced foreign swill you brought last week," he grouses, the tone of his voice belaying any hint of annoyance.

"Hmmph," Daniel replies, clearly not impressed with Jack's appraisal of his beer-selecting skills.

With the arrival of Teal'c we are ready to depart, another world another adventure. Taking point, Jack leads us up the ramp and into the oblivion.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Well this mission was a royal waste of time.

Standing alone, awaiting Daniel and Sam's latest batch of tests to end, I find myself staring unabashedly at Sam as she scurries round, setting up her doohickeys before we head home.

I'm not too sure how I feel right now, I know I'm angry that she left me this morning, but by the same token, I can appreciate why she did. Our 'relationship' is a delicate balance; thin threads of hope and happiness are all that are keeping us from giving into our fears. What we are doing is wrong in so many ways, and there are even more ways in which we can be caught, but I'm willing to risk it.

I'm willing to risk it because I love her.

There was a time when I never thought I would be able to give a part of myself away like that again; I had thought that side of me had been buried along with Charlie, deserted me with Sara's departure. But now I find myself with something to hope for, something to strive for.

I want to make this work, and at this stage, I have to accept the fact that we won't have the answers we need, we're having to rely solely on what we know; that we love each other.

So I tolerate it. I tolerate not knowing why she acted this way or that. By questioning her motives I invite arguments, hostility and resentment. This sliver of hope is all we have for now, and I don't want to loose it.

I don't want to loose Sam.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"So Daniel, I see your taste in beer still leaves a lot to be desired," I mutter dryly, accepting Daniel's gift of a six-pack of some foreign beer.

"Well Jack, *I* happen to like this beer; Sam's bringing *your* beer now," Daniel finishes, canting his head behind him as Sam hesitantly enters, no doubt worried about my mood.

Graciously I relieve her of the six-pack, raising an eyebrow in approvement in her choice of brands. She seems to soften at this, her face grinning as she realises we're still the same Jack and Sam, the same banter we had before.

Placing all but two of the bottles in the fridge, I join my team at the table as the poker night begins.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"DanielJackson, I find this alcohol most disagreeable," Teal'c informs us all, waking Daniel from his light doze.

"Whaaaaa.." he mumbles incoherently, the effects of the alcohol catching up to him as he tries vainly to right his form, failing miserably and resuming his haphazard sprawling on the couch.

"Okay Danny-Boy, I think that's your cue to hit the sack my good friend." Jack orders gently, keeping his voice low.

"Nah, I'm fine, I'm just waiting for the room to stop spinning is all," he replies, shaking his head in a violent fashion. Note to self, one archaeologist and potent foreign alcohol do not mix well.

"Teal'c? You guys want to crash here?"

"I believe it would wise for me to assist DanielJackson in his journey home. I shall take care of him O'Neill." Teal'c finishes, as he starts to collect the articles of clothing Daniel had strewn about the place when he had lost at poker, trying to forfeit his clothes instead of chips.

Calling for a cab, seeing as though no-one is in a fit state to drive them to Daniel's apartment, I have no idea what to do next.

I have no idea what Jack wants.

I have no idea what I want.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Bye Teal'c! Call me if you need anything!" I holler after the amusing duo; one Ex-First Prime supporting one rather inebriated Archaeologist.

Closing the door, I return to the living room, preparing myself to deal with more pressing matters. She rises as I approach, visibly anxious and confused, not knowing my reaction or my next move.

That makes two of us Sam.

"Listen, about this morning, I'm sorry I left when you were asleep, it just seemed like-" I cut her off as I shake my head.

"I'm tired Sam," I state simply, breathing deeply in an effort to slow down my fast-beating heart. I don't want answers, because I'm not entirely sure if they're the answers I want. The answers I need.

I being to turn off the appliances in the kitchen, locking the doors and securing the windows. I see her gathering her jacket, her face half hidden in the darkness of the room as I walk to the front door, locking it securely.

Extending my arm, I ask her softly "Are you coming?"

Smiling hesitantly, she accepts, placing her hand in mine as we climb the stairs, closing the door to my bedroom and once again surrender to the night; safe in the knowledge that when we wake, we will still be here.

Together.

FINI

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