Sam looked at Jack as he confessed his love for her, as all of the love she felt poured back at him through her expressive eyes. "But it isn't enough is it Jack? We can't have what we want most in this world right now because we are both too loyal to our careers and saving this planet to give into what we desire. And it is a horrible fact that we live with every day." Sam's emotions were warring with her inner self as she tried to make sense of his startling confession. Sure, she knew how he felt. She was just very good at denying the true meaning behind his fishing invitations or the secret touches they exchanged while switching shifts, touches unnoticed by anyone else. She could make up any excuse other than believe that he really felt the same way that she did. But now here it was, out in the open and in her face. She couldn't deny it anymore. It was out and now it was her turn to tell her feelings. Sam could feel his love all around her, engulfing her with its fierceness. But instead of weakening her it gave her the strength she needed to make her confession to Anise and that damned machine. Sam walked over to Jack and helped undo his tight restraints. She gave his hands a firm squeeze as she released them and moved to sit down in the chair of confessions.
As Sam went to sit down Jack's gaze caught her attention. His deep chocolate eyes reflected all of the emotions he had just confessed to. Quietly, he spoke so only she could hear him. "Sam, it's ok. We will make it through this. We've made it out of much tougher spots than this and lived to tell the tale. Just know that whatever you decide at the end of this will be ok with me. I support you."
Jack's confession and his heartfelt acceptance of knowing that she was not ready to break the regs for him were almost her undoing. But she gave him a watery smile and moved to sit down again. She couldn't trust her voice just yet.
Jack tightened the wristbands and lovingly caressed her cheek as he fastened the headband. Once he was certain that she was secure he took his place behind Anise giving Sam all the silent encouragement she needed.
"Let's begin at the time when you woke up behind the force shield, Major Carter," Anise said casting a longing look at Jack.
"I woke up and saw the Colonel lying on the floor. I couldn't get over the fear that he was dead and I could do nothing to help him. I called his name with the hopes that maybe he had just passed out." Sam kept her gaze on Jack as if he was the beacon bringing her home out of a storm.
"And then what happened?" Anise's monotone voice seemed to belittle the high emotions that were flying around the room.
Sam shrugged slightly, as much as the bonds would allow her to. "He woke up. Then he started to try to find a way to get me out. It was at that point I heard the Jaffa coming around the corner and knew that our time was up." Sam's voice started to choke a bit as she remembered the feeling of overwhelming panic that had rolled through her body, fear that the Colonel really would die along with her. She looked over to where Jack was standing and reminded herself that he was really ok and here with her.
"What happened next?"
"I begged him to leave me. I didn't want to see him die. I couldn't bear the thought of him losing his life because of me."
"Why did you not want him there with you?"
"I wanted him to leave because I couldn't handle the thought of him dying. He still has so much to offer the SGC and in protecting this planet."
"You knew that you would die."
"Yes." Sam tried to get her emotions under her tight reign again as she answered with a one-syllable word. She looked at Jack and found the strength to continue on with her confession.
"But still you asked him to leave. Why?"
"I asked him to leave me because I didn't want him to sacrifice himself for me."
"Why not?"
"I care about him too much to watch him throw his life away for me." Sam could now no longer hold back her emotions. It was as if a dam had burst inside her and she couldn't seem to get it back under control again. Her breathing grew more ragged with each and every breath. She felt the first prick of tears start behind her eyes and quickly blinked them back. She held Jack's intense gaze, with all the love she felt for him she could no longer contain her emotions within herself. Confessions had been made and they were both still standing. So where did that leave them? What would she tell Jack now? Was she really ready to just throw the regulations away and act on their feelings for each other?
Sam continued her inner conflict trying hard to figure out what she needed more in her life, a man who would truly cherish her, or a job saving the planet on an almost daily basis. With a heavy heart she came to the conclusion that even though the love was there, and she could see it shining out of his eyes which were usually veiled, she could not give up saving the world just yet.
"You are also not a Za'tarc." Anise said. To Sam's ears it was almost as if she had hoped that Sam had been a Za'tarc.
Jack came rushing over to Sam as if the hounds of hell were after him and he quickly helped her undo the restraints. A silent look passed between them as they each acknowledged the deep love coursing through them yet having to remain in check for a while longer. Their gaze was so heated an iceberg could be melted from the intensity. But suddenly Sam remembered where they were, and what the consequences would be should the moment continue any longer. Her eyes fell away from Jack's as she withdrew into her military professionalism.
"Carter?" Jack must have been wondering what had transpired in her subconscious to make her slip into that cold professional military woman that she knew he loved and hated.
"Sir," Sam began not sure how to phrase her thoughts without hurting him as she vowed to keep her internal pain just that, her own pain.
He cringed slightly as that small word left her mouth and it was at that point in time that she knew how much he truly detested that word. But she had no choice and neither did he as she watched him shut down his emotions pulling on the proper military persona that had always kept him safe, kept him away from this pain.
"None of this has to leave this room." Sam saw Jack flinch visibly as her words came out sounding cold and distant in a voice that sounded nothing like her own.
"We're okay with that?" She looked into his eyes one last time with a brief flash of regret and pain that flashed across her features before her military control took over once again.
"Yes Sir." She couldn't believe how hard it was to keep her emotions in check. It's not like you aren't used to this. Just pick up and move on like you always have." Her internal control was fighting a battle within her that threatened to consume her. God, she had to get out of here. She couldn't stand to look at Jack and see the pain in his eyes that he couldn't hide anymore. But she had one last pressing doubt that she needed to play out before she could run to her lab and hide herself in her work.
They shared one more lingering desperate look before the doors hissed open and let the outsider's back into their safe little room.
Story Notes: Spoilers: Major spoilers for Divide and Conquer
Author's Notes: I know that Sam's confession scene has been done a million times. But at the insistence of my "sister", who swears I am the "shippiest" person she knows, I wrote this attempt at Sam's confession to try and get my "shippy" heart back. But the good news is that it is back. S&J forever!
Dedication: For my new "sister", Tricia, who could use some cheering up right now. A huge thanks to all my awesome beta readers: Sam, Susan, Kasi, Aud, Steph, Kim, Dee, Wendy and of course Tricia. I couldn't have done this without every one of you. You guys are awesome.
Author's Notes: I know that Sam's confession scene has been done a million times. But at the insistence of my "sister", who swears I am the "shippiest" person she knows, I wrote this attempt at Sam's confession to try and get my "shippy" heart back. But the good news is that it is back. S&J forever!
Dedication: For my new "sister", Tricia, who could use some cheering up right now. A huge thanks to all my awesome beta readers: Sam, Susan, Kasi, Aud, Steph, Kim, Dee, Wendy and of course Tricia. I couldn't have done this without every one of you. You guys are awesome.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]